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Posts Tagged ‘BDSM’

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!
 –  Edna St. Vincent Millay

I think I’ve said before, somewhere in this massive edifice of words, that I really hate it when other women respond to the realization that I have the figure I have without special dieting or exercising every day with “I wish I had your metabolism”.  I used to simply reply with “thank you” or a Southern belle “I guess I’m just blessed that way”, but I’ve grown so weary of the hidden bile in such statements that I now reply with a cutting glance and a darkly-intoned, “You wouldn’t want what goes with it.”

Engineers, scientists and medical professionals understand what most people don’t: that every dynamic system (such as a human body) exists in a state of homeostasis, and that a gain in one part of the system can only be achieved by shorting another part of the system.  Squeeze the balloon in the middle and the ends will enlarge at the expense of that middle, not to mention putting considerable pressure on the structural cohesion of the plastic if one squeezes hard enough.  Burn the candle at both ends?  Twice the light, but half the life.  Yes, I have a great metabolism…and it’s so finely-balanced that I become completely non-functional if anything knocks it out of that balance.  You know how most people can push themselves to go without sleep if necessary?  If I try that, when I get to about the 20-hour mark I get dizzy, start shivering and vomiting (sometimes accompanied by diarrhea and/or hives) and then literally pass out.  Some of my friends can walk around in public while high; I have to crawl to make it to the bathroom.  And on the rare occasions when I succumb to some illness, it generally manifests as 24 to 48 hours of dizziness, vomiting, chills, weakness so profound I can barely move, and fever so high that those attending me (if they can handle all the screaming at them to shut up, go away and turn off every light in the house) get frightened.  And that uncannily-high pain threshold some people envy?  It’s because sensations below the “imminent threat of maiming” level just don’t register on my hyperactive nervous system.  Consider what that does to my ability to sense pleasure, then tell me you still wish you had my physiology.

And while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about that hyperactive nervous system.  On the good side: extremely high intelligence, quick wit, lightning-fast reflexes, and hyper-awareness.  On the bad side: debilitating vertigo, OCD, ADD, insomnia and anxiety (the latter three all aggravated by long summer days).  That prolificity and vocabulary envied by other writers?  Paid for by a nigh-complete inability to shut up (ask my long-suffering friends how literal this is) unless I’m deeply drugged or unconscious.  And that superhuman memory of mine, the one everybody thinks is so bloody wonderful because I can pull up facts faster than Google and order them in a way no machine yet built can manage?  While the joy of good things fades with the neurochemical changes generated by those experiences, the emotional damage done by the bad ones remains and never completely heals, if it heals at all.  It has been said that no woman would ever have more than one baby if she could actually remember how it felt to have the first one; if that’s true it’s probably best I couldn’t have children, because I remember pain – whether physical or emotional – every bit as vividly as I remember facts.  Every laceration and every rejection; every broken bone, and every broken heart.

I’m not saying I would have it any other way; I am who I am and what I am, and it’s all I know.  What I’m saying is, when you look at someone else’s life and human condition, please apply at least as much thought as you apply when shopping for a new piece of technology, and consider the actual cost of what’s in front of you.

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I regret that we had not sufficiently understood that others would see this event so differently.  –  Archbishop Terrence Prendergast

Longtime readers will appreciate this video…what if one of my favorite musicians did a version of the theme music of one of my favorite shows?  The links above it are from Tim Cushing (“does”), Clarissa (“pro”), Tushy Galore (“headline” and “never”), Walter Olson (“books”), and Brooke Magnanti (“tender”).

From the Archives

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In yesterday’s news column, I featured the latest in what has become a relentlessly moronic theme under the “Pygmalion Fallacy” heading:  the argument that due to the principles of sympathetic magic, an inanimate object which the human mind interprets as being shaped like a woman (or a child) has some kind of mystical connection to the thing it resembles, so that for a man to fuck a sex doll somehow affects a prudish, pearl-clutching woman who can’t even see or know that it’s happening, or magically harms an “innocent child” thousands of miles away.  This is the cognition of a savage; it deserves no more consideration in a rational society than the contention that the Earth is flat or that priests should make sacrifices to Zeus and Poseidon in order to turn away hurricanes.  But the most recent iteration of this nonsense contains something far uglier and anti-humanistic than mere superstition; it’s the loathsome application of the tabula rasa doctrine to human sexual desire.  Few reasonable people now doubt that most sexual desires and orientations are innate, that they form at a very early age by psychosexual mechanisms nobody yet understands, and that they simply can’t be trained out of existence; it simply isn’t possible to “pray the gay away”, to purge oneself of kinky urges, or to shame men into being attracted to kinds of women they simply aren’t attracted to.  But the other side of the coin is that it also isn’t possible to mold people’s sexualities into a kinkier direction; a man who isn’t turned on by rough sex can’t “learn” to like it by watching rough-sex porn, and one who’s attracted to adult women doesn’t become “jaded” and start wanting to fuck kids just because he visits sex workers frequently.  These myths are promoted by anti-sex zealots who understand that “it’s sinful!” doesn’t carry the weight it did 150 years ago; now they need to invent pseudoscientific explanations as to why sexual imagery, sex work and sex toys are bad and should be suppressed by violent state thuggery.

As if all that weren’t bad enough, yesterday’s example contained an even more insidiously vile insinuation:  the idea that fantasies of violent sex are deeply connected to, and are at risk of mutating into, true desires to inflict violent sex on non-consenting partners.  In plain English, the nasty pearl-clutcher who wrote the article is saying that all a man with rape fantasies needs to turn him into an actual rapist is the opportunity to act them out, even on an inanimate piece of plastic.  And while that might seem reasonable to naive vanillas without any D/s type urges, as a BDSM switch I find it deeply insulting and dangerously ignorant.  Yeah, I enjoy getting rough with pretty girls…and the part that turns me on is that they want it.  If I got as much as a hint that a bottom wasn’t really into what I was doing, the space between my legs would get as dry as the Gobi in a heartbeat.  And the same thing goes for nearly every top I’ve ever been with; in one case I unintentionally ruined a scene by reacting so realistically that I spooked him, and he couldn’t continue.  Kinky people understand consent in a way most vanilla folk never learn to, and the notion that it’s the opposite is nothing but bigoted projection.  The dogma that consent must be explicitly verbal, ongoing, and “enthusiastic” is the sexual equivalent of training wheels; it’s a prop for people who are so sexually illiterate and obtuse that they need a highly-artificial, externally imposed structure to ensure nobody gets even the tiniest bit hurt (physically or emotionally), and it destroys the basis of a lot of kink play.  In one example from my own life, a partner was teasing me about what was going to happen to me later.  I looked him straight in the eyes and said, absolutely deadpan, “I do not consent.”  But he knew me well, and could clearly see both the sparkle in my eyes & the Mona Lisa smile on my lips.  There was no further discussion at the time, and when similar conversations came up during the day I repeated: “Remember, I absolutely do not consent to that.”  But we had already clearly established safewords, and our very deep bond of trust included knowing that I enjoy having consent seduced from me (which is again total anathema to the “enthusiastic consent” crowd).  The result: some of the hottest sex of my entire life that night, I mean literally screaming.  The “ongoing enthusiastic consent” crowd would be utterly horrified if they could see a video of it (especially the audio), and yet both of us knew that I was fully consenting & would’ve safed out had I changed my mind.  The people who push the artificial, authoritarian “enthusiastic consent” crap are just sex-negative moralists playing at being sex-positive; they want to pathologize all sexuality that they don’t approve of.  And their arguments against sex robots, which many people are uncomfortable with due to the “uncanny valley” effect, are nothing more than the thin end of the wedge…just as their campaigns against sex work are nothing other than the first battles of a war against sexual behavior in general.

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Made To Be Broken

My dominatrix is bright, a great listener, and knows her trade well; I’ve been seeing her for several years.  A couple of months ago, in chit-chat after the scene was done, I asked her about her school and made an offhand remark about how she seemed to like unstructured events.  She was offended, said I didn’t know her well enough, and left without a word of goodbye.  Later she texted me saying I was intrusive and needy, and that it wasn’t her job to give me attention.  Now she is ignoring me.  What did I do wrong?

Different people have different boundaries, and sex workers are no exception.  We’re a lot better at policing our boundaries than most people, but we all have different ways of doing that.  Some of us, especially those relatively new to the profession, have extremely firm and rigid boundaries and strict rules about how we maintain them (which often includes rules about the consequences of boundary violation, up to and including “firing” a client who transgresses them).  Over the years, many (perhaps most) of us get more flexible about our rules; we develop a better sense of which boundaries are serious deal-breakers and which we’re willing to negotiate for the right client under the right circumstances, subject to intuition.  For example, when I first started I absolutely never gave out my personal phone number or legal name; now there are clients who know both.  There were also things at first that I’d never do for anyone, but now don’t mind if I know the gent well enough.  It’s not that I’ve become jaded or don’t care about my boundaries any more; far from it.  It’s just that I’ve internalized my needs well enough, and have such a finely-honed sense of how I feel about a situation from moment to moment, that I don’t always need the rigid rules as I did 17 years ago.  However, not everyone is like me; some ladies maintain strict rules for their entire career, and it’s their right to do so.  Nobody can determine what works for any individual but that individual herself.

It’s pretty clear that your lady is one whose boundaries are both firm and non-negotiable, and you broke one of them.  That isn’t a criticism of you; it may be that if I were in your place I’d have unknowingly done the same thing.  And it’s equally clear that your offense, however unintended, was serious enough in her mind that she is willing to forgo the income to maintain her principles and/or avoid the possibility you may do it again.  My advice is that you move on and find another domme; it may be that she is being manipulative and will contact you when she decides you’ve been punished enough (or when she wants your money enough).  And when and if that happens, you get to decide whether that kind of treatment is forgivable or whether it violated one of your boundaries, and whether you should go back to seeing her or tell her where she can stick her moodiness.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Doesn’t anyone on our Super Bowl committee have access to Google?  –  Cory Zurowski

Pyrrhic Victory

It was only a matter of time before the TSA’s role in mass surveillance was expanded:

The TSA began a new screening policy for paper products…in Missouri last month, and now the agency’s branch in Sacramento, California, is testing out more invasive searches for books and food items…passengers are required to take all reading material and food out of their carry-on luggage and place it in a separate bin.  TSA [goons] can “fan” through travelers’ books to see if anything is hidden in the pages, but agency officials [pretend] they will not pay attention to the content…Department of Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly said…he will likely expand the new searches nationwide and may also ban laptop carry-ons for all international flights…

False Witness (#506)

And those who wish to manufacture “sex trafficking victims” can use exactly the same methods:

When Ada JoAnn Taylor is tense, she thinks she can feel the fabric of a throw pillow in the pads of her fingers…She imagines herself in a small apartment in Beatrice, Nebraska…gripping the edges of a pillow, more tightly than she means to, and suffocating a sixty-eight-year-old widow…Taylor confessed to the woman’s murder in 1989 and for two decades believed that she was guilty.  She served more than nineteen years for the crime before she was pardoned…The situation is a study in the malleability of memory: an implausible notion, doubted at first, grows into a firmly held belief that reshapes one’s autobiography and sense of identity…

Moving Pictures 

In 20 or 30 years, “sex trafficking” and other anti-whore films are going to be a subgenre of their own, cult favorites of 20-something hipsters as “reefer madness” films are now:

The Receptionist is based on the lives of the employees and clients at a massage parlour in London, as seen through the eyes of a Taiwanese graduate employed as a receptionist there.  It unabashedly portrays the treatment the women endure, including being subjected to abuse and extreme fetishes.  Gangsters demanded “protection” money from the women, and would beat, rob and rape them if they didn’t pay up, knowing they wouldn’t dare call the police…[A sex worker is] “like a person with no soul”…[filmmaker Jenny Lu, who has never done sex work] explains…

Only Rights Can Stop the Wrongs (#627)

It’s good to see recognition of the fact that the US “Trafficking in Persons Report” is nothing but a tool for political blackmail:

The United States Ambassador to Ghana, Mr. Robert Porter Jackson…warned that, if Ghana failed to increase efforts in combating human trafficking in the coming years, it would risk dropping to the Tier Three and that under the United States law, a Tier Three ranking would trigger restrictions on US assistance programmes to Ghana…

To Molest and Rape

Wow, there are so many of these isolated incidents!  It’s almost like there’s something about the very nature of policing that encourages this behavior:  “Yermia ‘Jeremy’ Solomon, a…[cop in] Monticello [New York]…has been charged with raping a minor…Solomon is on paid [vacation]…

Too Close To Home (#672)

I specifically linked to this particular title (click the title above) because I want you to contrast Liz Brown’s thorough, hard-nosed, skeptical reporting with ABC’s eager parroting of anti-sex propaganda.  I’m quoted in the story and apparently appear in the video as well (I can’t get it to play), but of course my truth-telling is surrounded by lies from pigs, prosecutors & other prohibitionists.

Pimps Ahoy

The question in the headline could be asked of any “rescue” organization:

A year after closing its home for young sex-trafficking victims and repeatedly vowing it would reopen, a controversial…nonprofit has announced it will not seek a new license to serve minor girls at its Northern California “Courage House.”  The announcement marks a stunning reversal by Courage Worldwide Inc., which had promoted a grand vision of local and global expansion in the fight against sex trafficking…

The Leading Players in the Field, Not (#732) 

Has this histrionic has-been now made a rotting moral panic her whole career?

Mira Sorvino urged all nations and the business community…to ramp up financial support for [anti-sex organizations]…Sorvino…has been a U.N. [propaganda disseminator] for the global [moral panic over]…human trafficking…[despite her pimping sex workers’ image for a lot of money and acclaim by playing] a prostitute with a golden heart in Woody Allen’s Mighty Aphrodite…she has become a crusader against…sex [work]…

Stupor Bowl (#749)

The “Super Bowl sex trafficking” myth is becoming a laughing stock:

…The same thing happens every year in Super Bowl cities, with civic leaders predicting Armageddon…They apparently believe that America’s most connected corporate chieftains — the only people with the access and money for tickets — are a band of licentious degenerates, here to ravish enslaved maidens, not watch a game.  So teeth are gnashed and cities spend tens of thousands of dollars in police overtime.  The arrest figures eventually turn out to be not much different than any other week.  Despite the overwhelming evidence, the same tale is being peddled in Minnesota for Super Bowl LII in February…

First They Came for the Hookers… (#750) 

In other words, she has to prove she’s the polar opposite of every other cop in the US:

The New Jersey dominatrix-turned-cop was offered a deal that would let her keep her job if she passed a psychiatric exam showing she didn’t like beating the pulp out of [people]…Kristen Hyman…nixed the idea of taking a psych test, and also refused to sign a waiver saying she wouldn’t sue the department…

Naturally, Hyman vomited out all sorts of whorearchical bullshit about how she was only an actress and not a dirty whore.

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“Sexual exploitation” sounds like you’ve got a woman in a cage in the basement.  –  John Tymczyszyn

A Broker in Pillage

Dear useful idiots:  I did tell you so:

Four U.S. senators have proposed legislation that would significantly expand the power of the federal government to seize citizens’ money when traveling in or out of the United States…The stated goal of the legislation is to make it more difficult for drug dealers, terrorists and other criminals to transport money and other “financial instruments” across the U.S. border, but several troubling provisions in the law could put law-abiding American citizens at risk of losing tens of thousands of dollars for doing nothing more than failing to fill out a government form…The Combating Money Laundering, Terrorist Financing and Counterfeiting Act would expand “monetary instruments” covered under current law to include “prepaid access devices, stored value cards, digital currencies, and other similar instruments“…digital currencies, such as Bitcoin, are theoretically always transported by the owner of the digital currency account wherever he or she goes, which means digital currency owners with accounts valued at $10,000 or more must always report their funds or risk having them seized…the law treats all blank checks as though they are financial instruments valued in excess of $10,000 if the checking account contains at least $10,000, which means if a traveler accidentally fails to report a blank check floating around in his or her luggage, the account holder could face stiff penalties — even if there is no suspicion of criminal activity…

Yellow Fever

Reuters was once a respected news organization, but note the complete lack of evidence of any kind for these claims:

Children in the Dominican Republic are preyed upon by foreigners who visit the island to have sex with youngsters…a United Nations [bureaucrat] said.  Maud de Boer-Buquicchio…[used the faddish term] hotspot…[and claims] Poor children can be pushed into the sex trade by their own families and local pimps, taxi and motorbike taxi drivers…”I saw it happen with the taxi drivers [she said, without presenting any actual evidence]…A 2015 report by [religion-based prohibition] group, International Justice Mission…[claimed, again without actual proof] that one in four sex workers in the Dominican Republic…was under 18…

Sex Work is Work

A couple of short interviews with Australian escorts:

Lulu Valentine…was never of the belief that sex work was sex-free…[despite Hollywood] misrepresent[ation]…“when sex work is portrayed in media, it often smooths over the more arbitrary details of the job”…Sex, it seems from [TV shows]…is an optional part of the escort gig…Claudia Cadine…says despite Hollywood notions…she’s never had any misconceptions about the nature of her work – it’s to have sex.  Not fall in love…

Choke Point 

This could also go under “The Prudish Giant”, but I think the financial chokeout is more important:

…the US’s first ever sextech hackathon…had a lot of trouble getting the word out on Facebook…Andriy Yaroshenko, one of the event’s organizers, said he said he tried to submit his advertisement around 100 times and was denied…”I’m doing an educational hackathon.  It’s not porn.  It’s not entertainment,'” said Yaroshenko.  LinkedIn blocked his ads as well…Mal Harrison…of the Center for Erotic Intelligence…said Facebook suspended the [group]’s page a number of times….[others] said [they weren’t]…allowed to use PayPal…for sales…they would have to use their personal email accounts to take credit card payments through PayPal.  And Kickstarter wasn’t available to them either…it’s even difficult for companies in the sex industry to get the business name on checks from a bank…Bryony Cole, host of the Future of Sex podcast…said…it can be difficult to separate out the good from the harmful…

By buying into the false duality of “good” sexual content (education, tech, etc) vs “bad” content (such as porn), these holier-than-thou types assist the very censors they’re whining about. If you don’t want your sexual business censored or choked, you’re going to have to fight for mine as well.

Something Rotten in Sweden (#507)

Seattle politicians engage in a pompous display of virtue signalling directly against the advice of sex workers and allies, then pretend they didn’t know their posturing would destroy people’s lives:

Two years ago the city of Seattle changed the name of the misdemeanor crime of patronizing a prostitute to sexual exploitation…A 24-year-old…man did everything a judge ordered him to do after he took a plea deal last year…[but] criminal-background check erroneously shows he’s been convicted of a sex-related felony, making it virtually impossible for him to get a job…While the elements of the crime — and the punishment — remain the same, the name change is exclusive to the city.  No other jurisdiction in the state, or country, uses the same language…it has resulted in serious errors on criminal-background checks and led to significant fears that a conviction could have immigration consequences for foreign-born men here on visas…[defense attorney John] Tymczyszyn [said]…“They’ve renamed it to something that sounds like a felony…Misdemeanors aren’t supposed to render you unemployable”…Holmes, the [most vocal proponent of the dysphemistic name change], said his office has had discussions with the…Northwest Immigrant Rights Project…about ways to mitigate possible immigration consequences…

I have a simple way to “mitigate the consequences”:  change the fucking name back & stop your fucking anti-sex propaganda machine.  Oh, and don’t forget another example of Seattle’s hypocritical posturing: declaring itself a “sanctuary city” for migrants the feds want to deport.

Broken Record (#539)

Poor Nebraska; all panicked up & no place to go: “The College World Series starts this weekend in Omaha.  Sex traffickers are drawn to the event…But sex trafficking also happens…in small rural towns“…

First They Came for the Hookers… (#556)

Don’t think too hard about why someone would leave a job inflicting violence consensually for one where she can inflict it non-consensually:

A New Jersey sheriff’s [deputy] is undergoing a legal spanking after her bosses found out she once worked as a dominatrix and tried to boot her out of the department.  Kristen Hyman…is facing a disciplinary hearing where she will have to fight for her career against claims that her status as an ex-whip mistress disgraces the organization…

Yes, they’re claiming that being a sex worker disgraces cops, rather than vice-versa.

The Widening Gyre (#589) 

The “Facebook pimps” myth is one of the silliest of the whole panic:

…Jane’s daughter, Mary, was involved in a vehicle collision…and came out of it with a head injury.  For the next couple of years, she stayed home, spending most of her time on…Facebook…“She was targeted by a gang,” Jane says…[for a] year before the gang of pimps actually took Mary, they inundated her with attention through Facebook.  Then one night, she just up and left, getting into their car…“They didn’t physically force her, but they threatened her…She walked out the door under her own steam, but they were in the parking lot and took her”…

This woman actually believes that her inexperienced daughter had so much potential as a sex worker that an entire gang of pimps (who could apparently only afford one car) was willing to invest an entire year ensnaring her.  These people live in a completely different reality from the one actual people live, fuck & do business in.

The Public Morals

Every woman molested or raped by cops should file a federal suit:

Two San Antonio [cops] imprisoned for conning women to have sex with them in a fake undercover investigation face a federal lawsuit for civil rights violations and sexual assault…Emmanuel Galindo and Alejandro Chapa…tricked women into [submitting to rape] under the guise that it was for a secret police department operation…

The only way this will ever stop is for cities’ insurance companies to tell them they’ll no longer pay judgments against these filthy pigs.

To Molest and Rape 

STOP SAYING “FORMER” COP.  He was not a “former” cop when he committed the rape:

Jerry “Jay” Gragg Jr. was arrested…by a Pittsburg County deputy and special agents with the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigations at the OSBI McAlester field office.  Gragg is being charged with one count of forcible sodomy, two counts of sexual battery and one count of an officer accepting a bribe…[during] a Jan. 21 traffic stop…Gragg told the female driver she had a suspended license and unless she paid her fine in full he would take her to jail. When she didn’t have enough money, he [orally raped] her…the woman spoke to friends and her pastor, then came forward with the allegations, producing a blouse she was wearing during the traffic stop.  OSBI matched DNA from the woman’s shirt to Gragg…

Saying “former” implies that the department drummed him out before he raped anyone, when in fact it was his status as a cop that allowed him to commit the rape. This is just another way the media conspires with “authorities” to absolve police departments of responsibility for the myriad crimes committed by the thugs in their employ.

Cops and Robbers (#665)

The Swedish model eliminates prostitution!

A [prohibitionist group] has threatened to cause major traffic chaos ahead of next month’s U2 concert over protests against the area being “turned into a red light district”.  [Busybodies] on Dublin’s Dorset Street have repeatedly raised concerns about a number of premises in the area, which they [claim] are being run as brothels…[the malcontents] have threatened to cause severe traffic disruption on one of the city’s busiest streets ahead of next month’s U2 gig if their concerns are not acted upon…

Sex Rays (#707)

Be careful, the sex ray intensity on these items must be well into the danger zone:

BDSM porn establishment Kink.com will soon leave the massive Armory building in San Francisco to move its operations to Las Vegas…they are selling off furniture and props from their adult film sets…The sale started on Thursday, June 14 and resumes again on Saturday, June 17th from 12 PM to 5 PM…

The End of the Beginning (#718) 

More good news about bad laws:

…the Supreme Court unanimously overturned a North Carolina law that bans registered sex offenders from any “commercial social networking Web site” that is open to minors…every justice agreed that the law’s broad scope cannot be reconciled with the First Amendment…

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Contrary to the beliefs of many straight vanilla people, sexual focus, kinks & fetishes can’t usually be traced back to any defining event like being molested; most often, they are innate and the individual is aware of them to one degree or another at a very early age.  I was fascinated by bondage from at least the time I was four, though I had no idea what sex was; I just knew that depictions of women being bound or otherwise restrained had a very definite effect on me.  They made me feel “funny” and I couldn’t help watching, yet I was uncomfortable if anyone else was in the room with me (especially an adult).  As I grew older, I recognized these feelings as sexual, but even before that I would’ve almost certainly been deeply affected had some adult restrained me without my permission; I think it would have felt like a personal violation, attended by feelings of shame.  In fact, my friend Jillian Keenan has argued that this is a good reason to refrain from spanking children:  spanking fetishists experience spanking as a sexual act, often from a very young age, so when she was a child spanking felt to her like an intimate and humiliating violation, what we as adults would call sexual assault.  And since there’s no way to know which children have the fetish (it’s not at all an uncommon one), it’s a bad idea to risk inflicting a punishment which could result in sexual trauma.

Well, last week I was reading about female prisoners being shackled while giving birth, and a friend of mine wrote about being forced into shackles for a court appearance.  And in both cases I experienced weird, highly unpleasant, deeply disturbing feelings with sexual undertones, as I often do when reading about the subject.  And that started me thinking:  does being turned on by bondage make nonconsensual shackling worse than it would be for vanilla people?  What if being bound by someone I do not trust and to whom I have not given consent, someone who deliberately intends to harm & terrify me, makes the feeling of being restrained by pigs that much more terrifying, appalling & violative than it would to a vanilla woman?  It’s not just humiliating & scary, as I’m sure it is for everyone; it also makes me feel violated & dirty.  The feeling is not at all dissimilar to that of being raped:  it’s something that I perceive as a sexual act, something that at the hands of a person I trust would be exciting and hot, being used by evil thugs to display their power over me.  And since I have experienced both at the hands of pigs, I know whereof I speak; it’s not exactly the same feeling, but it is extremely similar.  There’s the same sense of contamination, like you want to shower afterward until the hot water runs out, but don’t feel as though you’ll ever be clean again.  And there’s a lingering trauma effect of feeling unsafe, even alone in one’s locked house, or in company of beloved friends, that never quite goes away ever again (though it does fade over time).

No conclusions here; it’s just food for thought.  But when I explored this idea on Twitter last week, a couple of men who are not kinky & have never been raped (one had been arrested, the other didn’t say) had the mind-boggling nerve to mansplain to me that the feelings weren’t the same, because (presumably) they can peer into my head and measure the reactions for comparison.  So before any bootlickers reading this claim its “necessary” for “officer safety” to shackle women, please let me preemptively tell you to shut the fuck up.  An average-sized woman arrested for a consensual “crime” is not a violent male criminal; there is no way my unarmed 132# self is of any danger to cops, and that goes triple for a pregnant woman in labor.  The handcuffs and shackles are solely for the purpose of humiliating and degrading the prisoner and breaking her down psychologically; they serve no other function.  They are the tools of a police state, and in defending the practice you are complicit in it.

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