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Posts Tagged ‘yin and yang’

Sex workers tend to find [“feminist”] attitudes offensive, paternalistic and…detrimental to their rights.  –  Gabriele Koch

Japanese Prostitution

If Koch was really “surprised” by any of this, she isn’t much of an anthropologist:

Gabriele Koch’s new book Healing Labor: Japanese Sex Work in the Gendered Economy…is…a menagerie of “sex for sale” stories from one of the largest markets in the world.  An assistant professor of anthropology at Yale-NUS College in Singapore, Koch spent almost two years on ethnographic fieldwork, exploring how Japanese sex work is woven into a culture and economy that frequently puts women at a disadvantage.  Along the way, Koch says, she had to be open to surprises.  “I soon realized that the kinds of [unscientific fantasies and bigoted misconceptions] I had as an American about what sex work is, who’s involved and how (the women) think about their work didn’t really fit what I was hearing or seeing,…One surprise was how the sex industry is more or less accepted as socially necessary in Japan…But despite this…sex workers still face a lot of stigma.  Both in Japan and in the United States, people often think of the sex industry as somehow different from the rest of society.  But it’s an ordinary industry made up of ordinary people”…

Warning: the (male) reviewer insists on editorializing about how sex work is “sexist”, “problematic” and accompanied by “attendant ills”, despite Koch’s apparent rejection of these bigoted tropes.

Rotting Fruit

I wonder how long it’ll be before she conveniently “commits suicide”?

British socialite Ghislaine Maxwell, an ex-girlfriend of disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein, is facing charges in the US…includ[ing] enticing a minor to travel to engage in illegal sex acts and two counts of perjury.  She was…arrested in New Hampshire and…has denied any involvement in or knowledge of Epstein’s alleged sexual misconduct…

Moving Pictures

Apparently “sex trafficking” fetishists think all films about coercive sexual interactions must promote their specific fantasy narrative:

Netflix said…it will continue to stream the Polish film 365 Days [despite demands it be censored]…including by [a] British [pop star who apparently thinks it will undermine the sales of her own book about being raped]…the film…based on a bestselling Polish book trilogy by Blanka Lipinska…follows a woman…who is imprisoned by a Sicilian mafia boss…who gives his hostage a year to fall in love with him…

Stalkers in Blue

Hey female cops, how’s that collaboration with the police state working out?

[Cop] Heather McWilliam was sexually harassed for years by her supervisors, including a sexual assault…part of a culture of sexual harassment that exists throughout the Toronto Police…However, the…[judge merely]…ordered…$85,000 as compensation…and…yearly…training…[on] dealing with sexual harassment…

Ordering cops receive more “training” is a popular way for judges to pretend they’re doing something while preserving the status quo.

Topping from the Bottom

Every amateur “sex scandal” makes me even more glad I’m a professional:

A case against the creator of the “Shitty Media Men” list can move forward, per a federal judge’s ruling…in a lawsuit brought by…writer and director Stephen Elliott, best known [to sex workers for being a creep]…The issue at stake this round was whether Elliott is a public figure.  If so, the standard for proving defamation is higher, and the chances for [list creator Moira] Donegan’s motion to dismiss would have been much greater.  [The judge] ruled that Elliott is not a public figure for purposes of this case…Next up: figuring out what Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act has to say about all this…Donegan argues that Section 230 applies here because she, as the creator of the list, is the provider of an “interactive computer service” and should not be held legally liable for potentially defamatory shitty-men allegations made by others…

Social Distancing (#1025)

So many “enlightened” countries still believe that disease is caused by “sin”:

Several dozen prostitutes…staged a protest in Berlin…against…restrictions…[that] are preventing them from making a living…sex work has been banned since mid-March [using the excuse]…of the coronavirus…[despite the fact that] “Hairdressers, massage parlours, beauty salons… fitness studios, tattoo shops, saunas, restaurants and hotels have been allowed to reopen”…[in Germany and] brothels have been allowed to reopen in neighbouring countries such as Switzerland, Belgium, Austria, the Czech Republic and the Netherlands…

Social Distancing (#1050)

Compare with Germany’s disdain for sex workers’ livelihoods:

With performers wearing facemasks as well as bikinis, Bangkok’s red-light districts reopened on [July 1st]…after more than three months of shutdown…Bars, karaoke venues and massage parlours were in the latest category of businesses allowed to reopen…It meant a return to work for some of the hundreds of thousands of people in the nightlife industry who have been struggling to survive…But Thailand’s economy is forecast to sink further than any other in Southeast Asia with the number of foreign tourists expected to drop 80% this year…

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While in Florida a couple of weeks ago, I got to meet Christine Phytoleen, inventor of the CroBonez orgasm tool for women.  She impressed me as an amazing woman, and when she told me about her invention naturally I invited her to describe it here for my readers who, like Christine and myself, find it difficult to achieve orgasm by conventional masturbation techniques.

Growing up, I was always curious as to what this mysterious, evil thing was that I wasn’t supposed to do with my body parts.  At the age of 13, I made my 13-year-old boyfriend fuck me when we were out in the woods just to see if I could figure out what all the mystery and nervousness around this activity called sex was.  My boyfriend radiated happiness after a few strokes, and I got nothing out of the event except for a goopy mess of cum, blood, sticks and leaves in my cracks, along with some mosquito bites on other parts of my naked body.  This first experience with sex and the beaming happiness of my boyfriend made me feel powerful for the first time in my life, and my curiosity with this thing I was told by my parents and religion never to do kept me excited for many years as I pursued my career in sex work—that and the fact that I received money instead of sticks, leaves and mosquito bites for my efforts.

I’m a 60-year-old career sex worker with 43 years of hands-on experience in almost all modalities of sex work, including stripper, body rubber, full-service provider, porn performer, dominatrix, wife, owner of massage parlors, brothels, a dungeon, and a clip store.  I have helped facilitate life-giving, healthy orgasms in men for most of my life, yet had no idea what an orgasm felt like myself!  I felt for many years that I was on the outside looking in on all the people having a good time, and I had no idea why I couldn’t enjoy the party.  What was it about orgasm that made people, mostly men, do outrageous things to have one?  Orgasms seemed to be very important and worth a lot of money.  I learned to fake it very well by watching porn and lots of practice moaning, wiggling, and breathing.  The better I faked an orgasm, the more money I made, yet I always had the nagging feeling in my gut of being an imposter, and lying never set well with me.  At the age of 32, I committed to playing with myself for 90 minutes and had my first orgasm, which wore out my shoulder, elbow, and wrist because I needed so much pressure for such a long period of time.  After that, I very rarely took the time out to have an orgasm even after the knowledge of what an orgasm felt like because it took such physical effort and too much time.  And I’m not alone; anorgasmia is prevalent in approximately 33% of women, and contributing factors might include age, medical conditions, hysterectomy, certain medications, cultural or religious beliefs, mental health issues, stress and even poor self-esteem.

At the age of 52, since I had just about everything you could imagine inside of me trying to orgasm, I made the decision and commitment to create an orgasm product for women that can either be used by herself or with a partner.  With a massive investment of time, energy, learning, money, and testing, I created my 2-piece orgasm tool.  The 100% pure pink silicone base is attached to a repositionable, removable white polyurethane handle.  The pink base has a head that goes inside, providing stimulation and pressure, combining the lever action of the handle for complete stimulation needed on the total clitoral system inside and out, and I now have powerful orgasms whenever I decide, for as long as I want, and with high efficiency.  I call it CroBonez after I discovered that over 28,000 years ago, cavewomen were carving dildos out of bone for their pleasure, probably to finish themselves off after caveman was done.

CroBonez looks different than anything else out on the market, and it works differently than anything else out there. It has no vibrating parts, is not a dildo and does not look or work like a dick; there is no thrusting in and out.  I could never just set it on a shelf in a store and expect it to sell, because there is an education and a new thought process about orgasms that go along with acquiring this very new product.  When a woman is committed to learning how to have her orgasms any time she wants, for as long as she wants, I have voice recordings that, when listened to consistently, help to form a new neural pathway from the brain to the clitoris through the vagus nerve.  Like exercise, the more a woman practices with CroBonez and learns how to turn off all the distractions and focus on her pleasure with the help of the voice recordings, the sooner she can master her orgasms and enjoy how life changes for the better.

Whether you have a sexual desire or not, whether you’re in love or not, if you have a clitoris, you can have an orgasm for your health.  I’ve never had to remind men of the benefits of orgasm because they’ve been enjoying them and the benefits throughout their life, but I often have to remind the women what they are.  I look at orgasm like going to the gym, flossing my teeth, eating healthy, or other self-care regimen.  Orgasms keep your hormone levels in balance, counteract stress and depression, helps with sleep, provides natural pain relief, increases focus, energy, and drive, strengthens the immune system, and even improves self-image and self-esteem.  These benefits are due in large part to the chemical cocktail the brain releases, including dopamine, norepinephrine, adrenalin, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, and others.  In July 2016 I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic cancer, and I believe my inability to orgasm for most of my life played a part in the growth of the cancer.  But I have refused the medical establishment’s traditional cancer treatments, and I believe my orgasm “treatments” with CroBonez have helped to keep me healthy and active, and my soul is much more satisfied and content.

I still hold the same excitement around the idea of sex as when I was 13 years old, and still enjoy the happiness that I helped to create in my clients and the women I’ve helped learn to orgasm with my invention.  It has been a long journey for me to get a complete picture of the mental and physical aspects of orgasms for health and wellbeing for men, women, and myself.  There is no one right way to achieve this bodily function that is so much more than what society wants us to believe, and I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to help people learn to incorporate orgasms for their health and happiness.

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Ever wonder why so many men have bought into the “sex trafficking” fantasy?  Part of it, as I’ve discussed before, is that insecure men need to believe that men are the ones in control of the sexual sphere.  But if that were all of it, they’d content themselves with merely believing in it; why do so many of them feel it’s their sacred duty to keep women from earning an income?  I don’t just mean cops and politicians, either; one of the most vociferously-awful groups of busyodies is made up of men who drive vehicles for a living, especially large trucks.  Take this recent article from NBC Yellow about “Truckers Against Trafficking”, a circle-jerk of prudish teamsters whose “sex trafficking” propaganda is some of the most blatantly derived from sexual fantasy in the entire rescue industry.  The lede breathlessly informs us that “traffickers often exploit the transportation system to move their victims“; presumably before reading this, Americans believed sex workers got around by dirigible, log raft, howdah, broomstick and astral projection.  But I’ll save you the trouble of reading the rest:  it’s yet another restatement of the silly fantasy that marginalized sex workers who frequent truck stops are part of some huge international criminal cartel out of frustrated wannabes’ sexual fantasies.  Immature men who want to be “heroes” without putting in the work and brainpower necessary to become, say, a defense lawyer or medical researcher, instead console their pathetic fee-fees by becoming a cop or by calling the cops on women who dare to try to make a living outside of kitchens, sweatshops, elementary schools or secretarial pools.  All authoritarian societies must control women in order to control the future, and men in the middle or lower parts of the social pyramid are told they are “heroes” by helping to keep women In Our Place.  And so belonging to “Truckers Against Trafficking” is an all-around win for them:  they get to belong to something bigger than themselves; to enjoy the dual fantasy that they are “heroes” and women helpless, passive “victims” who are too stupid to even come up with a simple business plan like “hawk your wares where there are buyers”; and to turn those fucking bitches in to the pigs for daring to charge their heroic selves for something they think they’re entitled to for free.

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People have such a need to cram others into little boxes.  Somebody recently asked me how bisexual I am (I can only presume they meant my Kinsey number).  Now, I’ve written before about the absurd inadequacy of any attempt to reduce human sexuality to a single one-dimensional axis, or even a two-dimensional chart that:

A) crosses Kinsey numbers with what the designers referred to as “attraction types” based on “lustful feelings” (that roughly a third of women don’t have);
B) ignores kink entirely; and
C) “gives a place of precedence to ongoing sexual ‘relationships’ despite the fact that many individuals aren’t interested in them.”

As I wrote in “East is East and West is West“,

Human sexuality is not like a standard light switch, which has two and only two positions; it’s not even like a dimmer switch, with an infinite number of subtle gradations along one linear path.  It’s much more like a faucet, in which two kinds of water can be mixed to produce many temperature gradations while the intensity of the flow can also have many levels.  In fact, if you can imagine a shower where the water can be directed to come out of either the lower faucet or the shower head or a movable nozzle or jacuzzi jets, that might be a model a bit closer to the truth…

But even ignoring all that, the very question of “How bi are you?” ignores the reality of female sexual fluidity.  As I explained in “AC/DC“, “women tend to move around the sexual spectrum depending upon their environment, circumstances and experiences,” and I probably wander more than most women.  So for me, the question is simply not answerable in any fixed, predictable sense.  I mean, are we talking now or at some specific past or future time?  What time of the month is it?  Hell, what time of day is it?  What did I have to eat last?  How many clients have I had recently, and when was the last time a busty redhead made eyes at me?  What was the gender of the last idiot who pissed me off?  Am I high, and if so on what drug?  Is it October?  Is it Tuesday?  Is it raining?  What music are we listening to?  Is there a dog or cat in the room?  Is there money involved?  Is there bondage involved?  How attractive does the person in question find me, and what are they doing to prove it?  And after all that I still probably couldn’t tell you how bi I am.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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I understand why professionals fake orgasm, but why do women in committed relationships do it?  Isn’t that kind of counterproductive?  Wouldn’t it be better to be truthful and tell the partner what would get them off?

Sometimes I wish the myth that men don’t give a shit whether their partners climax or not were true.  Maybe it was at some time in the past, but in the present day most men I’ve been with (and that’s a very large number, as you can probably guess) care very much about it.  Now, that may be because many men feel they have “failed” at sex if they can’t get a woman to climax, due to copious messaging that men are “selfish” or incompetent or both in that department.  In other words, for some (many? most?) men it may not be about whether a woman is actually enjoying the experience, but rather about coddling his insecurities (such as worrying that she’ll run off with some other dude who can “do it better” or whatever); in other words, for these men (however common or rare they may be) a woman not orgasming during sex may poke the same emotional vulnerabilities as having a penis he believes (correctly or otherwise) is “too small”.  However, even men who are genuinely concerned for their partner’s satisfaction for reasons that couldn’t be called “selfish” without considerable logical contortion, generally labor under the delusion (cultivated by popular media) that most women are able to climax dependably if only their partner does everything “right”, as though a woman’s body were a video game which spits out the prize called “orgasm” once the player reaches a high enough total of points.  I once explained it this way:

The competitive, result-oriented male mind sees female orgasm as the target, the goal, the finish line of the “game” of sex, so his sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced if he can “score” it.  However…it isn’t that simple.  For many women orgasm is more like hunting than it is like football; it’s not just a matter of aiming a shot with proper force and accuracy into a static area, but rather of hitting a moving target which may or may not elect to show itself on that occasion…But…the average man…just can’t comprehend that the right combination of moves and techniques could through no fault of his own somehow fail to achieve what it was intended to achieve…

Because of this, men will annoyingly delay their own climax or even pepper a woman with questions about what they “did wrong”; a fake therefore acts as permission to the man to orgasm himself (rather than forcing his partner to endure tens of minutes of pistoning because he thinks that’s what women want and won’t listen if told otherwise), and fends off pointless questions and the need to perform emotional labor by explaining that it isn’t his fault and he’s not a caricature.  But before my lesbian readers get too smug (as so many do every time some report says lesbians climax more frequently than straight women do):  female partners can be just as annoying for women like me who A) simply aren’t very orgasmic; and B) dislike whatever it is that the female partner wants to do to her (often cunnilingus).  In other words, a lot (though by no means all) of fake orgasms (outside of work) are motivated by a desire to spare the partner’s feelings and circumvent the common but erroneous perception that a woman not orgasming is always due to some failure on the part of her partner, when often that may have little or nothing to do with it.
(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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The only way you gonna stop him is kill him.  –  “Lawman” Brindell Wilkins

As regular readers know, cute kid videos are not really my thing.  But this perfect example of little boy behavior, provided by Mike Siegel, was so hilarious I had to make an exception.  The links above it were supplied by Tim Cushing, Mike Chase, Jesse Walker, Franklin Harris, Furrygirl, and Phoenix Calida, in that order.

From the Archives

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We’re not going to sit around and wait to be prosecuted before we fight this law.  –  Skye Wheeler

Real People 

Even shitty and somewhat exploitative sex work doesn’t really resemble prohibitionist fantasies:

Elke Margarete Lehrenkrauss’ poignant documentary Lovemobil observes the Nigerian Rita and the Bulgarian Milena as they perform sex work in caravans (trailers) along a German country road.  The young women have escaped difficult economic circumstances in their home countries and are looking to earn money; they feel obligated to send Euros back to their families…they work for Uschi, a tough older woman who keeps them in line and advises them about pricing their services, but also appears to care for them, even as she chides Rita for trying to cheat her out of payments…Lovemobil deliberately keeps the sex acts off camera to focus on the larger issues of globalization, feminism and economic inequality that are part of this fascinating subculture of sex work…

Where Are the Victims?

Note the bizarre, stilted language used to describe a very ordinary-sounding escort service:

Jessica Nesbitt [of Chicago was]…charged with [various pompously-named]…prostitution [“crimes”]…for…own[ing] and operat[ing] a company called Kink Extraordinaires, which employed several individuals who engaged in prostitution…Nesbitt advertised prostitution services on multiple websites…and…also emailed her clients invitations to paid sex and fetish parties…In addition to activity in Chicago, Nesbitt arranged for herself and her employees to perform acts of prostitution in California, Washington, D.C., Florida, Indiana, Nevada, and Wisconsin…

Dirty Laundry (#452)

At least this judge gave the stolen money to someone other than Ruhama:

Money [stolen] by Laois gardai from [two sex workers was]…donated to two local charities by the court…the two [sensibly fled] and have not returned…Judge Catherine Staines directed that €3,410 got to the Laois Domestic Abuse Service, and around €1300 go to the Garda Youth Diversion Projects…

To Molest and Rape

Just another typical, representative cop:

A Miami-Dade [screw]…has been charged with raping a woman he was supposed to be supervising while she was on house arrest.  Yulian Gonzalez…paid regular visits to the alleged victim’s home during the course of his work as a case manager…Gonzalez threatened to issue a violation of her house arrest and send her back to jail if she did not [submit to rape]…Gonzalez rented a room at the Nexx Motel…and drove the woman there in his [pigmobile]…so as not to set off any alarms, Gonzalez tampered with the woman’s ankle monitor…

A Tale That Grew in the Telling (#754) 

I love seeing prohibitionists hoist with their own petard:

report compiled by the Department of Justice has revealed that the [Swedish model]…in Northern Ireland is not fit for purpose…“This report…shows that there has not been a decrease in demand for sex work since the introduction of client criminalisation…in 2015,” [said] Kate McGrew…”Instead, we have seen an increase in sex trafficking by 26%…In the north, it led to massive increase in advertising (on one site alone over 1700 new ads) and demand (in one jurisdiction by 134%) and a 200% increase threatening behaviour in clients.  In the south, it led to an increase in violent crime against sex workers by 92%“…

Once the government started defining all third parties as “sex traffickers” and then passed a law whose natural consequence would be increased reliance on such parties, naturally “sex trafficking” by their definition increased.  And since prohibitionists pretended the intent of their anti-whore law was to “fight sex trafficking”, they now have no choice but to admit the law was a “failure”.  Oops.

Little Boxes (#792)

A federal court finally recognizes what should’ve been obvious years ago:

Fort Collins, Colorado, decided not to continue its challenge to a federal court’s decision that a ban on going topless in the city amounts to unconstitutional discrimination…The city decided not to appeal the decision…after [wast]ing hundreds of thousands of [public] dollars on the legal battle already…[this] effectively legalizes [female toplessness] in the six states covered by the 10th Circuit court…Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Utah and Wyoming…

Given that the 7th Circuit ruled exactly the opposite two years ago (see subtitle link), a SCOTUS showdown is now inevitable.

The Mote and the Beam (#900)

This is much worse than the typical government propaganda such as “DARE”:

…the FBI is launching its #StopSextortion [propaganda] campaign to [convince parents] and schools [that teenage sexting is a]…growing problem [called] sextortion…[affecting] kids…as young as seven or eight…The [FBI wants parents to believe that peer “sexting” is actually the product of an adult] extortionist [who] finds children and teens on social media [to]…convince…to send a naked photo—and…the[n]…telling the child that he will send the photo to friends and family or post online…the extortionist continues to threaten while escalating demands, which can include…sex acts…

The FBI is intentionally representing a rare crime as the norm so as to give the federal government power over teen sexting.  If you thought FOSTA and the drug war were great, you’re going to love the “war on sextortion”.

Disaster (#935)

News about the FOSTA challenge:

Human Rights Watch and four other plaintiffs…present[ed] arguments on September 20 against the dismissal of their challenge to a…law that imposes criminal liability for online speech about sex work…FOSTA…’s language is [so] broad and vague, it could prevent sex workers and others from writing about sex work and posting about critically important health and safety issues, and it would restrict organisations like Human Rights Watch from effectively reporting on and advocating for the decriminalisation of sex work…FOSTA has [already] endangered [sex workers because]…websites that made it easier for sex workers to screen clients and to sell sex in safer locations have stopped sex workers from posting.  The co-plaintiffs in the case with Human Rights Watch are the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, the Internet Archive, and individuals Alex Andrews and Eric Koszyk.  The lower court [incorrectly] dismissed the case [a year ago]…without addressing the substantive claims, on the [pretense] that plaintiffs faced no imminent risk of prosecution…[but] in cases involving free expression, the appropriate lens is whether speech will be unconstitutionally burdened or chilled…

A Moral Cancer (#972)

Authoritarian idiots respond to deaths from a black market product by dramatically expanding the black market:

Walmart said…that it would stop selling e-cigarettes at its stores in the United States, dealing a new blow to the vaping industry as [hysteria] mount[s] over the health risks of [black market] products [which have nothing to do with the banned e-cigarettes]…The decision…comes amid a [dumpster fire full] of new [moral panic] about the potential health risks of [black market THC cartridges] that has [inspired prohibitionists to]…increas[e the danger by banning completely different currently-legal] products…

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As in every election year for the past several decades, we are currently being subjected to the fantasy that the authoritarian US political system can somehow be made less awful by electing more women to high positions; similar argument are made for more female cops, spooks, bureaucrats, etc.  But this is nothing but a “feminist” fantasy embraced by the government to call attention away from the truth, as a magician’s showmanship draws attention away from what he’s actually doing.  If a system is sexist, it makes no difference whether the individual cog which subjects individuals to that system is male, female, non-binary or even hermaphroditic; what matters is that if that cog wishes to advance in a sexist system, it follows the sexist system’s procedures.  Therefore, the more power an individual establishment actor has, the more likely that individual is to be a sociopath or even a psychopath; the same exact thing is true of racist systems, sex-negative systems, etc.  This is exactly why the pretense or belief that giving women, minorities, queers, etc more power in authoritarian systems will somehow make those systems more humane is childish and counterproductive; as long as the system remains authoritarian, the gender, race, sexual orientation, religion or whatever of the individual cogs in that system is of absolutely no consequence.  If such an individual is to advance, they must divest themselves of any personal moral beliefs they might have and replace them with the rules, regulations, and laws of the system; anyone too moral to do so is either ground up by the system, cast out of it, or remains relatively powerless and therefore unable to enact meaningful change.  The only way to limit the power of a system (or any given cog in that system) is to remove that power entirely.  Power will by its very nature always lead to abuse, no matter what the personal characteristics of the functionaries of that system may be; systems can only become less abusive to individuals by limiting (or better, completely eliminating) their ability to abuse.

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In “Bad Advice”, a man was concerned about losing the image of his wife’s body as the years rolled by with no sexual contact with her.  Several readers noticed I didn’t say anything about that aspect of his question; the truth is, I didn’t feel I could answer it because men are much more visual creatures than women, and I honestly wasn’t sure what I could’ve said that wouldn’t have sounded either Pollyanna or dismissive, so I left it alone.  But one regular reader has had similar experiences himself, and last week he sent me this short answer and told me it was OK to share it.

Maggie gave me some excellent advice over 6 years ago in “On a Mountaintop”.  I took that advice, and am very glad that I did.  Seeing sex workers brings touch back into my life, affirms my sexuality, and makes me feel more whole.  My mind is more clear and focused, my mood brighter, my outlook better.  It’s been a wonderful set of experiences and I have no regrets.  But I can tell the man what will happen, or at least what happened to me.  This rejection of a man’s sexual being, coupled with his continued love and desire, creates a wound that never heals.  It’s been 10 years since I last had sex with my wife, but when we are watching a movie or TV show and a romantic scene is shown, it can penetrate my armor; when the scene suggests a happy and fulfilling sex life between an older married couple, it pierces my heart like a hot needle.  There’s nothing a sex worker can or should do about this; I am responsible for my decision to stay and endure this occasional injury.  Long term marriages are complex things, with economic and familial ties and obligations, vows and trusts and all manner of complications known only to the couple.  I have no advice for the man who wrote, just the knowledge that he will probably experience the same pain.

Here is a wound that never will heal, I know,
Being wrought not of a dearness and a death,
But of a love turned ashes and the breath
Gone out of beauty; never again will grow
The grass on that scarred acre, though I sow
Young seed there yearly and the sky bequeath
Its friendly weathers down, far Underneath
Shall be such bitterness of an old woe.
That April should be shattered by a gust,
That August should be levelled by a rain,
I can endure, and that the lifted dust
Of man should settle to the earth again;
But that a dream can die, will be a thrust
Between my ribs forever of hot pain.  –  Edna St. Vincent Millay

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I’ll kill your fucking dog.  –  Doug McLeod

Regular readers know that I’m a fan of instrumental pop and electronica, but you may not realize how long I’ve been a fan.  So here’s one song I loved as a child; note that this is the original Gershon Kingsley version from Music To Moog By (1969), not the shorter 1972 Hot Butter cover version which became a worldwide hit.  The links above the video were provided by Popehat (x2), Tushy Galore, Mike Siegel, Dave Krueger, and Jillian Keenan, in that order.

From the Archives

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