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Posts Tagged ‘infidelity’

Prisons act as though decades of labor law violations entitle them to exploit people in perpetuity.  –  Jacqueline Stevens

Harm Reduction

Guys, sex workers are both safer and cheaper in the long run:

…a Florida man held his wife’s lover at gunpoint and cut off the man’s penis before fleeing with the flailing appendage…Alex Bonilla was arrested hours later…Bonilla broke into his neighbor’s home…tied the neighbor up and mutilated his genitals with scissors…then took the severed penis and fled across the street to his own house…Bonilla caught his wife and the victim having sex in May…

I’m sure that from now on, whenever he wants to have sex, this dude will think of how much money he saved getting “free” amateur sex.

Elephant in the Parlor 

In other news, bear shits in woods:

Jason Miller, the former communications chief for the Trump campaign and transition team, said he hired numerous prostitutes and visited “hand job” massage parlors as recently as a few months ago…Miller made the [incredibly mundane statement] while testifying…in connection to his lawsuit against the digital media company Gizmodo …The suit accuses Gizmodo of defaming Miller with a story citing an allegation he slipped an “abortion pill” to a Florida strip[per] he impregnated….Miller denies the allegation…

Smoke and Mirrors

Another of those cases whose reported details don’t add up:

Two teenagers have been [arrested] by police [at] a property that was involved in the “sex industry” [in]…Bedfordshire…five [adults] were [also] arrested for suspected human trafficking offences…They have been released on…bail…[except for one] man [charged with]…drug…[possession]…and [the]…teenagers [held without bail under pretense of]…safeguarding…Det Insp Katie Dounias [vomited up a lot of Swedish poison about]…exploitation and human misery…

Naked Truth (#314)

Sex workers all over the world are demanding their rights:

On Saturday, July 13, 2019, a dozen prostitutes gathered before the Court of First Instance of Tetouan [Morocco] to protest against the Chief Commissioner of the city of Martil, Abdelouahab Tahiri…[who] launched a [series of pogroms] against the brothels and against the prostitutes who work in the city…The King’s Prosecutor was quick to [suppress] this demonstration, ordering the arrest of prostitutes and opening an investigation into the origin of the protests, in particular the involvement of drug barons and pimps…

Note that in Morocco, as in the US, prohibitionists pretend women can’t possibly be intelligent enough to demand our rights; whatever women do must be planned and organized by “pimps”.

If Men Were Angels

“Youth pastors” are as bad as cops:

A…youth pastor who worked at a megachurch owned by his parents got just three years in jail…for sexually abusing a teen girl.  Jordan Baird…[got] his light sentence [via plea bargain even though]…she wasn’t even his only victim…”There were other underage girls and young adults, two of whom spoke at the sentencing hearing.  Last year, Baird was convicted for sexually abusing Morgan Harding who was also 16 at the time…Baird was sentenced to eight months in prison in that case and was forced to register as a sex offender“…

Yellow Fever (#509) 

This hodgepodge of idiotic lies, myths, wild exaggerations, wanking fantasies and long-debunked propaganda was shoveled into a column by Business Insider and presented as “surprising facts and statistics”.  You’ll recognize most of it, but my favorite is the claim that “In 2015, five out of 10 of Homeland Security’s ‘most wanted’ sex traffickers were from Tenancingo…There were estimates that one in 10 people from Tenancingo were involved in trafficking.”  In truth, the actual number of “traffickers” was two, and the actual number of “victims” 26; the operation ended in 2011, four years before the claims that “1 in 10” people were involved (the actual population of the town is about 10,000).  When I point out that this article appeared in the same publication only 5 days earlier, you may understand why this appears under this particular heading.

If It Were Legal (#656)

So much for any hope this myth would be dead by the next election:

In one year, Democrats will choose their choice for president, right here in Milwaukee.  But big events like political conventions come with a dark side…as tens of thousands of people plan to descend on the city [like locusts]…Emmy Myers of Lacey’s Hope Project [vomited]…“We want people to know that these victims that may be at the DNC or any other large gathering are going to look like normal people [even though they’re really subhuman whores]”…“Paid sex is forced sex. You are paying to rape someone” [she fantasized, moaning with her hand in her pants]…

Don’t worry, Republicans; if the past is any indication, your convention will also be the subject of similar prohibitionist masturbatory fantasies.

Schadenfreude (#668) 

“Education” here means confinement in the notorious Prey Speu prison, which you can learn more about at the subtitle link: “[Cambodian] police rounded up prostitutes who solicit on the streets and under the trees around the historic site of Wat Phnom…A total of 49 prostitutes, 37 women and 12 men/ladyboys were sent for education…

Pyrrhic Victory (#888) 

Another step toward the end of privacy, everywhere:

…Like the iris or fingerprint, our unique cardiac signature can be used as a way to [identify] us…Crucially, it can be done from a distance…Other long-range biometric techniques include gait analysis…But…cardiac signature…remains constant and cannot be altered or disguised…A new device, developed for the Pentagon…can identify people without seeing their face[s]: instead it detects their unique cardiac signature with an infrared laser…it [currently] works at 200 meters…[but] longer distances could be possible with a better laser…the new device, called Jetson, uses a technique known as laser vibrometry to detect the surface movement caused by the heartbeat.  This works though typical clothing like a shirt and a jacket (though not thicker clothing such as a winter coat)…

Business As Usual (#905)

Columbus wants to give every pig the opportunity to rape women rather than limiting it to one rape gang:

Four months after disbanding the Columbus police vice [gang], Interim Chief Thomas Quinlan is bringing…it back in a new format [designed to distract the attention of the gullible]…The [gang] will…rotate [cops] in and out to [supposedly] prevent [them] from becoming too comfortable with each other…the [gang] will have specific directives and…supervisors [just like all the other cops who go arounf robbing, raping ad murdering people]…Former [gang member] Andrew Mitchell is currently under federal indictment [for raping] at least two women [and murdering]…Donna Castleberry [when she resisted his attempt to rape her]…

Don’t Call It Trafficking (#934) 

It’s good to see the fascist establishment hoist with its own petard:

…a senior executive in the nation’s second-largest private prison company went to [ICE] with a desperate plea: to pick up their multimillion-dollar legal bills.  Over the last five years, a series of people formerly held in GEO Group’s private immigration [prisons] have sued the company over [their enslavement while]…detaine[d]…[those] who refuse [are locked in] solitary confinement.  Half a dozen suits are challenging the [enslavement]…and seeking damages for detainees from GEO and CoreCivic, another private prison company…[because] the [schemes] break a landmark law against human trafficking

To Molest and Rape (#939)

Your regular reminder that rapist cops are not limited to the US:

A [Merseyside cop] who stopped women [using the pretext of] speeding and then used official records to target them for [rape] has been [given a slap on the wrist].  Ben Murphy…would give women smaller penalties, such as for not wearing a seatbelt even when they were, to gain their trust.  He [then stalked his] victims on social media, before using police records to contact them…He targeted at least [ten women before being] reported to an MP by a nurse…he [targe]ted in November 2017, triggering a police investigation…Murphy was jailed for [a mere] two years and four months…

Believe Them (#952)

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time“:

An unofficial commemorative coin has been circulating among Border Patrol agents at the U.S./Mexico border, mocking the task of caring for migrant children and other duties that have fallen to agents as families cross into the U.S.  On the front, the coin declares “KEEP THE CARAVANS COMING” under…a caricature of the “caravan” from last fall, which started in Honduras and attracted thousands of people as it moved north…The coin’s reverse side features the Border Patrol logo and three illustrations: a Border Patrol agent bottle-feeding an infant; an agent fingerprinting a teen boy wearing a backwards baseball cap; and a U.S. Border Patrol van…

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A phantom pregnancy is actually a real pregnancy but you have a phantom inside you rather than a human baby.  –  Amethyst Realm

Our society is in love with unnecessary warning signs, but the ones in this video (courtesy of Lenore Skenazy) are absurd even by modern US standards.  The links above it were provided by Mistress MatisseFranklin HarrisRadley BalkoWalter OlsonPhoenix Calida, Emma Evans, and David Ley, in that order.

From the Archives

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How can I convince my wife to see an escort with me?

The short, pithy, and not-entirely-accurate answer is, “You can’t.”  Now, hear me out; I’m not just being a killjoy.  That answer is based on some assumptions, hence the “not entirely accurate” descriptor; if any of these assumptions are incorrect, the short answer also might not be.  However, I’m willing to bet that even as it is, it’s hovering around the 75th percentile of applicability.

First of all, if your wife were the “game for anything” type, you probably wouldn’t have asked me this question; the two of you would’ve already discussed it, and even if she said “no” prior experience would almost certainly give you a hint as to how to proceed in convincing her.  I’m also going to assume that she has never expressed a strong interest in bringing another woman into bed with you; if she had, it would’ve been a simple matter for you to say, “That sounds like a great idea, but we should probably just hire a pro so as to avoid awkward situations with friends and the uncertainty & weirdness of trying to pick up a gal together at a bar or party.”  I’m even going to assume that she has not openly (or even coyly) expressed a desire to “spice up” your sex lives, because that would’ve given you an opening to suggest something.  No, I’m going to assume that you’ve had a pretty vanilla sex life so far, and that you have a fantasy of being in bed with two women that she doesn’t (to your knowledge) share.  And if that’s the case, please reread the first line of this column.

Now, there are a few caveats; you might try making a kind of vague suggestion about spicing up your sex lives, and see where that leads you.  But before you do that, I need to give you two warnings:

A) It’s not unusual for vanilla amateur women to react to such a suggestion by taking it personally and getting angry at you for insinuating that your sex life is boring; the mere suggestion may precipitate an argument in which work, children and the fact that you don’t pay much attention to her any more will almost certainly be mentioned.

B) Even if A doesn’t happen, most vanilla amateur women’s idea of “spicing things up” is a “romantic” (and much more expensive than hiring me for two hours) vacation to a quaint little bed and breakfast.  Or Hawaii.  During which you may or may not have the same kind of boring sex you’ve had for years, only in a different (and much more expensive) bed.

Do I sound a bit jaded?  You’ll have to forgive me; even before I was a professional I had a long history of being “the other woman” (for partners of both sexes) and the understanding friend who consoles people over their romantic difficulties.  And I’ve seen this script played out on a regular basis since 1983.  The sad fact of the matter is, the majority of modern American women have been thoroughly brainwashed into the belief that male sexuality is inherently pathological, and your desire for variety will be dismissed as a sign that something is wrong with you and/or that you don’t love her any more.  Please don’t take this as meaning I’m letting men off the hook; there are plenty of things men could do to improve their marriages, but that wasn’t the question which was asked.  And though men are usually more receptive to trying out their female partners’ fantasies than vice versa, that isn’t necessarily the case if said fantasy threatens his delicate ego in the same way that a man’s desire for variety can threaten a woman’s sense of security.  Furthermore, I can assure you from both personal experience and the experiences of female friends, vanilla men are every bit as likely to be squicked out by kinky fantasies they don’t share as vanilla women are.  My advice to any man who wants to be in bed with two women is, unless your wife has clearly expressed interest in such a thing, just ask an escort to arrange a duo for you; you’ll get what you want without drama, and it’ll be a lot cheaper in the long run.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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[Jessica] McGraa’s death has prompted many to ask how we have created a climate in which sex workers call anyone but the police.  –  Frankie Mullin

Lying Down With Dogs

Melissa Ditmore on Russia’s terrible anti-whore policies:

Russian President Vladimir Putin…half [joked]…that…Russian sex workers are “of course the best in the world”…but…Russia’s regressive policies on sex work, LGBTQ people, and sex education are counter to good health.  LGBTQ people are stigmatized and discriminated against and face grave violence, sex work is prohibited, the most effective HIV prevention strategies for people who use drugs are against the law, and comprehensive sexuality education is not offered in schools…

The Mote and the Beam

Liz Brown was the only non-prohibitionist invited to appear on this Al Jazeera show; in this article she discusses the incredible ignorance of the other panelists, who call for more laws without even knowing what the current ones say.

An Example To the West

Two thousand signatures:

The National Network of Sex Workers has released a statement challenging the conference being organised by the “The Coalition for the Abolition of Prostitution International”…The statement has been signed by over 2000 sex workers in India who reject the conflation of trafficking with sex work, and the conflation of sex work with violence.  It calls for…an end to the use of morality to stigmatise and discriminate against sex workers…

Broken Record 

The broadest “gypsy whore” claim ever:

a new report from 2016 [redefines criteria to claim that] the number of human trafficking cases in [Florida] doubled in the last year…Florida’s reputation as a tourist destination means traffickers respond to the demand for sex tourism by trafficking victims to the state during tourist season…[prohibitionist] Bethany Gilot [publicly fantasized about]…the prevalence of sex tourism in the region…

I Swear To God

And yet “feminists” were perfectly happy when it was sex workers’ rights which were the forbidden topic:

Donald Trump signed [an] executive order…reinstating a ban on international aid…to nonprofits that provide abortions or promote information on them, regardless of what other services they offer…A…group of more than 100 public health, women’s issues, and civil liberties organizations have already issued a statement opposing the return of…”the global gag rule”…[the policy is very much like] the anti-prostitution pledge…[which] stipulated that no grant money could be used…to “provide assistance to any group or organization that does not have a policy explicitly opposing prostitution”…

That Old Black Magic

I’m not sure which aspect of this is the stupidest:

A woman accused of trafficking a Nigerian woman into the country and forcing her to work as a prostitute has claimed that the alleged victim was having an affair with her husband…The complainant previously told a jury that she underwent a “voodoo process” in Nigeria during which she swore she would not report the alleged trafficker, Joy Imasogie…once in Ireland she had to have sex with up to 10 men a day to pay off a €50,000 “debt”…arising from her being brought to Ireland…Imasogie said sometimes the woman would come to her house to do her hair in exchange for food but denied making her work as a prostitute…she…also claimed the mother of the alleged victim was using voodoo to take her husband away from her but “did not succeed”…

Monsters 

A 26-year-old Detroit man…[shot] a transgender woman in the face after paying her for sex.  Jason Lamar Hogan was charged…with [attempted murder]…She escaped and got treatment at Grace Hospital…

Paint By Numbers

“Dumb ‘awareness-raising’ stunts” is going to be the funniest appendix in my history of “sex trafficking” hysteria:

The Crisis Center of Tampa Bay is urging you to drop an F-bomb.  No, not the swear word.  In this case, F stands for Friend…They’re using memes with a very serious message.  It’s something we don’t like to think is happening in our community: kids forced to be sex slaves.  But Florida is one of the top three states for human trafficking…Ken Gibson from the Crisis Center…says…“It’s little kids…who are being targeted by pimps”…

Checklist (#542)

Can this reporter actually be so credulous as to believe it takes 20 cops to check to see if a strip club is displaying the magical scrolls demanded by Florida politicians?

There was no dancing when deputies and code enforcement officers were at a strip joint called Icon.  Except for the 20 or so officials, the club was nearly vacant…But the deputies didn’t mind the empty stage, as they were there to ensure that the club was in compliance with a new county ordinance requiring anti-human trafficking signs in adult entertainment establishments…

The nauseating sound of bootlicking is deafening.

Perquisites (#582) 

Yawning.

…University of Louisville…director of basketball operations Andre McGee hired strippers and prostitutes as a way of gaining favor with high school recruits from 2010 to 2014.  The scandal broke wide open in 2015, when Katina Powell, who was in charge of organizing the women to bring to campus, published a book detailing the racket, titled Breaking Cardinal Rules: Basketball and the Escort Queen…

Surplus Women (#614) 

It will never be completely safe for any sex worker, or really any woman, to call the cops.  But we need to give the cops far fewer excuses to force interaction with sex workers:

Jessica…McGraa’s death sent waves of horror through the sex work community across the UK.  As an independent worker, advertising online, she was part of one of the fastest-growing sectors of the industry.  Her story was close to home for thousands of people working in similar circumstances.  How many of them would have called the police?…

To Molest and Rape rapist-cop-evan-cramer

Once again: if you think it matters whether a rapist cop was “on duty” at the time of the rape, you are part of the problem:

Evan Cramer…pulled [a woman] over…for a minor traffic violation…[he said] she had multiple warrants out for her arrest and said she could avoid jail time if she [submitted to rape]…Cramer…then…[forced] the [woman] into his cruiser and [drove] her to a vacant lot where…he [raped her]…The woman then went to the hospital and reported the [rape]…

A Tale That Grew in the Telling (#705) 

Though this is mostly just the usual idiocy, note that “children” is defined as “people under 26”.

There are likely more than 313,000 victims of labor and sex trafficking in Texas, and roughly a fourth of them are children and people under the age of 26 who have been forced into prostitution…[fetishists] from…University of Texas…[pretend these wild exagerrations represent] “a conservative understatement of the prevalence of human trafficking in Texas”…

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Live Free or DieAs I reported on January 13th, a bill to decriminalize prostitution has been introduced in the New Hampshire legislature.  The initial media coverage treated it as little more than a joke, a quixotic effort by a freshman representative which majority leader Dick Hinch (don’t giggle) vowed to kill as quickly as possible because “society is just not ready for that”.  Given that New Zealand and New South Wales both qualify as parts of human (and even English-speaking!) society, I must presume that Hinch is as much an ignoramus as he is a Dick.  Other (unnamed) prohibitionists vomited out the “diseased whore” myth, the “whore as criminal” myth and the “whore as siren to weak-willed male perverts” myth, while Dick vowed to play basketball with the bill and then lock it up in the basement.

But unfortunately for those now cursing the name of Amnesty International and praying for all us loudmouthed whores to choke on a cock or something, the bill was neither a joke nor a one-woman show nor easily swept under the rug:

New Hampshire legislators last week debated the merits of decriminalizing prostitution, in response to a bipartisan bill filed by state Reps. Amanda Bouldin (D-Hillsborough), Carole McGuire (R-Merrimack), and Elizabeth Edwards (D-Hillsborough).  On Thursday, January 28, the New Hampshire Criminal Justice and Public Safety Committee held a hearing on House Bill 1614, which removes all criminal penalties for “consensual sex between consenting adults” whether money is exchanged or not while making “any solicitation of sexual contact involving a person under 18 years of age or through the use of force or intimidation a felony.”

Edwards is apparently the main author of the bill, and she dropped a lot of big names in her introductory remarks:

“We put forward this bill in response to Amnesty International’s August 2015 recommendation that governments across the world decriminalize prostitution…Amnesty International studied the issue for two years prior to the their recommendation,” and their view is in line with the World Health Organization, the Global Alliance Against Trafficking in Women, Human Rights Watch, the Open Society Foundations, Anti-Slavery International, and other global human-rights groups…

Before long The USPROStitutes Collective asked as many sex workers and allies as possible to support the bill:

We are in touch with one of the sponsors of the Bill.  Please consider writing in or calling them to make your case in support of decriminalization.  Points to make in your letter may include that decriminalization would:

  • Increase safety as sex workers could work together and more easily report violence;
  • Enhance health as sex workers could more easily access services and wouldn’t be deterred from carrying condoms for fear that they will be used as evidence of prostitution;
  • Free up police time to focus on the investigation of violent crimes such as rape and domestic violence rather than the policing of consenting sex (particularly important as the Committee is primarily made up of former and current law enforcement);
  • End criminal records which bar sex workers from getting other jobs. This is crucial for anyone who may want to leave the sex industry and is unable to…

…Please see below the list and emails of committee members to send your letters to or call…

HouseCriminalJusticeandPublicSafety@leg.state.nh.us
Arthur Barnes (r) arthur.barnes@leg.state.nh.us, 603-893-4754
Roger Benrube (d) rogerrberube@hotmail.com, 603-692-5653
John Burt (r) john.burt@leg.state.nh.us, 603-624-5084
Ed Corneau (r) ed@edcomeau.org, 603-522-2275
Robert Cushing (d) renny.cushing@leg.state.nh.us, 603-926-2737
Len DiSesa (d) Len.DiSesa@leg.state.nh.us, 603-343-4344
Robert Fesh (r) rmfesh@comcast.net, 603-434-1150
Robert Fisher (r) robert.fisher@leg.state.nh.us, 802-727-0441
Dennis Green (r) Dennis.Green@leg.state.nh.us, 603-234-7776
Geoffrey Hirsch (d) Geoffrey.Hirsch@leg.state.nh.us, 603-938-2833
Latha Manjipudi (d) Latha.Mangipudi@leg.state.nh.us, 603-891-1239
Dick Marston (r) dick.marston.nhstaterep@gmail.com, 603-361-8192
John Martin (r) john.martin@leg.state.nh.us, 603-774-3098
Andrew OHearne (d) Andrew.OHearne@leg.state.nh.us, 603-558-1038
Laura Pantelakos (d) lcpantelakos@comcast.net, 603-436-2148
Harold Parker (r) hbpcd6@gmail.com, 603-491-6807
Timothy Robertson (d) timothyrbrtsn2@gmail.com, 603-352-7006
Shawn Sweeney (r) shawn.sweeney@leg.state.nh.us, 603-265-0319

Bella Robinson of COYOTE-RI also testified before the committee hearings, and Maxine Doogan of ESPLERP also took time out from her work on the decriminalization court case in California to speak in its favor:

Naturally, there was no shortage of pompous windbags making inane non-arguments against human rights, in the name of The Women and (wait for it…) THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!

…Rep. John Martin (R-Merrimack) worried that high-school football players would move from “having a keg party after a victory to having a hooker party after a victory.”  Rep. Edwards responded by pointing out that sex between adults and minors would still be illegal, no matter the gender of the minors.  Rep. Dick Marston (R-Hillsborough) opposes the bill and is surprised by its introduction from female legislators, demanding they answer for the fact that some married men might cheat with sex workers…

Apparently, given that this other Dick isn’t (to my knowledge) sponsoring a bill criminalizing marital infidelity, he isn’t concerned if married men cheat with amateurs; he just doesn’t want those hussies to profit by their naughtiness.  But lest you think he merely wants to save himself and other philanderers some cash, Dick assures us that he’s firmly in touch with his feminine side:  “I just have a problem with this bill from a woman’s point of view.”  That’s this entire issue in miniature right there:  Men (and anti-sex women) ignoring, dismissing, criminalizing and infantilizing women while pretending to understand our point of view and presuming to speak for us is the essence of prohibition in a nutshell.

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I am a mistress right now.  I love my boyfriend very much, but I am very confused about everything that I have researched about mistresses and wives.  Apparently, I am supposed to be a homewrecker, an evil temptress whose only desire is to take him away from his family.  Nothing could be further from my mind–I even give my boyfriend advice on how to get along with his wife.  The more I look around the net, the more I find sites that tell me how I am going to be disappointed because he will not leave his wife, because he uses me sexually, because I will not have an intimate emotional connection with him.  But I do not want him to leave his wife, and if the affair was ever discovered I would call her and promise her that I would never see him again so that he can be with his family.  I don’t get money from him, either; I don’t really understand how I am supposed to fit into the expectations society has of mistresses.

succubusWhen I was a teenager, I figured that my sexuality made me a weirdo.  I didn’t think sex was some special, magical thing to be shared only with certain consecrated people; nor did I believe it was dirty and polluting and had some special power to destroy my soul.  I was attracted to men and women equally, was willing to try new things, and was polyamorous at a time and place where that term didn’t exist (we called them “open relationships”, and some of my older partners called it “free love”).  The idea of jealousy made no sense at all to me; I didn’t care if my partners had sex with other people and I probably had more three-ways before I was 20 than more conventional girls have had sex partners of any kind.  But society told me that was all abnormal; sex possessed some kind of magical mumbo-jumbo taboo energy which made it different from all other human activity, and if I had “too much” I would be “ruined”, and I should be angry and hostile and hateful and throw my relationship away if I discovered a boyfriend or girlfriend had slept with somebody else.  I didn’t believe any of that crap, but I did believe that believing in it was “normal”; I was therefore a freak.  By the end of my twenties I had a much broader outlook; I felt that everyone was different, and that my way of perceiving sex was no less “normal” than the more common view.  But after 18 years of harlotry, I’ve begun to realize that my initial position was closer to the truth, except for big difference:  I’m not the one with the freakish way of looking at sex; society at large is.  Sex isn’t any more magical or holy or special than any other thing we can do with other people; it doesn’t have any unique power to destroy souls, and it isn’t “ruined” or “polluted” or whatever if one has it with multiple partners, or pays for it, or engages in it for reasons other than “love” or “pleasure”.  Rape is not a fate worse than death, sex society brands as “illicit” is mostly harmful to young people because of the stigma society inflicts rather than because of the activity itself, and extramarital sex has no intrinsic power to “wreck” a home; it’s jealousy and insecurity which do that.  The taboo/magical/possessive paradigm of sexuality is deeply sick and twisted, and has probably caused more evil, sorrow and destruction than any other single cultural construct on earth.

There’s an old adage that goes, “in the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king,” but that’s total bullshit; as H.G. Wells illustrated in his story “The Country of the Blind“, the real response of a nation of blind people to someone trying to describe the concept of sight would be to conclude he was an imbecile.  Were the hypothetical one-eyed man to peruse the (Braille-like) records of this blind nation, he might discover other cases of “sick”, “crazy” and perhaps even “dangerous” individuals who had claimed to possess this imaginary power called “sight”; he might even find analyses of why these people should give up their delusions of a fifth sense, and how they’d never be happy or fit into society until they stopped claiming to see, or possibly even descriptions of how such troublemakers had been sentenced to have their eyes plucked out to rid them of this twisted delusion of “sight”.  What I’m getting at is this:  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you or your way of looking at your relationship, but since you live in the Country of the Blind, don’t be surprised if the great majority can’t understand your gift of sight.  And because they can’t, they will all try to convince you that you’re the one who’s wrong and sick.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Last year, my husband had a drunk night out and called several prostitutes, but claims that no actual sex ever occurred.  I have all of the numbers he called.  Is there any way I could approach these women and ask whether one of them saw my husband that night?  I feel like I’m fairly open minded, but in my book, sex outside of a marriage is cheating, period, and I just need to know.  Is this a foolish endeavor?lips sealed

Well, it’s a futile one.  It is extremely unlikely that any of the ladies will answer that question; our professional ethics forbid it.  More than anything else, what a man is paying for when he sees a professional is discretion; if it got around that a sex worker had betrayed one of her clients to his wife (or anyone else), word would quickly get around and her reputation would be sunk.  There is a small chance someone might slip and give you info that she absolutely shouldn’t, but the chance is vanishingly small; you’d probably have similar luck calling a clinic to ask if your husband had been treated there.  Even if he really did see a pro that night, please understand that it has absolutely no bearing on his feelings for you; men sometimes just think with the wrong head, and it’s our job to minimize the harm that can come from that.  And if it continues to bug you, you might consider talking to a wise friend or counsellor so as to let off the stress before it ends up hurting your marriage over something that may not even really have happened.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

 

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