Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore. - Wilson Mizner
In a reply to my column of August 17th, I gave Black Hole of Genf a little advice on dealing with professionals, and I would like to talk about that subject at length today. There are a number of essays and lists of “dos and don’ts” for escort clients available on the internet, but I don’t think it hurts to add another one because it gives a broader view of what different working girls consider important. This is not a list of my personal pet peeves, but rather commonsense advice and warnings against behaviors I know annoy most whores rather than those which just annoy me in particular.
Don’t ask rude, stupid, pointless or prying questions, or those to which you don’t really want to know the answer.
This could almost be a column by itself; day after day we’re asked the same questions which one would think men would have better sense than to ask, but obviously don’t. My own pet peeve is, “Are you clean?” Now, think about this for a minute; do you honestly think an expensive call girl won’t be? And if you’re dealing with a streetwalker, do you honestly think she’ll tell you the truth if she isn’t? Just keep your eyes open and be as scrupulous as we are with condoms and you won’t have to waste your time with this rude and pointless question. Then there’s, “What’s your real name?” If she wanted you to have it, don’t you think she would’ve given it to you? Again, both rude and pointless.
If you live in a police state where our trade is suppressed (such as the US), a number of questions fall into this category, such as the amazingly stupid, “Are you a cop?” This derives from the myths about undercover cops (largely spread by druggies) which claim that there is some magic formula for detecting them. Nothing could be farther from the truth; a cop can lie, cheat, misrepresent himself, bring up the subject of sex first, take his socks off, or even shag a girl to completion and still bust her, and it won’t ruin his case one atom because even if there were rules of this sort (which there aren’t), he would just perjure himself and claim he didn’t do whatever it was he wasn’t supposed to do. If the streetwalker you’re trying to pick up claims she isn’t a cop, the statement is worth exactly what it cost her to make: Zero. Another such question is, “Is this legal?” How the hell is the girl supposed to answer that? I mean really! “No, I’m a criminal?” All this question does is to make her uncomfortable and to cause her to wonder if she’s being taped. An even worse (and unfortunately far more common) one is, “What do I get for my money?” If a girl ever answers this question with anything more specific than, “You get an hour of my time,” you should suspect that you’re being taped because no experienced girl worth the money would ever say anything else.
The last category includes such questions as, “How many men have you seen today?” or “Are you married?” or “Has anyone ever hurt you?” Maybe the real answers would turn you on, but they might also turn you off, and your escort has no way of knowing which. You might very well think you want to know the answer, and then change your mind when you hear it. So it’s best to avoid these kinds of questions in the first place, and if you ask something which the girl seems not to want to answer don’t press the issue.
Be clean.
Just that simple; give a professional the same respect you would give an amateur. Take a shower, shave, brush your teeth and cut your fingernails. Change into clean clothes and refrain from smoking in her presence unless she is also a smoker or has ashtrays available to signify it’s OK. If you’re uncircumcised, clean the area under your foreskin thoroughly, and if you have any sort of skin condition please clean it properly and let her know what it is as soon as you disrobe. And if you see even the slightest sign of any kind of sexually transmitted disease, please seek medical attention immediately and do not even attempt to hire a girl until your doctor pronounces you clear!
Employ normal good manners.
I know proper etiquette is less common than it used to be, but c’mon guys, this isn’t rocket science. Just try to remember all the things Mommy taught you; ask rather than demanding, say “thank you” at the end, answer the door in at least a bathrobe, take off your hat when a woman is in the room, etc. You’ll be surprised how much of a difference it makes in your experience.
Remember that we are businesswomen and that this is our business.
You wouldn’t make a cashier have to ask for her money, and you shouldn’t make us ask either; different girls want the money handed over in different ways, but we all want it up front. Also, you wouldn’t expect a plumber, exterminator or other professional to “hang out” with you off the clock after the job for which he was contracted was done. Good call girls try to create an exciting illusion for you; don’t destroy it by forcing us to remind you that we’re there for the money.
Be where you say you’re going to be when you say you’re going to be there.
If you’re going to an incall, try to be on time and call if you’ll be more than five minutes late; if the girl is coming to you, don’t leave to go to the store, the ice machine, the front desk or the ATM when you expect her any minute. You should have done those things long before; if there is a real emergency just call to tell her so she can delay arriving for the time it will take you to get back. And if there’s a substantial delay which is your fault rather than hers, please don’t be an ass if she cuts the session a bit short; she may have other appointments and she didn’t force you to arrive half an hour later than expected. Finally, if you get cold feet please call to cancel, and if she’s already on the way just face her like a man and pay her cancellation fee ($50 is fairly typical for a call girl); she may have turned down other appointments to keep yours, and it isn’t her fault you misplaced your balls at the last minute.
If receiving a date at your home or office, provide basic necessities.
One would think this would be obvious, but one would be wrong. A man who would never invite a social date or a business contact to a place without furniture, running water, air conditioning or heat may think nothing of inviting a business date to such a place. Here’s a word of advice, guys: Next time, use the $300 to buy a bed or air conditioner or have water installed, or else find a place which already has those things.
Don’t have anyone there who isn’t participating.
You may simply want to show your friends the choice bit of tail you’re about to enjoy, but she may find it very threatening to have a door opened to a room full of guys, even if they immediately file out as soon as she arrives. I’ve left calls (with the money) because drunk and/or obnoxious frat boys or convention attendees keep banging on the door, ringing the phone or trying to take my picture through the crack allowed before the chain stops the door, and so would any other girl with a particle of common sense or an iota of self-esteem. Arrange your liaisons when your friends won’t be around, or if others will be there ask if it’s OK up front (as in the case of a bachelor party). Also, I really don’t care if your son or daughter is “too young to understand”; hire your whores on weekends when you don’t have visitation, or at least find a babysitter for the time you need. We’re not monsters without maternal instincts out of Victorian propaganda, so having a child in the next room is very uncomfortable for many of us.
Don’t try to turn her into a criminal.
If you ask her to bring drugs, she’ll probably just hang up on you because cops love to get two busts for the price of one. And don’t ask her to tell the agency you cancelled, then come to see you anyhow; not only is this dangerous for her since nobody will know where she is, but also puts her job at risk because the agency will fire her the second they find out she’s stealing calls.
Keep your fingers outside of her body.
As I said in my column of August 16th, the average professional strongly dislikes having dirty, rough, bumpy fingers forcibly inserted (often without warning or lubrication) into her vagina, anus or even mouth. Even surgically clean fingers with nails trimmed down to the quick can be terribly uncomfortable, and once the man starts to wriggle them around violently it can become acutely painful. If you have a fetish for this please ask if it’s OK before doing it, and abide by whatever answer you get.
Don’t even ask to go without a condom.
Even though we hear it all the time, it doesn’t mean it isn’t annoying or even infuriating. If you want a whore to think of you as an imbecile or a fool, “Do I have to use a condom?” is the most effective way. If you want to insult her at the same time, opt for “How much to do it without a condom?” instead.
Respect her limits.
Just because you’ve hired a girl to do a job does not make her your slave. If she tells you she doesn’t “speak Greek”, don’t try to penetrate her anally. If she is uncomfortable with some fetish you didn’t bother to warn her about, leave it alone. If she doesn’t want you to give you her home telephone number or let you take her picture, drop the subject. A professional is not some naive schoolgirl you can seduce into doing something against her will; all you’re going to accomplish is annoying her and wasting the time you paid for, and if she feels threatened enough she will leave and you will be out your money with nothing to show for it.
Above all else, just apply common sense and common courtesy; scour every trace of the Madonna/whore duality and the myth of the wanton out of your mind and treat a prostitute as you would treat any other businesswoman and you can’t go very wrong. You’ll be the kind of client professionals like to see rather than the kind we dread, and you’ll find your experience is much more rewarding and fulfilling because of it.
Know what my gut reaction to this post was?
…It seems like it’s getting harder and harder for people to get their relational needs met.
“Relational needs?” I’m afraid I don’t follow you.
What I mean is….it seems like people don’t know how to, or really want to, be married and please their spouses anymore.
IMHO it’s mostly the women who don’t want to please their spouses anymore, largely because the feminists keep telling them that they don’t “have” to. Judging by my clients, most men have the opposite problem; they very much want to make women happy, but just don’t know how because they’re given incomplete and contradictory information.
If I didn’t think men would listen to my advice, I wouldn’t have wasted my time writing and posting this column; in my experience they WANT to know how to please women and are frustrated when women won’t tell them how to go about it. Most modern women, on the other hand, either don’t care how to please men or else only use it as a means to an end. And more’s the pity.
“in my experience they WANT to know how to please women and are frustrated when women won’t tell them how to go about it.”
Nailed. Absolutely dead on. O.O
Copies of this article ought to be handed out to every 15… no, 13…. lets play safe and say every 12 year old boy on the continent just for their own future reference, not even with professionals, but with the first girls they’ll date and try to feel up (would not have seen the fingers bit coming… and I’m in my 30s).
“Most modern women, on the other hand, either don’t care how to please men or else only use it as a means to an end. And more’s the pity. ”
Sadly, this is also disturbingly accurate. T_T
Indeed. I think I was actually quite lucky: I met several women who did take time to teach me how to please them, and I’m duly thankful for that.
When I hear women like you, Maggie, say that so many men want to please women that I feel men’s sexual drive is not just about ‘getting it up, getting it in, getting it out’. Although that’s a part of it, it’s clearly more complicated than that.
“IMHO it’s mostly the women who don’t want to please their spouses anymore, largely because the feminists keep telling them that they don’t “have” to. Judging by my clients, most men have the opposite problem; they very much want to make women happy, but just don’t know how because they’re given incomplete and contradictory information.
If I didn’t think men would listen to my advice, I wouldn’t have wasted my time writing and posting this column; in my experience they WANT to know how to please women and are frustrated when women won’t tell them how to go about it. Most modern women, on the other hand, either don’t care how to please men or else only use it as a means to an end. And more’s the pity.”
Okay. I’m glad that you said all of that.
Because that’s actually what I was thinking but I would’ve been crucified if *I* said it.
Not here. I want to keep this site honest no matter who’s doing the talking.
I’m not exactly sure what that has to do with this topic, though; the relationship between a man and his wife and a man and a prostitute don’t really follow the same rules.
Unless I have an unlikely bit of luck, I won’t ever be able to use this advice. But it’s nice to know. And who knows? People have unusual luck, bad but sometimes good, all the time.
So thanks for telling us. I never would have guessed that the fingers were such a no-no.
Kissing. You mentioned in another post that kissing is sometimes avoided, and I got the impression it wasn’t because of bad breath. Kissing is something I should ask about first, isn’t it?
For some reason nobody but whores talks about this; I have hated it since I was a teenager but I thought it was just me until one of my girls mentioned she also hated it, then I saw it on another working girl’s published list of “don’ts” (she simply said, “It hurts!”)
It’s avoided by many girls because it’s just too intimate; it’s harder to disattach when kissing. I have no problem kissing girls I don’t know, but it’s a rare male client I find I can do it with; this leads me to believe that my aversion has at least some physical component, since so many men are such bad kissers (as detailed in my August 16th column) but few women are. So yes, ask first, but don’t select a girl based on her answer; a lot of very good escorts won’t kiss, and I’m sure many bad ones will in order to bring in more business.
Some girls I was with liked inserted fingers, but they were a minority, I agree. One even said it was an “acquired taste.” So my personal experience tends to support your claim here, Maggie. (Again, it’s not something I’m really interested in, so no biggie.)
Kissing… I’ll agree again that it takes more time than cunnilingus. Strange, but true — at least in my case.
I like to kiss, but no, I doubt I’d make it the deciding factor in which girl to choose. As long as she’s willing to wave a crystal at me and shout, “Moon Healing… ESCALATION!” I’m good to go. My girlfriend will NEVER do that for me!
Just kidding. I think.
I’d do that, no problem. It isn’t nearly as weird as some of the things clients have asked me to say or do.
i’ve actually had escorts I’ve dealt with initiate kisses with me. It’s a rare occasion, but it has happened. I always respects the girl’s limits though because even if she would rather be somewhere else, I wanted to make the time she spends with me as comfortable and enjoyable for her as I hope she will make it for me.
So aside from your husband, were there clients you wanted to kiss, not just ok with kissing? Interesting how kissing is too intimate….
Sometimes if I really liked a regular client I would initiate kisses with him, but generally “OK with it” was as far as it got. Whores really don’t “want” anything from clients sexually; we’re there to make them happy and not vice versa, so anything a whore initiates tends to be something she believes the client wants rather than something she wants for her own reasons. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it when a woman (or a man who was a good kisser) initiated them with me, but that enjoyment was simply a side-effect and not a goal.
It’s because it requires facial contact.
Oh, this is just GOLD.
TONS of guys will ask the “how many men have you seen today?” question and I dodge because I’m always wondering just what the hell he’s trying to figure out. You’re right in that they don’t REALLY want to know the answer. (Not that I’m willing to give a straight answer anyway.)
XX
I’m very pleased to see that this column is very often accessed by Google searches, so maybe there are at least some guys out there who really do want to know how to treat us well.
“TONS of guys will ask the “how many men have you seen today?” question and I dodge because I’m always wondering just what the hell he’s trying to figure out. You’re right in that they don’t REALLY want to know the answer.”
Men ask those questions because we are both fascinated with & disgusted by whores at the same time. We are also disgusted with ourselves for our constant need for sex, and what we’ll do to get it, and who we want it from, and what it makes many men feel like afterwards, especially when the price is your family and/or reputation.
All guys know that an erect penis has no conscience. But it doesn’t mean that all guys like it.
It’s sex. Nothing to be disgusted over. Really. There are bigger issues in the world.
XX
You are not a man so I can understand where you’re comming from but men are really demonized for their sex drives. To be a man is to have to constantly suppress your sex drive. I think providers are really the only ones that seem to get this. They see what a repressed sex drives gets everyone (the church anyone?). Sometimes a man asks a stupid question because he is a) wrestling with his consience b) doesn’t know what else to say. Believe it or not all men are not completely at ease with beautiful women. If he is married then that brings up whole other questions in his mind. Sex is just that strong for most men. If even the bible didn’t think most men couldn’t do it, it wouldn’t have given the woman the mandate to control access to it. I hear all the time married men joking (although not really) they are celibate since they got married. I think this is part of the destruction caused by radical feminazis.
Hi, Kevin! The demonization of the male sex drive is a relatively recent phenomenon with its roots in the “Social Purity” movement of the late 19th century, but ethical whores and other women who care about men do get to see the damage it does to the psyches of modern men, and since the advent of “social construction of gender” in the ’70s it’s only grown worse.
I’m sure you’re right in saying that a lot of stupid questions derive from either guilt or unease (I’ve certainly seen a lot of both in my clients!) But gentlemen also have to realize that we’re struggling with our own issues such as fear of cops or of being hurt by a bad client (and yes, for many girls “whore guilt” is there as well). One of the reasons I do this column is to help working girls and their clients to understand where the other is coming from, so contributions from gentlemen like yourself are VERY welcome!
I’ve read that social construction of gender was a popular idea in Victorian times. Little boys were groomed with long hair, wore dresses, and discouraged from acting like boys. Ernest Hemingway wore dresses in childhood. The idea was that this would make for a gentler world without crime or war.
How’d that work out?
Its good that you recognize that. I know as I’ve been communicating with the lady I’m getting ready to visit in Nevada, one thing I told her right away.
“A lot of this brothel stuff is counter-intuitive to my conservative up-bringing. So I apologize in advance if I say or ask something that is not appropriate to ask.
Should I do that, PLEASE know that you won’t hurt my feelings if you simply say ‘Its not a question I’m comfortable answering’ My reply will almost always be ‘I understand’ and I might possibly ask you some clarification questions on etiquette to ensure I don’t venture too close to the line again”.
Not been an issue so far though. I just keep in mind that her private life is exactly that HER PRIVATE LIFE and deliberately try to avoid putting her on the spot by asking anything more than generalized questions for the sake of small talk.
Between that and my own extreme sense of modesty and discretion, we’ve gotten along pretty well.
Just a thought, hope it helps.
I hope you don’t feel like that anymore, Scorch? There’s nothing to be ashamed of in male desire. Really. Sincerely. Absolutely nothing. It’s not bad, it’s not wrong, it harms nobody, it’s fun to have; I’d recommend it with my eyes closed!
An obsessed guy has no conscience. An erect penis? An erect penis is like a little kitten: nice to fondle, gives you good sensations, and if your girlfriend gives it a kiss it will meow.
What we do to get sex? I’m frankly much more ashamed of what I see some politicians (of both genders) doing to get power.
Don’t be disgusted by whores. I find them so spiritually uplifting, they wouldn’t even have to have sex with me and I’d pay them anyway. It’s like going to church! Alas, I’ve never patronized one… (Is it why Americans say ‘patronize’ a prostitute in this beautiful English tongue of theirs? Because she’s like a church, and the guy is her patron saint?)
“TONS of guys will ask the “how many men have you seen today?” question”
There’s no possible way to know what he wants to hear when he asks this. Suppose that the true answer is, “Seven, you’re the eighth.” Now this might really turn him on. “Eight guys in one day! This is one randy girl!”*
But he could just as easily be thinking, “Eighth? I wasn’t expecting a virgin but, damn! I don’t wanna go after all those guys.”
And how can she know? Maybe being sixth would turn him on, but being tenth would turn him off. Some guys seem to gauge how “high class” a girl is by how few men she sees, so if he’s number eight he may suddenly feel he’s paying too much. But if she tells him, “Oh I only do one or two a day. You’re first today,” not only is she likely lying, but sure as the world he’ll turn out to be one of those guys who wanted to be number eight.
Best not to ask, unless you’re interviewing her for an essay or something, in which case she expects to be asked such things.
* She’s not doing eight guys a day because she’s randy, but hey, some guys aren’t looking so much for the girlfriend or porn star experience as the nympho experience.
That one has never made much sense to me. One of my rules of life is “Do NOT ask questions that you do not want to know the answers to”.
I know I won’t be that lady’s first or last partner and I’m not pretending that I have some moral high ground. I’m only saying the mental image of her with other guys could only mess with my mind and ruin what would otherwise be a great time and a fun encounter.
Yes, I also might wonder if something were seriously wrong with the lady if business was slow. Again, my mind then becomes my worst enemy and ruins a good time by causing me performance anxiety.
Dumb
Also something I don’t get is guys who keep score of the number of working ladies they have been with. If you are paying for it, it doesn’t impress me at all, just identifies that person as an idiot of the first order !!
Say Maggie, got a thought I’m going to send you via email I tried to throw it up here but can’t get it worded such that I’m comfortable posting it publicly.
Generally good advice, although I winced at –
“Be where you say you’re going to be when you say you’re going to be there.”
- because there have been two occasions where girls made it physically impossible for me to arrive on time by not giving me the precise address until the absolute last minute. And then of course I had them screaming down the phone “Where are you???”. I presume they just assumed I was in a car, but I don’t know why.
That’s certainly not your fault, Strevin. While I certainly understand the desire for security, there’s such a thing as carrying it to extremes. And a girl who controls the pace at which a client can approach her incall has nobody but herself to blame if those extreme precautions result in his arrival being delayed.
Great piece of advise!
as a married couple we’ve hired escorts to satisfy our fantasies. We always agree on the dos and don’ts even before setting a date with them.
We haven’t had any single problem…communication needs to be upfront just like the money
Thanks for commenting; I’d really like to know what y’all think about my two “Couples” columns.
Money up front is how I gotten up sold even when I confirmed the fee first. Also, in my case, this is how the cash and dash plays out too.
Do you think the majority of so called ‘escorts’ do this now.
I am thinking it is not worth the trouble or lost money at this point, so while their are probably honest girls out there, the bad apples ruin it for everyone.
While I would never harm a girl, I can see how an angry guy could take it out on the next girl or just lose complete respect for all.
How’s a guy protect himself from the bad actors?
The money has to be up front, Anon, simply because men are bigger than women and under criminalization regimes the girl, unlike a restaurant, has no legal recourse if the client refuses to pay. The majority of escorts are like the majority in any profession, but unfortunately Backpage and other cheap advertising venues are swimming with amateurs who have no real comprehension of professional ethics. What you need to do is visit an escort review board (I’m not sure which one is most popular in Orange County), read the reviews of the girls you find attractive, and choose one other guys have had good experiences with. It’s kind of like Consumer Reports for escorts.
The money has to be up front, Anon, simply because men are bigger than women and under criminalization regimes the girl, unlike a restaurant, has no legal recourse if the client refuses to pay.
Unlike in Italy, where not paying a prostitute is rape.
http://www.ansa.it/web/notizie/rubriche/english/2010/03/03/visualizza_new.html_1709992053.html
Clients in certain markets rely on word of mouth, or the prestige of the establishment etc. So, concerning reviews – what safeguards are in place to stop an unethical male spreading lies about escorts?
Peer pressure is about it. Nearly every girl has had a bullshit review or two, which is one of the reasons I never allowed reviews on myself when I was working.
How do you stop some guy from typing whatever he wants on his home computer?
If a girl states she doesn’t allow reviews, most review boards don’t allow reviews of her.
Ah. You don’t stop him, you stop the review board, and they’re happy to work with you. That makes perfect sense. Thanks, I was bending my brain.
“Also, you wouldn’t expect a plumber, exterminator or other professional to “hang out” with you off the clock after the job for which he was contracted was done.”
Really?? I often invited such people to have a cup of tea etc. and a chat, and it is usually gratefully received (unless they are rushed to get to the next job). Policemen, electrician, plumber, guy who delivers the firewood. I don’t think this is right at all. I chat with bank tellers, the bus driver, I’ve even lingered in taxis after the clock has stopped for a conversation.
Is this some peculiarity of the United States? A sort of hyper-professionalism where peoples commercial roles toward each other define the all of them. Sounds awful. Makes me glad to be a New Zealander.
Maybe a better analogy would be a therapist or a doctor, where you are paying for their attention, such that to continue a conversation after the booking confuses all that, because it becomes mutual attention.
I, too, often chit-chat with professionals, but I don’t think that’s the same as literally expecting them to stick around one’s house for hours, as though they had nothing to do…which, believe it or not, some clients do. There are some parts of the United States where people do tend to be colder toward one another, but in the South it’s unusual; in fact, I can often tell what part of the country a telephone operator is from by her degree of chattiness.
Love your essays! Esperance!
I have absolutely no doubt about what you said about inserting fingers and kissing. I will keep that in mind for my future encounters. In contrast, the most recent young lady I was with (a professional girl) asked for me to insert fingers and also initiated the kissing, saying that she loved kissing. All in all, it was a wonderful session. I’m still feeling a bit in love from it. Please note that both of these occurred at her initiation — she set the pace and was “in control” of the session. I enjoyed the interaction and participated enthusiastically. It was kind of like a dance — I went where she led and tried my best to be a good partner and move in rhythm with her. The end result was beautiful.
In honesty (the theme of this blog), it’s only a substitute for not having a spouse or girlfriend right now (as a result of our modern divorce culture?). If I had one (spouse or GF), I would not be seeing a professional girl. It’s just not how I roll. That being the case, I have been lucky enough to meet some professional women with beautiful hearts who have always given me more than what I paid for. I am truly grateful to have met them.
Everyone’s different; some girls do like fingers, and some guys won’t cheat on a spouse even if tempted. But I’m glad you found some ladies who could help tide you over until your next serious relationship.
A very good, and useful post, as a soon-to-be first timer. I don’t understand those who don’t respect the women involved (as a lot of the horror stories seem to show) – I would feel that they deserve the same respect as any woman in your life. Treat others as you would like to be treated, etc.
Yes. Or the same respect shown anybody else providing a service. Unless one is deliberately snotty towards waiters, mechanics, desk clerks, etc., why be snotty towards a hooker?
Thanks so much for this article. I am new-ish provider myself, although I’ve hardly just fallen off the turnip truck. I am in my early 40s and researched laws, business and marketing practices, directories, and terminology for a year and a half before I started.
I just had a couple comments–
@humanscorch: My advice is to let that disgust and shame of your sex drive go. It’s the way nature made you– that’s why whores do what they do, because there is a demand for it. Yes, societal BS has told you that your sex drive is animalistic and out of control, and hence, you have projected your own self-disgust on those that offer relief and relaxation. It’s not a bad thing.
I recently had a patron say to me, “I don’t want to know how many partners you’ve had.” To which I replied with a smile, “No, you really don’t. And why does that matter? Are they here now with their feet up and a bowl of popcorn in their laps?” He laughed, but got my point. I was there with him, FOR him. When I’m with a man, for that hour or two, the cell phone goes off, the TV gets shut off (I insist), and it’s just he and I in that world for that time. That’s what we offer. Well, at least I do.
As for fingers and kissing… I enjoy both, I have no problem with either. Yes, I make sure he’s showered and washed his hands and brushed his teeth beforehand. I guess I personally never understood the whole “no kissing” rule– it’s ok to have someone’s body part inside you (albeit wrapped), but not his lips or tongue? And you’re right, Maggie, many men are terrible kissers– and many men WANT to please. So I have no problem saying, “Just follow my lead,” and I show them what I like. I’ve never, EVER had a complaint or hurt feelings, and maybe he takes that back to his GF or spouse. Same with fingers– “ooo, GENTLY, hun! Here, let me show you…” Again, NEVER had a complaint. But you’re right Maggie, that should all be negotiated first.
Although I haven’t been doing this long, there is something I’ve noticed. It isn’t all about sex with most of my clients, it IS about INTIMACY. Most of them want to get ME off, and not vicey versey. That’s what I’ve found that they most crave. Feeling masculine, virile, bringing a woman pleasure. Maybe I’ve just been lucky. Maybe I just screen really really well. And the day will come when I come across a complete fuckoff, I know that. But I found that if I walk in with the attitude that this is an actual date, more often than not, his attitude dramatically shifts toward mine.
Oh, one thing, Maggie, that you forgot to mention, since I spoke of “fuckoffs”– Dudes, do NOT even remotely bring up paying with a CHECK. Really? REALLY??? Thankfully, I hadn’t even arrived yet. So it was no sweat just turning around and going home. Because we WILL.
Hi Eve,
i would be interested in chatting with you; i’m the poster below, a writer, who is working on a book about sex work–a novel, but based on the lives of real women. you can see my work at http://www.karenconnelly.ca and contact me at kaz@karenconnelly.ca if you would be willing to talk or email.
many thanks, kc
Wow. I love this website! Thank you Maggie, for writing, and to the men and women who are responding to your columns. I am interested in sex work because I’m writing about it, and the more research I do, the more I have to move away from pathology and old cliches when it comes to people in the industry. I started out that way–’let’s not have this be a depressing story about the addicted whore’–but it’s been wonderful to discover just how far away I can move from that cliche (which is, to be honest, a cliche for a reason; my sister was that cliche for some years, which is partly what interested me in the lives of sex workers.) anyway. thanks to all for your honesty . . .
Found your site from a comment on this post: http://www.cedonulli.com/banging-hookers-is-it-bad-game/, from me, who’s mainly not really so much into the pro scene – but recently had some samplings while spending time in Cambodia.
The lack of real connection and genuine, natural intimacy turned me off to pursuing more of this, even if it wasn’t readily apparent … the girl didn’t want to take my money, and just wanted to continue to hang out all weekend.
After just reading your rules, I felt reminded why I have a hard time taking this ‘easy way’ to some physical pleasures.
It’s awesome though, your blog, for guys looking for proper direction. Glad to have dropped in for a browse!
Thanks for the advice. I’m a bit picky about choosing girls who slept with men on the same day. Hence I want to know if they have. I guess I just want to be the first guy who has sex with them on that day. Popping my cock into a vagina recently vacated by another john… just feels icky. But here’s an advice for guys who want to know – ask the mama-san that question if you need too – you’d probably get a truthful answer from her, esp if you are a frequent and good customer.