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Posts Tagged ‘genitalia’

Prolong

I would like to be able to “hold” longer; I am not a premature ejaculator, but I’d definitely would love to have the whole exercise last longer.  I am always amazed when watching porn film clips, to see these actors last so long, even with hearty stimulation going on.  What is their secret recipe?  Are there any pills/medications that would help?

I have a simple question: Why?  For what reason do you want to last longer?  A lot of men seem to think sex is some kind of endurance contest, and the longer they can go without orgasm, the better.  To be sure, cultural messaging is part of that; the media can’t handle subtlety, and so “not instantly” is transmogrified into “going on and on and on for half a bloody hour”, when in actuality most women don’t want the act of intercourse to last more than five or ten minutes.  Of course there are exceptions; some gals just adore being pistoned into for 20 minutes or more,  but I can assure you that they are in the minority.  When women say they want sex to take a long time, they don’t mean they want intercourse to be some kind of porn marathon; they mean they want the whole process, from the initial hand-holding and kissing until the final parting or sleeping after cuddling, to be unhurried and natural.  The actual pumping is only a small part of that.

As for porn, please remember that it’s no more realistic than any other form of video entertainment.  In real life, people don’t generally fall in love within two hours and live happily ever after; problems aren’t neatly tied up in time for the end credits; doctors and cops don’t have exciting, important cases every week; and the heroes & villains aren’t totally distinct and distinguishable by the color of their hats.  Porn actors’ most important talent is being able to perform under the weird conditions required for the filming of porn, which are anything but sexy; however, you also have to remember that porn (like any other movie) isn’t filmed in one real-time take.  There’s a lot of stopping, starting, redoing, multiple takes, editing, cutting, etc; the scenes may not even have been filmed in the order you see them.  Just because it looks to you that Dick Dongmeister fucked for 40 minutes straight doesn’t mean it actually happened that way, and just because the actress seemed to like being fucked for that long doesn’t mean she actually did (or that she actually was).  It’s called “acting” for a reason.  Furthermore, in real life, very few women can get off from just penetration; they generally want more clitoral stimulation than pounding.  So if the actual endurance is for some reason important to you, there are numbing creams and sprays (containing a topical anesthetic, same as in toothache remedies) available at adult stores (or, according to Google, regular pharmacies) that may do the trick.  But if the reason you want to last longer is to increase your partner’s pleasure, you’d be much better off just learning to ask her what she wants and giving her more of whatever that is.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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I’m a 27 year old virgin who was raised in a Puritanical family to believe that Sex was dirty, evil and wrong; I masturbated when alone, watched porn when I could, but never tried to touch a woman for real because I believed that there was some pure virgin woman out there, waiting for someone exactly like me who, when we got married, would satisfy every sexual desire I had.  But when I got to college I started to realize that both good girls AND bad girls have sex, and the mysterious, untouched, pristine virginal woman who would wait for years until marriage to have sex, basically didn’t exist.  I’ve tried dating, but every woman seemed to view me as “friend zone” material until I recently found one on an online dating app who is perfect in every possible way.  In two months of online interaction I’ve fallen head over heels for her, and next month I’ll be flying to her state to meet her in person and spend a week with her.  However, she is not a virgin; in fact, she’s quite experienced and can’t wait to “have all kinds of naughty fun” with me.  But I haven’t the slightest idea of how to please her!  I told her I was a virgin, and she told me that’s okay.  But, I don’t know how to do cunnilingus, I don’t know how to move from one activity to another, and I’m not sure if my penis is big enough to satisfy her.  And my fear is, I will lose her if I don’t satisfy her on this trip.  What should I do?  Should I visit an escort so I can practice?  Any advice you can give me is greatly appreciated!

shy guyThis might seem weird coming from me, but DO NOT see a sex worker or otherwise make any attempt to lose your virginity before meeting up with your lady.  You told her you’re a virgin, and she said that’s OK; it’s entirely possible that it’s even more than OK, and in fact may be something she specifically finds desirable in you.  Some women like breaking virgins in; sometimes it’s a turn-on in and of itself, and sometimes it may be that they enjoy “training” a guy to do things the way they want them done.  Now, it may be that your lady isn’t specifically interested in your virginity, and that she doesn’t care one way or the other.  But it’s also possible she might feel kind of cheated if she was looking forward to that and you went and screwed it up without good reason on the eve of your meeting.  Note:  I am not saying that anyone “owes” a new partner virginity, or that sexual experience is a bad thing (and I am not going to be a pot describing the color of kettles).  All I’m saying is that I see no valid reason for you to make a liar out of yourself when you may be fulfilling a fantasy of hers (which I think you’ll agree would be pretty awesome).

Don’t worry about not knowing what to do; trust me, she already expects that.  Lots of men who think they know what they’re doing in bed actually don’t know shit, and since she’s quite experienced I’m sure she’s been with more than a few of those (incredibly annoying) guys.  Believe me, sugar, she’ll be a lot happier in bed with a guy who admits he doesn’t know anything than a blowhard who pretends he does, but doesn’t.  You say you don’t know how to give oral sex?  Well, you’re in company with at least 80% of the male population there.  Ditto not knowing how to guide the dance; that usually ends up being the woman’s job.  And unless you have an actual micropenis, don’t worry about being big enough to satisfy her; if she were a size queen she’d already have asked you about that.  Though your fears are understandable due to the garbage you’ve taken in from both your upbringing and the popular culture, it is a virtual certainty that they are baseless:  you aren’t going to lose her because you aren’t Superstud with a magic penis (especially because there ain’t no such organ).  That would be true even if you had a typical level of experience for your age, and it’s even more so since you were upfront about your lack thereof.  Relax, have fun, and let me know how it goes.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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It’s not clear why WhatsApp settled on such an oddly specific number.  –  Doug Boulton

This week’s seasonal video was contributed by my friend Frank, who has a knack for finding such things but won’t get on Twitter.  The links above it were provided by Nun YaTim CushingMistress MatisseRadley BalkoEmma Evans, and  Clarissa, in that order.

From the Archives

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I always believed you had to do something wrong to be arrested.
–  Joy McFarlin

I couldn’t let Halloween pass without at least one horror short; I hope you like this one.  The links above it are from Radley Balko (“traveling”, “pretext” and “never”),  Jillian Keenan  (“women”), Mistress Matisse (“capitalism”), Nun Ya  (“magnets”, “colors” and “yard”), Popehat (“fuck you”), Jesse Walker (“homeopaths”), and  Tushy Galore (“cheese”).

From the Archives

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Eventually, the item believed to be Napoleon’s penis was bought in an auction…  –  Ishaan Tharoor

As so often happens these days, I got occupied last night and was unable to finish setting everything up by deadline.  Sorry about that!  The video below is from Mike Siegel, who also contributed “accidentally”; Radley Balko gave us “headline”, Skye  “transit”, Lenore Skenazy “camping” and Popehat “call out”.

From the Archives

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Pussy

I was talking with a friend recently and we got to wondering how it was that women became associated with cats, or cats with women, and how ‘pussy​’ came to be used as slang for vagina. I thought you might have some information on the history of this and that it was worth asking your thoughts on the subject. Pussy by Peter Driben (1950)

One theory about “pussy” for the female genitalia is that it’s derived from the Old English pusa, meaning purse; some languages do use words referring to a container, such as “vagina” (from the Latin for “sheath”).  However, other languages do use their own words for “cat” to refer to either the pudendum, the vagina or both (in France it’s chatte [“pussycat”], in German Muschi [“house cat”]).  And in some countries, other small furry animals serve the same purpose.  I suspect it’s just part of the nearly universal human tendency to attach “cute” nicknames to the genitalia, and what better term for the female variety than something small, furry and pettable?  Consider the cat’s tendency to purr when stroked, and I think we probably have our explanation (though the common equation of moody feminine behavior with moody feline behavior may also have something to do with it).

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Not With a Ruler

I’m a have a micropenis, described by a urologist as “infantile” in size.  In “All Shapes and Sizes” you stated:  “…even a man like that could be compatible with a woman who loves cunnilingus above all else.”  That’s true in theory, but my experience has been that women who are spontaneously aroused and who have strong sexual appetites, even if they prefer pleasures other than vaginal intercourse, will eventually find that element to be missing and pursue it elsewhere.  Would the probability of meeting a woman who really doesn’t care about penis size really be higher than of finding a woman who is only two inches deep when she’s aroused?  Or one who is willing and who can enjoy sex, but who is also not all that interested in sex to begin with, or who is highly responsive rather than spontaneous in her desire?  

tiny man leaving a womanI think you’re reading far too much into that particular bit of advice.  It was not intended to be the only situation I could think of in which a woman might be happy with a man lacking in the size department; another might be a very dominant woman seeking a man for the sort of kink play that doesn’t require him to be well-endowed, and still another a sex worker or polyamorous woman who doesn’t equate sex with exclusive partnership.  I can tell you from firsthand experience that the situations you describe would not be solutions for the monogamous, because I fit both of those categories.  I have an exceptionally small, tight vagina…and a two-inch penis would still have no effect on me.  And though my sex drive is entirely reactive, that doesn’t mean a tiny cock would do anything for me once I am aroused.  Stated more generally, I doubt there’s an adult vagina small enough that a micropenis would fit it snugly, and how a woman gets aroused has nothing to do with what it takes for her to be satisfied once she is.  I therefore feel your best bet is not to try to find a woman who wants nothing other than a very small penis (which seems to be the track you’re on), but rather one whose feelings of commitment for you cannot be measured with a ruler.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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