This essay first appeared in Cliterati on September 15th; I have modified it slightly to fit the format of this blog.
What, you didn’t know that sex produced radiation? It’s true! Adult sexual activity is so dangerous to the “purity” and “innocence” of “children” (sorry for all the scare quotes) that any adult who has sex should be kept away from all children at all times. Sex rays, you see, induce the dreaded “premature sexualization”, without which “we would all grow up in a blissful, chaste state and never, ever, ever be interested in dirty, nasty sex”. The dirtier and more “illicit” the sex, the more intense the sex rays: regular missionary-position marital sex conducted once per month or so while the wife looks at the ceiling and thinks of England produces such a low concentration that ordinary walls can stop them, but BDSM and swinging emit concentrations that can contaminate surrounding objects, and sex work produces such intense levels that sex workers cannot be allowed near children ever again for the rest of their lives. Even objects we handle (including money and virtual objects such as emails) must be kept far away from “children” (including young adults), and the danger is so great that kids inadvertently exposed to the dreaded rays must be quarantined from other kids.
Obviously, if people really believed this nonsense, they’d demand their own children be taken away and placed in the care of nuns. But they certainly act as though it were true, to the point that (especially in the US) terms like “family-friendly” are euphemisms for “totally sexless”. If any openly-sexual person (especially a sex worker) has anything at all to do with children, or even non-child-related sacred cows like breast cancer research, you can bet there will be a hue and cry in which words like “disgusting”, “inappropriate” and “creepy” will figure prominently. Sex workers often have their children abducted from them by prohibitionist regimes on the grounds that having consensual sex makes them “unfit parents”; the children are then handed over to either abusive spouses (as in both the linked cases) or sexually abusive “foster parents”.
Nor is it only fundamentalist Christians, repressed bureaucrats and the gullible, hysteria-prone masses who practice this anti-sex bigotry; some people who pretend to be educated and might even call themselves “sex-positive” are right along with them. Take the staff of Jezebel, for example; though they proclaim themselves “feminists” and even adopt some sex-positive trappings such as enthusiasm for sex toys and (some) porn, in reality they feel a deep ambivalence for sex workers which bursts forth every so often. I once wrote that “I think of them as something like a gaggle of debutantes volunteering at the local homeless shelter because they think it’s the right thing to do, but unable to really disguise their disgust for the ‘icky people’.” Here’s a recent example in which writer Tracie Morrissey’s belief in “sex rays” is blatantly obvious:
…Farrah Abraham tweeted a link to her Amazon wish list, asking fans to purchase her more than $13,000 worth of gifts—and they did. Now the reality star/“sex tape” star has replenished her list, asking for some more furniture, kitchen appliances, and odds and ends for her home…Creating an Amazon wish list is a common practice among porn stars, strippers, and escorts…[Abraham’s list includes]…clothes…dining room furniture…a laptop…a sleeper sofa, a juicer, a Pyrex measuring cup, etc. The saddest thing of all though, is her request for a $52 crib mattress and $12 mattress cover. It’s like, either keep your kid out of your weird sugar daddy arrangements or at the very least, get her the good, expensive shit.
You know who else has Amazon wish lists? Lots of people. And you know who else gets gifts from strangers who admire their work? Many, many entertainers and celebrities, including relatively minor ones like yours truly. So, if Penn and Teller get a present from a fan, is it a “weird sugar daddy arrangement”? Or is it only female entertainers? If someone sends Neil Gaiman a gift to thank him for the pleasure he gave the sender, is that “creepy” and “bizarre” as Mamamia opined (“Who would actually fork out their hard-earned cash for such a thing? Does it make people feel good about themselves?”), or is that only reserved for female writers like Maggie McNeill? Because, O ye Jezzies and MMs, this is beginning to look awfully…well, sexist. Perhaps this is a Madonna/whore thing? Is it only because Abraham currently does sex work that this is somehow suspect, and therefore I’m in the clear? Or does my having sold sex in the past eternally condemn my Amazon Wishlist to skeeviness in the eyes of those who write for blogs like Jezebel and Mamamia, even if the readers who send me nice things have never seen me have sex? Both websites seem to take issue with the fact that some wish list items are inexpensive; do they think the fun of gift-giving should only be reserved for the affluent? Or is this somehow intermingled with sex work in their minds, so that an economical present somehow equates to cheap sex? One would think, considering their rather insulting belief that a woman’s sexual skills aren’t worth paying for, that they would be less offended by the cheap gifts than the expensive ones, but that would require at least the rudiments of rational thought. And that, I’m afraid, is something in very short supply in the brain of anyone who believes in anything as ludicrous as sex rays.
Shit I had never heard of this woman and had to research her. I found the sex tape … the sex rays were so bad I had to put on my Willy Wonka rose colored TV glasses …
It was a good time! 😛
There is almost certainly some envy involved regarding a woman getting free stuff because she is sexy from that female blogger. This all reminds me of when Sasha Grey decided to read to little children:
http://www.businessinsider.com/sasha-grey-reading-to-children-the-view-video-2011-11
Also, all the handwringing about “the children” reminds me of two things Helen Lovejoy of the Simpsons, who utters it like a magic spell when she wants to get her way, and General Ripper from Dr. Strangelove in this speech:
“Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake? Children’s ice cream! ” – General Jack Ripper, Dr. Strangelove.
I remember the furor over Ms. Grey’s contribution to helping children learn to appreciate reading, and thinking ‘If she’s not reading ‘My Little Porny’ to the kids, who cares?’ How many of the people who complained actually volunteered their time to assist schools and children?
Hmmm. My ex-husband, a portly, bearded lab-coat wearing Englishman has a Amazon wishlist. Can he too be doing sex work? I thought he spent all his time in the lab!
No, actually, it’s a great way of figuring out what to give him on holidays and birthdays. Great Aunt Helen has a wish list too. Is she, a proper octogenarian, doing sex work?
I shudder to think.
If someone, even a sex worker has a wish list, and someone else wants to buy them something off it, whose business is that?
There are many people who would envy the fact that you are on such good terms with your ex-husband that you don’t mind buying him gifts on his birthday or during the holidays—never mind what profession you were in!
I remember a time when I was in a pub with him, and his current girlfriend. We were still technically married. There were two blokes there from a band that the girlfriend liked, and they came and sat with us. My husband introduced us…
“This is my wife, and this is my girlfriend.”
The two blokes looked, wide eyed, at him, and at me, and at her, and back to him, open-mouthed. I could just see the thoughts going through their heads…
It’s hard for me to really comment on this “Farrah” gal – since she appears to me to be one of those typical “attention whores” in the same vein as Kardashian. And a “leaked” sex tape made with a male porn star? Riiiiiiight.
But it’s an absolute crime the way society paints sex workers as bad mothers. Look – bad mothers are in every profession – sure, some are sex workers but, I’m a THREE HOUR PLUS client and I get to know these women pretty well. Some of them are the best mothers you could possibly imagine. However, they’re constantly hounded and always have to look over their shoulders to keep their kids from being taken away.
I know providers in the middle of custody battles who’ve had to go “UTR” and / or change their name. Providers who are constantly harassed by ex-husbands and providers who are harassed by their “Christian” neighbors.
And it’s really heartbreaking once you get to know a few of these women. The ones I know are WONDERFUL mothers. A few weeks ago I visited with my ATF in her home (she doesn’t see other clients in her home except me because we have a long relationship and sometimes I can fix things for her). The date had to end around 2:45pm because her kids were coming home from school. So I jumped up to get ready and she’s like … “Krulac, where’s the other condom – the one we didn’t use?” Well I had put it on the nightstand but I guess we knocked it off. She was like … “Shit boy, we gotta find that!”
So we tore the bedroom up for a good 15 minutes trying to find it so that her kids wouldn’t find it. Eventually – she found it (fuck I can’t find my face most days).
She only “provides” during the day time when the kids are at school. I actually make MORE than she does … everyone thinks these girls are rich. She’s well off (especially for a single-mom) … but she’s NOT rich. This job allows her to be with her kids and be a Mom though – and give them a good home.
She’ll often text me from her son’s football games with the score – she really gets into it when he’s winning!
They’re normal Moms (some of them Super Moms) … and this shit we put them through is really wrong.
You might be interested to know about a real scientific illusion (or delusion). Shortly after the discovery of x-rays, a lab in France thought it had detected yet another kind of new ray, and they called it the “N-ray”. But it turned out to be all in their imagination.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N_ray
Oh, yeas, I know all about N-rays; I’ve always been fascinated by stuff like that. Orgone is another interesting one. 🙂
Maybe these sex rays are proof that orgone exists! 😉
Speaking of Amazon wish lists, I can’t help but notice that your birthday is less than two weeks away… 🙂
Such a coincidence. That explains the sudden strange urge I had to select something from the List ….
The attitude toward wish lists is puzzling. When I was in my first incarnation as a blogger a decade ago having a wish list was a fairly tame and normal way of offering your readers a way of thanking you for blogging. After all, you enjoy reading their website. It’s like a tip. I received several books or videos from readers saying things like “thank you for your site, I enjoy it so much, here is a small token of my appreciation, etc.”
Now it is deemed weird. On another site I read, I suggested to the author (who had been talking about a book he wanted to read) that he put it on his Wishlist and post the link. He was all “Why would perfect strangers want to buy me shit?” Simple kindness or gratitude or friendliness became very alien to him and was suspicious in the extreme.
Whatever. Saved me from spending $12.99.
Oh, and my own wish list is available here for anyone who wants to peruse it. 😉
I think at least half the reason Xuxa’s American show didn’t make it was because of sex rays. She’s beautiful, she’s been in Playboy, she’s had boyfriends. No way can she be allowed to host a children’s TV show in the US of A!
Even Men Have Sex Rays
https://twitter.com/LaloDagach/status/928114336094187520