One year ago today I published a short history of prostitution in Japan, in which I mentioned that there were many different types of brothels, including bathhouses with sexual services; these are called “soaplands” and they are extremely popular. Well, as it turns out my husband was recently in Japan on business and his host invited him and another gentleman from his company to go along with him to a soapland; he told me about it when he returned and we both felt my readers might be interested in a first-person account of what goes on there. So I’m turning the rest of this column over to him (except for a few concluding remarks from me at the end); if you have any questions just ask them in the comments, and I’ll try to get him to answer them as soon as possible (though it may be next weekend before he manages it).
The soapland we visited was in a largely-residential urban neighborhood where there were several such places, but some are not open to gaijin so we drove around a little until the doorman of one of them flagged us down and showed us a parking place. We exchanged our shoes for slippers at the door, then he took us into an anteroom. The manager greeted us and told us the price (10,400 yen, about $135 US), then asked each of us what sort of girl we would like and took us one at a time beyond a partition to show the girl he thought would best suit that man’s preference; it was much more discreet than the lineups at Nevada brothels. I didn’t care for the first one he showed me, but the second one looked like a Japanese version of Maggie dressed in a slinky gown and high heels, so I was quite happy with her.
She took my hand and escorted me to the third floor; her English was good enough (in combination with sign language) that she could communicate sufficiently for the situation. The room to which she brought me had a normally-floored section where we came in, then the rest of it was like a very large, sunken shower floor with brown tiles. To my right there was a shelving unit with a small dorm-type refrigerator and to my left a massage table; the sunken section had a large Roman-style tub filled to the brim with water. She had me get undressed and put my clothes in baskets she gave me, then she undressed as well and I waited while she got her things ready for the session. After a couple of minutes she called me to come down and had me sit on a stool whose seat was actually two pads with a large gap between so as to expose the whole crotch area.
She turned on the water in the tub, and it immediately started overflowing onto the tile floor. Next, she used a flexible shower fitting to wash my crotch, then scrubbed me completely from head to toe with a scrubby and a strong but pleasant-smelling soap. After washing herself in the same way, she told me to get in the tub; the water was the perfect temperature. She got in the tub with me, sitting between my legs facing me, and rubbed a soft sponge without soap all over my skin; she then started masturbating me underwater, and after I adjusted my position so she wouldn’t have to duck her head under the water she used her mouth for a few minutes as well. That was just a preliminary, though; she got out of the tub, moved the stool aside and brought out an air mattress with a lip running around the edge; it was like a combination air mattress and kiddie pool. She then brought out a large plastic bowl and filled it with what Maggie tells me is called “nuru gel”, a super-slick lubricant that doesn’t dry up.
She called me out of the tub, put a folded towel as a pillow on the air mattress, had me lie down and smeared the gel all over both of us; she then started sliding around on me, rubbing every part of my front with her entire body. It’s hard to describe; it was as though she was using my body for a stripper pole, and slid along my legs and arms like a train on a monorail. Sometimes she went fast, sometimes slow, but it was all good and she was obviously very practiced. After about 20 minutes of this she brought me back to the stool and completely washed us both with the strong soap again, then dried me thoroughly and led me to the massage table. She gave me a gentle and sensual massage, then walked on my back while supporting part of her weight on a bar hanging from the ceiling; she controlled the pressure by supporting her weight with her arms, varying from feather-light to the whole weight of her body. I was very impressed with both her dexterity and her physical fitness. After about 15 minutes of this she told me to flip over, performed oral sex for a little while, then put a condom on me and got into cowgirl position. I can’t ever finish in that position, so after a short time I flipped her over and got on top. Once I was done she removed the condom, washed us both one last time, then dried me and offered me iced green tea from the fridge before I got dressed. Altogether, it was about 90 minutes total. When I exited the building my shoes were at the front door, so anyone walking by could see how many guests were in the establishment.
My husband dictated the above narrative to me and I put it into complete sentences, then turned it over to him for additions and corrections; I’m not sure I really believe that the massage girl looked like a Japanese version of me, but it’s sweet of him to say that so I won’t question it. While he was trying to explain to me what everything looked like, he went digging around on the internet and found the second picture, showing the air mattress and tub (it’s actually a still he extracted from a Japanese video). He found a picture of the stool in the same video, but it was difficult to see clearly so I searched and was able to locate the first picture above. It turns out there’s a specific name for the thing, sukebe isu, literally “pervert chair”. Anyhow, writing this column led us into a discussion of all the kinds of prostitution he’s sampled around the world, and it was actually more than I had previously thought! So perhaps one day I may be able to convince him to do another column on brothels in Tijuana, Australia or Germany, or perhaps the Amsterdam window-girl I encouraged him to see a few years ago.
I’m unshocked. This is exactly like what goes on in Korea; though I’ve never heard of the nuru gel thing.
Here, the brothels tend to be more traditional. From what I can tell, the Japanese – style services are often available, but at a premium. They tend to be the most in-demand types of services.
In China, this is common; massage places are supposed to be happy-ending places only, but almost all girls will apparently go the full distance for an extra fee, regardless of the place; some girls apparently prefer this, as it nets them extra cash in massage places they don’t have to account for.
A friend of mine just got back from Tokyo and said he sampled goods there extensively. He never touches anything in Korea – he has to be cleaner than clean here, without even the hint of the slightest impropriety, and goes more or less celibate in the country where he has to work – but makes a point of getting to Japan about once a month. I’ll ask him about his experiences there, too. He’s told me the massage places there are among the most discreet comfortable in the world, with women who know their business better than most. He claims it’s far better than anything in Korea. He’s never been to China so he didn’t know how to compare.
He did say that Japan had a very liberal and uncomplicated culture of prostitution; the women tended to be from mainstream levels of society and there was no great social shame attached to it.
On the other hand, in prepping for a potential film about prostitution, I’ve been doing research in Korea. The three areas that have interested me are:
1) Compensated dating. This is hugely common here, but more in China. Traditional dating is shockingly similar, in effect, due to the resource investment required of men. Many girls use calculations to determine when a man has invested sufficient resources.
2) Norebang / karaoke club girls. Very common. If met outside work, are often available for actual unpaid dating (meaning – they’re what, half-time prostitutes?), like my ex GF, and their activities within that context are somewhat scripted – they often have roles. Sex is generally assumed. I’ve heard from many men that this is often the least satisfying way to pay for sex: the girls are less skilled, less interested and aren’t looking for repeat customers.
3) Escorts. Escorts run the gamut, but the lower tiers are girls literally working out of shacks or filthy one-room shed-like additions in dodgy areas, and girls who hang around suljibs (bars) with attached motels above; and the high-end, call-in services, where girls are selected and more or less trained; these tend to be very pretty, and are obvious to spot when they’re out shopping for clothes, of which they’re said to have limitless amounts.
4) “Companions” – a high-level escort that performs social as well as sexual functions. At this level, they’re more like courtesans and often become “kept women” – not necessarily the prettiest or sexiest girls, though never unattractive, they’re indistinguishable from the general population and are often extremely well-spoken and forthright; they flirt with a certain expertise.
My ex “graduated” to 4) after a particularly keen client took a liking to her after she spent about a year in a higher-end Norebang, attached to a big company (Samsung, of course; it’s impossible to know how many Norebangs/clubs are associated with branches of Samsung indirectly, but there have been scandals when directly-owned clubs have been found; scandals to everyone but the police, the owners, and the general public, who all know about it).
But the economic downturn has made some girls take on more work, and has flooded the market with younger and prettier girls, apparently.
New additions are Kiss-bangs (which are exactly what you’d expect), which sound oddly more disgusting than anything else, and “Date bangs”, where girls who may just want some extra cash or a good time go to “hook up” with men they might otherwise find attractive but have no means of meeting – it’s said *NOT* to be prostitution but —
Only the men pay to go in. And it’s not cheap. It’s said to be a “ladies’ club” – but the women are generally wined, dined and/or compensated by little shopping trips.
Upshot: I’m finding it extremely difficult to draw any kind of distinction between much of what goes on as “dating” and prostitution. In fact, a lot of male-female interaction here that’s even considered “normal” dating sounds a lot like prostitution.
How do neofeminists deal with this: That normal male-female human interaction often seems more like prostitution than anything else?
Gifts often change hands – and considerations – but the bulk of the monetary ones go from men to women.
Yeah, I was wondering about the nuru gel too. Maybe it’s called something differently here? Or similar to Liquid Silk or Sliquid lubes?
And how do neofeminists deal with this, you ask? Oh simple: the ones who are heterosexual themselves and participate in similar behavior go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to make weak statements like, “Well, my lover/husband/whoever understands that I am a REAL PERSON and I’m not to be bought!”; the ones who aren’t heterosexual and don’t want to risk the anger of their “sisters” in the movement who are, again, go through lots of mental gymnastics to create this line between “real” sexual relationships and “exploitation” via prostitution. But we all know what’s what and that line is so thin as to be invisible.
The nuru gel isn’t widely available in North America except on websites, but there are some escorts who specialize in what’s called “nuru massage”. I only heard of it for the first time earlier this year.
Huh. Well, I learned something new today!
“Gifts often change hands – and considerations – but the bulk of the monetary ones go from men to women.”
Aristotle Onassis is often quoted as saying …
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.”
In that statement – is the sum total of “enlightenment” any man can ever hope to achieve! 🙂
Sometimes it’s not money, but it’s always monetizable.
Always.
Realizing this was a shock to me.
‘normal male-female human interaction often seems more like prostitution than anything else’ – gorby
it took me a long time to catch on to this fact of life, being a benighted small town boy from a ‘conservative’ family and culture which almost never allowed frank discussion of personal matters. thus i was at a loss as a young man when my wife became increasingly frigid towards me during a time of extended unemployment (we had savings, and she worked, so we were never hard up for cash). i didn’t understand then the importance of being a ‘provider’ as a male in a heterosexual relationship. i was dumb and naive enough to believe that ‘love’ had no bearing on such matters. it was only later after we divorced and i tried dating again that i caught on to the importance women attach to male status and income. reading also educated me. it had always puzzled me what women saw in men (it certainly didn’t help that my own mother blatantly and repeatedly expressed her contempt for men and sex in my presence when i was a child). it all fell into place when i understood that human heterosexual relations basically boil down to an exchange of female fertility for male resources. this applies to marriage as well as prostitution. men are attracted to beautiful women, women are attracted to accomplished men. not very ‘romantic’ perhaps, but that’s life.
I have often said that love is the icing, not the cake; the cake is all the practical concerns that form a relationship. And romance is all those little candy flowers, lettering, birthday candles, etc. I daresay the average American woman would be pretty annoyed if someone gave her nothing but a heap of icing decorated with candy flowers, yet she thinks a marriage can consist of nothing but love and romance.
This may be a bit late and I don’t know if you’re still reading it, but here it goes. At least 5 years ago when I was last in South Korea, there were Red Light Districts similar in a ppearance to the pictures I’ve seen of Amsterdam. I bet they are probabaly still there. There’s Cheonyeongni, Miari-Texas, and Yongsan in Seoul. There’s Red Light Districts near the train stations in Suwon and Pyeongtaek. Daegu has Jagalmadang. There’s a Red Light district if not two in every sizeable city. Then there are the barber shops, most of whom are fronts for prostitution.Most of thesebarber shop fronts are located above the ground floor of a building or in the basement often on a main street unlike the one’s which aren’t fronts. Then there’s the Anma which alegedly gives you a massage and a happy ending or sexual intercourse too.Good luck or should I say break a leg on your project.
I also forgot the delivering coffee girls can be prostitutes too.
Gorbachev-
In reply to your statement & question…
“…I’m finding it extremely difficult to draw any kind of distinction between much of what goes on as “dating” and prostitution. In fact, a lot of male-female interaction here that’s even considered “normal” dating sounds a lot like prostitution….How do neofeminists deal with this: That normal male-female human interaction often seems more like prostitution than anything else?”
… date a white girl (American) or someone like me who prefers Asian men. I’m a fit, well educated blonde blue-eyed woman with large, natural breasts (between an E-F cup). I am exceptionally pretty and I love Asian men, and LOVE sex (the naughtier the BETTER). I do not require gifts, or anything other than just an actual real relationship. I desire loyalty, however that’s potentially the catch. Many Asian men today occasionally want sex with other women too. This often makes them lie and cover their tracks. Which in the long run causes them to cultivate a secret side that they angrily defend. And that creates coldness & distance between them and the woman they love.
I won’t stick around if there are any lies or infedelity. I have a right to know the truth and to choose to not be with a man who wants to include other women for sex. Why? Basic Reason: I want to know he’s all mine and it’s safe to swallow everything that comes out of him. Feel me?
If there is such a thing for me, I want only ONE loyal Asian man. I’ve mostly dated Korean, but have briefly dated Chinese and Japanese men as well.
See, the thing is, the dating world has become so polluted it does resemble prostitution more every day. Not to mention jump-off’s, side chick’s and FWB, and NSA sex hook ups. It’s sad for people like me who desire only what’s real and one-on-one.
I wish men and women would just be honest. People who want open relationships should be able to have that. But likewise, people who prefer monogamy have a right to know the truth as well. The Asian men I’ve dated have all said they only desired monogamy, only to find that they wanted to “own” me (my fiance’s words) because I was an ideal smart & sexy wife-to-be, so they felt it was necessary to “white lie” about their side habits. And when signs of their exploits surfaced…. and they always do… each got outraged and “insulted” that I’d question their loyalty. Yet later when I caught them in a way they can’t deny they told me they only “white lied” because they wanted to keep me and it was convenient to keep that side of them a secret….. What a preventable waste of time for both of us.
Bottom line: Be open. Be transparent. Don’t date those who want something different than you do. Stop the lying and secret side sex crap. If that’s what you want get with someone who wants it too and be happy. Never false represent yourself. Ever. If you keep a calculator to determine money for sex, say so. If you want monogamy, say so. But whatever you say… MEAN IT.
Too bad life weren’t a bit like a video game and people all had their REAL, unalterable stats listed above there heads for all potential daters to read so they knew up front what they might be getting.
Are there any totally honest, monogamous Asian men of there? I wish I knew.
Sorry about the typos I did this on my phone. :-j
Damn that sounds hot!
maggie,have you ever been to amsterdam or done research about prostitution there?i have heard many stories about many window girls being contolled by pimps called loverboys and trafficking and i dont know what to beleive.
The trafficking fanatics see trafficking everywhere, and earlier this year they managed to scare the Dutch police into a big raid of the windows. 150 girls were dragged away from their work for hours to be “questioned” about the supposedly-widespread “pimps” and “coercion” and the like. And you know how many “trafficking victims” they found? None. Zero. Bupkis. Zilch, nada, nil, squadoo. Which is approximately the number of “victims” they find nearly every time one of these “raids” or “rescues” happens. I think you’ll find my upcoming column of October 27th especially interesting (and coincidentally, it takes us back to Japan).
As for the so-called “loverboys”, what that means is that some window girls have boyfriends, and some of those boyfriends are controlling, violent or lazy sponges just like some of the boyfriends of shop girls, waitresses, secretaries, schoolteachers, etc, etc, etc. But because they’re whores these boyfriends become “pimps”, and because we ALL KNOW that “human trafficking” is an international criminal conspiracy these “pimps” are all part of a “gang” the police call the “Loverboys”.
The truth is a lot more prosaic than the Hollywood super-cop crime adventure plot, isn’t it?
Maybe I’m not paying enough attention – but, I would think that if there are all these “victims” of trafficking out there – someone would have produced a documentary with some of these “victims” telling their stories. I’ve never seen one – anyone else seen one? I actually still work for the US government and I have to go through “Human Trafficking” training once a year because I travel overseas. So the government seems to think it’s a problem.
But I don’t really think that it is. I have talked with a lot of “hookers/escorts” in Europe – and even in the middle east (where the Russian women have firmly planted the flag!) … I find a lot of Eastern European girls in the business and they are in varying countries outside their homeland working … for what they tell me – is OPPORTUNITY. They need money for college, money because they want to buy a car, or money because they want to start their own business – these are CAPITALIST girls not slave girls.
Precisely. But the unholy cabal of politicians, moralists and neofeminists claims that women are higher beings imbued with childlike innocence who are literally unable to consent to sex for any reason other than “love”, therefore “no woman voluntarily prostitutes herself”. Well, in that case I must know an awful lot of mythical beings because most women I know have sold sex in one way or another.
Can we make a special request? If so, is there any way we can get your husband out there to one of those German FKK’s for a full report? 😀
Also – this Soapbar – can you reveal the general area in Japan where it’s at – if not the town?
Having said that …
Second Look at Japan?
This is a pretty awesome report from your hubby, Maggie. He must have some contacts in Japan – and they’re a lot better than the ones I have. In fact, after reading this – I think I want to FIRE my contacts over there – they suck!
What I’ve normally found in Japan – and I go there maybe once every two years or so on business – is that most of it falls into the “too hard” column. Like your husband mentioned, there is just all kinds of places that will turn a “gaijin” away. Then there is the language difference. In Europe – everyone seems to speak English but in Japan they tend to expect you to speak Japanese. I don’t speak good Japanese!
And … the escorts over there charge astronomical prices. And – also, I actually thought prostitution was illegal in Japan but I guess maybe it’s actually “quasi-legal” or something. But the Japanese don’t fool around when it comes to incarceration – so I figured that Japan should just be forgotten about!
Only time I ever had a good time in Japan was in my 20’s during the early 1980’s and pulling into Yokosuka on my Submarine. You don’t have to worry too much about the “gaijin” bans there – because Yokosuka was placed on this planet by GOD to do one thing – extract money from American Sailor’s wallets! Make no mistake – Yokosuka is GOOD at that!
But one interesting place I remember was a place called “Tom Popo’s Bar”. Back in 1982 – they had something called … “Beer and Blowjob for Ten Bucks”. They had an older woman behind the bar – God she looked old to me then but she was probably only about thirty. Anyway – if you ordered the “special” she would immediately point you to a door at the end of the bar that opened into a little closet. She would tell you to “go in there”. Then she would enter that same closet through an interesting “trap door” located behind the bar. She had to get on her hands and knees to get through it!
There was NO LIGHT in there … but, for Jesus sake – somehow there were EXPOSED and ENERGIZED electrical wires!!
The bartender – on her knees – would tell you one thing … “Do NOT grab the walls above your head! The wires will KILL us both!!”
Okay – important safety tip – thanks for that – let’s get to it!
You can guess what happens next – but as I was only like 20 years old, and straight off the farm in Mississippi – this was my first experience where a woman ever used her mouth on me. Needless to say – this catapulted me into a universe of bliss and wonder which was so absorbing to my consciousness that I completely forgot about the “safety brief” that the bartender lady gave me when I entered that closet. As this experience was coming to a FAST conclusion – I felt the need to reach up and steady my body for the earthquake I knew was coming.
It was PITCH DARK in there – you couldn’t see anything in that closet … but somehow the bartender lady – who was on her knees busy with other things – still possessed some “sixth sense” – and she KNEW my hands were getting close to the wires! I heard her yell … “Hey You! Get your hands down!” and then I felt a strong “yank” which she delivered to a certain appendage in order to snap me back into consciousness. It was cool – though – it did the trick and we were done.
Then I walked out – and she went back behind the bar, opened me a beer and went to a little sink behind the bar to brush her teeth. And she continued to serve the other customers (which mostly my submarine crew buddies). Every now and then you’d see her crawl though the trapdoor to take care of another customer. None of it was a big deal to her.
I’ll always remember that place … Tom Popo’s – even though it’s no longer there.
American sources love to say that prostitution is illegal in Japan, but that’s because they fall for the same dodge the Japanese used on the American busybodies back in 1956. The Americans kept pressuring the Japanese to outlaw prostitution, but the Japanese knew (just like they still know) that this is a monumentally stupid idea. So they finally caved in, criminalizing “prostitution”…but defining the word specifically to mean penis-in-vagina intercourse for pay. Absolutely nothing else is illegal, and they don’t even bother to enforce the one that is. The law was purely intended as a sop to Cerberus.
German FKKclubs, eh?
We’ll, it’s like this:
Imagine you visit a rich friend throwing a party. Only: Girls are naked, Guys wear only bathrobes. Your friends place has everything covered, there’s a BBQ, a swimmingpool, Billard, sports, a bar, movies and porn-theatres and private retreats.
Usually you’ll hang around, drink and eat, relax and probably talk to a buddy. The girls will usually try to have a conversation with you (–> trying to make you buy her).
At any point you can fetch a girl, pay her, and go to one of the retreats, or for the more exhibitionistic, the porn theatre and fuck in the open.
Rinse and repeat as often as you want.
Girls at theseestablishments will change regularly, wandering from club to club, or a brothel proper, or a stripclub.
The clubs therefore try to be as attractive to male customers as can be, in order to attract high quality girls. The girls will pay some of what they collect to the establishment.
So usually, within any given area, you’llhave one preferred club where all the hobbyists and good girls can be found.
🙂
I hope my rambling wasn’t too incoherent
Interesting anecdote 🙂
FYI, an interview I conducted with a maiko while in Japan in 2008:
http://amazingwomenrock.com/4-part-interview-with-a-geisha-to-be
Maggie,
There was some blog somewhere in which you argued with other commenters; one woman was angry at you and insulted you – then said “you can’t sell my sexuality” – and you argued it wasn’t hers you were selling, but your own – do you know where that was?
That was a good read.
I think the one you’re looking for is linked out of Cognitive Impairment
http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2011/03/25/cognitive-impairment/
The one to Belle de Jour’s guest blog elsewhere.
Right on the money, Polymorphic; I answered Gorbachev before I saw you already had! 😉
Yes, it was this Belle de Jour guest blog.
I had a nuru massage at a massage Parlor.It’s different no smell or any taste to it.I love the feeling of the girl sliding up and down my back.
You made this comment over there:
Maggie McNeill
Well, there are guys who have never paid up front for it in their lives, but they’ve eventually paid. Either that, or they’ve dodged the bill when it was presented, which of course carries its cost in karma. But one way or another, they always pay.
I can attest to the truth of this. I’m in my late thirties, and have yet to pay for sex – though it might get to that point, you never know – but by this, I mean *directly*. I’ve paid in other ways – stress, enduring abuse, enduring more abuse, enduring emotional abuse and baiting, endless, endless baiting – and divorce.
I’ve also paid for it in a myriad of other ways, too. It took years to get anything remotely stable (not that I wanted it), but even then, it’s cost me.
We always pay. Always. And it always costs men more than it does women.
I begin to understand why some men pay for it. Having gone through the trials and tribulations of regular life, I think it might have been easier – and less expensive and likely more interesting – to have paid for it up front.
I think much of the “whores are bad” meme comes from women: women are obsessed to the point of self delusion with competitive status with each other.
Men are, too; but theirs is wholly directed: The idea is to get resources to get the best pussy possible, plus some variety. We work for pussy. We build and maintain civilization through surplus labor for pussy. Take it away and we generally wither and withdraw.
When I started looking at women as all on a level with each other – the whole thing started to make a lot more sense. No woman approaches relationships from a non-transactional standpoint. It’s only the terms of purchase that differ.
Maybe this is what has neofeminists in such a tizzy. Are they disconnected from their own natures? Maybe they aren’t interested in sex with men.
I discussed your last question there in my column of March 27th.
“No woman approaches relationships from a non-transactional standpoint. It’s only the terms of purchase that differ.”
This goes again to the heart of something I contine to think about. Maggie has persuaded me that the first half of a statement like this is correct; but I don’t think the second follows as an exclusive correlary.
The fallacy is assuming transaction is exclusively synonymous with purchase and sale. As we have grown up and live in a market economy its an understandable mistake. While I can agree that all sex is transactional, and much sex of course is monetizable, sex can also exist as one element of a complex web of indirect reciprocal gift exchanges that has no capitalist equivalent. It grossly oversimplifies the complexity of potential roles sex can play in the total relationship between two people to force it exclusively into a market template. To understand some transactions of which sex is an element–im thinking of the sex that Maggie calls the icing on the cake of a long term relationship–gift exchange is a much better metaphor than sale and purchase.
The same is true on the other end of the spectrum–the so-called mercy fuck. That’s by definition a transaction in which sex is given by the woman when it can’t be purchased by the man.
Very well-said, Bandoblue. I’ve learned a new word from my readers lately, “monetizable”; I think Gorbachev was the first to use it a while back. While all sex is transactional, not all payments are monetizable. Many women, perhaps most in some places, prefer to take payment in non-monetizable forms such as love, status, self-esteem or the feeling of having done the right thing.
Hmm. Could this also be a call back to our primeval ancestors and our primate cousins who also practice(d) prostitution in this way? Food, resources (I would include offspring here), shelter, and protection can be monetizable but it’s not inherent in any of those necessities.
Damn, that one was brilliant. As my brother would say,
“Fucking Ay, girl. Fucking Ay.”
Thank you! At the risk of appearing immodest, I must admit I am particularly fond of that one myself. 😉
And I did indeed show this to my brother. He’s a soldier, and all. But this was a bit above him. His actual response was
“This woman’s, like, an educated whore? She must cost a fortune.”
“I had to read it twice. Never seen someone beat back retards like that. Satellite guided missiles, man.”
He’s no stranger to the more commercial side of sex. To critics he says: “Yeah. You drive a tank and roll over IEDs. Some girl wants to get busy with me for a consideration, I could die tomorrow, you can go fuck yourself. I’m not putting a gun to her head and I’m not going to hit her. We all need cash.”
His female soldier buddies essentially have sex with everything that moves – the army is like a gravy-train dating service for women, all the free sex with hot and hoo-rah guys they want, and the service tends to attract the type that like to sample as many goods as possible.
(Aside: the old adage, women soldiers destroy morale, is largely true, BTW – the sex is best kept off-base and compartmentalized; you’re supposed to bond with your buddies, not get into gorilla gripe fests with them: Women in the military is an insanely bad idea).
But the male ones: When it comes time to slip out to the nether reaches of a post, it’s understood that “services”, “girlfriends” (no matter what that means) or “companions” are more or less left to the soldier’s intentions: These guys could die. Stop policing their recreational activities. Just make sure the whores get paid and aren’t abused.
In fact, he’s of the opinion – a well-articulated one, actually – that armies should have escorts of *paid* prostitutes who, along with everything else, make sure the men are properly seen to. It would make for much, much, much more motivated soldiers.
Feminists often don’t understand men. As you say, Neofeminists.
They can rail against them all they want. Call them pigs. Call their sexuality predatory. Whatever.
This is the male of the human species. No social engineering can eradicate it; this is more and more true every day. Only a retreat into lesbian isolation can prevent exposure to it.
On the contrast, the same is true in reverse: The foul nature of female nature is also a constant.
No matter what’s said about either, one thing is sure: They’re well-matched with each other. And that’s not coincidence, I think.
I love your brother’s feedback; in fact, I’ve added it to my “criticisms, witticisms and praise” section. 🙂
I was a former soldier, and your brother is right in his comments.
I especially liked how he thought you must be a very, very expensive go-round.
Of course, such thing are off his menu, now. He’s married, and happily, and as a serious Alpha dude, and a respectable one, and with 4 kids, he has to play the part.
But who knows what goes on in theater. I’ve never asked. I’m sure he and his wife have an understanding, much along the lines of “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”
A very happy marriage, by the way. 4 well-adjusted and well-raised kids; a wife who lacks for nothing and is properly rogered by her admiring husband (despite the 4 kids and the less girly figure as a result) whenever he has the chance, and this all includes romantic getaways to appropriate places when the kids are left with grandma and grandad. I’m sure there are questions about what she gets up to, but I do recall one conversation my brother had with me, in which he said very clearly:
“Best not to get obsessed with shit like that, man. She’s fine, I’m fine, kids are fine, don’t ask don’t tell don’t smell it’s all swell. Besides, she owns my ass, so nowhere I can go. And she knows I blow shit up for a living – never know what a guy who blows shit up for a living’s going to do if you pop his best friend. If you’re gonna do that shit, you make sure the skeletons say at the back of the closet. Man.”
This was in reference to the breakup of my marriage. Older brother, married at 24, kids by 26, career military, ace with women (and still gets looks, despite the aging military physique, all that great home cooking), don’t-screw-with-me look but the kind that says, actually I’m not going to show off how badly I can mess you up because that’s for infants, but you know I could mess you up and lay you out if you did something you’re not supposed to – as in, *real* alpha male, as opposed to showy pretendo.
He said one woman told him whores were disgusting. From what I recall, his description of the conversation went like this. This is serious paraphrasing but I’m trying to remember the highlights.
Woman: “That’s gross. How can you treat women like that?”
Him: “Like what? It’s her job. She’s good at it. I told her she was good at it, too. Maybe I’d give her extra.”
W: “Disgusting. Men are pigs.”
H: “So?”
…
…
…
W: “Men are useless.”
H: “Some guys come over and make trouble. Pigs, right? Say they make trouble for you. You’re going to do what?”
W: “We need jails just for men.”
H:” I’ll tell you what. I’ll whoop their asses and then say, there you go little lady, you just toodle off on home safe and sound now. That’s what men are for. Want to fix your own car? Maybe you installed your own toilets.”
W: “If men weren’t pigs we wouldn’t need pigs to defend us.”
H: “Ever look in a mirror? Maybe the reason we’re pigs is our women like pigs. You talk a lot, but I just hear hot air. You don’t like me seeing a working girl, you take me home then.”
And believe it or not, after one night at a bar, he did. He married her and they’ve been married for two decades. 4 kids.
For some reason, women seem to like the mud as much as men.
And somewhere, neofeminists cried.
I first found out about Soapland through porn, back in my pre-Internet days. I always wondered how accurate (and how embellished) that videotape was. Apparently it wasn’t too far off. The real ones probably don’t allow as much CiM as indicated on the tape, but hey.
My Balls Vol. 1, Chapter 5 includes a trip to a Soapland. Hell sends a new devil, Irene! How will Kotah endure? Is humanity doomed after all?
I should be paid for promoting My Balls. I should be getting money from the people behind My Balls.
Japan. Where the getting’s still good. Just wish they would get back up above replacement.
Now that fixing one’s teeth is finally in, and some of the hispanic blends are hybridly vigoring to the fore, one sees almost every day women, even, good God, women of a certain age, that beggar the praise of even the most lecherously inspired word-slinger.
That hair — with those eyes — and this high-slung fat rack and that thick (!) ass? Damn. The female perfected.
My question for Maggie’s man: Do you normally look for prostitutes who remind you of your wife, physically or mentally? Because I thought a married man’s attraction to prostitutes is that they offer something sexually different from his wife.
Sexually different doesn’t mean different physical state or mentality.
Marla,
No Japan was just a coincidence. I just meant the woman’s build and hair was the same. I really don’t have a look that is a favorite or what I go for. The body is important, but what is going on in her head is what counts. I would rather have a woman that is a little overweight and a firecracker in bed than a 5′ 5″ 115# lump that just lays there. In Amsterdam I had many choices and I picked a blonde that had a very, very nice body. I passed her by the first time and after my tour by most of the windows I went back and picked her. She remembered me and asked me why I picked her and I told her I liked her smile she gave me when I went by the first time. Once again I know the smile may have been a marketing ploy to get me in her room, but talking to her she seemed genuine (real or not) that is what sealed the deal.
Forgot. Sorry for the delay in responding, been doing a lot of traveling. 😉
My goodness, sounds like your husband had a fun time. I may have to reconsider wanting to be stationed in Japan. Of course I’m sure what few of these places that aren’t closed to Westerners are on permanent ‘off limits’ status…
Thanks to the “trafficking fanatics” and George W. Bush, all whores are off-limits to military personnel. Smart commanders ignore the rules as much as they can, but if you get caught in flagrante delicto it’s a court-martial offense to help the local economy in that particular way.
Ridiculous. And ridiculous of Barack Obama not to (very quietly; I understand politicians have to worry about appearances) get rid of it. Unless he intends (and can somehow get it through Congress) to follow Ron Paul’s wishes and close down all our overseas bases, it’s just ridiculous.
The hard part about getting a taste of the Soapland in Japan is to find a place that accepts Gaijins.
Do you have any tips for finding a gaijin-friendly Soapland besides driving around the right area hoping to be flagged by a doorman?
How do you find the “area” that have Soaplands anyway?
How much Japanese does one need to know?
Did your husband use English the entire encounter?
At which point did you pay? Before you picked a girl?
Kevin, you seem to have questions for both of us here. My husband’s on an airplane right now so he probably won’t be able to answer this until the weekend, but he told me he was taken by an American living in Japan, who perhaps had scouted earlier. My husband speaks no Japanese other than “konnichiwa“, “sayonara” and “domo arigato“, so I’m sure he only used English. And the text seems to indicate he paid before selection, but he’ll have to confirm that.
EDIT: I sent my husband an email with the link to your comment, and he decided to answer verbally instead of trying to sign in on his phone. He confirms that his host was the one who knew where to find the soaplands (which seem to occur in clusters), and that he was looking for a specific place but they couldn’t find it and then the doorman flagged them down. He says he agreed on the price before seeing the girl, but didn’t actually pay until after picking one. And though he knows no Japanese and was able to get by, he said a little Japanese probably would’ve been helpful in talking to the manager.
Wow, you don’t mind it if your husband sleeps with other women?
Nope. Why should I? I don’t care if he gets food from restaurants, either. Our relationship is based on a deep emotional commitment tied to practical economic considerations which aren’t in the least affected by him paying for a service from a complete stranger on the other side of the world whom he’ll never even meet again. If he became emotionally involved with someone else I would of course be upset, but for a man to employ a whore in this way has nothing to do with emotions.
Good for you, Maggie.
I found your blog today after being urged by my currently distant girlfriend to go have sex with someone, even if I have to pay for it, until she gets to me. Just as I have urged her to do on several occasions, and she happily has done, being the wonderfully horny, sexy, beautiful slut that she is. None of this has detracted from our relationship or our profound love for one another, but has only added to it. And we both fully expect it to happily continue once we are in one place together.
Anyway, my search led me to discover, or re-discover, Asian table massages, and thence to nuru gel used in table massages, and thence to your blog. If this thread is any indication, I will become a regular visitor and am going to turn my GF on to it.
“I don’t care if he gets food from restaurants, either.”
Wonderful quote, terrific attitude.
It is jealousy and dishonesty that destroy relationships, not putting body parts together for pleasurable purposes. Any more than it is putting body parts together for pleasurable purposes that make relationships. It is the people and their emotional and spiritual connection and commitment and love behind those body parts, as you and your husband obviously know and experience, that make, or break, a relationship.
Wow. I find that one of the most enlightening things a woman has ever said.
Excellent report. I go to the Hinodecho soaplands often. Got a couple of regular girls. Just one thing nuru gel sucks. I always bring K-Y YOURS+MINE Lubricant. My regular girls love it.
[…] to sleep in loving arms for an hour or more. Of which, aside from the Japanese idiosyncracies like Soapland and Pop Life Akihabara that we talked about that day, goes to show that human beings value human […]
Hello Maggie (my favorite name by the way),
I’ve been to Japan several times now and didn’t now anything about “Nuru Massage” until a most recent trip to Montreal where it seems to be pretty accepted and I guess legal since it isn’t hidden down some beck alley.
I have decided to try and find one of these places in Japan to hopefully have an experience like your husband did. As I said in Montreal they are easy to find but in Japan more help is needed. So I’m asking for yours. Can you give a general area to find this place in Japan. I read where several people asked you for some info on location but I didn’t see an answer in your response. Tell your husband to please share the wealth 🙂 I don’t have an American friend in Japan to lead me to this secret location. I would greatly appreciate it and if anyone would like the location of the several places in Montreal which offers this great experience feel Free to ask me.
Thank you Maggie
Nero, I’m afraid I can’t give out any more info than I did; my husband’s job must remain confidential, so I can’t name the city because it might give some clues. I wish I could help!
This is an honest post.
My husband is in Japan now with his brother on “business” and i know both are having sex with prostitutes.
After being married for 15 years, my husband has never once been honest about his sexuality.
His brother knows this side of him better than me.
It’s very difficult to be married to someone you don’t trust sexually.
Not all men go to prostitutes, some actually are turned off by them. Although, many men do like prostitutes.
Having sex with young prostitutes is an ego boost for my husband.
But what does it do to my ego? How does it make me feel? Maybe to stroke my ego, I should go pick up a guy and bang him. What would that do to my husband’s ego? But i did not get into a relationship to get revenge so i wont do that.
Thanks for your honesty. It sounds like you and your husband have a good marriage.
Personally i believe in monogamy, one dedicated partner is enough. I know that there are men who feel the same, but my husband is not one of them. You may find this hard to believe but not all men are turned on by pornography and prostitutes.
More than anything, It’s the lying and the cover up that creates the distance.
I am not happy with my husband’s deceit, although he thinks he is getting away with it because i have no evidence, he calls me crazy.
Staying with him is an insult to my instincts.
The obvious question, Snow, is why you would stay in a relationship that you feel is an insult to your instincts.
Honesty is integral to any relationship. I don’t see that your husband having sex with prostitutes is such a big deal, but I do see his lying and cover-up as a big deal. But it also seems that you are bitter over the whole thing, and probably make it harder than it need be for him to be honest with you.
It sounds like you need to broach the subject with him and deal with things out in the open. Harboring resentment against your husband without discussing your feelings with him is its own form of deceit.
where the soapland your husband went to?im in tokyo … it sound intersting.
See my answer to Nero above.
[…] to sleep in loving arms for an hour or more. Of which, aside from the Japanese idiosyncracies like Soapland and Pop Life Akihabara that we talked about that day, goes to show that human beings value human […]
This is possibly the most authentic Nuru Massage story I have heard of here in the US. I learned about Nuru Massages on Google and ended up buying a full kit online, now my wife and I are totally hooked on the gel, we use it in the shower too and its pretty amazing.
“So perhaps one day I may be able to convince him to do another column on brothels in Tijuana, Australia or Germany, or perhaps the Amsterdam window-girl I encouraged him to see a few years ago.”
Australian brothels? Nothing of interest here, I’m sorry to say. Pay money, have sex, go home. Maybe the only thing of interest is how uninteresting it is. This is not to say you have a bad time – far from it. It’s just that its all pretty straightforward and there’s not much reportage to be done. It’s also relatively cheap, compared to places like Nevada.
If you are looking for an angle, ask about “extras”. Uncovered fellatio is illegal, of course, and none of the girls will do it: for any inducement. Cunnilingus without a dental dam is also illegal, and despite the fact that cunnilingus with a dental dam is like licking a party balloon, it’s also something the girls never do and so the punters know better than to ask.
The most pestilential thing about the brothel scene in my town is that 9/10ths of them are asian. And I’m talking broken-english asian. “Trafficking” does happen. We have girls owned by the triads, as well as various establishments owned (literally, legitimately owned) by motorcycle clubs. But not so much anymore: internet porn has been rough on the industry, and it’s not as profitable as it used to be.
Finally with respect to the brothel scene: Australian (ie white) girls who are not young drug addicts tend to “go private”, operating out of their homes and claiming hosiery as a legitimate business expense and tax deduction. Why give a percentage to the house, when with a little business nous you can keep it all? Cash businesses are nice that way.
Like most Australians. I love to hear my country talked about. But there is really not a lot of interest here for your column apart from the obvious.
Every now and again, Australia surprises me. You guys put in a bid for the WINTER Olympics! And about now, the IOC is probably wishing they’d taken you up on it.
Thank you Maggie and all of you for such an enlightened discussion. In my life, I have had scores of relationships with women with about 85% of them of the pay for play type. Like other males in this discussion, I have paid much more per sex session (monetarily and otherwise) to girl friends and wives than to prostitutes. I have also found that, contrary to what some psychologists say and write, prostitutes enjoy sex as much or more than do girlfriends or wives. Judging from their expressiveness during lovemaking, women seem to enjoy sex more than men or at least more than I do.
So if women, both pros and others, like sex more than men, why is it that we pay?
Because men want it more. Most of y’all need sex; most of us don’t, at least not in that hungry sort of way.
I certainly don’t pretend to know your profession better than you do, Maggie, but I think the answer of why men pay for sex far more than women do is more complex than contained in your explanation.
Women always get the final say in whether to open their legs and mouths or not. So, short of rape, paying for it is often the only alternative — or the most expedient alternative — open to men. Additionally, most women can get sex when they want (or need) it. Men tend to more accommodating of women’s sexual advances than women are of men’s sexual advances.
I also think there is a power dynamic at play. Women derive their power from withholding their sex. Men sometimes derive power by buying use of a woman’s body.
Frank, when we buy a woman’s time and service, we’re *breaking* the power of other women who are trying to weaponise their sexuality by hydraulic despotism.
That’s why women really hate whores; they are blacklegs who break the embargo.
The typical woman fails to understand that cutting off the sex supply says, quite concisely, “I don’t want you” as definitively as possible. Then she realises that men absolutely will get it elsewhere, and a tantrum (in effect) ensues.
It’s like owning a dog, and not feeding it. Soon as somebody treats the dog right, the dog *will* change it’s loyalties if the old owner abuses it.
Loyalty isn’t just earned once forever more; it needs regular maintainance too. That cuts both ways, for sure.
To all the people asking where to find Soaplands, in Tokyo, area called Yoshiwara (http://goo.gl/maps/LHQ7q) has them. http://www.japan-tourist-guide.com/soaplands.php
Bookmarked. Thank you. Don’t know if I’ll ever get to Japan, but it could happen, and if it does, I’ll be glad you posted this and that I read it.
Wait, I don’t get it. So you’re cool with your husband banging prostitutes? Just wondering
Considering that I was cool with letting other women’s husbands bang me when I was a prostitute, it would be awfully hypocritical of me to be otherwise, no?
She’s got a point.
I see your point…, but you’re not a prostitute anymore. Just curious as to how the dynamic goes for you two considering how this is one of those things that most people think destroys relationships and for you two it seems to be a non-issue. I’m trying not to sound condescending, because I’m not, just curious. I thought most people would be too worried about disease and ‘finding someone better’ or something to allow this kind of thing. Could you also visit a male version of this and he wouldn’t mind as well? Sorry if this has been answered in another post. You should do a reddit AMA.
I really liked the article, by the way. Cheers!
Most people are stupid about this issue; prostitution saves far more relationships than it destroys. For disease, look here; for other questions about our marriage, here. As for a Reddit AMA, I’ve been considering one for a while.
Thanks for the reply. I guess my only other question is does your husband visit prostitutes any other time of the year? Or only when invited as such?
I don’t know; he hasn’t told me about any lately.
@duderson: “Most people” are idiots.
The things that kill relationships a lot more than seeing a prostitute — which, as Maggie notes, might actually save or at least prolong many relationships — are jealousy and possessiveness, failure to communicate, failure to grow together, failure to keep the relationship fresh and satisfying, sexually and otherwise, for both parties, and dishonesty.
As for disease, there are ways of avoiding disease that work pretty darned well. And if “finding someone better” is going to happen, it’s probably going to happen anyway, prostitute or not — more likely, not.
Reblogged this on 14yue's Blog and commented:
A thought into an open relationship.
Wow this blog is amazing!
I am 23 years old and had my first brothel experience in Prague while backpacking in Europe last week. Is this blog still open?
Yes! Thanks for stopping by!
Interesting review given that it has both of your perspectives. I’ve also been researching a guide for foreigners who wish to visit a soapland
Well its not much, but a while back my mum was into a lot of ‘new stuff’ tattooing, extensive body piercing and sex while i was in high school and it seems u can get a lot of services online through “dating sites” which ranged from “webcam” and “lets meets” to a lot more inventive things, which all differ from who u talk too, which could be pay or play, as my mum described in detail whether or not i wanted to know.
Who knows, info might help
Currently a woman with no experience of my own so all i know is what i read
Also the blog was vastly educational, and showed a different side of the story, everything I’ve watched on tv or read so far is very… Id say biased without giving a male pov.
And as such stereotypes really do seem to rule society through media and politics, in “whats appropriate”, so its hard to find any accurate, uncensored and mostly unbiased information.
I know nothing about soaplands but quite a bit about massage parlors in the US. Your statement about stereotypes really hit home.
Almost every news article about the workers in US Massage Parlors is completely out of touch with the reality of these establishments. MP workers are not, by a long shot, trafficked victims or forced labor but rather independent professionals who prefer the safety of the MP to going it alone.
Hi Kez. A lot of our bahaviour is *deeply* rooted in instinct. Add in our concious choices, our desires for ourselves, the profound difference in the way the genders experience sexuality and social bonding, the influence of others, wider society and governments, it’s easy to see a red hot mess.
Maggie’s damned smart. Her’s is the voice of experience from an insightful feminine perspective.
I’m more of a science nerd; I think a lot of the issues that are being experienced stem from the instinctive behaviours of the genders being at odds with societal forces, and a lack of open, frank, and unbiased dialogue isn’t helping.
Maggie and many others here are a good bunch of folks from all walks of life. I’d say their advice is good, and that it starts with to your own self be true and works up from there.
Welcome! 😎
[…] Soap land ( Mr. DS goes there) […]
Glad to run across this site. THANK YOU!
Back in 1980 I had a similar shower scene in Taipei. The only Gaijin around, I’d come across this alley with a couple Chinese girls sitting outside a nondescript shop, one of whom waved me over. Her English was sufficient; most of the clients were Japanese businessmen. We had a marvelous time, many positions, that she obviously enjoyed as much as I did. Afterwards she generously invited me to try some of her friends, but, cash running low, I grudgingly declined.
Some day I hope to publish my adventures fully.