I have been considering going into escorting for quite a while now, but I’m not very sexually experienced; I’m 24 but I’ve only ever been with one guy. I know agencies often accept girls without experience, but I’m sure they assume the women have at least unpaid sexual experience; do you think I’m too inexperienced to even consider this type of work?
Every escort has to start somewhere; I mean the first time she does it, she must be inexperienced. But as you say, she usually has some non-commercial experience. I’m not saying you have to be a slut or anything, but if you’ve only ever been with one guy, sex work may not be right for you. Now, there are a few caveats: this has nothing to do with the clients, because some guys really like an inexperienced girl. And I know nothing about your sexuality; it may be that getting paid for sex really turns you on (I know it does me). But if that isn’t the case, you may want to explore sex with at least a few more guys before getting into sex work; not only will it help you to map out what you like and what you don’t like (which is vital for setting your boundaries), it will also give you a better sense of the way different men tend to act during sex. That will help keep you safe by helping you learn to anticipate things that can go wrong, and to recognize behavior that’s outside the pale. The more you know, the more you can stay in control of the situation, and that’s necessary both for your safety and for the client’s pleasure.
I’m in my early twenties and sexually active, but very unfulfilled because I’m very repressed. Can you tell me how to go about freeing myself from these inhibitions so when I find a great woman, I won’t be too hung up to have a good sexual relationship?
It’s very difficult to help another person ease his own inner repressions; paradoxically, we all tend to hold on to the things that hold us back! I think the best thing for you is to read as many different things as you can from as many different people as you can, so as to be exposed to the wide variety of different preferences, viewpoints, etc. This won’t smash your inhibitions, but what it will do is to show you that A) you’re not alone in feeling the things you feel, and B) that there are people out there with much more extreme desires than you have (whatever those might be). Once you begin to realize that your needs aren’t “weird” or “bad”, you’ll find that the repression tends to just fall away on its own. For example, when I was in high school over 30 years ago, one simply didn’t talk about bisexuality; it was a shameful thing to be hidden or at most joked about, but not seriously discussed. But as I met other bisexual women it began to seem more and more normal to me, and by the late ‘90s I was totally “out” about it. Furthermore, it’s not at all abnormal for people your age to feel unfulfilled by sex; it’s hyped as being this magical experience, but in actuality (as with most things) one has to learn to appreciate it. And very often, it takes until one’s late twenties or early thirties to do that, and to really feel comfortable in one’s sexual skin.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
For a broad survey of the incredible variety and extremities of human sexuality, you could do worse than reading Dan Savage’s advice column. By its nature, it touches on many of the different viewpoints and preferences Maggie recommended.
Being an ” experienced ” Escort who recently turned 30 , I tend to agree with Maggies’ advice & would discourage from our work a girl who only has had sex with one guy .
But I consider that this kind of answer derives from a limited perception .
It happens that I am more and more convinced that our existence goes beyond a brief stay on this planet .
It’s clear to me that we carry a luggage of experience which comes from precedent lives .
Who feels the same should think twice before narrowing a person’s horizons .
In my case , the first paid encounters happened very early .
One could argue I wasn’t prepared for ’em .
But I assure you I had inside of me everything I needed to be right in those situations .
So , I suppose that the intuition which leads to prostitution isn’t a casual feeling , but a deep confirmation of one’s destiny .
Of course we can refuse to put into practice , if sure that’s better for us .
But , in any case , we’ll face the consequences of our decisions .
Hoping this belief of mine will be not misinterpreted here , I encourage everybody to look where all the answers are written : in our heart !
Your advice for the inexperienced potential escort is spot on. For someone to seriously consider escorting after having only had one partner seems a little odd… One should be at least a little comfortable with casual sex before going into this profession. Otherwise there’s a risk of becoming one of the embittered ex-escorts out there who hated the work, claimed to be emotionally damaged by it, etc etc.
Yes, a sexually inexperienced person really has no way to know how he or she might handle sex work emotionally. It really is probably a bad idea.
But if the issue is “will my inexperience make me bad at it”, possibly yes. There is such a thing as bad sex. But after a week on the job, she won’t be inexperienced anymore. These kinds of things fix themselves, and your best asset there is the customers.
If she’s determined, then the advice is the same for anyone:
* Check out the laws where you are. Decide where you stand – if you are breaking the law, be aware of what that means to you. Find a lawyer.
* Get the basics right. No uncovered sex. No “extras” you are not comfortable with. Basic service where I am is: massage, ie: a back rub (just to break the ice, really); covered oral; and covered vaginal sex – doggy, missionary, or woman on top.
* I’d suggest starting with just hand and blowjobs, but inexperienced girls are just plain bad at them. Go the regular sex. Lube it, and remember to move a bit. If you lay there not moving, you will get no repeat business it’s that simple. Repeat business is everything.
* Speaking of which: treat it as a business. This means keep track of the incomings and outgoings. Have something like a business plan. Decide how little is so little it’s not worth continuing. Plan your retirement from the biz.
* Your customers are customers. Don’t be cheated by your customers staying overtime or otherwise chiseling unless you make a *business* decision to let it slide. Remember – you can’t lose money on every sale and make it up by volume.
* Safety is paramount. Sex work can be uniquely dangerous.
* For the love of Christ, stay off the drugs.
* And also: stay off the goddamned drugs.
* Finally: drugs. Stay off them. Not only are they bad for you, they are expensive and will suck away every dollar you make. If you are already an addict, do something about that rather than attempting to pay for your drugs by going on the game.
A new provider, with or without experience, does not have to go it alone. An experienced provider in my neighborhood advertises that she provides mentoring at the same hourly price as she charges her clients. If nobody advertises she could go on ECCIE or a similar service and ask. Some newbies would benefit from a year or two in one of the better NV brothels before going independent.
She should find herself an old bald fat man and let him spend some money on her and go to bed with him. If she enjoys it, she’ll do okay.
I guess I just need to gain some weight and lose some hair. And get some money. Damn, I knew there was a catch.
Somebody might suggest that at 48 I’m hardly “old,” but I suspect that to a young woman just getting started, and wondering if she’s too inexperienced, I’m old enough.