There are 844,739 ways to eat a hamburger at Waffle House. – statistic of dubious authenticity which used to grace Waffle House menus
Some people may think it strange that one of my favorite restaurants is the diner chain, Waffle House. But honestly, there is very little not to like about it. Obviously, it ain’t haute cuisine, but it doesn’t claim to be; one of the company’s slogans is “good food fast”, and that’s what it delivers: inexpensive diner-style food of consistent quality, prepared quickly and in generous portions, and served 24 hours a day, seven days a week, year-round. In fact, Waffle House restaurants are so consistent that the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) uses them as a quick means of assessing the severity of a natural disaster: if the local Waffle House is open and serving a full menu, the damage to the area is relatively mild; if open but serving a limited menu (because it’s running on a generator and/or food shipments could not reach the location) the damage is severe; if entirely closed the damage is catastrophic. But the reasonable prices and palatability of the fare aren’t even the best things about Waffle House; that would be the friendliness and helpfulness of the staff. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered an employee of the place who was unpleasant, curt or surly; the atmosphere is always relaxed and welcoming, and that usually affects the customers as well. To be sure, not everyone enjoys conversations with strangers as much as I do, but I suspect anyone who isn’t a dedicated misanthrope prefers waitresses and cooks who are not only attentive to their needs and responsive to requests, but seem genuinely interested in ensuring that their guests have a positive experience.
I don’t like eating alone, so when I’m forced to (as I often am while on this tour) dinner can become little more than a refueling stop for my body. But when I’m alone and hungry and see that familiar yellow sign that looks like a completed Wheel of Fortune puzzle, it will more often than not be the place I choose to stop. You may laugh if you like, but one of the things I found most annoying about the first leg of this tour was the complete lack of Waffle House locations; this map shows a few in Arizona and Colorado, but they must’ve been hiding ’em from me because I sure could’ve used one the night I was as hungry as a bear and discovered that for all its size and supposed sophistication, they apparently roll up the freaking streets in Denver at 10 PM. In June. Barely an hour after dark. That would never happen in the realm of Waffledom; it’s nearly impossible to drive more than half an hour in any populated part of the southeast without encountering one…and if the one you find isn’t open, you’ve got bigger things to worry about than your appetite. Obviously, I don’t eat there every night; I like variety too much to do that, and I like Waffle House too much to risk making myself sick of it. But the first night I was in Memphis I landed there, and I’ve chosen it several times since then. And I find it extremely comforting to know that for the rest of my tour, there will usually be one somewhere close at hand.
Yay Waffle House! One of my faves. Their hash browns are the best.
I recently had the hash browns “all the way” (scattered, smothered, covered, etc) for the first time; it was a meal by itself!
Also, on the matter of suspicious claims in fast food numbers, below is a conversation saved on IRC chat between me and my best friend some years ago (he’s “Oinker”, I’m “gruik” – French for oink)
—
Oinker: this has been bugging me
Oinker: there’s an advert on the way to hillsborough
Oinker: anyway it’s an advert for mcdonalds, their 99p range, 8 items
Oinker: small coke, burger, fries etc
Oinker: so it says “40320 combinations” (i.e 8 factorial)
gruik: mmm hmm
Oinker: so they’re suggesting that “coke, burger, fries, pie etc” is different to burger, coke, fries pie etc”
gruik: well, that would be permutations
Oinker: have i got that right
gruik: if we have 8 slots which must be filled and 8 items there’s 8! ways to fill it. no, you’re right there
gruik: but, we have 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1 slots to fill
gruik: lesseee… 8 ways to fill 1 slot…
gruik: 1 way to fill 8 slots
gruik: how many ways to fill 2?
Oinker: 28
gruik: 7+6+5+4+3+2+1
Oinker: i think it should how many ways of choosing 1 from 8, 2 from 8, 3 from 8
Oinker: i have 8+28+56+70+56+28+8+1 = 255
Oinker: bastards
Oinker: tempting us with thousands more combinations
Oinker: i suppose if you ordered more than 1 item – “7 pies and a coke please,” “6 filets of fish and two breakfast bagels.”
gruik: so, add those in
gruik: 1 pie, 2 pies, … 8 pies, no wait, add in 2-8 pies
gruik: (sorry- inclusion/exclusion rule there)
gruik: add in 56
Oinker: but who says you have to stop at 8?
gruik: o, true
Oinker: i’ll have 323 hash browns
gruik: infinite combinations!
Oinker: “…and a coffee.”
Oinker: *head* *exploding*
gruik: well, either way they’re wrong, so you write the 255 letter, and i’ll write the infinite letter.
Oinker: demand compensation
Any 8 items out of 8 (allowing repetitions, but no more than 8 items) would 8 to the power 8, or about 17 million (adding orders with fewer items would increase that to about 19 million).
Also, in the 255 line, you forgot to add 1 for 0 out of 8, which makes 256 (combinations out of N items sum to 2 to the power N).
Will have remember on my next trip to a McD’s to go to the counter and order 0 of their finest items 😉 which is mostly as it should be.
But still, we’re not limited to at most 8, unlike the assumption in their original claim. At least I don’t think we are – I’ve not tested this in real life.
They’re not claiming it where I live, so I’m not sure what the claim is. But whatever it is, the 8! number is bullshit and I’ll bet there’s a limit (if nothing else, available stock will be the limit).
I’ve never set foot in a Waffle House. Another experience I’ve missed. But then, from your map, they aren’t located in the areas of the USA where I have spent most of my time. Ever been to a Tim Hortons?
No; would you recommend I try one if I have the opportunity? Cheap and good?
It’s possible you may like Timmy’s. AKA Timmy Ho’s. Some of the menu is fairly decent, but the portions are usually small. Since they changed how they do their doughnuts some time ago when they decided to homogenise operations, the doughnut quality is significantly lower, IMO (they’re now parboiled or something and then shipped to the stores to be finished, rather than being fully baked on site, which they were back in the 90s). The muffins are OK, and the doughnuts are edible, but any craft/corner bakery will blow them out of the water.
It’s insanely popular in Canada, possibly because of the coffee, and you can’t throw a stone without hitting a Timmy’s. I don’t drink coffee, so I can’t speak to that part, but I’ve also heard people call it the worst swill ever, too.
Others’ mileage may vary, but that’s my view of it.
(My views are generally considered odd among my peers on this issue. And there are days I would kill to have our Krispy Kreme back again…)
They aren’t terrible, but remember, I grew up on British food.
Waffle Houses do have the friendliest staff, I’ve noticed it too.
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TimHortons, i seriously miss their muffins in the morning. they’re the donut shop of Canada, meaning warm like Krispy Kreams, but clean and with polite staff.
misanthropes are preferable to philanthropists any day
At least they won’t try to “”save”” prostitutes like Kristof does.
There are no Waffle Houses in New York City. However, there are Tandoori-Mexican-Chinese restaurants on must about every block.
If you want, I can look up a list of all-night eating places for ya. There are plenty but you have to know where they are.
Oh, and there are plenty of “dollar pizza” places where you can get two cheese slices and a soda for $2.75. Not nutritional, but it’s fulfilling nontheless.
Tracy Quan told me about the Chinese-Cuban places; THAT is a must while I’m there!
Now I am hungry 😉
H Maggie,
Any chance you can plug candida royalle’s story and her kickstarter link? She has just a few days to make her goal for her film project.
Here’s post story. http://nypost.com/2014/08/04/ex-porn-star-now-baring-her-soul-in-search-for-birth-mother/
Here’s kickstarter link. She has just a few days left! And is far from final goal and its all or nothing. Thanks.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/whileyouweregone/while-you-were-gone-the-untold-story-of-candida-ro
I’m on my way to hamburg this weekend for a cool conference on prostitution and the media. Wish you were going.
http://www.kampnagel.de/en/program/konferenz-fantasies-that-matter-images-of-sexwork-in-media-and-art/
annie
Will do!
Thank goodness for Waffle House, when we travel we know it’s one place we’ll always get a decent meal and polite service (mostly)
Have you come across Steak N Shake? 🙂
I adore Steak n’ Shake; it’s another of my top places to eat, and I’ve had it several times on this tour.
I’ll have to try it out if I get to the South again.
We have a few pretty good regional chains here; my fave is Del Taco, mainly for the quality of its food (though it does also have a somewhat broader menu selection than Taco Bell). Beware its nachos, though, they’re too hot for me to handle.
What an wonderful endorsement for WH. The eggs are always fresh too. Aside from the pervasive abundance of waitresses with more fingers than teeth, even the atmosphere is pleasant. I really concur with your call on this issue.
A reason FEMA monitors Waffle House is that they have specific plans and menus designed so the restaurant can stay open in a disaster. Thus the nature of the menu says specific things about which services are available and which aren’t.
LOL- we love Waffle House too