Posts Tagged ‘oral sex’

Parents should be mindful of the advantage provided by bedtime reading.  –  Adam Swift

This week’s video was suggested by the musician friend I mentioned in my last diary column, Drake Sherman; the links above it came from Grace (“fascism” and “Whitney”), Scott Greenfield (“lock”), Jesse Walker (“Terry”), Radley Balko (“never” and “Karelia”), and RMV (“satire”).

From the Archives

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This essay first appeared in Cliterati on January 25th; I have modified it slightly to fit the format of this blog.

group sex statueEvery generation thinks it invented sex, or at least non-vanilla sex.  And I don’t just mean teenagers who are squicked out by the idea of their parents shagging, either; among vanilla folk and/or those outside the demimonde, the delusion seems to persist through life that nearly everybody who lived before a moving line (hovering like a will-o-the-wisp exactly at the year the believer reached puberty) only had missionary-position sex for the purpose of procreation. Even if the individual is familiar with the Kama Sutra, knows about classical Greek pederasty or has seen the menu of a Victorian brothel, these are likely to be dismissed as islands of kink in a vast sea of unsweetened vanilla custard stretching back into prehistory.  Even doctors quoted in newspaper articles are wont to make incredibly stupid, totally wrong statements like “the concept of having oral sex is something that seems less obscure to you than it did to your parents or grandparents.”  Well, my dears, I’m old enough to have given birth to many of you reading this, and I can assure you that oral sex was not remotely “obscure” to us in those long-ago and far-off days of the early ‘80s; nor was it “obscure” to any of the older men I trysted with in my late teens, many of whom are now old enough to be your grandfathers; nor was it “obscure” to my own grandparents’ generation, who came of age in the Roaring Twenties; nor to the 5.5% or more of the female population who worked as whores in every large city of the world in the 19th century, nor the 70% or more of the male population who had enjoyed their company at least once; nor to any of the long procession of harlots and clients stretching back to before busybodies invented the idea of policing other peoples’ sexuality.  Know what else wasn’t “obscure” to them?  Anal sex.  BDSM.  Role-playing.  Exhibitionism & voyeurism.  Homosexuality.  Cuckolding.  I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.  Here’s a hint:  most lawmakers have always been pompous ignoramuses too obsessed with telling other people what to do to actually have normal lives, so by the time they get around to banning something it’s a pretty safe bet the majority of everybody else in that culture over the age of 16 already knows about it, and many of them are doing it.

Chief among the popular sex acts that modern mythology pretends were “obscure” is masturbation, at least for women.  The common delusion is that because a culture didn’t like to talk about something, it must not have existed; accordingly, the idea has arisen that Victorian girls were somehow so carefully controlled that they never discovered that touching oneself between the legs (or riding rocking horses) feels good.  And because many women have difficulty reaching orgasm without some form of masturbation, that must mean that pre-20th century women all went around in a perpetual state of sexual frustration.  In the past few years, the ridiculous myth has arisen that Victorian doctors actually gave women orgasms without knowing what they were, and that the vibrator was invented to speed up what they viewed as an odious task.

Where do I begin?  In the first place, this tale is so incredibly recent I never heard of it during any of my extensive sexological reading in my teens and twenties; it seems to date to the nineties at the earliest.  Next, it’s a lovely example of Anglocentrism; just because Britons and Americans were so publicly hung-up about sex in the 19th century, doesn’t mean everyone else in Europe, Asia, Africa and the entire Southern Hemisphere was; are we to believe the bulk of female humanity was bereft of the blessing of orgasm until wise white sagesVictorian dildo ad bestowed the gift of the vibrator on their benighted nether regions?  Furthermore, the idea that public posturing actually indicates private feelings, to the point that those who spread this legend actually imagine that dudes were strenuously trying to avoid touching strange women’s twats, is just so colossally dumb it could only be believed in the middle of the neo-Victorian Era.  And a brain has to be pretty deeply mired in 21st-century chauvinism to actually believe that those silly old Victorians didn’t know what a freaking orgasm looked like.  But you don’t have to take my word for all that:

…some historians have claimed women were brought to a “hysterical paroxysm” (supposedly an orgasm that nobody wanted to admit to), by their doctors through “pelvic massage” (masturbation).  To aid them, a vibrating device was invented because there were just so many women who needed this form of treatment that the poor doctors’ hands were getting tired, and they had to use a machine…this…idea…seems to have taken root in our popular culture, helped by “shock exposés”, a few books, and the 2011 film Hysteria, where…Victorian doctor…Mortimer Granville, turns his 1880s invention of a muscular massage device into a sexual awakening for his female patients.  So did the real Dr Granville invent an electronic device for massage?  Yes.  Was it anything to do with the female orgasm?  No.  He actually invented it to help stimulate male pain relief, just as massage is used today.

Victorian doctors knew exactly what the female orgasm was; in fact, it’s one of the reasons they thought masturbation was a bad idea…Marriage guides…often claimed that a woman in a sexually satisfying relationship was more likely to become pregnant, as the wife’s orgasm was just as necessary to conception as her husband’s…The Art to Begetting Handsome Children, published in 1860, contains a detailed passage on foreplay…A Guide To Marriage, published in 1865 by the aptly named Albert Sidebottom…[advises] young couples…that “All love between the sexes is based upon sexual passion”…In 1877, Annie Besant, a one-time vicar’s wife, helped to publish Fruits of Philosophy, a guide that set out every possible contraceptive method available…its British circulation reached over 125,000 in the first few months alone.  So can we please stop saying Victorian women were having unknown orgasms stimulated by their doctors?…

Unfortunately, most people value the truth far less than they value the ability to feel smug.  And people several generations dead are so easy to feel smug about; after all, they aren’t around to tell you that you’re more ignorant about their lives than you pretend they were about sex.

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Constructive Criticism

I have a great relationship with my girlfriend, but her fellatio has never been satisfying to me.  Is there a loving, respectful way to discuss sexual performance with a partner so that it becomes more satisfying?  She’s wonderful and deliciously devoid of hang ups, but I have to become more skilled at guiding her to what will satisfy me.

WRONG WRONG WRONG!People need feedback in order to improve their techniques at anything, and sex is not an exception.  However, since most people tend to be shy (to one degree or another) about sexual talk, it’s entirely possible for a person to make it well into adulthood without ever having received any kind of helpful feedback about sexual technique.  This is bad for two reasons:  first, the person may continue in some bad habit that could easily have been corrected if discovered in the teens or early twenties; and second, the person may well assume that because his or her technique has never been criticized, the one who finally does so is simply hard to please or being insulting.  Also, while men nearly always think of sex as a performance, a lot of women never do; they’ve been told (especially by neofeminists and other anti-sex types) that men just want passive collections of orifices, and are surprised and unsure of how to react when a man tells them otherwise (from what you’ve told me your partner is not like that, but it still bears mentioning as part of the bigger picture).

The best way to criticize anyone, especially a person with whom one has a personal relationship, is to emphasize the positive rather than dwelling on the negative:  “I really like it when you do such-and-such” tends to be accepted much more readily than “I don’t like it when you do this other thing.”  Since she isn’t hung up she will almost certainly do more of whatever you praised, and over time you can gently guide her to doing it exactly the way you like it without hurting her feelings.  If you’re lucky, even mentioning it in the first place may open a dialog; she may ask “what else do I do that you really like?” or even “is there anything I do that you don’t like?”  If the latter question comes up, answer honestly but don’t insult or harp; not “Oh, God, I really hate when you use your teeth!” but rather, “Well, sometimes it hurts when you use your teeth.”  And remember, criticism tends to be more palatable when sandwiched between thick slices of praise.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Trafficking has become one of the new “it” words in the bankrupt moral vernacular, craftily used by puritans, property developers and rogue feminists to combat the sex trade in general.  –  Rupert Everett

Think of the Children! Noel

The minute a fragile “child” turns 18, he can turn into a dangerous source of dreaded “sex ray” emissions:

…high school senior…“Noel” has allegedly been suspended and will not graduate this year after several of his [gay porn] flicks found their way onto the principal’s desk…[he was] suspended…for 10 days for “causing a campus disturbance” [which]…will allegedly lead to “an automatic failure from absences,” and he will not be able to graduate come June…

Of course, teachers are still the primary danger:

Edgar Ortiz, a 65-year-old educator…was not fired for sleeping with a sex worker…But…was fined $7,500 by the Department of Education…He’s suing [New York] city to fight the punishment.  “Teachers are not indentured servants subject to school direction and control 24 hours a day”…he argues…A…judge…ordered the city to answer his petition…after it “failed to offer any legal basis for penalizing a teacher for illegal conduct that has little or no apparent connection with his teaching duties”…

License to Rape

Never call the cops for any reason whatsoever:

A young woman in Milwaukee called the cops when someone threw a brick through her window…and…began kicking in her front door…two police officers responded.  One took her 15-year-old brother outside to speak to him.   The other…Ladmarald Cates…asked to see the broken window and [when] she led him…to a bathroom in the back…he…[grabbed] her…by her hair…then [sodomized and] raped her…The cop’s partner had become concerned…and called for back-up.  Other cops began arriving and saw a woman screaming incoherently about being raped.  Cates appeared…handcuffed [her and] charged [her] with assaulting a police officer…She was…held for four days before being released without actually being charged…

A Moral Cancer

A severely repressed individual penned a misogynistic screed called “9 Reasons Why a Man Should Never Go Down on a Woman”, and it’s as ridiculous as you’d expect.  Note that the first four (arguably five) “reasons” are actually one reason, and it is why the article appears under this heading.


A new moneymaker for the rescue industry: “sex trafficking” tours!

…New Friends New Life…toured parts of [Dallas]…with [cops], a Homeland Security agent and an assistant city attorney, who talked about…the exploitation of women and young girls…While vice officers…go after the men who pay for sex, they are focused on…[shutting] down complex regional or even international prostitution rings…The bus of [tourists]…gaped at [a poor neighborhood], whispering to one another in disbelief…Shawn McGraw…[of] Homeland Security…[said] “This isn’t a woman’s childhood dream.  She’s doing it to survive.”

Don’t worry if you can’t take a bus tour; they’ll bring one to you!

…Putting on headphones at “SOLD: The Human Trafficking Experience” will teleport you to the life of one of nine victims of sex slavery and trafficking…The exhibit is a multi-sensory, multimedia experience that lasts 40 minutes in nine different rooms…People who attend are encouraged to tweet, video blog and share pictures…The “SOLD” bus [travels around Washington and is based in] Seattle…

Not To Be Taken Internally Elizabeth Starr

Elizabeth Starr fears her banned boob job will kill her after her breasts ballooned to a whopping O cup.  The adult film star had now-illegal “string” breast implants 15 years ago to boost her career – but says her life has been ruined…Doctors have recommended Elizabeth face a double mastectomy…she…was already a 32F when she opted…in 1999…[for a] procedure [which] involved inserting synthetic string into the breasts to stimulate fluid production and growth.  But [after] just a few days…she began suffering complications…[she] had the string implant removed from her right breast, however, the left one was already too imbedded to be taken out…Over the next 14 years Elizabeth spent a staggering £200,000 on [63] reconstructive operations…

Gullible’s Travels

Portsmouth Middle School [in Rhode Island sent parents a letter] warning them that students may be snorting and smoking ground-up Smarties candies.  The letter warns of risks of cuts, lung infections, nasal passage scarring, nose-wedged maggots (!), and future cigarette and drug use…School [official] Dave Croston…[said] “this behavior raises troubling issue of modeling”…

As a supplement, Radley Balko prepared a short summary of other mind-numbingly stupid pseudo-drug scares of recent years.

Hark, Hark, the Dogs Do Bark

University of Michigan Economics Professor Raj Arunachalam…hired sex workers in Ecuador and Mexico to interview other sex workers…Arunachalam found that beautiful sex workers…earned approximately 15% more than average and unattractive prostitutes…”  Dr. Arunachalam’s next study will demonstrate that people prefer to eat good-tasting food and to listen to music instead of recordings of traffic sounds.

The Mother Learns From Her Children

two of Britain’s most senior police chiefs…have…[denounced] the police approach to prostitution as a mess…saying that [harassment] operations…are “counterproductive” and…put…women at risk…they call for…[allowing] a group of women to work together.  Chris Armitt [said]…”We are not going to enforce our way out of…prostitution.  It goes…on in every country in the world”…Martin Hewitt…said…”On the one hand we sit down with sex workers asking them to trust us and give us information.  On the other hand we are doing enforcement actions”…Hewitt…also condemned…brothel raids as superficial and offering little value other than as a media stunt…

Sex, Lies and Busybodies (TW3 #3) Say NO to the Nordic Model in Canada

a boom in X-rated production in [Las Vegas was] sparked by a Los Angeles law requiring…condoms…The number of permits…to make porn films in Los Angeles…has declined by…95 percent since the law took effect…from about 480 in 2012 to just 24 through the first nine months of 2013…While Los Angeles charges hundreds of dollars for location permits…Las Vegas…gives [them] for a nominal fee and does not require health permits.  The warehouses are cheaper, and it’s also more affordable to rent out mansions and put actors up in hotels…

The Course of a Disease

The European Parliament’s Women’s Rights and Gender Equality Committee has voted through [Mary Honeyball’s] report that recommends the adoption of the “Nordic Model” of prostitution laws…The report [now goes] to the full European Parliament…

As I’ve explained before, the European Parliament’s resolutions are not laws, but they’re a good indicator of the growth of totalitarianism on the continent.

Lying Down With Dogs (TW3 #22)

Africa produces the most ridiculous anti-whore rhetoric outside of the US:

…at alluvial gold mining sites [in Liberia]…women [are] roaming from one…mine to another…rooting and indulging into “sex trade”…in return for gold or money.  What is most appalling…is the luring of some of these women into the practice by their peers…”any man who…refuses to settle us financially, will pay the price,” a lady [said]… Several men who stubbornly refused to comply…were taken to the…police…

First They Came for the Hookers… Club Madonna

Florida wants to prove it can harass strip clubs as much as Texas does:

The…Miami Beach strip club where police say a 13-year-old girl danced…has had its business license pulled for six months…Richard Wolfe, an attorney for Club Madonna…and…club owner Leroy Griffith…said they had no knowledge that the girl performed at Madonna…Wolfe…suggested that the city’s actions were retaliatory…[because] Griffith has been locked in a decade-long battle with City Hall to overturn a ban on alcohol in fully nude clubs…

Drama Queens (TW3 #48)

Emil Kirkegaard has translated a recent Danish study comparing the health of sex workers to that of amateurs:

…The percentage with bad mental health and…who often…feel nervous or stressed is smaller among prostitutes…there is no difference between prostitutes and [other] women’s rate of illness…prostitutes have a markedly lower consumption [of medicine]…the prostitutes have more…smoking, alcohol…and use of other drugs…there is a larger percentage [of prostitutes] who are underweight, and a smaller…who are overweight…prostitutes have the same frequency of contact to family and friends…Light violence against prostitutes is more common…[but] other indicators of violence and sexual abuse [are not different]…Prostitutes…often work in bended or crooked positions [and make] repeated and monotonous movements…[but] they [need not carry] heavy objects and [are not] exposed to…noise, cold…and draft.  With respect to psychological working environment, the prostitutes come out ahead as well…


The Midtown Ponce Security  Alliance (MPSA)…is approaching  [Georgia] legislators…[with] a law it has dubbed “aggravated prostitution”…“This form of prostitution would be defined along the lines of prostitution in a residential area (we will suggest “within 500 feet of a window or door of any dwelling”), and work to have that designated a felony punishable up to five years incarceration”…

Original Sin

Though there’s plenty of “Super Bowl sex trafficking” nonsense in this story, we’ve seen that so many times before it really isn’t worth noting any more.  What’s more interesting to me is the bizarre soup of Christian, neofeminist and police state dogma which produced the “facts” which are tacked on at the end; bogus “statistics” are arranged beside neofeminist “end demand” cant and Christian dogma about sin, including the relatively-new claim that “pornography is the dominant driver for sex trafficking”.

The More the Better (TW3 #325) Franck-Ribery and Karim-Benzema

In the modern US, prosecutors rule the injustice system; obviously that’s less so in France:

Two French international footballers who are charged with paying for sex with an underage prostitute appeared in court…Franck Ribery and…Karim Benzema both deny the allegations and the young woman involved, Zahia Dehar, testified that neither player knew she was under 18 at the time…Ms Dehar…has since launched her own luxury lingerie line and is reportedly the muse of German fashion designer Karl Lagerfield…prosecutors had sought an acquittal…but investigating judge Andre Dando argued they must have been aware of her real age.

Shift in the Wind (TW3 #328)

First National Review, and now Foreign Policy:

…[Prohibitionists] say they want to protect human rights, but their efforts often undermine those rights:  Campaigns and programs to end prostitution in fact lead to violence, stigmatization, and other problems for the exact people they claim to be helping…there is no convincing evidence that punishing “johns” decreases the incidence of commercial sex…Sweden’s sex workers report that criminalization has simply driven [them] underground, with dangerous consequences…and…evidence shows…that criminalization of sale or purchase…makes sex workers…more vulnerable to violence…committed by law enforcement…the World Health Organization (WHO) wrote in a bulletin that…”sex workers who are rounded up during police raids are beaten” and “coerced into having sex by corrupt police officials in exchange for their release”…

Uncommon Sense (TW3 #345)

Prostitutes [in] Ibiza have formed a sex workers’ cooperative to pay taxes and gain social security benefits…Eleven women registered with local authorities as…members of the Sealeer Cooperative…their spokeswoman, Maria Jose Lopez…[said] “We are the first cooperative in Spain that can give legal cover to the girls”…The group is applying to register 40 more women…

Whatever They Need To Say (TW3 #350)

Sex worker ally Rupert Everett published a long, thorough denunciation of December’s pogrom in Soho:

There is a land grab going on in Soho under the banner of morality…200 of our boys in blue raided more than 20…flats, arresting 30 girls and confiscating their earnings…They broke down doors, intimidated girls into accepting…criminal records…and served…eviction papers that, unless you were a lawyer, you would not know had hidden in their depths (20-odd pages) the time and date you were to appear in court if you wanted to appeal.  All this in the name of human trafficking…while even the police say that more than 90% of prostitutes work of their own accord…

Everett goes into great detail about the hearings which followed, and the IPC collected these statements from the victims of the raid.  Keep in mind when reading them that as bad as they are, the experiences of police victims under fully criminalized regimes like the US are worse.

Little Boxes (TW3 #350)

Devil’s Advocate

A paedophile ring that streamed live child abuse from the Philippines…has been broken up after an operation by UK police and their counterparts in Australia and the US.  The National Crime Agency says…it is an “emerging threat”…in developing countries…

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Lip Service

I’ve a couple of newbie questions about blowjobs.  First of all, any tips about making one intense enough to make the guy come?  My boyfriend says they feel great, but not intense enough to trigger an orgasm (and yes, I do also use hands).  Considering what he likes in handjobs, I’m probably moving too slow, but moving faster tends to lead to teeth.  Secondly, while boyfriend and I don’t use condoms for oral sex, we have an open relationship and I’m beginning to consider acting on it – which would mean condoms for oral with any new partner.  How can you really make a covered blowjob work?

variant of Is This the Right Angle Professor by Gil Elvgren (1948)I think I can answer your question without getting pornographic; at least, I’m going to try!  So you’ll have to pardon me if I keep this as dry and technical as possible.  I already published another column on this which you may find useful, but I feel I need to add a few things to answer your specific questions.  Keep in mind these are general suggestions; all men are different, and their response to fellatio covers a pretty wide spectrum.  Some men are so turned on by it that it takes very little to trigger an orgasm (I’ve met some who are immediately sent over the edge by eye contact), while others usually can’t orgasm from oral sex alone (this is often due to past experience with a girlfriend who made his life miserable if he came in her mouth).  But the suggestions below apply to perhaps 70% of men.

As I said in the other column, the biggest mistake women make is using their mouths like vaginas.  Enthusiasm is good, but most guys need more than just up and down; you can do that better with your hand.  Use your tongue and lips, and remember the glans (the “head”) is the most sensitive part.  Also, unless the guy has some kind of problem with it, there’s no reason your hands have to be idle; they can help immensely, especially when he’s getting very close.  Furthermore, there’s no reason you have to concentrate solely on the penis itself; most men also like oral stimulation of the testicles and scrotum (though some are too sensitive and find it painful).  The part of the perineum (the “taint”) directly behind the scrotum is also extremely responsive to oral stimulation while you use your hand on the penis, or finger stimulation while your mouth is on the penis.  I found that even men who stubbornly refused to go over from pure fellatio often lost control when I used either of those combinations, especially the former; you can usually be more vigorous when using your mouth on the perineum than when using it directly on the genitals.

Lifestyles Ultra-Sensitive non-lubricatedCondoms present several problems, some for the man and some for you.  First, there’s the lubricant; most condoms are lubricated and most lubricant contains the spermicide nonoxynol-9.  This substance has a numbing side effect in many people; on your lips and tongue that’s merely annoying, but on his penis it may make your job much harder.  The lube also tastes pretty nasty, and adding flavors just creates flavored nastiness.  The best condoms for blow jobs are therefore unlubricated and thin, so as to eliminate as many of the negative factors as possible.  Even with the best condoms, you may find most of the subtle lip and tongue maneuvers pretty useless; if that’s the case you need to rely more heavily on stimulating the testicles and perineum with your mouth while using your hand on the shaft, as described above.  Don’t avoid the traditional sucking entirely in these cases, but if you rely heavily on it you’re going to get sore and tired long before he’s close unless he’s really easy to bring off.  If the condom seems to be interfering, it’s best to let your hand do the majority of the heavy lifting while your mouth works on uncovered areas, then go for the traditional posture once you sense he’s getting close.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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My husband and I are quite happy together, but in the last few years his sexual interest in me has really dropped off.  He’s in excellent health and physical shape and performs perfectly when we do have sex, and he’s still quite affectionate; he just doesn’t want sex nearly as often as I do.  How can I get him interested again?

Calvin CoolidgeHave you ever heard of the Coolidge Effect?  It’s a biology term named for a story (possibly apocryphal) about president Calvin Coolidge.  He and the First Lady were visiting an experimental farm, and split up to tour different areas.  Mrs. Coolidge reached the chickens first, and upon being told that there was only one rooster for several dozen hens she quipped, “Tell that to Mr. Coolidge.”  When he was told, the president asked if it was not true that the rooster could mate with any of the hens he liked; upon receiving the affirmative reply, he said “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”  When presented with a female of his species, a male animal will repeatedly try to mate with her; after he accomplishes it a few times, though, he loses interest…yet will immediately attempt coupling with a new female.  This is Nature’s way of maximizing sexual potential; remember, to Her sex is only for procreation, and our enjoyment of it is just Her little trick to get us to do it a lot.  Even when we’re using birth control, our hindbrains still act as though sex will probably result in babies, and so human males – like their brethren in the lower orders – will eventually tire of the same female.  Remember, this is biology, and has nothing at all to do with his love for you; he probably doesn’t even consciously realize that he’s less interested, and may be putting it down to overwork or whatever.

My suggestion is that you try to trick that portion of his brain into believing you’re a different woman.  I know that sounds absurd, but remember we’re talking about pre-conscious brain activity here, not conscious thought.  This is why new lingerie often turns a husband on:  since he’s not used to seeing you in it, the primitive brain may be fooled into thinking you’re not the same female he’s mated with before.  Think back on your years of experience, and try to remember stuff that seems to turn him on; for example, if you’re a brunette and you’ve caught him checking out redheads, a red wig might light a fire.  If he seems to perk up when some chick on TV sports a bustier, try that.  If there’s something (like blow jobs) you know he likes a lot, but which has fallen out of your usual repertoire, put it back in.  Even watching porn together works for a lot of couples in your situation.  Let me know what you come up with, and how it works; there may be some other things we can try, but I suspect this is the most likely culprit.

When we were dating, my wife seemed happy to give me blow jobs, but now she won’t do it unless I beg and even then resents that I ask; this despite the fact that she needs me to go down on her every time we have sex, or she can’t come.  But if I even hint about reciprocity, she acts as if I’m the worst person in the world.  Our lives together are otherwise fine, but I really like getting head and she knows that; I still cannot get her to blow me without acting like there’s a gun to her head.  Is there any way to get her to do this for me willingly?

Gil Elvgren advertisement for NAPA (1980)The short answer, I’m sorry to say, is “no”.  Your situation is not unlike that of the questioner I answered in “On a Mountaintop”, though his wife wouldn’t give him any kind of sex.  Your wife has been taught that (basically) only her needs matter, and you should be happy with whatever you get.  Other than hookers, I’m afraid your only chance is marriage counseling…and that often causes more problems than it solves.  I really wish I could give you a happier answer, but I’ve heard this sort of thing so very many times you wouldn’t believe it.  Alas, for many women, giving a man sex which he likes but they don’t is nothing but bait for their hooks.  And once the fish is on the hook, they see no point in re-baiting it.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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All Clean

I’m a fairly new hobbyist and I think I have found a lady I’d like to see regularly; she’s beautiful sensual, very warm and compassionate and provides sexually everything I’m looking for.  There’s only one problem:  I can tell she doesn’t shower directly before our session.  She isn’t dirty by any means, but I like to lick a women all over her body.  How do I tell her without offending her?  Should I ask her to hop in the shower with me?

A Pompeian Bath by John William Godward (1909)Yes, I think the best way to go about it is to make a shower part of your requested activities.  Few women are going to react well to the implication that their hygiene is somehow lacking, especially if it isn’t for all normal intents and purposes.  But if you make it into a fetish thing, like the shower itself is part of what you like to do, she probably won’t take it as an insult.  Now, it is possible that she may not go for that; I never once agreed to shower with a client because once my hair gets wet, it takes a very long time to dry (and it’s very difficult to keep it from getting wet if I’m in a shower).  But many, perhaps even most, escorts probably aren’t going to mind as long as the shower is within the time you’re paying for.  There’s one other thing, too:  I know I’m not alone in being very averse to being licked.  Many women dislike having foreign saliva anyplace other than between their legs, and some don’t even like that.  Your lady may not be among their number; she may be just fine with being licked.  But all the same, it’s something you should be aware of.

Do you think there might actually be health benefits from sexual interaction with multiple partners?  I don’t mean the psychological boost some people receive from it, but an actual physical boost to your immune system.  In years long past, I would get a cold or two every year, but for the past ten years or so I have almost never been sick.  I attribute that partly to the fact that I have had intimate contact about once a month for the past ten years with a good number of healthy women.  You obviously exchange some germs, but at the same time you are inoculating each other because in healthy people the levels are low.

I totally believe you’re right about the immune-system boost; I know that all while I was working I practically never got sick, and I think it’s because I was exposed to so many different conventional bacteria.  In fact, I actually wrote about this in my second Q & A column three years ago this month.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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