Posts Tagged ‘Couples’


Recently I commented on Twitter that the chance of an all-amateur threesome being awful is approximately 100%, and that if you want a good threesome you really need to hire a professional (or even two).  Naturally, I got some blowback from this, because amateurs – especially a certain subset of female amateurs – are very intimidated by the fact (yes, I said “fact”) that professionals are better at sex than they are.  As I wrote in “Don’t Try This At Home“, “ Part of the reason is that we get a lot more practice, and part is necessity…we have to be better at it because our livelihoods depend on it.”  How many different partners does the average amateur have vs the average pro?  How many times does the average amateur practice per week, and in how many different ways?  How many different skills does the average amateur take time to learn, and how much practice does she get in setting boundaries, resolving conflicts, etc?  But the most important question of all is,  Why is this so controversial?  In every other field of human endeavor, the idea that professionals are generally better at whatever-it-is than amateurs is a given; it’s why the term “amateur” can be used in a pejorative manner.  Except when the subject is sex, “You should probably hire a pro to do that” is usually considered good and wholly uncontroversial advice for any compex task that requires greater skill and experience than the average amateur is likely to have.  And believe me, threesomes are complicated; even some professionals don’t like to do them because of the possibility of couple drama:

The first thing I always establish…[is] that the wife [is] in control…since she might become jealous by seeing another woman touching her husband, she [has] the right to speak up if…something…[makes] her uncomfortable.  Sitting close to both of them, I…point out that they…called me to help them experience something novel and exciting, but that it wasn’t for everyone so if the wife [feels] overwhelmed or freaked out she need[s] to say something immediately…

You think even experienced amateurs (except, perhaps, experienced kinksters) go to that trouble?  It is to laugh.  They just dive in without any discussion of what the session should even look like, and then are surprised when all the various disasters one reads about in amateurs’ silly articles happen.  The Daily Beast declared “Threesomes are Actually a Terrible Idea“; the Daily Mail presented “10 Reasons Why Having a Threesome is a Bad Idea” (SCIENCE!), and the anti-sex-despite-its-name Vice helpfully shared “People Explain Why Threesomes Are Boring and Evil“.  As you might expect, all of these are deeply stupid and woefully ignorant, and only the Beast article even mentions the word “professional” (and even there, it’s bizarrely referring to the male as being the one in need of professional skills).  Even when jealousy isn’t a factor (and believe me, it can sometimes pop up even in situations that at first seem safe), motivation and direction are.  Amateurs aren’t getting paid, so they want to have “fun” and get sulky when they feel left out or lose steam before the others do.  And if all three are equally incompetent, who’s going to manage things?  Because, dear reader, somebody has to.  See, the title of this essay is ironic; a threesome isn’t evenly-balanced like a tripod, though that’s what amateurs believe and expect; it’s more like a parent taking two overexcited kids to the zoo for the first time.  Or, in the case of a duo, two parents taking one kid.  That’s why most pros generally prefer to work with a specific duo partner (for me it’s Lorelei Rivers); it’s much easier to provide a good experience with a partner one knows well than to try to wing it with someone who can’t read one’s non-verbal cues as reliably.  And as any parent can tell you, things always go more smoothly when the people running the show are on the same page.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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This has been a very cleverly designed campaign to end the commercial sex industry.  –  Billie McIntire

Where Are the Victims?

As usual, not even an allegation that he exploited anyone:

An American man has been arrested in a sting operation for allegedly running a online brothel service matching men in northern Thailand with Myanmar sex workers across the border…Kenneth Viggo Albertsen…is behind a website and Facebook page called “Burmese Border Chicks for Hire” that sold sex with Myanmar women for 6,500 baht ($200).  The business brought women to meet clients on the Thai side of the border in Mae Sai, and also offered to “guide” men into Myanmar for sex services…

A Procrustean Bed

Let’s hope this is the start of a new trend:

After just a few years in operation, Delaware’s Human Trafficking Court is shutting down. The court’s rise and fall…shines a light on how trending problems lead to stupid policy…a 2016 report from the Delaware Criminal Justice Council, which found less than a third of people who started the…program actually completed it and that there was “little evidence to suggest the defendants of this court are the subjects” of sex-trafficking enterprises…[delusional prohibitionists] argue that “free will is an illusion”…and they insist the definition of sex-trafficking victim should be expanded to include anyone who exchanges sexual services for money…But…many arrested on prostitution charges didn’t want to declare themselves victims, name names of “traffickers,” enter a months-long state-run “treatment” program, or even leave prostitution in the first place.  And those that were open to state aid with starting a new life could find themselves presented not with practical assistance but things like yoga classes and group counseling

I’m Sure You Feel Safer Now

Because “brothel”:

A husband and wife team who charged clients €200 an hour for sex with them at their Ennis home have escaped jail.  Spanish national, David Navaro…and his Brazilian born wife, Celia Galan…arrived into Ireland from Barcelona in 2015 and a surveillance operation by Gardai was mounted outside the couple’s Ennis home in July 2016 as a result of Garda suspicions that there was a brothel being operated from their home…[since] both have no previous convictions [the] judge…fine[d] each €600…

Little Tin Gods

For those who think Arpaio, Judd & Dart are anomalies:

…[sheriffs have] enormous power…over the lives of local residents. The scope of their dominion varies slightly by county, but is almost always wide-reaching.  Like other police officers, sheriffs can arrest you, serve you a warrant, write you a traffic ticket.  But, depending on the county, they also perform countless other duties, including overseeing discretionary funds, patrolling highways, investigating crimes, and evicting tenants…in most places, sheriffs are also responsible for managing the local jails.  This is particularly important because jails have functionally replaced mental health facilities in America…The extent of a sheriff’s power can [be]…dangerous.  In some California counties, the sheriff even moonlights as the county coroner, an example of how sheriffs’ power obliterates any hope of accountability by the public…the only thing that could really limit the power of the sheriff is the voter.  But that’s not really how it plays out on the ground…As Professor Casey LaFrance told the New Yorker’s Rachel Aviv, “Once you become the sheriff, you’re likely to remain the sheriff until you retire or die”…

Drawing Lines

Most of this is fairly elementary, but it’s always nice to see this kind of point:

…Alison Bass…said it was interesting that other forms of sex work, such as stripping, pornography and being a mistress in exchange for money and power were legal, while sex work involving a straightforward transaction was not.  “What’s the difference between Donald Sterling, the former owner of the Yankee Clippers, who spent millions of dollars on his much younger mistress—bought her a car, an apartment, all this stuff…and someone who has a more straightforward transaction for an evening or an hour? There’s really no difference, but one is legal, perfectly legal, and one is not”…


If you think the choice of target had nothing to do with the neighboring county’s crusade against them, you haven’t been paying attention:

Police from the southern King County town of Pacific arrested two men…who allegedly confessed to setting fire to a bikini barista stand.  The men, both 19, were booked into King County Jail…and reportedly called themselves “stupid”…about 2:54 a.m. at the Cowgirls Espresso stand…[cops] arrived to find “a large cloud of smoke”…and the smell of gasoline…the south side of the building was damaged.  An Auburn [cop] had already detained two men nearby from a reported car vandalism incident and…they also admitted to setting the Cowgirls blaze…

He Said, She Said (#448) 

Another abusive asshole tries to hide his violence behind BDSM:

Eric Schneiderman, New York’s attorney general, has long [pretended to] be…a…champion of women’s rights, and recently he has become an outspoken figure in the #MeToo movement…Now Schneiderman is facing a reckoning of his own…four women with whom he has had romantic relationships or encounters…accuse Schneiderman of having subjected them to nonconsensual physical violence.  All have been reluctant to speak out, fearing reprisal.  But two of the women, Michelle Manning Barish and Tanya Selvaratnam, have talked to The New Yorker on the record, because they feel that doing so could protect other women.  They allege that he repeatedly hit them, often after drinking, frequently in bed and never with their consent…both…sought medical attention after having been slapped hard across the ear and face, and also choked.  Selvaratnam says that Schneiderman warned her he could have her followed and her phones tapped, and both say that he threatened to kill them if they broke up with him…

Naturally, actual kinky people are appalled:

…Mistress Matisse called any non-negotiated encounter “ABUSE. End of story”…Ronan Farrow, co-author of the New Yorker story that first revealed the allegations…[said] the accusers made clear “that this was not role-playing…It wasn’t in a gray area at all”…Jillian Keenan, author of the BDSM memoir Sex with Shakespeare…[wrote] “Just as sex without consent is rape, kink without consent doesn’t exist – that’s assault”…

Send In the Clowns 

Dare I hope for a return of “creepy clown” hysteria?

A 19-year-old was arrested…for stabbing her boyfriend not long after she said men should only be used as “human sacrifices”.  Zoe Adams reportedly dressed up as a clown and put a pillow over Kieran Bewick’s face as they were intimate one night. Then she stabbed him five times with a 10-inch knife…Adams described the incident, which resulted in Bewick, 17, having a collapsed lung, as an “overreaction”…She allegedly took pictures after the incident with the caption “Murder is like a bag of chips: you can’t stop after just one”…

A Broker in Pillage (#750)

Government is just a word for the things we choose to do together:

Anthonia Nwaorie says she knew travelers entering the United States with more than $10,000 in cash are legally required to report that fact to U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP).  But the Texas nurse, who was born in Nigeria and became a U.S. citizen in 1994, says she did not realize the same obligation applies to people leaving the United States.  That mistake cost her $41,377, most of which was earmarked for a medical clinic she planned to build in her native country…Because the Justice Department declined to pursue civil forfeiture of the money, CBP was required to return it.  Yet the agency has refused to do so unless Nwaorie signs a waiver forgoing interest on the money, renouncing any legal claims in connection with the seizure, assuming responsibility for claims by third parties, and promising to reimburse the government for any expenses it incurs while enforcing the agreement.  That demand is illegal and unconstitutional, according to a federal class action lawsuit that the Institute for Justice filed…on behalf of Nwaorie and other travelers who have found themselves in the same situation…

Original Sin (#803)

We’re seeing more and more of this in mainstream papers:

…anti-trafficking NGOs…are staunchly religious, and those religious views can have damaging effects…Billie McIntire, a psychotherapist and educator at the Colorado School for Family Therapy, as well as a former sex worker…says that the anti-trafficking movement has been intentionally co-opted by religious institutions, who police prostitution and infringe on the rights of sex workers, using anti-trafficking rhetoric as a ploy to gain sympathy, more members, more money and more ammunition against consensual commercial erotic services…McIntire blasts anti-trafficking organizations that have joined up with movements like Fight the New Drug (an anti-pornography initiative), and have lobbied against national bills to decriminalize prostitution…

Crying for Nanny (#809)

This is even scarier post-FOSTA:

…“Some of the facts of our cases are going to show that not only did some of these hotel facilities or truck stops turn a blind eye, but they actually facilitated the trafficking of these individuals,” attorney Annie McAdams said…“We’re here to disrupt the status quo of the industry”…

Pyrrhic Victory (#810)

License plate readers are a menace to civil rights:

Maryland State Police vehicles have their on-board computer connected to the automatic license plate readers in their patrol cars. These computers are set to flag…out-of-state vehicles with owners that have concealed carry permits…The [cop] can…stop the vehicle and challenge the driver to produce his concealed weapon, for which he has a legal permit IN ANOTHER STATE.  If the driver is found to have a concealed firearm…he has violated Maryland State firearms law.  The person will be arrested and there is a three year minimum sentence.  Having a concealed carry permit in another state [is also claimed as] probable cause for…a search of the…vehicle…IF YOU ARE LEGALLY CARRYING CONCEALED FROM ANOTHER STATE, DO NOT EVEN DRIVE THROUGH MARYLAND. AND IF YOU HAVE A PERMIT FROM ANOTHER STATE, EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT CARRYING, EXPECT TO BE STOPPED…

To Molest and Rape (#817) 

Another pig uses a traumatized woman’s fear as leverage:

…a [cop] in Apex, North Carolina has been accused of coercing a domestic violence survivor into an affair while working on her case…Worth Brown kissed Julia Allgrove against her will after she called police after her estranged and abusive husband repeatedly violated a restraining order she’d taken out to protect herself and their two small children.  A relationship between the victim and the detective developed…he said her husband’s case would be dropped if the relationship was ever revealed…and…that she could lose custody of her children…

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Tracy’s community…turned away from her in an inane focus on protecting the look of the gates rather than the garden that thrives beyond them.  –  Maya Yonika

Couples David & Jenni Heckendorf

A disabled Australian couple gets help from a sex worker:

…a…fall had long-lasting consequences on Jenni’s health generally and on our sex lives.  Her prolonged and mostly unsuccessful recovery resulted in Jen having further reduced mobility in and out of bed.  It meant we had to take extreme care not to touch or bump her foot…We tried different toys and different positions without joy.  Two years after the fall we were at a point where we had to make a decision to either give up on enjoying sex or to investigate the possibility of allowing a third person into our bed…we arranged for sex worker, Joanne, to begin working with us.  With each visit we had to remind ourselves that she wasn’t there to make “love” to us.  Rather, in the same way that our support staff ensure that we remain in good physical health – by showering, feeding, and dressing us – Joanne helps us to maintain good sexual health…we successfully approached the ACT government to extend the funding of our disability care support to cover these conjugal support services.  In December 2015, the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) agreed that, in our situation, a modest allowance for conjugal support service would be reasonable and necessary…

Lack of Evidence

It appears to me that the cops have no actual evidence:

A North Augusta [South Carolina] woman has been arrested on multiple charges of Prostitution.  Kristen Perry…was arrested [April 6th and]…is facing 21 charges of Sex/Prostitution 1st Offense.  She is accused of placing ads on Backpage.com between December 2015 and February 2016 offering sex for money…The ads contained sexually suggestive photos and language…The ads were accompanied by a phone number confirmed to belong to Perry…The IP address from which the ads were posted was traced back to her residence…

A good lawyer should be able to beat this easily; if anyone knows her please ask her to call me (email me for the number).  I definitely want to help her if possible.  Arresting escorts based solely on ads is an extremely dangerous precedent that cannot be allowed to stand.

Where Are the Victims?

There weren’t any actual victims, but we just have to cage people, because SEEWEEUSS UFFENSE!

Chunjie Wang…of…Dublin…organised four brothels…for seven months..[in] 2011…Judge Melanie Greally noted the case did not involve the trafficking or exploitation of prostitutes…but…said the seriousness of the offence meant a custodial sentence was unavoidable and sentenced Wang to 18 months imprisonment…

It Looks Good On Paper

Adult sex trafficking victims who get caught working as prostitutes could receive immunity from prostitution under a new Nebraska law…Nebraska already provides legal immunity to juvenile sex trafficking victims…”  Except that as I’ve explained many times, these laws are nothing but Potemkin villages, empty legal husks designed to please the ignorant while actually sparing virtually nobody from the injustice system:

…Wisconsin…advocacy groups…want to pass what is known as “safe harbor” legislation, which prohibits prosecuting individuals under 18 for prostitution…Republican legislators who fear it will hinder law enforcement’s ability to intervene and help trafficking victims…Minors can complete a program or other requirements in exchange for a dismissal of the charge, or they can admit to charges but assert they were being trafficked at the time…Proponents believe that by refusing to prosecute minors, law enforcement will be able to establish trust and gain access to information that will allow them to more successfully prosecute traffickers…Custody may also be necessary to ensure the child does not return to his or her trafficker…

Translation of that last part: “Authorities” want to be able to lock up minors indefinitely and subject them to coercive interrogation tactics in order to prosecute others in their place.

Big Sister

The Swedish model is based in xenophobia, and it shows in rhetoric designed to rationalize its failure:

Ever greater numbers of tourists in Iceland…are feeding into the market for prostitution…Snorri Birgisson of the Reykjavik Metropolitan Police [pretends] “It is usually foreigners visiting Iceland for a short time”…It is [fantasized] that prostitutes who come to Iceland are “managed” by somebody and transported from country to country…

The Last Shall Be First 

One battle in the bathroom wars has just ended.  Or maybe a truce has been hammered out for the time being.  The U.S. 4th Circuit Court has ruled in favor of a female-to-male trans student who was banned from using his school’s boys bathroom…the…Court, whose rulings also cover North Carolina (site of a contentious new law covering similar issues)…has ordered the lower court to hear his discrimination lawsuit…Go here to read recent Reason musings on North Carolina’s new bathroom law…I’m willing to bet the farm that even within a few years, if not sooner, we will all look back on the absolute panic evinced over the issue of unisex bathrooms and wonder just what the fuck we were all smoking…

Above the Law  

Roanoke [Virginia cop Francisco Alberto Duarte] is awaiting trial on a felony count of forcible sodomy“, and in Louisiana, “A Calcasieu Parish sheriff’s deputy has been fired [and criminally charged] after he was accused of inappropriately touching a woman…Cody Onxley…called the woman and went to her house under false pretenses.

Broken Record

Farm machinery causes “sex trafficking”!

…[cops] have also found victims at this year’s National Farm Machinery Show in Louisville and expect to find others at the Kentucky Derby…traffickers…stay mobile, moving victims from city to city to major sporting and entertainment events…truckers are getting the word out through the national campaign Truckers Against Trafficking, with an event this weekend at the Kentucky Exposition Center…the truckers…are in a position to spot victims at convenience stores and truck stops, popular spots for traffickers…

Under Every Bed

It’s weirdly fascinating to watch small cities insist that they’re just as infested with bogeymen and imaginary victims as cities with much larger populations:

…slavery…still exists.  Even in Spokane.  The reasons for this, [prohibitionists pretend], include Washington having an international border and a large seaport [and] many diverse immigrant communities…Because of the I-90 corridor, Spokane gets a lot of traffic and homeless in the area…former madam Cheryl Larson [lied that]…one girl could make $10,000 in a weekend during Bloomsday…

Note the racism, interstate highway nonsense and outlandish claims about income.  That article ends with an appeal for amateur surveillance, as does this one:

…[Cops] in Springfield say the western Massachusetts city is beginning to see a noticeable rise in human trafficking…Jamie Bruno spoke before the Springfield Violence Prevention Task Force…to [pretend] that human trafficking has become a problem in the city and is expanding…Bruno says it’s pivotal that parents are aware of what their children are doing with friends…

Business As Usual

I smell a rat.  What probably happened here is that some cop raped a sex worker in a particularly violent and/or loathsome way and they’re trying to paper it over with a “policy”:

…Cleveland Police have been told to temporarily stop making prostitution arrests…[because] the Department is suddenly developing a new policy.  The memo says, “All prostitution (sex for money) related Vice enforcement shall cease immediately…Advise your Detectives under no circumstances shall they have a suspected prostitute get into a vehicle with them or have any physical contact with…Police…We are formulating a policy that will cover procedures for these types of details”…

Remember, the actual policies don’t make a difference because even when raping whores is expressly forbidden, cops just do it anyway and then claim they didn’t.

All-Purpose Excuse

It’s especially good for money grabs:

Nine hundred police officers have taken part in a raid on one of Germany’s biggest brothels in Berlin, making six arrests over alleged human trafficking and tax fraud.  The operation follows months of investigation into the Artemis brothel…[whose] managers are accused of evading some €17.5m (£14m; $19.7m) in social security payments since 2006.  Prosecutors allege that staff at Artemis were forced to pretend to be self-employed to avoid the payments…

In case you’re bad at math, that’s 150 cops per arrest, ten times the number NOPD used to arrest me.

The Face of Trafficking

What a large-scale, organized forced prostitution scheme actually looks like:

In a case involving 75 female victims, Syrian women who were promised well-paid jobs in restaurants and hotels in Lebanon were locked up upon arrival in two hotels north of Beirut and forced into prostitution.  Some of the women reported being forced to have sex with up to 20 clients a day, and those that refused to work as prostitutes were repeatedly raped and tortured until they submitted…On March 27, Lebanese security forces raided the hotels, detaining eight guards and setting the women free from the Chez Maurice and Silver Hotel in Maamelteine.  The three-story Chez Maurice had the look of a prison, with bars on the balconies and windows, and a whip lying visible on one of the guards’ tables.  The health ministry has also sealed a clinic belonging to gynecologist Riad al-Alam, who authorities say performed abortions for the trafficked women who got pregnant.  The women have said they were not allowed to leave the clinic except to have an abortion…

Remember, fetishists pretend this sort of thing is common worldwide, even where there isn’t social chaos precipitated by war.

Size Matters (#619)

An excellent essay on the Tracy Elise case:

…Five years ago, Tracy was…the [focus] of a six-month long undercover prostitution investigation of what was then known as the Tantric Temple of Phoenix Arizona.  [Cops] fully armed with riot gear and machine guns, raided the space and arrested Elise along with several other women…Tracy was thrown into jail without trial for the following two years, her bail set at a million dollars…Tracy’s case is inexorably woven into some of the most pressing and cutthroat social biases of our day when it come to sex and relationship.  These biases hold us so powerfully within their grip that if one so much appears to cross the line, we’re perfectly content to quietly dismiss a woman like Tracy while she faces a potentially lifelong jail sentence…the…need to belong innately necessitates an “other”… that thing that separates “me” from “them”…as news of the Phoenix raids came to light, the bulk of western Tantrics, in order to uphold their personal ideals and image, turned away from Tracy and her case.  A woman who calls herself a “Tantric master” even spoke out against Tracy on a major news channel in her effort to “protect Tantra’s name”…

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Abolitionism does not solve the problem of violence which…stems from the criminalization of sex workers and migrants, and the lack of rights that goes with it.  –  Sonja Dolinsek


Eve Ray on clients:

…clients of sex workers are regarded in many quarters as the scum of the earth…[so] it is hardly surprising that clients are so reluctant to speak out.  Yet talk to sex workers and they will tell you that their clients come in all shapes and sizes…not all clients are men…for my birthday we decided to…book…a girl from a local escort agency for some three in a bed fun…So I am a sex worker’s client…The girls we saw were bright and attractive and fully aware of what they were doing…Two Women and a Man by Giorgione (1510)We paid them well and they provided us with what we wanted.  It was…a business transaction of benefit to both parties. No coercion, no exploitation, no rape…

Whores and Wives

An Australian woman left her husband upon discovering his affair with a hooker, so she of course blamed our profession and published a stereotype-laden defamation of it.  Here’s an eloquent rebuttal:

…In…Sad Reality Behind Pretty Woman Tale, Louise O’Neale…claims…sex workers are home wreckers, men’s “chattels”, that we’re… “commodified”, “dehumanised”…packages to be bought and sold…She also argues we are sexual deviants…who require professional help.  I think O’Neale has watched too many Hollywood movies…feminists have spent decades…telling [us] how we should feel about our work, or [telling] others on our behalf how we feel about our work…They claim to be experts; they’ve got it dead wrong…

Good Fantasy, Bad Reality

Prosecutors must have dropped the claim that the girl was “mentally deficient”:

[Edward Bagley] was sentenced to 20 years…for holding a young woman captive as a sex slave for six years…he…also agreed to pay about $123,000 toward future counseling and medical care…Bradley Cook…received a 20-year sentence and…$123,000 in restitution…[for] sex trafficking…[and Dennis] Henry…was sentenced to 10 years, $123,000 in restitution and lifetime supervision…Marilyn Bagley…is to receive probation and [Michael] Stokes and [James] Noel five years each…

Sweden’s Ultra-progressive Views on Women

A pub in…Sweden has been cleared of discrimination charges after bouncers denied entry to several women of Asian appearance in what owners claimed was an attempt to cut down on prostitution…the court ruled…[the] owners had a “legitimate reason”…

An Educated Idiot

SWOP-NYC and SWANK…have significant questions about the “research” carried out by Sudhir Venkatesh…[and reported] in January 2011…in Wired Magazine…he made many outlandish, salacious, and false claims about…sex workers in NYC…he said he had “followed” 270 sex worker subjects…but none of our membership had ever been contacted by him nor knew of anyone who had been…Claims…regarding the dates, locations and numbers of people…were wildly inconsistent.  His conclusions…were easily shown by other researchers and commentators to be incorrect.  Other conclusions such as the fiction that “there’s usually a 25% surcharge” to have sex without a condom not only bore no relationship to reality but also endangered sex workers…We were so concerned by what we uncovered that in October 2011 we wrote a letter to the Columbia IRB

Make Up Your Damned Mind!

Cops “fight” violence against sex workers by subjecting them to violence:

A [California] task force…arrested or cited 23 people…on charges of prostitution or soliciting a prostitute…police mounted the three-day sting operation [after]…investigation into the rape and robbery of two prostitutes…led police to…the realization that victims rarely report the crimes for fear of being prosecuted…[Sgt. Kurt] Hixenbaugh said he decided to organize the recent crackdown to suppress the illicit market…“If we can make business bad, then we can put a dent in the activity,” he explained…

Hixenbaugh’s moral retardation is exceeded only by his ignorance of economics.

Dr. Schrödinger and His Amazing Pussycat

Weird science, truth vs. fact and all that kind of stuff:

Head Games

Slixa has published a number of excellent articles lately, but last week its management let a real clunker through:  a manipulative hobbyist giving advice on how to haggle.  After an outcry the editors removed the article, apologized and printed this rebuttal from Tizzy Wall:

…Tommy…advocated using review writing and being an active member of the hobbyist community as a bargaining chip to see if prices are negotiable…[but his] tips are less effective (and ethical) than he would like to believe…There is an implicit threat that comes with, “I am a loud, influential voice in a community that can affect your livelihood”…it seems as though he gets a thrill out of violating boundaries and feeling as though he has somehow tricked a provider for his benefit…The underlying message…is that providers aren’t worth what they charge…

Against Their Will (August Updates)

People attempting to leave a country without government permission are now classed as “victims”:

Philippine authorities have intercepted 10…human trafficking victims…who were bound for Russia to illegally work there…The Philippines has been trying to impress the United States with its anti-human trafficking drive in order for Washington to lift the Tier 2 ranking it gave…in its 2013 Trafficking in Persons Report…officer-in-charge Siegfred Mison said the incident should again serve as a warning to…workers against attempting to leave without the required overseas employment permits…

One Born Every Minute

A man…claimed he could use his penis to rid a woman of ghosts that had taken up residence in her vagina…Huang Jianjun was arrested…after he [charged] A Xin [$3000 for removing]…evil spirits…[via] sexual intercourse…Jianjun insists that he never had sex with…Xin and that he can’t get an erection due to diabetes…Meanwhile… “Godman” Asaram Bapu, 73, revered by millions across India for his sermons on “enlightenment”, has been charged with raping a 16-year-old schoolgirl…he…claimed he is physically incapable of rape but…medical tests show him to be in good shape…

Tyranny By Consensus (October Updates)

Here’s a concise explanation from Nina Hartley about why condoms in porn are an incredibly bad idea:

…It takes about two hours to shoot a good hardcore scene. Condoms were never intended for that kind of industrial use…[they] roll down, come off, dry out, split and otherwise fail on sets about 30% of the time…and…no matter how lubricated and how designed, [they] create more internal friction on a woman’s intimate anatomy than human skin, with which it’s evolved to tolerate contact.  All-condom players…tend to turn up at clinics with raw internal tissues and multiple surface infections.  This we call “condom rash” and it’s more than an annoyance…if your insides are compromised by friction burns and low-grade bugs…you’re that much more vulnerable to whatever might be turned loose should a condom fail…

Presents, Presents, Presents!Minneapolis Madams

Ed says hiI’ve received three gifts in the past two weeks: Chester Brown sent me his book Ed the Happy Clown, Korhomme sent The Encyclopedia of Prostitution and Sex Work and Aspasia sent Minneapolis Madams.  Thank you all so much!

Profit from Panic

Rescue industry schemes aren’t usually this blatant:

If you are interested in creating positive brand awareness…advertising at the Global Online Counter Child Trafficking Conference is the ideal platform…We have various opportunities which will leave a strong impression of your brand in people’s minds and make your company stand out as a leader in supporting organizations…to prevent…child trafficking…Our…sponsorship packages…include a number of marketing opportunities…to…showcase your social responsibility…and…align yourself with the Global Online Counter Child Trafficking Conference brand…

Bullies With Badges

“Human trafficking” is rapidly becoming a catchall excuse for tyranny, like drugs and “terrorism”:

…the Environmental Protection Agency…[conducted] an armed raid of gold mines near Chicken, Alaska…while investigating a supposed violation of…the Clean Water Act…The EPA said…it…sent in armed men because it had been given information by…State Troopers regarding “rampant drug and human trafficking…in the area.”  That explanation was debunked by a spokeswoman for the state troopers, who said they did not advise the EPA to raid the mine and that there was no evidence of drug and human trafficking…

Broken Record

The same lies, repeated over and over and over

MSPs fear that next year’s Commonwealth Games could lead to an influx of victims of human trafficking to Scotland…Myria Vassiliadou…has urged the Scottish Government to make people who procure sex and consumer goods from victims its top anti-trafficking priority.  Studies have shown that authorities must be vigilant to human trafficking during large sporting events…

Studies have, of course, repeatedly shown exactly the opposite.

Worse Than I Thought

The cancer reaches Michigan:

…Glenn Anderson…has introduced five bills…to more heavily punish…human trafficking…“The Polaris Project…was extremely helpful in shaping this legislation” [he said]…Anderson’s bills…Allow for assets…to be forfeited and dispersed to…law enforcement…criminalize the failure to report knowledge of…trafficking…[and] add convicted…traffickers to the Sex Offenders Registry…Overland Park Arboretum statue

See No Evil (TW3 #37)

A fresh effort is underway to bring criminal charges over a bare-breasted statue…The American Family Association…plans…petitions to empanel a grand jury to again investigate whether the sculpture at the Overland Park Arboretum violates state obscenity laws …Phillip Cosby…last year petitioned a grand jury…but failed to secure an indictment…

On the Simultaneous Having and Eating of Cake

a federal judge ruled…that…strippers…deserve…at least the minimum wage…The ruling came in a class-action lawsuit filed on behalf of current and former dancers at…Rick’s…[in Manhattan]…the…chain…argued that its dancers [are] independent contractors, more akin to stand-up comedians than fry cooks.  But [the] judge…said the list of rules Rick’s laid down could be described as “micromanagement”…

Hollow Claims

The German Prostitution Model: Reducing Violence Against Sex Workers” is a fairly self-explanatory title, but this short, yet thorough essay also sharply criticizes the Swedish model and those (like the European Women’s Lobby) who labor under the idiotic delusion that there could ever be a world “free from prostitution”, and are willing to subject real women to police violence in pursuit of that mad fantasy.

Due Consideration (TW3 #137)

Australia, are you really sure you want to go down the “tyrannical laws named for dead children” path?

…”Zoe’s law”…which could classify a foetus as a person in New South Wales…would allow grievous bodily harm charges to be brought against those who hurt a foetus of more than 20 weeks’ gestation…Melanie Fernandez…of the Women’s Electoral Lobby Australia (WELA)…said…”This…kind of precedent has been used as a…starting point to roll back abortion right in other places, such as states in America”…Portway's cage

Tales from the Dark Side

[When] prosecution for thoughtcrime has become a grim reality, it might be wise to restrict…discussions [of cannibalism fantasies] to fully-anonymized online accounts...”  And, I might add, to avoid actually obtaining the equipment one would need:

Geoffrey Portway’s attorney says the man’s “fantasy world” posed no actual threat of harm to a child.  But the…[Massachusetts] man pleaded guilty…to child pornography charges along with solicitation to commit a crime of violence…and the locked, soundproof basement with a metal cage…bondage equipment and a child-sized coffin serve as evidence…Two other men — one a puppeteer at a Florida church — have also been convicted as a result of the online chat sessions…[about] plans to rape, kill and eat children…

Legitimate Outrage (TW3 #329)

Scott Long on the way politicians like David Vitter and Eliot Spitzer suffer far less than the whores whose names get dragged through the mud along with theirs:

…Spitzer…[made] life miserable for both sex workers and clients.  As…Attorney General, he let…Equality Now goad him into a years-long campaign of harassment against a travel company that marketed sex tours…as Governor, he signed an…“anti-trafficking” law…that massively increased penalties for [buyers]…while maintaining penalties for sex workers…But what folks hate Spitzer for is having bought sex, not the repressive policies he promoted.  Paying women is offensive; persecuting them, fine.  Called out for “immorality”…he actually had the nerve to cite his crackdown on consensual activities in his own defense…In 2008, a jury convicted…Deborah Jeane Palfrey not of prostitution, but of money laundering…and “racketeering”…Palfrey killed herself before sentencing…And [her client David] Vitter stays in the Senate…

Whatever They Need To Say (TW3 #337)

…in connection with the attack on Madaripur brothel on August 28…Borun Begum, a sex worker…filed a case…against 35 identified and 1965 unidentified people…[including] general secretary Milon Bhuyan…women affairs officer Mahmuda Akter and Islahe Qawmi Parishad leader Raju Hujur…She…sought compensation for…valuables worth [$385,000] and…properties worth [$64,000]…Parimal Sarkar…filed a case…against 37 identified and 300 unidentified people…seeking compensation of [$77,000]…for [vandalism of] 30 houses…

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Every woman is supposed to have the same set of motives, or else to be a monster. –  George Eliot

Yesterday I talked about couple calls, those in which an established couple (whether married or not) takes a whore into their bed so as to allow the husband either to experience two women at the same time or to see two women together, usually both.  If you missed that column I suggest you scroll down and read it first, because this one is written with the assumption that you’ve already read the other.

A couple call is different from a two-girl call in that the latter involves two professional women rather than one professional and one amateur; despite the fact that the fantasy is the same, the dynamic is quite different because in the two-girl call the whores generally know each other and may even have had similar dates together before.  There were two girls in particular with whom I really enjoyed doing these sorts of calls, and since they liked me as well such calls usually went smoothly and professionally, with few surprises.  The same cannot be said of couple calls; since most of the time the wife has never before been naked in bed with another woman, her reaction is unpredictable and potentially problematic.  Over time, though, I had developed several very effective techniques for putting wives at ease, letting them know that I was not a rival and reassuring them that they were to be in control of the proceedings; as a result, I rarely had any problems with them, except for the few examples mentioned in yesterday’s column.  I had never bothered to develop any special strategies for dealing with the husbands in such calls because I deemed them unnecessary; men were always so happy to find themselves in bed with two women that they presented no problems whatsoever.  The one single exception to this rule I ever encountered, however, turned into what was undoubtedly the worst couple call of my entire professional career.

In the summer of 2005 I went to see a very young couple in a very expensive hotel; he was 29 and she was 19 and absolutely gorgeous, with a stunning figure and the face of an angel. After my usual introductory talk we undressed and started the proceedings, and I quickly discovered that the young lady was a veritable volcano of repressed lesbian passion; I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been kissed so passionately by anyone, male or female, in my entire life.  And when she wasn’t kissing me she couldn’t stop looking at me and touching me, whispering things like “Oh God, you are so beautiful!”  Needless to say I was equally turned on and so everything seemed to be going extremely well, when suddenly the boyfriend got up and went over to sit in a chair with an unmistakably angry expression on his face.

The girl and I looked at each other quizzically and then I asked him, “is something wrong?”

He replied, “No, nothing, just keep doing what you’re doing.”  This was clearly a lie; he was absolutely furious.  So I prodded him a little more, and after a few more denials he suddenly exploded, calling his girlfriend a “dyke” and a “slut” and several other less-telling dirty names.  The poor girl was thunderstruck; his bizarre reaction was as startling to her as it was to me.  She shot me a pleading glance, and though I wanted nothing more than to slap this asshole into next week I couldn’t let that sweet little creature deal with the abusive freak alone once I eventually left.  So I swallowed my pride, put on the sweetest face I could manage, pushed my righteous anger down as far as it would go and literally begged the sleazy son of a bitch to come back to bed with us, wheedling and cajoling him in my most ingratiating manner.  Realizing what I was doing, the girl followed my lead and joined in, and soon the petulant little brat was back between us, enjoying the caresses of two women (though speaking for myself, I would’ve preferred to bite his cock off rather than do to it what I was doing).  As I worked, I thought about what had occurred and realized that, unlike normal men who would have been ecstatic about watching such a hot girl-girl scene, this whiny baby had presumed that we would both be so caught up in worshipping his almighty studliness that we would only take interest in each other when he ordered it to please himself.  Instead, his fragile ego was shattered by seeing his girlfriend more interested in me than in him; obviously it was okay for him to want sex with a strange woman, but not for her to desire the same thing.

Eventually, after forcing her to accept him orally for an absolutely punishing length of time, he finished and got up without a word, heading for the bathroom.  I held her closely, keeping an eye open for his return, but soon heard the shower and knew it was safe to ask her what the hell that was all about.  She whispered that he was from a very wealthy family and was very spoiled; she had made the mistake of accepting his invitation to come to New Orleans (they were from Ohio) and soon discovered that if she didn’t dance to his tune he would strand her there without any money of her own.  This of course made me still angrier; I told her she could come with me if she wanted, that I had an extra bed and we could arrange for her flight home in the morning (at my expense if necessary).  But though she was clearly appreciative of the offer, she explained that it would be better for her in the long run to return with him; so, I wrote my cell phone number on one of my business cards and insisted she get out and call me if he later became completely unmanageable.  She thanked me, hid the card in her purse and kissed me, and I dressed and waited until he got out of the shower so I could see for myself that he seemed calmer; she never did call, though, and all that weekend I prayed she would get home safely and promptly dump the selfish prick.

What a contrast between this jealous, narcissistic pig and the lady from Mandeville (a suburb north of Lake Pontchartrain) who arranged what may have been the best couple call I ever went on; she was a shining example of the true spirit of giving, of sincere love and the real desire to make one’s partner happy.  She called me one afternoon (in 2002, I think) and explained that for their 15th wedding anniversary she had decided to give her husband a gift he would never forget.  The two of them were high school sweethearts, he a football player and she a cheerleader; they had married soon after graduation and neither had ever been with anyone else.  They both worked (he in some sort of managerial capacity and she in real estate) and had chosen to delay children until they were financially comfortable, so they had a lovely house in an upscale neighborhood and could well afford an occasional extravagance.  On this particular occasion, that meant me; she proposed to hire me for three hours in order to fulfill her husband’s fantasy of seeing her make love to another woman.

I could not help but be impressed with how carefully she had planned the whole thing.  We ran her credit card right then so we needn’t worry about it later and her husband wouldn’t know how much it had cost.  I was to attach the slip to a few sheets of legal paper in a manila envelope, then arrive at their house at a certain time immediately after dinner (which she had perfectly timed); while dining she was to tell her husband that a girl from work would be dropping by later with papers for her to sign.  And so it unfolded like clockwork; I arrived within the instructed time range, wearing an attractive but businesslike dress and carrying the folder, and was introduced as Maggie from work.  After she signed the concealed transaction slip, I put the folder on the kitchen table, made small talk for a few minutes and then, as I had been instructed, sidled up behind the unsuspecting gentleman and began to rub his shoulders.  The move caught him off-guard, and he looked up at me and then across to his wife, who could no longer suppress the giggles; I then explained exactly what his beloved had done for him, and his reaction was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.

We adjourned to the bedroom and undressed; her husband sat in a chair which afforded a good view and proceeded to take care of himself while we gave him a show.  She was willing, but at first very nervous and awkward; she kept saying things like “This feels so weird!” until I whispered in her ear that such talk might ruin her husband’s mood, upon which she nodded and whispered back a promise to try harder.  The funniest thing she said during this stage of the game was as she held me around the waist, “You have such a strange shape!”  I was a little taken aback and told her that no one had ever described my figure that way before, whereupon she replied, “Oh, what I mean is that you HAVE a shape, and I’m not used to that!”  We all laughed, and it served to break the tension; she quickly relaxed under my caresses, returning them diffidently at first but soon with greater interest, and before long she was kissing me fervently and unmistakably approaching climax.

When she arrived, there was no mistaking it, and then this prim little suburban wife turned into a girl I would’ve hired in a heartbeat.  Her language became much coarser and her demeanor more passionate and demanding; there was absolutely no way I could steal a glance to see how her husband was getting on, because she required my entire attention.  The dam had burst, and if I wrote much more about the next two hours it would violate my statement that I am not here to provide wanking material.  Suffice it to say that she soon expanded the activity to include her husband, that if we had videotaped it we might all three have considerably larger bank accounts today, and that the lady accomplished her plan to give her man a truly unforgettable anniversary present.  I have no doubt that the two of them are still together today, because that kind of unselfish love can resist any pressure which might attempt to tear their marriage apart.

And there you have the two extremes:  Pathological selfishness vs. unselfish giving, exploitation vs. sharing, sexual repression vs. sexual acceptance, fear and doubt vs. courageous exploration.  In most cases the couple call is just a pleasant experiment, but for some it becomes an emotional crucible in which weak material disintegrates and strong material fuses into a new kind of alloy.  As I used to tell my customers, it definitely isn’t for everybody.  But for the confident and unselfish woman it can be the means of not only expressing the depth of her commitment to her husband’s sexual happiness, but also a way in which to explore a part of herself whose existence she may not even have suspected.

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Real giving is when we give to our spouses what’s important to them, whether we understand it, like it, agree with it, or not. – Michele Weiner-Davis

Being with two women at the same time has got to be, if not the most common male fantasy, a close contender for the title; really, how could it be otherwise?  It satisfies his need for variety, boosts his ego, makes him feel virile and dominant, allows him to be stimulated by four hands and two mouths at the same time, and has lesbian undertones even if the two women don’t actually do anything with each other.  From what guys have told me the ideal seems to be that the women already know each other (sisters, friends or whatever), but since this would require convincing TWO women rather than just the wife, the guy often settles for calling in a whore as girl #2.  With rare exception such calls are entirely for the man’s benefit, either something he has talked his wife into or a love-offering she arranges herself.

They’re much more common than many of my readers might think; I would say as many as 5% of all calls I did in the years I was working were couple calls, and during my busiest years (2000-2002) I was doing about one a week.  I don’t know if it’s that high in other parts of the country; perhaps New Orleans just puts people in a mood to experiment.  And I’m pretty sure I got a disproportionate number of them because I like doing them and lots of other escorts in that time and place didn’t.  I’ve never been sure why, except that couple calls take longer (usually the full hour) and women tend to be more finicky about the girl’s looks and personality than men are.  In my experience it’s nearly always the woman who calls to set it up, probably because she wants to feel the girl out and make sure she isn’t buying “a pig in a poke”; since I get along with women just as well as I do with men, this was never an issue for me.  It’s also possible that some girls dislike couple calls because they aren’t bisexual, but my male readers must understand that it’s a lot easier (both emotionally and physically) for girls to fake a homosexual scene than it is for guys; most of us just aren’t as hung up about it as y’all are, and besides whores are very practiced at faking arousal.

I, on the other hand, had no problem with lesbian scenes because I am bisexual, and I don’t mean just somewhat; I’ve had as many continuing relationships with girls as I have with men.  But I don’t respond sexually to them in exactly the same way; the way I put it is, I’m attracted to men below the waist and women above the waist.  In other words, my reaction to men is primal and visceral, but my reaction to women is aesthetic.  I feel the attraction to a man in my guts, and I can’t tell from a picture whether I will be attracted to him or not; I have to see and talk to him.  Women, on the other hand, appeal to my appreciation for beauty; I feel the attraction in my mind and heart rather than my guts.  So for me, couple calls could be a special treat if the wife was pretty, and even more so if she found me attractive as well.  I also liked them because they were easier and more comfortable on a number of levels; a man will never misbehave or try to mistreat a hooker in front of his wife, and she even does some of the work!  And since I’ve never, ever heard of the cops using a couple as sting bait one can go in relaxed, without having to worry that the prospective client might be a Judas goat.

I suppose another issue some girls might have with couple calls is the potential for drama, but I had tension-defusing down to a science and only rarely had any problems; since I had already experienced a number of ménage à trois situations in my late teens I knew what to expect even on my very first couple call, and quickly developed a program to smooth the way.  The first thing I always established after arriving was that the wife would be in control; I explained that since she might become jealous by seeing another woman touching her husband, she had to have the right to speak up if I did something to him or he did something to me which made her uncomfortable.  Sitting close to both of them, I would point out that they had called me to help them experience something novel and exciting, but that it wasn’t for everyone so if the wife felt overwhelmed or freaked out she needed to say something immediately, because I had absolutely no desire to be the cause of marital difficulties.  During this little speech the wife would usually listen intently, and I could often see an expression of relief cross her face; the husband for his part was nearly always looking at his wife’s face rather than mine, and might nod his head or agree with me out loud.

After this, the proceedings might go a number of ways, depending on the woman’s sexuality and open-mindedness.  We would usually start stimulating her husband together, and I would arrange things so I could peek at her face to see how she was reacting.  Then as the scene developed, I would usually hazard contact with her hip or waist; if she shrank from my touch I would not repeat it, but instead concentrate on pleasing her husband with her.  This really didn’t happen too often, though; most women on such calls were at least “bi-curious”, willing to kiss another woman or be caressed or licked by her, but not to respond in kind.  A fair number would do anything except go down on me, and some were every bit as bisexual as I am.  Sometimes, it was established from square one that the husband would not be entering me, but I remember a few calls where the wife became so relaxed and/or excited that she changed her mind and decided it was OK after all.  Usually they seemed pretty excited by the sight of their husbands taking me, but there was one funny little thing that often happened at this point.  Apparently, when I’m excited I sound like I’m in pain, especially to a woman who has never before seen another woman actually being screwed in front of her.  So very often she would ask, “Is he hurting you?” or even exclaim to her husband, “You’re hurting her!” (the latter sometimes punctuated by a slap on his shoulder or back).  And this showed me that everything really was fine, because it demonstrated that she was genuinely concerned for my comfort and safety.

No matter how everything in between went, I always made sure he finished up with his wife if at all possible; it seemed to me the best way to prevent any remaining possibility of jealousy which might result from seeing her husband actually climax with another woman.  And while they were coupling, I usually held her hand and kissed her; many women become extremely passionate kissers when near orgasm, and I honestly think my second favorite sex act in the world is to kiss a woman and hold her hand while she’s being taken by a man.  My favorite?  Having a woman hold my hand and kiss me in the same circumstances!  Though most of a whore’s sexual response is by necessity feigned, it was rare that I had to fake excitement during a couple call.  Afterward, we always relaxed together, talking and touching; if the husband went to the bathroom as men so often do right after sex, the wife and I might engage in a little whispered “girl talk”, and I would make sure she was happy and comfortable and had no lingering doubts about what had just happened.

Of all the couple calls I did in my career, few stand out from the general good memories, but the ones that did are worthy of note.  Probably the strangest of these involved an American man with a Japanese wife who spoke no English at all; she just wanted to make love to me (but not vice versa) while her husband watched from a chair, fully clothed.  But the cutest story involves a young (late 20s) local couple with whom I had a really good time, but would probably not still remember except for the fact that about one week later I was getting into my convertible (the top was down that day) in a Wal-Mart parking lot and looked up to see the same couple, coincidentally parked right next to me!  There was an older woman (probably her mother) sitting between them, but that didn’t stop the girl from breaking into a broad smile and calling her husband’s attention to me.  He turned and saw me, then grinned and waved.  I’m sure they would’ve stopped to chat if not for the presence of the mother, to whom it might’ve been awkward to explain me.

Of course, they weren’t all good; there were a few times it was obvious the wife had no intention of carrying the arrangement out, and so found some excuse to send me away upon arrival (one haughty bitch simply waved me off, saying to her obviously-submissive husband “not within parameters”).  Only once to my recollection did a wife press the panic button to stop the call; she was quite overweight and I assume my looks and figure intimidated her, because the poor thing burst into tears about 15 minutes in.  I immediately quit what I was doing and gently asked her if she wanted to stop; she nodded while sobbing “I’m sorry!” and I assured her that there was nothing to apologize for, that this sort of thing wasn’t for everyone and that she didn’t have to do or see anything which might upset her.  Her husband was also good about it (though obviously disappointed), and she quickly recovered and thanked me for my understanding and kindness.

But there were two couple calls which stand out above all others as examples of how badly things can go and how well they can go, respectively.  When I first started writing this column I intended to discuss them today, but by the time I finished the first story I was already 400 words over my self-imposed length limit and still hadn’t even MENTIONED the second one, so I’ve decided to make those two stories into a column of their own.  As the TV announcer used to say when I was but a wee lass, “Tune in again tomorrow, same time, same channel!”

To be continued…

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