Every question we answer leads on to another question. - Desmond Morris
It’s time yet again for me to answer reader questions; this time all three seem to have come from gentlemen with experience in hiring members of my profession.
Why do so many providers prefer doggie style?
I honestly wasn’t aware that a disproportionate number did, but if that’s your perception I might be able to make some educated guesses about why it might be so. According to a recent survey sponsored by Lifestyles condoms, 40% of women prefer man-on-top (missionary) to all other positions, 26% like rear-entry (doggie) best, 20% favor woman-on-top (cowgirl), 5% like side-by side, 3% reverse cowgirl, 2% standing and the other 4% have no preference. This is very similar to the figures which have usually come up in such surveys since the ‘60s, though doggie has gained about 11% and side-by side has lost about 5%. Interestingly, though, other recent surveys of very young adults (such as this one whose respondents averaged 18-19 years old) show man and woman on top positions tied and doggie in the lead. Why the difference? Well, the second survey did not separate male and female responses, and older respondents are much more likely to be involved in long-term relationships than teenagers and so might prefer face-to-face intimacy. Also, the influence of porn may inspire more young women to try “dirtier” positions than many of their mothers and grandmothers might’ve been comfortable with, and if one isn’t in love with one’s partner not having to look him in the face might be an advantage.
And that, I think, might explain why the escorts you’ve been with preferred this position; if you have a preference for young (under 30) providers they may already prefer the position even with boyfriends, and most of them would probably rather avoid any more face-to-face contact with clients than necessary. Furthermore, “doggie style” allows a woman to avoid kissing and because 30% of men prefer the position to all others it may accelerate the customer’s climax.
I recently saw a new provider, and through a mix of nerves and excitement I came off very fast. Once I did, I suppose it was almost an automatic response on my part to clean up and go. All told, the visit was only about 15 minutes, and after I left I couldn’t help but feel I’d overpaid for the amount of time I was actually there. I’m not the sort of client who expects 30 minutes of straight pounding, but is it a problem to try to stay after I’ve climaxed if I still have time, just to enjoy being in the presence of a woman?
It all depends on the woman. Most experienced, respectable professionals in most markets expect the gentleman to stay the whole time and are happy to entertain him with conversation, stroking his arms, rubbing his back or whatever after he’s achieved orgasm. Some women do indeed expect him to go as soon as he’s “done”, but they’re in the minority and if you find one you just have to consider it a lesson learned not to use her again. In some markets (like Las Vegas), such rushed service is the norm but those are mostly big-city, high-volume, “fast and furious” type environments.
I was wondering if you could comment on deeper relationships between prostitutes and their clients. For example, I can be good friends with someone I also have a business relationship with. By its nature sex is more intimate than most exchanges. Do you see where I’m going with this? Can one become good friends with a client, or in the case of you and your husband, lovers? How common do you think this is? Is it something better avoided or embraced?
It’s not impossible for a whore to become friends with a client, but it isn’t common either and it takes a special man to make such a relationship work. Whenever any professional (accountant, physician, lawyer or whatever) who deals with the public becomes friends with a lay person, growth of the friendship will be stifled (or an existing friendship choked) if the non-professional keeps asking for free or cut-rate services or other special privileges from the professional. If I became friends with my manicurist and then started asking her to do my nails for free, or give me price breaks, or if I paid full price but kept “dropping in” for free repairs, or expected her to make time for me at the expense of other customers, how long do you think our friendship would last? Yet many men will try to play those games with working girls and then refuse to understand why the girls don’t want to be “friends” with them. An escort sells her time and companionship, so a guy who expects escorts to “hang out” with him off the clock is asking for free services no less than if he asked a doctor to diagnose his ailments at a party.
If a man has an escort he wants to be friends with, he needs to expect her to be wary of his motives. Small gestures of friendship (thoughtful presents, offers of no-strings help that he knows she needs, an occasional email just to say “hi”) might help to overcome her reservations, and once a true friendship begins to develop he needs to be careful not to even seem to be looking for special privileges; asking her to come to dinner or “hang out” off the clock are a very bad idea. If she offers, that’s different, but it has to come from her or it will be perceived as looking for freebies. Some girls have inviolable personal boundaries that totally disallow friendship with clients, while other girls deal with the situation more organically; the only way to tell is to make the attempt.
One Year Ago Today
The third and concluding segment of “Genesis of a Harlot”, the story of my long journey into whoredom.