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Posts Tagged ‘The Forms of Things Unknown’

Last week was a whirlwind of travel and other commitments; it seemed as though I just couldn’t stop!  This isn’t to say it was all unpleasant; far from it!  In fact, as I alluded to in Friday’s “Learning to Relax“, a lot of it was very pleasant indeed.  And this week is shaping up to be another good one.  The only really bad thing about last week was multiple rental-car company screwups which made what should have been ordinary tasks into multi-hour ordeals, but while I’d usually get very upset about those, this time they only barely ruffled my feathers.  My credit card company temporarily shutting off my card because they seem to think it’s suspicious for a person whose billing address is in Houston, and whose account was started in Tulsa, to be in Dallas is a different story; however, a few minutes of screaming, cursing and telling a customer service rep that I’m 50 years old and don’t need their permission to travel sorted that out quickly enough.  Even my flights were relatively stress-free now that I’ve doubled my dose of diazepam and added yet another precaution: eat absolutely nothing for at least 6 hours before takeoff time, so there’s nothing in my stomach to lose if I do get queasy.  I’ll be trying that again this week when I fly to San Francisco; I’ll be very busy Friday and Saturday, but if you can do an evening appointment on Thursday & can be a little flexible in case my flight arrives late, drop me a line.  Also, sometime in the next month or so I’ll be visiting Chicago to promote The Forms of Things Unknown; I’ll keep you posted!

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Today I’m flying off to Oklahoma, doped up enough to make it through without trouble (I hope).  We’re down to the last bit of my super secret project, so I hope to be able to announce that in the next few weeks.  But I’ll be back for the weekend and a few day after, then next week it’s off to San Francisco to speak at the Libertarian party convention there on April 29th.  What that means for you, gentlemen, is that if you’re in Tulsa or Oklahoma City and want to book me for a least two hours, or if you’re in the Bay Area and want to book me for an appointment of any length, do let me know soon so we can get that set up.  I’ve got the proof of The Forms of Things Unknown, so if I can get it all checked out we’ll be aiming for an April 26th book launch…and that means you’ll be able to sneakily get me to visit your city by the simple expedient of setting up a book event for me!  I’ll have details in the official launch column, but do keep that in mind, and if you have bookstore connections you may want to start planning.  One more thing: someone sent me a lovely brown sweater dress, but the package contained no info about who sent it.  So if that was you, please let me know so I can thank you!

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Three years ago, when I was about to launch my first book tour, I wrote:

In days of yore, artists tried to attract patrons; that is, noblemen or other wealthy individuals who would give them money to live on.  The artist was expected to produce poems or paintings or concerti or whatever for the patron, and the rest of the time (barring the occasional cathedral ceiling or requiem mass) was left to putter on his own to produce Great Things; the best patrons required little in return for their generosity, while others were more demanding.  Modern governments and corporations still give out grants, but since these are determined by bureaucratic politics or commercial considerations it isn’t really the same; these entities tend to expect certain results, and on a timetable at that, so there’s little room for the recipient to follow his own path while somebody else pays the bills…

Since then, my husband and I have parted ways, and I’ve returned to work full-time.  And while I’m taking steps to reduce my expenses, it’s still very nice to see my whoring income supplemented in other ways.  Of course y’all know about how to subscribe to my blog, and how to send me gifts; my new book will be coming out soon, and I’ve discussed the range of appointments and engagements available even to those who live far away from me.  Lately, Lorelei Rivers & I have even discovered that many people seem to enjoy contributing to our Sunday night Doctor Who dates by buying us dinner and other gifts (those who do receive a special extra-nudie cheesecake pic taken on the night we enjoy your gift).  But now I’d like to make it easier to make merchandise (such as books, T-shirts and whatnot) and donations available; I’m therefore considering a commercial website on which to sell my stuff.  I already own a number of domains with similar names, but I’m hopeless when it comes to actually creating websites; I’m therefore looking for some generous reader with the necessary skills to build me a small e-commerce site on which I can list the merchandise I currently have available, and add other things as I think of them (such as signed nude photos, posters of Chester Brown’s awesome art for my book covers, and anything else my whorish brain can think of).  If you know how to do this and would like to volunteer your time, please contact me; I’m looking for someone who’s willing to take on the whole project, so please don’t just email me and say “Oh, bizdalek.com is a really easy solution to exterminating your e-commerce woes,” because if you do I shall surely put a curse on you with my Evil Eye.  I am an idiot when it comes to building sites, which is why it took me literally years to try out WordPress for this blog (and if anything I find the prospect more daunting now than I did in my early forties).  No, what I’m looking for is someone willing to make a gift of his time and expertise to help me out, and be thereby forever inscribed on the rolls of top patrons of my work.  If that’s you, please e-mail me!

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Last week was one of those weeks where I just didn’t stop moving as long as I was conscious.  Three different beauty appointments, two interviews, several clients, two long round-trip drives, many hours of working on The Forms of Things Unknown, several dinners with friends and assorted other activities later, the week finally culminated in my Sunday evening Doctor Who date with Lorelei.  The interviews, by the by, were with Tina Dupuy for her Sirius XM radio show Wednesday, and Thaddeus Russell for his podcast Thursday (I’ll provide links for both as soon as I get them).  Next week I’ll be flying around the country (returning to Oklahoma for a few days before a very generous gentleman gets to spend an entire night with me), and the following week I’ll be headed to San Francisco to speak at the Libertarian party convention on the 29th (and that means I really need to get to the doctor this week for a Valium refill).  I’ll have to go by way of LAX, so if any of you want to book me in Los Angeles on the 26th or 27th, that might be arranged if you let me know ASAP.  My super secret project looks like it’s about to come to fruition, so you’ll be hearing more about that soon, and my book should be coming out about the same time (probably the first week of May).  I’d like as many readers as possible to purchase the book its first week out; that ought to get Amazon’s attention enough to put the book in some sort of list, which will in turn help sales (or so I’m told).  Oh, and one more thing:  as of May 1st, I will be available for outcall inner dates or longer in Portland!  I think that’s everything, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I forgot something; I’ll probably be doing a lot of that over the next few months!

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Lastimg_20170304_232349 week was SASS, and though I didn’t help in planning this year I did volunteer at the kissing booth at the Harlot’s Ball on Saturday night, where quite a few lucky gents and a few lucky ladies got to sample my legendary kissing prowess for a teeny price (and in public, yet!) to benefit SWOP.  I also contributed one of the last remaining special copies of Ladies of the Night with a unique Chester Brown sketch in it as a raffle prize; there are now only four left, so if you want one you need to speak up!  And speaking of my books & Chester’s art, the cover art for The Forms of Things Unknown is now in the hands of the finish artist, who is coloring it, placing the titles & other text and preparing it to become an actual book cover.  She should have it back to me in about two weeks, after which all that remains is for me to submit all the files, examine the proof and then let you know the book is ready!  That should be right around a month from now, so keep your eyes open.  That’s all I have to tell you this week, but big things are a-brewing and I’ll keep you posted as they reach fruition.

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My postlady brought me all sorts of lovely things this week; first and foremost among them was a package containing Chester Brown’s beautiful cover art for my new book, The Forms of Things Unknown.  By the time you read this I should have hired a digital artist to do the color and layout, and after that it won’t be long before I start putting the book together!  Other packages, from a new reader who prefers to remain anonymous, contained a book about Doctor Who, a complete collection of Leonard Cohen’s studio albums, a big bag of licorice candy and this rather stunning dress, which I’ve already worn for an appointment with a very lovely couple!  I also got a good bit of self-care in last week, caught up on my writing, completed another step in my secret project and got a good bit of paying work in, so all in all it was a very productive week (despite Seattle being largely at a standstill a week ago Monday due to overnight snow).  This week: more selfcare, more work and more playing catch-up, and speaking of paying work you only have 12 more days to take advantage of my two-librarian special with Lorelei Rivers!  Seriously, gents, this is not an opportunity to miss; we will shush you like you’ve never been shushed in your entire life!  For details, email me at my work address.  And don’t be overdue!selfiecamera_2017-02-13-17-48-47-408

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Diary #344

Asselfiecamera_2017-01-30-20-23-03-087 I explained on Thursday, my trip got more difficult after I left northern New Mexico on Tuesday.  But I made it home safely (if exhausted) Wednesday night and hit the ground running on Thursday; I’ve had a full calendar since then, which is a very good thing even if it did slow my writing catch-up.  But I’m back to three columns ahead, and by this time next week I hope to have it back to five.  I’ve also received Chester Brown’s art for the cover of The Forms of Things Unknown and as soon as it’s colored and the blurbs are in place, I’ll be ready to compile the book and start the proofing process.  Another thing I received by post recently was this lovely red dress from my Amazon wishlist, courtesy of a reader named Michael; if you send me another one (there are several on the list) I’ll post the pictures in an upcoming diary.  Oh, and if you prefer to give me money in exchange for services, I should probably point out that Lorelei Rivers and I are doing a two-librarian special for the entire month of February.  If you’re in a position to take advantage of that, email me for details; we promise you an unforgettable experience!

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