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Posts Tagged ‘genitalia’

FOSTA’s real purpose is making it easier to file lawsuits against online companies, while politicians pat themselves on the back.  –  Ron Wyden

A Procrustean Bed (#502)

A documentary glorifies the prohibitionist shitshow that is New York’s “sex trafficking court”:

…Judge Toko Serita…presides over Queens’s Human Trafficking Intervention Court…where she processes women who have been arrested on charges of prostitution…The women…are offered a choice:  Instead of [being given constitutional due process]…they can [submit to]…a set number of [brainwashing] sessions.  If, in six months, they have not been arrested again, the charges are dropped and the case is sealed…about 80 percent of the women take the [brainwashing] option…[less] than victims, Serita sees them first and foremost as…[objects to be processed.  Filmmaker Stephanie] Wang-Breal…says…in the film’s notes: “Who am I to say she doesn’t have agency, who am I to say what she should be doing with her life?” [and yet she glorifies this grotesque denial of women’s agency anyway]…

Nobody involved in producing this mess stopped to question the court’s assumption that human beings are mere objects to be “processed”.  You know, like in a food processor.

All Shapes and Sizes (#521)

This procedure has come a long way in only three years:

Doctors in the US have performed the world’s first complete penis and scrotum transplant on a former soldier who had his genitals blown off after stepping on a hidden bomb while on tour in the Middle East.  The 14-hour operation performed last month at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, was the most complex and extensive penis transplant ever attempted…The young [man]…received an entire penis, scrotum (without testicles), and partial abdominal wall from a deceased donor…It took a team of nine plastic surgeons and two urology surgeons…The surgery took place on March 26 and nearly a month on doctors seem confident of its success but will continue to monitor the patient’s recovery…

Shame, Shame (#649)

My friend Mark Bennett takes down Texas’ overbroad and mindlessly-draconian “revenge porn” law:

Mark Bennett, the Texas Tornado, took another law down for violating the First Amendment.  This time, it was…the so-called “revenge porn” law.  In Ex parte Jones, the 12th District Court of Appeals…held that the statute was facially unconstitutional.  As has been argued from the day Mary Anne Franks began her efforts to create a criminal revenge porn statute, it clearly implicated the First Amendment’s prohibition against laws infringing on free expression, to which she merely screamed her denials and did her best to deflect by creating a fantasy interpretation of the First Amendment…The State argues…relying upon Franks’ and Danielle Citron’s “legal” arguments…that [such images fall] within a new concept of obscenity, “contextually obscene”.  Except there is no such category outside of their imaginations, nor can anything be found obscene except by a jury…the court noted that the law failed to make any effort to narrow its prohibitions, which was a fundamental tenet of the Franks approach to criminalizing revenge porn lest anyone get away with it…

The Peril 

The hypocrisy of politicians sometimes defies belief:

Jack Johnson…became the first black heavyweight boxing champion after defeating Tommy Burns in Sydney, Australia, in 1908.  Two years later, he defended his title against boxer James J. “Jim” Jeffries, who…was referred to as the “great white hope” by racist…fans who wanted him to…take back the heavyweight crown for whites…Jeffries lost the fight…[but] what racism could not do to Johnson in the boxing ring, it found other ways to accomplish.  Johnson was convicted in 1913 of violating the Mann Act…the Justice Department…argued that Johnson’s relationship with a white woman was a “crime against nature”…criminalization of sex work in the US is rooted in racism, and modern campaigns do little to mask that lineage…The “white slavery” campaign of the early 1900’s…led directly to the enactment of the federal Mann Act, (a.k.a. the White Slave Traffic Act), in 1910.  “[O]nce prohibition of sex work was in place,” writer Maggie McNeill has noted, “it was enforced disproportionately against poor people and ethnic minorities, especially black people, just as all prohibitionist laws are.”  As Andrew Glass wrote for Politico, the first person prosecuted under the Mann Act…was Jack Johnson…That Donald Trump should look to a pardon for Johnson in the same month he signed…FOSTA…into law, is bitterly ironic…

Legal Is as Legal Does (#666) 

Lewis & her friends are naive fools; what they’re asking for is legalization & protectionism, and they’re not going to like it if they get it:

New Zealand sex workers are furious that foreign prostitutes who come on temporary visas can advertise their services here despite it being illegal for them to work.  High profile escort Lisa Lewis is one of several who have taken their complaints to Immigration New Zealand…calling for a harsher stance against migrant sex workers…She wants INZ to shift its focus from just deporting migrant sex workers to punish [advertising venues] that profit from helping the promotion of these illegal sex workers.  Lewis said the increase in number of foreign prostitutes coming over has hit local sex workers in the pocket…

Permanent Record

Note that other states have similar (if less broad) laws, and that the tendency toward such penalties is increasing:

Currently in both Maryland and Tennessee, a criminal past — or even just being accused of a crime — often stands between people and a job.  This is because many occupational licensing laws prevent ex-offenders from being able to obtain a license for the jobs they seek…these restrictions aren’t targeted at people whose criminal history relates to their desired career; instead, they can serve as blanket bans for those hoping to enter hundreds of professions including plumbing, cosmetology and interior design.  By prohibiting wide swaths of people from licensure, these boards aren’t protecting health and safety — they’re just making it more likely these individuals will remain unemployed and unable to support themselves or their families…in some cases, people need only to be accused of a crime — not even convicted of it — for the board to deny them a license.  Many of these bans are also permanent…In one instance in Tennessee…a woman convicted for prostitution over a decade ago learned she couldn’t become a radiation therapist…

I’m going to start using this heading for the many cases of people who lose their jobs due to a history of sex work; they currently appear under the overbroad “First They Came for the Hookers…”

All-Purpose Excuse (#794)

In this confused mess, a lawyer complains that anti-immigrant actions “hurt efforts to stop human trafficking”, even though “human trafficking” is a dysphemism used to demonize immigration:

If Trump truly cared about victims of human trafficking, he would put an end to his ongoing assault on immigrants.  Statistics on the number of victims of human trafficking are notoriously unreliable because of widespread [ov]erreporting…Since Trump assumed the presidency, Immigration and Customs Enforcement has used the fight against human trafficking as justification for its crackdown on undocumented immigrants.  ICE arrests have surged by more than 40 percent…[which] has aggravated the fear of coming forward among undocumented victims of human trafficking, undermining the U.S. government’s own efforts to tackle the problem…

In other words, “Trump’s crackdown on migration is interfering with existing attempts to prevent migration”.

Disaster

Here’s another article about FOSTA, which despite many good points expended so much effort in licking prohibitionist arseholes it nearly made me vomit.  Since there are plenty of good articles which denounce censorship and promote human rights without sucking the dick of power, there’s not a lot of reason to bother with this one; however, if you feel compelled you’ll see this “journalist” ceding ground to prohibitionists and otherwise making ignorant, unhelpful statements all over the place.  It starts in the lede, which proclaims that FOSTA was “a rare moment of bipartisan agreement”, a deeply stupid statements which ignores that the two main US parties have never disagreed on prohibition as a principle at any point in the past century, and that literally every single anti-sex work bill of the past two decades has had nearly-unanimous bipartisan support.  The article misstates the case against Backpage, repeats prohibitionist lies, characterizes third parties as “pimps & traffickers”, downplays the breadth of opposition to internet censorship with phrases like “some argue”, and even claims that “FOSTA was pitched with a very specific (and noble) goal in mind”; apparently author Kate Knibbs believes that censorship, denial of human rights, and negating the agency and consent of half a million women are “noble”.  I certainly don’t.

This Means War (#830) 

Megalomaniacal US rulers believe they have the right to disrupt the lives of millions all over the world:

Before New Zealand Cracker – a classifieds website used by sex workers – was shut down by the FBI, Wellington woman Sarah (not her real name) says she received at least five enquiries from clients each day.  Now, she is lucky to receive two a week through other advertising platforms.  “It has totally ruined our lives”…the FBI seiz[ure of]…Backpage.com…[has produced] a global and profound disruption of the sex work industry, including in countries like New Zealand, where prostitution is legal.  New Zealand Cracker was one of the many subsidiary sites Backpage.com hosted around the world.  For more than a decade it was at the heart of New Zealand’s sex work industry – offering businesses and sex workers a cheap, effective way of connecting with clients.  Its closure has, without warning, taken livelihoods away, leaving workers without the resources to operate their businesses or, in some cases, survive…

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If Jesus was coming up the escalator three or four steps lower than you are, would He consider what you were wearing was acceptable?  –  Christian modesty guide (2016)

When this song came on my “Bohemian Rhapsody” Pandora station last week (yes, I have a station based on “Bohemian Rhapsody”; why don’t you?) I hadn’t heard it in decades.  But it’s one I have thought about often, and upon re-listening I realized that it’s one of the inspirations for my story “Millennium“.  The links above it were provided by Tim CushingElizabeth N. BrownMike SiegelRick HorowitzLenore Skenazy, and Tim Cushing again, in that order.

From the Archives

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I don’t think there’s any kind of case law that says you can sue a penis.  –  Judith Lonnquist

Those among you who have never seen Heavy Metal may not really dig how completely cool this sequence was in 1981, but if it inspires you to go see the film (one of the last feature-length hand-drawn animated movies), I’ve done my job.  Naturally, Elon Musk’s shooting-a-car-into-space publicity stunt inspired me to tweet this video on Tuesday; the links above it were provided by Patrick NonwhiteScott GreenfieldMark DraughnJillian KeenanWalter OlsonNun Ya, and Radley Balko, in that order.

From the Archives

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I’ve been seeing my favorite lady for two years.  We have a great rapport; she enjoys hard, fast thrusting and can achieve multiple strong orgasms.  However, I am uncircumcised and struggle with premature ejaculation, so I have to go very slow for a good while until the sensitivity dies down, and then I can engage in more energetic thrusting without risk of going too soon.  But my lady friend has become increasingly demanding that I perform energetically from the beginning; in our last encounter, she even told me that I was “killing her” by taking her so close to orgasm and then backing off (which I had to do to keep from orgasming myself).  I want to tell her that I need to take things slow for the first 10-15 minutes, and that I can give her the kind of sex she wants later if she can only be patient.  I know I shouldn’t say that I’m paying for the time and she should do it how I want, and that’s not how I feel anyway.  But on the other hand, I can’t help but feel that she is prioritizing her pleasure above my own, and that kind of hurts my feelings.  How do I broach the subject with her in a manner that won’t offend her?

You’re absolutely right that as a professional, she’s there to give you pleasure and not vice-versa, but at the same time I understand that y’all have developed a relationship in which you value her feelings and needs as well (and most men also find the idea of making a sexy woman orgasm to be satisfying in itself).  So I have a few questions for you.  First, is penetration the only thing that makes her climax?  Because if she can also come from clitoral simulation (oral, masturbation or vibrator), you could certainly give her a couple of orgasms that way and then proceed to take care of your own needs.  Second, what do you mean by “too soon”?  A lot of men labor under the misapprehension that all women want to be pounded for a very long time; you mention 10-15 minutes, which believe me is a very long time.  Though there are certainly some women who want to be penetrated for that long, most women prefer an extended stretch of kissing, touching, oral sex and other foreplay (a term which isn’t really correct because it casts penetration as the “main event”, which it doesn’t have to be), followed by maybe 5 minutes or so of penetration.  So unless your lady has expressed disappointment at your “coming too quickly”, her vocal urging may be intended to get you to fuck harder and faster for a shorter time.  I know that long, slow fucking sessions exasperate the hell out of me; in my teen years I once snapped at a guy, “Are you going to actually fuck me or just fuck around?”  (It was a bad strategy because the poor guy lost his erection right there & couldn’t get it up again).  It may not be easy for you, but you might try asking her outright if she’d prefer a shorter but more vigorous pounding followed by a quick orgasm on your part, or a longer, more languid session such as you’ve been doing.  Her answer may surprise you.  Third, you haven’t mentioned your age or refractory period; if you don’t take an exceptionally long time to recover, the answer might be as simple as starting your sessions by going at it very hard and coming quickly, then enjoying an extended period of touching, kissing, etc until you become erect again, followed by another bout of fucking (most guys take a lot longer the second time).  If you’re past 40 that second erection may take a while, in which case it might be better for both of you to book longer sessions in which you have more time to recover.

In any case, I think it’s very important that you include her in the discussion rather than attempting to fix it all by yourself (you can show her this letter if you like).  Good communication is essential for good sex, and it would be a rare sex worker who was offended by a client telling her clearly and without criticism what he wants, and asking her clearly what she wants.  We have to be good at such communication to do our jobs, but we aren’t mind readers; I think it far more likely that she’ll be relieved than offended when you bring up the subject.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Take It Easy

I’m dating a Catholic virgin (both of us are professional adults).  We’re going to have sex soon, and I want to make it good for her, but I’m not very experienced myself and I’m both long and thick; I have to buy custom condoms because nothing store-bought fits.  Worse, I have a pronounced downward bend; it caused problems with my first-ever girlfriend, and that left a lasting impression on me.  I really don’t want to ruin this for her; do you have any advice?

The most important advice I can give you about this is, DON’T RUSH.  If she’s a virgin your size may scare her at first, so you need to be ready for that possibility.  If it happens, you need to sincerely tell her that it’s not a rush, and you have to mean it so she sees it in your eyes and believes you.  Start with fingers and oral, to get her ready before you even try; if she has an aversion to fingers, try gently explaining that you’re concerned about hurting her so you want to take it slow & get her ready.  The vagina can take a LOT more than any human man has; lesbians often fist each other (which even though women’s hands are smaller than men’s, are still MUCH thicker than penises).  Plus, babies, right?  But that’s after warmup and relaxation.  So anything you can do to help her relax is a bonus; a few cocktails (you don’t want her drunk, just relaxed) or some good cannabis are time-tested methods.  When you do start the actual penetration process, don’t be in a rush; a little at a time, with kissing and touching, will help her to stay calm and relaxed.  And make sure you have plenty of water-based lube on hand; women vary in the amount they lubricate naturally, and if she’s nervous she may be drier than under optimal conditions.  Plus, condoms require more lube than bareback sex; the latex produces more friction than bare skin.  If she does get scared and changes her mind, don’t get angry; that isn’t uncommon.  Just gently withdraw and assure her that it’s OK, and that y’all can try again another time (again, you need to mean it because she’ll know if you’re just saying it).

Just because she’s a virgin does not mean she’ll be super-tight; women’s genitalia come in all sizes just as men’s do, so once she gets over the nervousness you may fit quite well.  And it’s a myth that a lot of sex loosens a woman; after 36 years of sex I’m still extremely tight.  What some guys mistake for loosening is just the woman learning to relax, which of course increases with experience (childbirth can also damage the muscles, but that’s a subject for another day).  It’s possible that your angle may cause an issue, especially if it’s pronounced; you may need to try a couple of different positions to see which one works best for her.  Reverse cowgirl (woman on top, facing the man’s feet) can be good for penises with a pronounced downward bend, and that has the bonus of letting her control the rate and depth; of course, that also results in deeper penetration, which is not so good for a long cock.  So you’ll probably need to experiment to see what’s best.  Incidentally, I believe there has been some progress in the treatment of Peyronie’s Syndrome (that’s what the pronounced bend is called), so you may want to talk to your doctor for referral to a specialist for consultation.

Finally, and VERY importantly, do not worry about your skill level.  Really, honestly, that is of little to no consequence to most women.  What’s important is that you be loving, gentle and patient; that you listen to what she says and watch her nonverbal cues about what feels good and what doesn’t; that you make her feel beautiful, desirable and loved, and not pressured or inadequate; and that you help her understand that more than anything else you want intimacy with her, specifically, and not just any attractive woman.  And that because of that last, you’re willing to take your time and do whatever it takes to make her happy and comfortable.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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I’m over 70 and no longer able to get an erection even with the meds available.  I’m in good shape, not bad looking and can afford it, but am reluctant to engage a girl.  What do you think?

One thing that I (and nearly nearly every sex worker I talk to) wish men understood is that we really don’t care about most of the things men think women care about, and that includes most of the things some amateur women do care about.  We really don’t care about clients’ looks, age, relative levels of physical fitness, penis size, ability to perform tricks they saw in porn movies or anything like that; what we do care about is that our clients are polite, generous, clean, respectful, prompt, appreciative, gentlemanly and realistic about their expectations.  What I mean by that last is, it’s not a problem if a gentleman is unable to get an erection, understands that, and asks for activities that don’t require one (of which there are many); the problem only arises (no pun intended) if he believes a whore can perform the sexual equivalent of a resurrection, and gets angry at her if she can’t.  In my career I’ve had plenty of men, including many younger than yourself, who were suffering from temporary or permanent erectile dysfunction, and as long as they understood and accepted that we were still able to have a good time cuddling, kissing, playing with toys, engaging in kink and other such activities that don’t involve erections.  But when such a man expected some kind of high-level sexual witchcraft beyond even my considerable skills, it rarely turned out well.  My advice to you, then, is to find a mature lady whose company you think you’ll enjoy regardless of what happens in the bedroom; go into the date knowing your limitations and clearly communicate those limitations to her; and enjoy the journey rather than being hell-bent on reaching some kind of destination to which there may no longer exist a bridge.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Regular readers know that I’m not usually one for giving testimonials, and never unless I actually try and like a product.  And that doesn’t happen all that often for the simple reason that I’m rather set in my ways, so it isn’t often I actually try a new product to discover whether I like it or not.  But when the product A) was developed by a very dear friend; B) is derived from cannabis; and C) is intended to intensify orgasms…well, obviously I was much more motivated than usual to try it.  The product, as most of you can probably guess, is Mistress Matisse’s new Velvet Swing, a cannabis-infused lube which enhanced orgasm in 80% of the women who tried it during the testing phase; I bought some at the official product launch three weeks ago, but it took until last week to try it because I really wanted to give it a fair test.

Many of you may recall that I don’t orgasm easily or often; I have a recessed clitoris (which makes external stimulation generally ineffective), plus most people aren’t willing or able to give me the kind of stimulation I need for long enough and hard enough to actually get me where I need to go.  And to make things worse, it’s extremely difficult to get my overactive brain to relax enough for me to actually achieve the proper headspace unless one or more of my kinks are engaged intensely enough to nullify my high distractibility.  So needless to say, I wasn’t sanguine about the possibility of any lube, cannabis-infused or otherwise, doing much for me; I’m used to being a statistical outlier in anything to do with sex, so I figured it was very likely I’d be in that 20% the product didn’t do much for.  On the other hand, cannabis tends to have very strong effects on me; 20 or 25 mg of edible and I’m good for the whole evening, and my trips are very intense and border on the psychedelic, including full audiovisual effects (visions and hallucinations).  So if any sexual product could enhance my orgasms, a cannabis-based product would probably have the best chance.  Given all those facts, I figured it was best I try the product with someone I’ve been with often, and whose primary interaction with me is vanilla instead of kink (so that I’d be able focus on what was happening in my genital region rather than on my endorphin high).  On the 31st I spent the night with one of my favorite regulars, and I knew he wouldn’t mind (because SCIENCE!)

I used 10 pumps, the maximum regular dose, because I didn’t want there to be any doubt in my mind; I rubbed it onto my clitoris, between my labia and into my vagina, and then we kept ourselves occupied for 40 minutes to allow it to achieve maximum effect (as recommended).  By the 30-minute mark I experienced a distinct tingling, and when he started to touch me I found the sensation much more intense than it would normally be; he was able to give me six orgasms with manual stimulation alone, a feat which nobody (male or female) has ever achieved before.  The first orgasm was a fairly big one and the other five were just little ones, but given that external stimulation doesn’t normally result in any orgasms, big or small, that’s pretty damned impressive.  I didn’t really notice a lot of difference in the stimulation resulting from penetration, though my labia & vagina did seem “fuller”, more engorged.  As the old commercials used to say, Your Mileage May Vary; however, if you live in or can travel to Seattle (it’s not sold anywhere else yet), I’d definitely recommend trying it.  I plan to again at the next available opportunity; next time with a woman, I think!

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