If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers. – Thomas Pynchon
I’m getting so many questions nowadays that I find myself stacking them months in advance (these were answered in late October). That’s just silly, so I’m going to start answering these individually in short columns rather than saving them up for the ends of months. If you have a question of your own, please email me at maggiemcneill@earthlink.net.
My girlfriend and I are interested in engaging the services of a sex worker as an ongoing part of our relationship. While there seem to be many online resources, we’d like to understand how to narrow down the choices to someone who will be of the high caliber (we are in Dallas). Any guidance on how to sift through all of the information to make sure we connect with a reputable person?
Living in Dallas has its advantages and disadvantages for you; on the one hand you’ll have more selection than in most cities and may pay less, but on the other hand you have many more names and profiles to go through. Unfortunately, due to criminalization it’s hard to be “sure” of anything in this business, but I have a couple of suggestions that will help you. First of all, make use of ECCIE, the most popular escort review board in the Dallas area. Find a woman you both like who advertises that she enjoys working with couples, and check her reviews; even if none of them are for couple calls specifically, that shouldn’t really matter because her friendliness, reliability, customer service and the like will be just the same for a couple as they are for an individual. If anything, a good escort will be even more on her “best behavior” with another woman present. Once you find someone who seems right to both of you, contact her in whatever way she asks on her website, providing all the information she asks for, and make sure you specify it’s for a couple. Don’t be surprised if her rate is a little higher for a couple than for a man alone, but it probably won’t be double (if it is you may want to consider someone else, because unlike dealing with two male clients, a couple is NOT twice the work). Let her know that you’ve discussed this together and you’re both game; you’d be surprised how often men will inquire about couple calls without discussing the matter with their ladies first! By assuring her that you’re not wasting her time you are more likely to start out on the right foot.
It’s possible that even if you do all your homework, the experience may not be as good as you wanted; remember, there are three interpersonal reactions to consider here rather than only one. If that happens, it doesn’t necessarily mean three-ways aren’t for y’all; it may just mean the chemistry in that particular case was wrong, and you need to try another escort. Have y’all read my two part “Couples” column? The second part gives examples of a nearly-perfect couple call, and a disastrous one; it may help y’all to gather your thoughts before proceeding.
You’ve often warned against people seeking escorts via Backpage, but what if there isn’t any alternative? My state is mostly rural, and barely listed on sites like ECCIE (if at all).
It’s not quite fair to say that I’ve warned people against Backpage; what I actually said is that if you really want to play it safe, maximize the chance of finding exactly what you want and minimize the chances of a run-in with cops, it’s probably better to contact only established, well-reviewed escorts. It’s definitely true that Backpage has a larger fraction of amateurs, set-up traps, scammers and low-quality girls, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some good girls there as well; in fact, most of the active escorts I know use Backpage in addition to the hooker boards, especially when travelling. In order to use Backpage safely you should probably avoid very young girls and those whose advertising seems to indicate a lack of experience and good judgment; vulgar phraseology is a dead giveaway, and very low prices are a sure sign of a scam. If the lady seems established but the ad is recent she is probably on tour, so try to find previous ads in whatever city she claims to come from. Even if a girl doesn’t advertise on one of the review boards, that doesn’t necessarily mean nobody has reviewed her; check for that in her home city (e.g., “Heather from Backpage” or the like; if she changes her stage name frequently you don’t want to see her anyhow). Tineye is a very useful tool; with it you can search to see if her picture has appeared elsewhere, and if you discover (or even just suspect) that the picture is stolen stay far away, because that signifies either a scam or cops. Finally, trust your instincts and use common sense, and insist on talking to her by phone at least once for a few minutes before meeting; I always advise escorts to do that in order to feel clients out, and it works the same way from your side as from hers.
I’ve seen references to screening of clients from you and from escort ads; I gather it involves getting enough information about the client to be sure that he’s not a cop, but exactly what information is asked for? How does one “pass” a screening without also exposing oneself in the event that the whore is arrested, as in the Kennebunk case?
As in so many other cases, the answer is “it depends.” Escorts aren’t only trying to screen out cops, but rather any kind of dangerous or exceptionally troublesome characters. That’s why so many depend on referrals: other escorts can report not only whether a potential client is what he represents himself to be, but whether he’s unnecessarily rough, habitually late, prone to haggle or stand girls up, etc. For an escort whose primary screening is the checking of references, the necessary information threshold is really quite low: she simply needs to be reasonably sure that the man with whom she’s dealing is the true owner of the alias to which the references refer. Most simply assume that he is, which is a safe assumption in the vast majority of cases (but obviously doesn’t preclude cops managing to pressure him into turning over his information for them to misuse). Other escorts ask for much more information, possibly including work telephone numbers and the like; some will only see men who have been screened by a verification service such as P411. And a large fraction simply trust their guts, as nearly all of us did in the days before the internet had quite so much information on it.
When I owned my agency, I never kept records for any clients who paid cash; the only information I had for them was names, phone numbers and addresses on the day’s notebook page, which was shredded at the end of the night (and would have been shredded immediately had cops started pounding on my door). However, a client can’t count on that; most escorts and agencies do indeed keep records, sometimes very detailed ones. So there’s only one real way for a client to ensure he can pass most screenings, yet not reveal anything cops or prosecutors could make use of: he must establish a consistent and unvarying “hobby” alias with a name, screen name, email address and phone number which he never changes, yet bear no ties to his real information; fortunately, prepaid cell phones and anonymous webmail make this easy. He must then find a few girls who will see him on instinct, use them as references for other girls, and thus build up a reputation. He won’t be able to hire every escort he might fancy because some insist on verifiable identifying data, but a well-established alias will get him in most women’s doors as long as he continues to treat every lady he dates honorably.
Just read the couples column…the disaster reads like some of my worst swinging adventures, and the perfect night reminds me of a lovely night with a couple in their holiday lodge.
From a combination of past experiences I have come to the conclusion meeting couples works best when the woman is involved at every step. It might sound like an obvious idea, but it really is that simple. Oh and when you can avoid twunts, like you I hope the young girl left him asap.
Google image search is also a very good tool in locating pictures on the internet. A lot of the hobbyists are using it now.
Screening … it’s nothing to be afraid of as long as you stick to the reviewed providers on p411 or ECCIE.
Couples – yeah let your girl pick the escort. I’ve never done it personally (dammit) but I think the only way it would work for me is to let my wife do the picking there. I’d be interested to know just what kind of girls most women would pick for a threesome with their guy? Would looks matter to them? Would they want someone more attractive than they are? Or someone they feel has an appearance they can “compete” with? Also – it’s an endeavor that could be “fraught with peril”. My experience is that working girls are better at almost everything sexual than 90% of the “free” girls are. Will that cause a problem or be intimidating for your significant other? I think retired escorts should teach classes to younger “free” girls. They’d certainly learn a lot sexually. Frankly, a lot of “free” girls aren’t very good at all even though they think they are. I guess this goes for men also. 😛
I actually wonder why this doesn’t happen, besides the obvious prohibition. There’s obviously a demand for ‘pro-tips’ in sex for women (see: every popular teen magazine ever). Stigma, perhaps?
Well, I don’t think it happens much because men NEVER have “bad” sexual experiences. Any sex is “good” sex – and all women know this. Additionally, not all men have seen professionals – and they don’t even know what they are missing.
Most free women worry about putting enough effort into sex so that it’s “good” for the man. They’re not looking to give him “blow your mind” sex. The better looking the girl is, the less effort she seems to feel she has to put into it (and she’s right).
I’m not saying all “straight” girls are like this – I did date one girl who was a mind blower – but she was also a very sexual person and extremely promiscuous – which I didn’t mind. She was definitely not the “norm” though.
I agree with krulac, Google Images is often much more thorough than Tineye.
Notice the camera icon in the search box, clicking on it gives you a drop-down that allows you to search for an image you either upload from you computer *or* reference by URL! (This was exactly what I did with Maggie’s illustration, below)
I often use this feature to screen women on dating sites, there are ridiculous amounts of fake accounts on most of those sites.
Here at home all (most all) of the escorts use screening and references. Earlier this year I took a trip up to Canada and when I was looking through a few Canadian websites I noticed that most of the ladies didn’t say anything about references. I found one lady I wanted to see and on her website I didn’t see anything about screening or references. I called her up and I figured she’d mention it but didn’t. When I finally went up there and saw her everything worked out okay. I asked her about the lack of screening and she said most of the ladies up there didn’t do it.
I’ve wondered about this and I wonder if the reason is that prostitution is legal up there is why they weren’t doing screening. 1st it’s legal so they don’t have to screen because of cops, and 2nd if a client does something they could probably report it to the police.
I don’t know who you were looking at, but I have several Canadian escorts among my friends and professional contacts and they all screen. Legality and decriminalization will not remove all danger while the work continues to be stigmatized.
Yes I realize there’s more reasons to screen than the police. You never know what kind of guy is going to show up without it. A while back I was reading a blog by an escort here in the USA who had gone up to Vancouver to work there and she found that escorts there didn’t like to give references since they like to keep their own list of clients to themselves.
I’m sorry, Ted, I should have clarified. The response wasn’t directed at you so much as any escort or client reading it. It’s a fairly popular notion that a legalized or decriminalized system will make screening a moot point. Eeek!
I’m not surprised that escort whose blog you read had that experience. Such cattiness is unfortunate. So far, I haven’t had that issue but I have heard plenty and plenty of stories like that one you are talking about. Another possibility is that those Vancouver escorts who gave her the difficulty may not want to share with “foreign” escorts. That’s a situation I hear about as well. They’ll help each other out but shut-out any non-native escorts.
Actually, no problem at all. That’s one of the good things about this blog is being able to get good reliable information.
Tineye is an interesting site. It seems to have been established as an aid to photographers who thought their photos might have been stolen and passed off as the work of others. Sadly, this is a very common problem.
It seems to work by a similar comparison algorithm to Photoshop’s which is more typically used by forensic investigators looking for changes between digital images.
Just be aware that it’s efficiency is dependant on images being referenced in its database; if an image isn’t there, it may not find them. Better than nothing, but not infallible.
On the screening thing, call me old fashioned but I like having sex under my real name and number. I’m not gonna act like a criminal to avoid getting caught doing something that shouldn’t be a crime.
And on the flip side of the legit screening / harm reduction sites you listed we have these assholes (to borrow a turn of phrase):
http://boingboing.net/2012/12/27/potential-prostitutes-site.html (with some commentary by Ken from Popehat.)
It’s very difficult to obtain a genuinely anonymous webmail account; even if you go to what some people would consider unusual lengths: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/11/08/hushmail_court_orders/
Most, if not all, email service providers will at minimum collect and keep records of the various IP addresses you may log in with, and certainly any details relating to the creation of the account. For many users, that’s plenty to tie the account back to an ISP account holder.
Anyone using GMail, for example, and not taking pains to erase or block tracking cookies or tracking scripts will be followed across all of Google’s various properties, including their extensive third-party advertising holdings… which means you’ll be tracked across any and all sites making use of Google adverts for revenue generation, plus all sites making use of Google Analytics to generate statistics about their traffic.
This is equally true of other major webmail providers. Unfortunately, it’s also the bare surface of the problem; I’m not sure how much detail to go into in this small space.
Maggie, I don’t know where you found that first picture (of the leering wife putting the moves on the nervous blonde), but it’s perfect for what you’re trying to show. Source?
No idea. I first used it for a column in 2010, and when I reused it I tried to locate the origin to no avail. It looks like a magazine illustration in the 1950s commercial style, doesn’t it? I think it’s brilliant, and would love to give the artist credit, but Tineye couldn’t locate another copy.
Perhaps Tineye couldn’t but Google Images had no such problems. The picture is by Edwin Georgi.
http://www.americanartarchives.com/georgi.htm
http://noirwhale.com/2012/09/26/noir-art-edwin-georgi/
Beautiful! Thank you! I’m gratified to see that I recognized the general school and time period, and now I know the artist thanks to you.
A couple from Dallas. Now, if it were that little town I grew up in, I’d wonder if it were somebody I knew. But Dallas has so many people that I’d almost bet money I’ve never seen the boyfriend nor the girlfriend even at a distance.
Of course I might have seen them cosplaying together at the last A-KON. No way to know.
It does seem sometimes that I live in a candy store. Someday I’m going to buy some peppermint.
[…] many (I saw exactly two in my entire career). So when you do your research (these two posts shouldhelp you there), don’t just look for ladies who specifically state that they will see female clients; also look […]