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Posts Tagged ‘Presents’

Diary #384

When one is down and feeling the weight of the world on one’s shoulders, it’s always such a wonderful thing to be reminded that one is loved, admired, cared about or otherwise has a positive effect on the lives of others.  Gift-giving occasions like birthdays are really good in this way; it’s not so much the gift itself that does the trick (though a lot of those are nice too!), but rather the thought that someone took time out of their day to select, purchase and/or prepare that gift.  It’s a tangible way of saying, “I’m thinking of you” or “You mean a lot to me.”  For my birthday last week, Lorelei prepared me a lovely spread of food (I asked her for a dinnertime version of trick or treat and she delivered!) and we took a little break from Doctor Who to watch three of my favorite science fiction/horror films, the Professor Quatermass series (the third of which I wrote on almost four years ago).  One of my gentlemen gave me some beautiful snake earrings, a new butter dish I’ve wanted for a while and the DVDs of the ’80s TV series Monsters; also in the monstrous vein, reader Ivan Dragomiloff gave the the DVDs for the Groovy Ghoulies show from my childhood.  And because I love cartoons, two other readers (Jeremy Dunn and a gent who prefers to be anonymous) gave me discs I didn’t yet have of classic Warner Brothers cartoons.  Besides all this, I got a larger number of cash donations than usual and a new subscriber (for which I’m always grateful).  So thank you, all of you; I know I don’t always express it clearly or loudly enough, but it always means more to me than I can possibly explain.

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Last week was quite busy, in a good way; I was working, writing, getting the last stages of the secret project done (I might even announce it next week), planning future trips and otherwise imposing order on the chaos which dominated my life for more than two years.  In a very real way, the release of my new book was a symbol of that; it demonstrates that I’m at least as functional again as I was three years ago, and in some ways even more so.  Speaking of the book, I’d like to remind you that it is indeed out, and to ask you to buy one (pretty please) and review it (pretty please with sugar on top); if you want an autographed copy directly from me, just use the links in yesterday’s column (and be sure to tell me how you’d like it inscribed), and I’ll send you one from my own shelf here.  And if you want me to visit your area, now’s your chance:  write me about helping set up book readings and/or speaking gigs, and while I’m there you can get around the usual minimum time requirement for hiring me!  That’s what I call a win-win situation.  If your situation doesn’t lend itself to assisting me in that way but you’d still like to show your appreciate above & beyond buying & reviewing the book, you could send money via PayPal or Google Wallet to get Lorelei & I dinner on Sunday night.  Also, I’ve just added some new goodies to my Amazon wishlist; lovely fans keep buying me lovely things like Joe Satriani discs.

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Today I’m flying off to Oklahoma, doped up enough to make it through without trouble (I hope).  We’re down to the last bit of my super secret project, so I hope to be able to announce that in the next few weeks.  But I’ll be back for the weekend and a few day after, then next week it’s off to San Francisco to speak at the Libertarian party convention there on April 29th.  What that means for you, gentlemen, is that if you’re in Tulsa or Oklahoma City and want to book me for a least two hours, or if you’re in the Bay Area and want to book me for an appointment of any length, do let me know soon so we can get that set up.  I’ve got the proof of The Forms of Things Unknown, so if I can get it all checked out we’ll be aiming for an April 26th book launch…and that means you’ll be able to sneakily get me to visit your city by the simple expedient of setting up a book event for me!  I’ll have details in the official launch column, but do keep that in mind, and if you have bookstore connections you may want to start planning.  One more thing: someone sent me a lovely brown sweater dress, but the package contained no info about who sent it.  So if that was you, please let me know so I can thank you!

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Three years ago, when I was about to launch my first book tour, I wrote:

In days of yore, artists tried to attract patrons; that is, noblemen or other wealthy individuals who would give them money to live on.  The artist was expected to produce poems or paintings or concerti or whatever for the patron, and the rest of the time (barring the occasional cathedral ceiling or requiem mass) was left to putter on his own to produce Great Things; the best patrons required little in return for their generosity, while others were more demanding.  Modern governments and corporations still give out grants, but since these are determined by bureaucratic politics or commercial considerations it isn’t really the same; these entities tend to expect certain results, and on a timetable at that, so there’s little room for the recipient to follow his own path while somebody else pays the bills…

Since then, my husband and I have parted ways, and I’ve returned to work full-time.  And while I’m taking steps to reduce my expenses, it’s still very nice to see my whoring income supplemented in other ways.  Of course y’all know about how to subscribe to my blog, and how to send me gifts; my new book will be coming out soon, and I’ve discussed the range of appointments and engagements available even to those who live far away from me.  Lately, Lorelei Rivers & I have even discovered that many people seem to enjoy contributing to our Sunday night Doctor Who dates by buying us dinner and other gifts (those who do receive a special extra-nudie cheesecake pic taken on the night we enjoy your gift).  But now I’d like to make it easier to make merchandise (such as books, T-shirts and whatnot) and donations available; I’m therefore considering a commercial website on which to sell my stuff.  I already own a number of domains with similar names, but I’m hopeless when it comes to actually creating websites; I’m therefore looking for some generous reader with the necessary skills to build me a small e-commerce site on which I can list the merchandise I currently have available, and add other things as I think of them (such as signed nude photos, posters of Chester Brown’s awesome art for my book covers, and anything else my whorish brain can think of).  If you know how to do this and would like to volunteer your time, please contact me; I’m looking for someone who’s willing to take on the whole project, so please don’t just email me and say “Oh, bizdalek.com is a really easy solution to exterminating your e-commerce woes,” because if you do I shall surely put a curse on you with my Evil Eye.  I am an idiot when it comes to building sites, which is why it took me literally years to try out WordPress for this blog (and if anything I find the prospect more daunting now than I did in my early forties).  No, what I’m looking for is someone willing to make a gift of his time and expertise to help me out, and be thereby forever inscribed on the rolls of top patrons of my work.  If that’s you, please e-mail me!

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I’ve begun to notice lately that I’m seeing a lot more gentlemen who have either never seen an escort before, or did so such a long time ago that they no longer have references; a lot of them are very, very nervous due to all the pogroms and client persecution, and some are even confused by the propaganda.  So though they’d like to see a lady, they’re worried about being tricked by evil thugs and having their lives destroyed, and some are concerned that the propaganda might even be true (if exaggerated).  And so they go on the internet looking for answers, and find yours truly; they often read my writings and take comfort in the straight talk I dispense, and even if they don’t do that they can recognize that I am a well-established lady who’s been doing this for half a lifetime, and I’m certainly not any kind of scam artist or bait in a police trap.  And so they contact me; sometimes they’re so nervous they want to pay my social rate to meet for an hour in public first, and that’s just fine.  In fact, such a meetup can serve as a screening for a gent without references; another way I screen first-timers is to simply collect payment in advance so there’s no exchange at the time of our meeting.  And after they see me, my referral can open other doors for them.  I’m really glad for this rather unexpected side-effect of my relative fame; if I can help gentlemen in need, that’s a really wonderful feeling for me.  It’s also a testament to the power of social media; guys who read my blog long enough or follow me on Twitter feel as though they know me, and a lot of the nervousness associated with meeting a sex worker for the first time is bypassed.

Speaking of social media, it seems as though half of everybody now knows that Lorelei Rivers and I have a standing Doctor Who date every Sunday night, so we’ve decided to regularly tweet cheesecake pictures taken at the time.  We’ve even started getting gifts specifically geared to the event; one gentleman paid for our dinner this past Sunday, and an extremely generous gentleman even got Lorelei a new TV set specifically to improve our viewing experience!  So thanks very much to those gents for those gifts, and it goes without saying that we welcome more such!  But one thing we won’t welcome is people trying to make appointments with us during our special time, so please don’t ask; we will, however, welcome duo requests for most other times during the week.  Seriously, guys, the team of Rivers & McNeill is one that will rock you like you’ve never been rocked before; you should deeply consider booking us together.  It’s an experience so out of this world it almost qualifies to be a fantasy adventure show of its own! 

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Diary #350

I really like this picture someone took of Joy de Vive and I at the Harlot’s Ball weekend before last, so I’m sharing it because I didn’t last week and it IS my blog, so I can do what I like.  A generous reader sent me another new dress, but unfortunately I guessed wrong on the size so I’ll have to send it back to switch it for a medium.  See, that’s the problem with women’s sizes; the dress in this picture is a size small, and as you can see it fits me perfectly.  But though the new one is also a small and fits my hips and waist perfectly, it…well, in the words of Sol Finer, “There is no way this zipper is going to close with those massive boobs in the way.”  So let’s see what a medium looks like (le sigh).  Anyhow, there aren’t any pictures I can share from any of last week’s activities, which included a good amount of work (including two sessions with a great new client…hi there sugar!), no fewer than FOUR dinners with awesome whore friends, my usual Sunday Doctor Who evening with Lorelei, the previous evening spent watching a really weird movie while stoned with another whore friend, lots of driving around Seattle in the rain, and getting behind on my writing.  But work on my new book cover is progressing, my secret project reached another milestone, and my tolerance for liquor seems to have dramatically increased because I can now have two cocktails with dinner and barely even feel it.  Ah, well, c’est la vie.  And one last thing:  I’m probably going to tour in May, and I’m going to decide where by how many gents contact me from any given city; the first place to offer me three bookings wins. So if you want to see this stellar bod up close & personal, email me ASAP and let me know where you would like me to visit!

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My postlady brought me all sorts of lovely things this week; first and foremost among them was a package containing Chester Brown’s beautiful cover art for my new book, The Forms of Things Unknown.  By the time you read this I should have hired a digital artist to do the color and layout, and after that it won’t be long before I start putting the book together!  Other packages, from a new reader who prefers to remain anonymous, contained a book about Doctor Who, a complete collection of Leonard Cohen’s studio albums, a big bag of licorice candy and this rather stunning dress, which I’ve already worn for an appointment with a very lovely couple!  I also got a good bit of self-care in last week, caught up on my writing, completed another step in my secret project and got a good bit of paying work in, so all in all it was a very productive week (despite Seattle being largely at a standstill a week ago Monday due to overnight snow).  This week: more selfcare, more work and more playing catch-up, and speaking of paying work you only have 12 more days to take advantage of my two-librarian special with Lorelei Rivers!  Seriously, gents, this is not an opportunity to miss; we will shush you like you’ve never been shushed in your entire life!  For details, email me at my work address.  And don’t be overdue!selfiecamera_2017-02-13-17-48-47-408

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