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Posts Tagged ‘pragmatism’

Diary #373

With the sale of my Oklahoma rental property last week, I am now basically debt-free; I could literally pay off all the debt I owe in the world with a single overnight, and the only reason I haven’t paid that is I want to keep an interest-free buffer during the moving process (though if someone really wants to see me completely debt-free, he could book an overnight on condition I pay it off, and I’d honor the request).  Grace is on her way back from Oklahoma with the second load; she thinks there will be two more, so barring mishap we should be done before the end of summer.  And once that’s done, she can launch into the repairs and improvements necessary before I can start inviting company out there; I plan to pay for those as I go, rather than assuming more debt (because honestly, I’m done with that whole shtick).  Yesterday Lorelei and I saw the eclipse from a quiet beach after spending the night at a lovely little B&B in Oregon, and next week I’m going to San Francisco for a couple of days (and I could see one gent on Wednesday evening; let me know ASAP if you want to be the lucky man).  So for right now, I’m in an unusually quiet place for me; I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts, because 50 years’ experience tells me it probably won’t.

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On Monday evening I sent out this tweet, quoting an article someone else had tweeted (CAUTION: loud & obnoxious autoplay video):
People who follow me are mostly used to my hyperbole, but I reckon I touched a nerve because a couple of male internet friends took exception, asking whether I was passing judgment on women who have sex with men because they like them, and questioning whether I thought there was anything wrong with doing things for free that one could charge for, out of principle or affection, such as pro bono legal work or favors for friends.  I think my answer deserves a little expansion, and presentation in a more permanent medium than Twitter.

Like most people, I also do things for others I care about or whom I think it’s right to do things for, without asking for direct monetary compensation; however, I don’t deceive myself that those things aren’t labor.  I sometimes do have sex with men without cash changing hands, but those guys (or their wives or girlfriends) pay me in other ways; currency is not the only form of payment.  The problem isn’t when sexual labor is uncompensated by money, it’s when women buy into the male lie that sexual labor isn’t labor at all, because “mutuality”.  Oh, please.  I cook for people I love; I give them rides all over the place; I help them do manual labor; I wait on them when they’re sick.  And nobody pretends those things aren’t work just because I’m doing them for people I care about; that’s why we have expressions like “labor of love”.  But suddenly, when the work is sexual, everybody wants women to buy into the lie of “mutuality” even though I can sell my sexual labor & few men can; because so many men are willing to stick their dicks into anything warm (alive or not), dick is abundant and of low value.  It is not in any way an equal or fair trade for pussy, no matter what many men like to believe.  Expressed in economic terms, my sexual labor has value & his does not (except to other men); it’s a simple case of supply & demand.  So I’ll give sex for “free” (where that means “no direct cash exchange”) if and only if the recipient (note that word, which designates the one who receives a thing of value) recognizes that what I give him is a gift, a precious thing of high value that I choose to bestow upon him for some reason of my own, and not a thing he’s “owed” or, even worse, a thing that his own low-value participation constitutes “payment in kind” for.  In the case of a physical gift like jewelry, or a gift of labor like cooking a meal or helping a friend with some task, the recipient recognizes that the gift so conferred has value and expresses gratitude (unless he’s a semi-savage without proper manners).  But in the case of sex, men want to pretend that what was given wasn’t a gift but a “mutual experience”, and a woman who disagrees and demands recognition of her value is stigmatized & punished with insults, the threat or infliction of violence and, in barbaric regimes like the United States, organized state persecution, police violence and ostracism.  If that last weren’t true, this would be an academic discussion; however, it is true, and the recognition of the value of female sexual labor is not a mere intellectual exercise, but rather a matter of life and death for millions of women all over the world.

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I’m over 70 and no longer able to get an erection even with the meds available.  I’m in good shape, not bad looking and can afford it, but am reluctant to engage a girl.  What do you think?

One thing that I (and nearly nearly every sex worker I talk to) wish men understood is that we really don’t care about most of the things men think women care about, and that includes most of the things some amateur women do care about.  We really don’t care about clients’ looks, age, relative levels of physical fitness, penis size, ability to perform tricks they saw in porn movies or anything like that; what we do care about is that our clients are polite, generous, clean, respectful, prompt, appreciative, gentlemanly and realistic about their expectations.  What I mean by that last is, it’s not a problem if a gentleman is unable to get an erection, understands that, and asks for activities that don’t require one (of which there are many); the problem only arises (no pun intended) if he believes a whore can perform the sexual equivalent of a resurrection, and gets angry at her if she can’t.  In my career I’ve had plenty of men, including many younger than yourself, who were suffering from temporary or permanent erectile dysfunction, and as long as they understood and accepted that we were still able to have a good time cuddling, kissing, playing with toys, engaging in kink and other such activities that don’t involve erections.  But when such a man expected some kind of high-level sexual witchcraft beyond even my considerable skills, it rarely turned out well.  My advice to you, then, is to find a mature lady whose company you think you’ll enjoy regardless of what happens in the bedroom; go into the date knowing your limitations and clearly communicate those limitations to her; and enjoy the journey rather than being hell-bent on reaching some kind of destination to which there may no longer exist a bridge.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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At last I can unveil the super secret project I’ve been working on since Christmas!  Last week, I completed the sale of my ranch in Oklahoma, and today I’m closing on a much smaller (but with more & better structures) property just a little over two hours from Seattle.  In other words, as of today I’m officially a permanent resident of Washington state.  It’s a bittersweet time for me:  on the one hand, it will be really wonderful to have Grace nearby, to have a country place I can reach without taking at least a week off of work, and to have a fully-built house with excellent outbuildings and no mortgage; on the other hand, it means giving up on a literally lifelong dream and the place in which I lived with Matt for years.  We poured so much effort and so many tears into that place, building it up from an empty tract that was so overgrazed it looked almost lunar into a lush, thickly-wooded ranch with its own road, shop, barn, fenced pastures, well system and house.  And I was trying to build another, bigger and better house, but that was not to be; too late I discovered that banks won’t give construction loans on rural property, no matter how good the borrower’s credit.  When I came to Seattle I still planned to finish that house, and then life happened; about a year and a half ago I had a vision that I’d never live there again, and I knew in my heart it was a true one (yes, I have visions when high on edibles; deal with it).  Then last summer I began to realize that there was really no way to make the economics of the situation work, ever; by autumn I began to understand what had to be done.  And once I had a plan and asked Grace if she was willing to move, everything fell into place within weeks (as it always does when I’m going the way Aphrodite wishes me to go).  The place I’m buying was the first one I physically looked at; we had discarded dozens from their listings, and this one looked so good I made sure it was the first we visited (on January 3rd, while Grace was still here for the holidays).  Most of the time between then and now was taken up with getting my buyer’s financing straight and dealing with inspections, title work, etc, but finally all that’s done.  Grace and a friend of ours are already packing and soon they’ll load the new-to-us trailer and hitch it to the new-to-us one-ton truck I bought a few months ago, and set off on the first trip up here (Grace reckons it’ll take about four).  By the end of summer that should be all done, and…well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Goodbye, Avalon; hello, Sunset.  And may the pain I suffered while resident at the former purchase me some peace at the latter.

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Just because someone can’t love you…doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable.  –  Kaytlin Bailey

Check Your Premises 

This man has repeatedly said Seattle is not interested in prosecuting us:

For five years, the city of Seattle has touted its [faddish] approach in [persecuting] the buyers of sex rather than the prostitutes themselves.  While the number of cases filed against prostitutes dropped dramatically in 2012 and 2013, it has increased again slightly in recent years…City Attorney Pete Holmes…said the increase in prostitution cases in 2014 through 2016 came after his office realized many women were not [submitting to] the [brainwashing] program called LEAD, or Law Enforcement Assisted Diversion…Holmes said he therefore pivoted to use the real possibility of prosecution, as a way of encouraging people to take advantage of LEAD instead…

“Pivoted” is such a banal way to say “lied with prohibitionist propaganda while threatening women with violence for peacefully earning a living”.

Feminine Pragmatism 

This needs to be repeated until it’s inextricably hammered into the faces of prohibitionists:

…When I began sex work there were aspects that were exhilarating.  Being my own boss and setting my own schedule was something I’d never had the luxury of.  My manager at the bar, who knew she could shop me for benefit fraud at any moment, didn’t care when men…threatened to follow me home because I didn’t want their numbers…I worked 12 hour shifts, with no breaks, and at the end she would hand me an envelope with barely £70 in…escorting [clients] sometimes reminded me of the pub customers…[but] at the end of a three hour booking I would tuck a few hundred pounds in the lining of my handbag, and go home to a bath and some posh beers…This isn’t to say sex work was a utopia where I could take six months off when my health was bad…However, contrary to popular view…it is not a one way ticket to a breakdown.  The difference between us and workers in other industries is that when we seek help we are asked to look at the ways we’ve kept ourselves out of poverty as shameful…

Where Are the Victims?

The poor widdle sheriff “had no alternative” because sex is bad:

A “normal family man” who cared for his sick wife…in Edinburgh has been jailed for 29 months.  Emil Wakulicz…recruited women from Poland to offer sexual services…Sheriff Ross said he had no other alternative but to send Wakulicz to prison as he had exploited the women who had worked for him.  Det Insp Arron Clinkscales…[bragged]: “We…[locked] this man [up]…and [stole] his assets.”

Naturally, the story lists no evidence whatsoever of “exploitation”.  I’m sure his wife will be much better off on the dole, and her depression will improve while her husband sits in a cage for two years.  Justice!

They Still Don’t Get It

The headline writer inadvertently got it right: “prostitution investigations” (ie stings) are indeed part of a larger problem, the one called prohibition.

…Winston-Salem police…arrested…John Richard Hernandez and…Amanda Dawn Moser in connection to the armed robbery of a 67-year-old man…the pair lured [the victim]…to Hernandez’s home…by posting [a fake escort] ad…on…backpage.com…Hernandez [hit him with a hammer and] and robbed [him] of his money, ATM card and vehicle…a [pig too chickenshit to give his name bloviated a whole pile of ignorant nonsense]…“when it does happen in homes, those are usually offenders that have been caught multiple times at the hotel, and now they’ve moved their modus operandi to a residential home…Many of those, obviously, are minors that are…easily manipulated – into performing sexual acts for someone that’s controlling them…We located needles, various drug paraphernalia, spoons, that are indicative of heroin use”…The department also works with different counseling services and the health department to help victims of human trafficking…“It is a criminal act,” the [cowardly, ignorant pig oinked]…

Prohibition forces a peaceful activity into the shadows, where criminals then use it as a cover because they know their victims are less likely to report.  Then cops use the result of criminalization as an excuse for more criminalization while mixing in rhetoric that contradicts the entire “whore as criminal” trope.  I know basic logic & a triple-digit IQ aren’t requirements for being a brutal thug mindlessly enforcing arbitrary rules via violence, but this is like watching a self important pig masturbating until he shoots into his own eye, then tripping over the pants around his ankles & falling flat on his face.

Coming Out

Kaytlin Bailey on coming out to a lover:

…Maybe you’ve taken the position that everyone you have sex with has to know beforehand, because the last time you told someone you were already in love with, he hit you.  Maybe you’re coming out, as a political statement, trying to erode the delusion that someone doesn’t know “any girls like that” by being one of those girls.  Maybe you have to tell your lover because you keep having cold sweat anxiety dreams about it.  Maybe living the nightmare won’t be as scary as having the same one every night.  Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, and you think you can trust them.  Or maybe you know you can’t, but you just can’t stand them saying one more dumb thing about “whores” without knowing.  Or maybe you’re scared, and you want your partner’s support…

My personal way of dealing with this: I haven’t been romantically involved with anyone who isn’t a whore or client since 1995.  But I understand that won’t work for everybody.

Welcome To Our World (#43)

This is good; too bad they still criminalize having sex for the “wrong” reason:

[The Republic of Ireland] is to repeal a law which made it a criminal offence for a person with an intellectual disability to have a sexual relationship…The [new] law will consider whether a person with an intellectual disability has capacity to consent…rather than just outlawing such relationships because they have a disability…a new category of “protected person” has been created.  This will be defined as someone who lacks the capacity to consent to a sexual act by reason of a mental or intellectual disability, or a mental illness…It will now be illegal for a person to have a sexual relationship with a protected person…

I Really Shouldn’t Even LOOK at an Issue of Cosmopolitan (#346) 

A)  Is this dude gay?  B) WTF, Cosmo?  C) I know it’s two years old.

We’re going to shake things up, aren’t we?  And by “shake things up” I mean you’re going to sit on my face…I need a signal for you to give me some air that isn’t me throwing you off me in a panic…My eye is basically in her butt…is this how all adults get pink eye?…I have no choice but to make her orgasm…I can’t even see anymore.  It’s just pitch black and vibrations, like an earthquake in a cave.

Size Matters (#532)

I told y’all that this wasn’t gonna work, but of course y’all didn’t listen:

[Deceitful busybodies] in Tennessee have determined that a building registered as a church was being operated as a sex club…the city of Nashville has filed a complaint against the owners for “maintaining a public nuisance by permitting acts of lewd conduct” and violating a state law banning sex clubs from operating within 1,000 feet of a school.  The longtime downtown swingers club…in 2015…relocated to a run-down office park…calling itself a church because the new location is near the back of the private Goodpasture Christian School.  Two [voyeurs] paid $40 to enter the facility…and filed [porn narratives] detailing sex acts they witnessed within…

The End of the Beginning (#677) 

This clear constitutional violation persists due to the egregious lie that the “sex offender” registry isn’t a punishment:

A sex offender…thought he had moved on with his life after successfully completing five years of probation for sending webcam photographs of his genitals to a [pervert cop pretending to be]…a 13-year-old girl.  Now he’s among hundreds of people in Missouri who are learning they must attach GPS monitoring systems to their ankles for life, even though such a requirement wasn’t part of their sentencing agreement…The retroactive [punishment is] part of a revised state criminal code that went into effect Jan. 1…several sex offenders…are suing…the state…“I don’t think a lawyer can make a straight-faced argument that it’s constitutional,” said…attorney Matt Fry…

The Pygmalion Fallacy (#724) 

This is what robo-fetishists want you to believe will take my job soon:

…Matt McMullen, the chief executive of Abyss Creations, which makes RealDoll…says…”Many people who may buy a RealDoll because it is sexually capable come to realise it is much more than a sex toy…It has a presence in their house and they imagine a personality for her.  AI gives people the tools to create that personality.”  This is done via an app, which can be used with the doll or independently, existing as a virtual person on a smartphone or similar device.  Users can choose from a variety of personality options, including moody, angry and loving…The app…is already available to buy, although only directly from the Realbotix website…Neither Google’s nor Apple’s official stores will carry it because of the explicit content.  The doll will go on sale later this year and there will be two versions – one with computer vision that enables it to recognise faces, which will cost $10,000…and a…version without vision for $5,000…

Bonus:  sociopathic prude Kathleen Richardson of the “Campaign Against Sex Robots” has apparently decided in the past two months that “dolls aren’t really the problem”.  Why does anyone take prohibitionists seriously?

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I’m a young-looking 40-year-old woman in Belgium who worked part-time as a prostitute years ago to pay for my education.  Now, however, I’m suffering from physical disabilities due to two severe auto accidents; these make it difficult to hold down a “normal” job, so I’m thinking of going back to prostitution.  I always liked it; I’m a very sexual person and it made me feel good.  But this time, I don’t want to work for anyone else, but as an independent; I just don’t know how to start.  What do you think?

I think if you still feel comfortable doing the work, there’s no reason for you not to return to it; many women go in and out of sex work at different times in our lives, as our needs change.  Sex work is legal in your country, and the flexible schedule makes it especially good work for women with health issues that would interfere with a “straight” job.  Since as a sex worker one sets one’s own schedule, it’s easy to work around doctor’s appointments & times one knows tend to be problematic; for example, if you hurt more in the morning you can simply refuse morning appointments.  And once you’ve got regulars, you’ll even be able to reschedule appointments if you feel bad that day.  I’m afraid I can’t really give you advice on working in Europe because I never have; however, I’d suggest you search Google for escorts in your city, and that will show you the top local advertising sites.  You might also consult with the sex worker support organizations in your area.  Good luck, both with your health & with returning to work! 

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Anti-trafficking laws in the United States have [always] been about trying to eliminate the sex industry.  –  Alexandra Lutnick

Check Your Premises

“Rescuers” are so invested in their own fantasies that they’ll believe anything which props them up:

More than 200 victims of human trafficking from Bangladesh, who were rescued and sheltered in homes across West Bengal roughly four years ago, are still waiting to return back to their country…most of these girls are unable to provide addresses in Bangladesh where they can be sent, or their parents are unreachable.  Principal secretary of the state’s Women and Child Welfare Development Roshni Sen said…that since some trafficking cases were pending in courts, the victims were required to be present here because of their being prime witnesses against traffickers…An NGO…which runs a home for rescued trafficked victims confirmed that quite often, victims could not remember names of their villages as they were trafficked at a tender age of 10-12…

The idea that the “victims” might be feigning ignorance because they don’t want to return to Bangladesh never occurs to these self-important idiots.

Imaginary Evils

Remember, huge police operations have never found more than a single-digit number of “sex trafficking” cases in the UK:

Some of Scotland’s most popular escort websites are being targeted by a specialist police unit in a bid to uncover human trafficking networks.  [Cops]…have already [leered at] almost 3000 profiles…belonging to sex workers in Scotland and are certain some of these are victims of trafficking…Some reviews on the sites complain that the women can’t speak English, act as if they don’t want to be there or are so drunk that they can’t stand…Detective Chief Inspector Stuart Houston [fantasized]…that it can be difficult to track down victims of trafficking who are used for prostitution as they are moved from place to place to prevent them forming bonds…

So now add drinking and bad work attitude to the list of “signs of trafficking”, and a new excuse to why cops can’t locate these supposed millions of “victims”.

Innocence Never Had

People kept out of the formal economy by bad laws turn to the informal economy to survive; stupid people are shocked:

The shocking media reports about prostitution among young migrants to Germany are not so surprising given the long-standing connection between migration and sex work, [said] Ralf Roetten, director of the charity “Help for the Young”…Last month, German media reported that increasing numbers of young migrants are turning to prostitution to make ends meet…young male migrants are working as prostitutes in several parks around Berlin.  In addition, some failed asylum seekers have moved in with older men who offer them food and accommodation in return for sex…

Also: “Shocking reports are not shocking” is a piss-poor lede.

Business As Usual 

It’s “rape”, Vice.  The term for nonconsensual sex isn’t “sleeping with”, it’s “rape”:

…”The reality of…police [raping] sex workers during the course of [entrapping them]…has been in existence as long as selling sex has been a criminal offense,” explains Dr. Alexandra Lutnick, an expert on the US sex industry at RTI International…A research study that she conducted in San Francisco found that over 14 percent of sex workers said that they had been threatened with arrest unless they [submitted to rape by a cop], and two percent had been arrested after [the rape]…anyway.  Astonishingly, it’s not specifically illegal for [cops] in many states to [rape] sex workers during the course of [deceit & entrapment] operations…

Really good graphic, though.

Guest Columnist:  Kaytlin Bailey

Kaytlin’s past in sex work has nothing to do with her current tour, so naturally that’s what the reporter leads with:

Kaytlin Bailey is a Raleigh-born comedian who used to be involved in both political consulting and sex work.  Guess which one of those burnt her out to the point it drove her to do stand-up?…dealing with the shady world of politics…made her realize comedy was her calling…In 2011, she moved to New York…where she…found comrades in fellow female comics Abbi Crutchfield, Carrie Gravenson and Erin Judge  [currently on the road for their CAKE comedy tour]…Crutchfield is the co-host of truTV’s You Can Do Better.  Judge released her first novel, Vow of Celibacy, last year.  And Gravenson is gathering up material so she can record her first comedy album…And…Bailey…has written and performed a one-woman show about her experiences as a teenage escort right here in Raleigh.  It’s currently titled “Consensual Business“…and was featured in last year’s NYC Fringe and United Solo Festivals…

The Widening Gyre (#546)

If cops don’t want people spreading stupid rumors, they need to stop spreading such rumors themselves first:

Auburn Hills [Michigan] police are responding to a disturbing Facebook post in which a woman reacts to rumors of…a sex trafficking ring targeting women and children at Great Lakes Crossing [shopping mall]…But the disturbing claims aren’t true.  Neither is the public’s belief that Auburn Hills police are engaged in a cover up to protect the mall.  “I’ve also found it insulting on behalf of our whole police department that someone would suggest that [the stipid myths we’ve been actively spreading for years might actually be true]” says [Police Chief Doreen] Olko…[the woman said] a man…held the door open for her and her 6-month-old son.  “He looks me up and down and starts talking about how incredible my body is…And all I could think was is this guy like trying or going to try to traffic me and (my son)?”…

Yes, clumsy and caddish attempts at passes are now evidence of “sex trafficking”.  Really, guys, just stick to pros.

For Those Who Think Legalization is a Good Idea (#558)

An Indian court rules that acts which aren’t illegal, aren’t illegal:

In a significant ruling, the Gujarat High Court on Friday said that if a sex worker is engaged in prostitution of her own volition, and not due to any inducement, force or coercion then a criminal case is not maintainable against her…

Indian law on the subject is based on British law, in which the exchange of money for sex has never been illegal, though some associated activities such as so-called “pimping” and “brothel-keeping” are.

Too Close To Home

Another racist anti-whore pogrom in “progressive” Seattle:

Six people are under arrest…as part of an investigation into an organized crime ring involved with prostitution…FANG WANG…YONGGUANG WU…YUNZHONG CHEN…YAOAN HE…ZHAOFENG ZHANG…and STEVEN THOMPSON…are charged…with [talking about]…prostitution…“These defendants ran an organized prostitution ring with tentacles into many of our cities and towns,” said U.S. Attorney Annette L. Hayes…“Our work with our partners continues to expose the underbelly of this industry”…said [rapist & sex harasser] John Urquhart…federal and local law enforcement partners worked jointly to [stop people from helping]…Asian sex workers [to make a living]…

The weirdest thing about prohibitionists is their hentai fixation.

To Molest and Rape 

It’s amazing how many of these “isolated incidents” there are:

A…Hot Springs [Arkansas cop admitted to]…molesting a 9-year-old girl on multiple occasions beginning earlier this year…Paul Henry Allen…was arrested [last week] by the Malvern Police Department…

Served Cold (#675) 

Another unethical cowboy raid against brown people in a developing country, staged for the entertainment of rich American moralists:

…during the 2017 Super Bowl, an Operation Underground Railroad Jump Team was preparing to expose a band of sex traffickers in Haiti.  In a new video…Alex Boye…sings the national anthem while the footage from the Haiti rescue is played…the team [coerced] local authorities [into] arrest[ing] nine [people they labeled] traffickers and [detaining without charge] 29 victims [of OUR’s cowboy antics]…the OUR website [urges other Americans to interfere in the affairs of sovereign nations under the rationale that]…“It is our duty as a free and blessed people”…

This is a jihadist mentality, not one based on the founding principles of the US.  But Deseret News does get one thing right: note which section this article appears in.  These videos are indeed entertainment (just as Roman circuses were), not actions intended to “help” anyone but these sociopathic profiteers.

Send In the Clowns 

I’m delighted to see that the “creepy clown” hysteria still has a bit of life in it:

North Dakota police say they are investigating a…report involving a creepy clown and a man with a snake…Authorities [claim] the snake was a boa constrictor about 3-to-4-feet-long…the clown and his alleged cohort…could face a felony charge of terrorizing…a witness….[claimed] the two men approached the children, asked if they “wanted to see a dead body” and threatened to kill them…

Worse Than I Thought (#723)

Destroying men’s ability to provide for their families is the latest anti-whore fad among politicians whose desire to be the most mindlessly punitive has entirely rotted their brains:

Los Angeles City Councilwoman Nury Martinez [drooled all over herself about] a State Assembly bill…that could result in [ordinary men] having their vehicles [stolen by pigs] as part of a pilot program to crack down on prostitution…“When we arrest these johns, their [families] shouldn’t remain [unpunished].  We must [ensure the men can’t get to work so their families will be destroyed and their kids forced into foster care, thereby creating a new generation of underage survival sex workers so assholes like me can have crusades to make even more police-state laws about”…

I Swear To God (#728)

In the contemporary US, people can be fired from government jobs for blasphemy:

The New Hampshire Human Trafficking Collaborative Task Force severed its partnership with its grant administrator, leading to the firing of…project director…Kate D’Adamo, [who committed thoughtcrime by making] arguments in favor of decriminalizing prostitution…

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