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Posts Tagged ‘Advice for Clients’

I visit my regular lady about 6-8 times a year.  I recently told her that I’d be passing through her town soon, but wouldn’t be able to schedule a regular appointment.  She then said that we were going to meet for a drink or a meal.  I asked if the drink/meal would be a work occasion for her, or a purely non-work get together.  She replied, “Non work, just some nice time out of work”.  I don’t want to presume that she doesn’t expect to be compensated, but since she did not mention anything about compensation, I do not want to offend her by bluntly asking how much she would like.  What would be a good way to bring up the matter without insulting her?

I wouldn’t bring it up at all.  Most providers have a social rate, posted on their website; for example, mine is half of my regular rate.  What I would do if I were you is look up that rate on her site, put it in a greeting card telling her how much you appreciate her, and discreetly give it to her at dinner.  Even if she wasn’t expecting anything other than your treating her to a nice meal, it’s a generous gesture and she will appreciate it.  Also:  make the restaurant an especially nice one.  She’ll appreciate that too!

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

 

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The…big problem is dealing with middle class saviours trying to save me from my job.  –  Sarah from Bristol

Advice for Clients

Ignore step two, because you’ll almost certainly be breaking some law. But the rest of this is pretty good:

So you’ve decided to spend time with an escort, but now what?  Your first call can be nerve-wracking, and you don’t want to creep the woman out!  Start with Step 1 below to learn how to make things easier on yourself, and on your potential date…

Hey prohibitionists: we’re winning, and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it.

Jezebel 

The owner has since taken down all the pirated porn and apologized:

Bellesa.co is essentially a piracy curator.  This site subsists…off of pirated videos.  Those videos have been uploaded to other piracy-based tube sites, and then a person or persons at Bellesa.co curates them into the single biggest piracy site focused entirely on female-centric videos.  This site is absolutely no more ethical than The Pirate Bay or any number of piracy sites designed to exploit producers and performers for financial gain…it…puts ZERO DOLLARS into the pockets of female producers or performers…

Rooted in Racism

Hmmm, I wonder why they accused this particular restaurateur?

A few weeks ago, RÚV (The Icelandic National Broadcasting Service)  reported on the Chinese restaurant Sjanghæ in Akureyri, claiming its owner, a Chinese born woman, was suspected of human trafficking…RÚV [accused] the owner…of paying her Chinese staff a monthly salary of 30.000 kr ($285)…[when actually] the staff’s monthly salary was 465 thousand krónas ($4355), which is well over the Icelandic minimum wage of 300 thousand ($2810)…the restaurant has been closed since RÚV’s report, as no customers have wanted to show up…[Jóhannes Sigurðarson, Sjanghæ’s lawyer] believes the restaurant will open again, although it’s unclear when exactly.  He and the owner will be determining shortly whether or not to press charges…

Trafficking, Trafficking Everywhere!

Prohibitionists are desperate to make New Zealand look bad:

A report, released by University of Auckland researcher Natalie Thorburn, claims child sex trafficking is prevalent in New Zealand and children as young as 12 were being exploited for money and drugs…Counsellor Tania Blomfield [claimed] that she knew of a child as young as nine being forced into the sex trade by her mother…Blomfield [fantasizes] child sex trafficking is “a growth industry, sadly.  I think it’s getting worse and worse because we are not dealing with it”.  However National Coordinator for the Prostitutes’ Collective Catherine Healy says sex trafficking is a catch all phrase that does not fully describe the situation…”Let’s not conflate it with sex work and say ‘oh they’ve been trafficked into sex work’ when actually they’re being abused by family members”…

The Prudish Giant

Though this is about coerced labor, Wal-mart is notoriously anti-sex and IJM is one of the sleaziest of the rescue industry groups; I suspect this will soon turn to whore persecution:

International Justice Mission…announced support from the Walmart Foundation to address human trafficking, also known as modern slavery, in the Thai fishing industry…there has not yet been a comprehensive study documenting the prevalence of forced labor and exploitation of fishermen on Thai fishing vessels.  With funding from the Walmart Foundation, IJM commissioned Issara Institute to conduct groundbreaking research in Thailand documenting the prevalence of forced labor…

Law of the Instrument (#560)

It’s not the number of “human trafficking victims” that’s increased, but the number of “human trafficking” charges:

The numbers of victims of human trafficking in Ireland has almost doubled in four years, with 94 [claimed] to have been children…The majority of…persons [labeled by “authorities” as “trafficked”] between 2012-2016 were women, with most subject to sexual exploitation…The authors of the report, however, [fantasize] that the true scale of trafficking could be much higher…

Remember, Ireland charges people with “human trafficking” for crimes ranging from undocumented immigration to rape.

An Example To the West (#582) 

Not so long ago, most US brothels were owned by sex workers:

…Dennis Hof…is offering the 540 women who work in his brothels the chance to buy shares.  He first wants to see if they would help buy the famous Chicken Ranch, which is for sale in Nye County.  “I want to give the girls the opportunity to not only invest in it and be shareholders but also have input in the management style…we want a $25,000 minimum investment.  The purchase price is $4.5 million”…Barb Brents, a UNLV sociology professor who researches the adult industry in Nevada, said some brothels in other countries share ownership with sex workers.  But to do it in Nevada would be a sweeping change…There are still some hurdles for Hof’s plan.  The biggest might be the background checks for brothel investors…

Check Your Premises (#773) 

Though “debating” prohibitionists is a bad idea, attacking their statements is a good one:

…Sarah…accused [politician] Thangam [Debbonaire] of “prejudice and hatred” towards sex workers and questioned whether the MP had met many…”Client criminalisation leads to sex workers having less time to suss out potential clients…because the client is keen to give the worker less info about himself, and to move the interaction into more private spaces where he is less in danger of being arrested…when the criminalisation of kerb-crawling was introduced in Scotland in 2008…violence against street sex workers went up by 50 per cent in just the first six months…sex workers are arrested all the time for brothel-keeping offences, which can mean sharing a workspace with other sex workers for safety.  Of course, having a criminal record relating to prostitution would make it almost impossible for me to ever leave sex work.  When the police raid premises they take everybody’s money – all the money I had earned that day, and probably my phone too – no receipt, no way of getting it back…

Lower Education (#773)

Anti-sex crusaders love their pseudoscience:

…Journalist Emily Yoffe dove into the “neurobiology of trauma”  nonsense last week as part of her series of articles at The Atlantic on campus rape.  This phrase has appeared in federal legislation, state legislation, Department of Education guidance to colleges, and campus sexual assault proceedings.  It is used to explain why victims of sexual assault might not resist or even say no at all; why their memories of the incident might be spotty; and why changes to their stories over time are normal.  Under this theory, hormones and other neurotransmitters go mad and can cause temporary brain damage; memories of an assault are stored perfectly somewhere in the brain but are “fragmented” at first, so it might take victims time to piece together the true story of what happened…But…these claims…fly in the face of almost all recent research on memory and trauma…We have been here before.  In the 1980s, the idea that childhood sexual abuse caused…repressed memories grew quite popular…

The Mote and the Beam (#774)

Some tech companies are willing to destroy the internet to secure a temporary business advantage:

Since the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act of 2017 was introduced in the Senate in August, tech companies and advocacy groups have…called it “disastrous for free speech online,” asking its members to call their representatives in Congress.  Meanwhile, supporters of the bill have emerged from unlikely quarters — including tech giant Oracle and Hollywood studio 21st Century Fox — and are using the legislation as an opportunity to take shots at Google…

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How does one go about finding an escort if he lives in a small town or rural area?

As with so many things, that depends on a number of factors.  If you’re financially comfortable and have time you can spend as you like, you can search the internet for a lady you like just about anywhere, then simply travel to her city and spend the night in a nice hotel; maybe you can do some sightseeing or take in a show or sporting event or the like while you’re at it.  If you travel for business, that’s even easier; just contact the provider of your choice in the city you’re visiting and arrange for an outcall to your hotel.  If you know your travel dates well in advance, I’d suggest making the arrangements as early as possible; I can’t count the number of times I’ve been contacted by gentlemen who are really excited to see me…but wait to call on the last day of their stay, and I’m busy or out of town or otherwise unable to see them.  If you’re traveling with co-workers and fear discovery, just ask to see the lady at her incall; a short cab or Lyft ride will buy you privacy and peace of mind.  And if you’ve got more money than flexibility, many escorts (including me) are willing to travel to your location for the right price.  If you choose this option, she may require airfare, accommodations and/or a minimum date length, and will almost certainly ask for a deposit; these requirements can vary a great deal from one lady to another (for example, I require accommodations and a minimum date length, but I handle my own airfare or fuel costs).

If you’re on a budget and can’t travel freely, your choices are a bit more limited; if the nearest large city isn’t too far, you could drive there and return in the same day, seeing a provider at her incall (a few months ago a gentleman drove from Spokane to see me, four hours each way).  And even if it is far, you could wait for an opportunity when you’re traveling there anyway.  Some review sites do cover small cities and the area surrounding them; when I lived in Oklahoma I still saw gentlemen part-time despite being two hours from either Tulsa or Oklahoma City.  This isn’t unusual; many of the escorts in less-populated places are part-timers.  If there isn’t a review board which covers your area, you’ll need to go to Backpage or Craigslist; though these sites no longer have designated adult ads due to the “sex trafficking” witch hunt, you can still find them in the “women seeking men” section, ads for personal services such as massage, etc.  But please be very, very careful with that; sociopathic cops adore using those sites to entrap people so they can rob them, post their pictures in the paper and destroy their lives.  If quickie ad sites are your only option, ask the lady if she has a website or a presence on an escort board in another city; just because she lives in a small town doesn’t mean she doesn’t tour or take frequent trips to a nearby city.  If you just want sexual services and don’t require companionship, you might consider a massage parlor, but beware; cops have been known to raid them and even to set up fake massage parlors to entrap men.  So only go to one if you’ve seen it continually in the same location for at least a year, and have never, ever seen police cars there or heard of it being raided.  And no matter which of these strategies you choose, tip well and be a perfect gentleman, so you will be able to count on seeing her again in the future.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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In efforts to catch imagined “pimps”…officials have long considered the liberty and rights of…sex workers (and their customers) to be an acceptable sacrifice.  The rest of us were really never far behind.  –  Elizabeth Nolan Brown

Moloch 

How many kids need to be sacrificed to this obscenity before it’s enough?

South Carolina can continue to require…teens convicted of…sex crimes to appear on the state’s public sex-offender registry and wear an electronic monitor for the rest of their lives, the state Supreme Court ruled…A boy…who was 15 when he sexually assaulted a 5-year-old boy…challenged the law…The teen’s lawyer said being publicly branded a sex offender and electronically monitored for the rest of his life is too harsh a punishment, citing the U.S. Supreme Court’s ban on the death penalty for anyone under age 18.  The justices, however, said the Legislature was well within its power to pass a law that treats juveniles and adults differently in criminal punishment, but establishes the same requirements for the registry [due to the pretense that it isn’t a punishment]…

No Friend of Ours

Nevada has caught up with Washington, Arizona & Florida as one of the most vile, loathsome fonts of anti-whore vomit in the US:

Reno Public Radio’s Noah Glick spoke with Crysta Price, one of the [fabulists who created yet another bogus] study…[they actually represent themselves as] data scientists [though they’re not dealing in actual data and instead just vomit out a lot of lies & “end demand” filth.  Price pretends that]…Reno is in the top 6.5 percent, in terms of the per-capital [sic] number of individuals that are advertised for sex.  And then Nevada itself is the number one state…if you have the same amount [sic] of demands, you’ll just see those individuals replaced with trafficked individuals…demand…is often the result of a lot of males with expendable income…where it’s in an entertainment-like experience, that can often filter them into purchasing sex in the commercial sex industry…

“Per capital”?  “Entertainment-like experience”?  “Filter them into purchasing sex”?  Is this woman for real, or is she some sort of Marxist clown robot railing against “expendable income”?  Perhaps she thinks the almighty state should “protect” these vegetable-like “trafficked individuals” by stealing all that extra income & giving it to creatures like her?

New Excuse

For over three years now, I’ve been saying that the War on Whores is the new War on Drugs.  And here’s a perfect example of that:

In the high days of America’s militarized war on drugs, baseless and botched home raids have become a defining feature—with often disastrous consequences.  Now we’re seeing the same sort of overzealous enforcement efforts in the fight against…prostitution.  This week, Detroit police raided an innocent family’s home after receiving a [bogus] sex-trafficking tip and then seeing two teens enter the house.  One of the teens was the family’s 13-year-old daughter, who…wound up face-down and handcuffed on the floor, along with the rest of her family, after cops cut through a locked gate…and entered with their guns drawn…Maria Navarete [reported that] police told her to “shut up, you have no rights” when she asked what was happening…Police apologized, [pretending] that a mysterious heroin-addicted woman in a local hospital said she and several underage girls had been held against their will and forced into prostitution…[at] the Navarete’s place…

Business As Usual 

Why does it surprise people when cops fight for what they imagine to be their “right” to rape sex workers?

The Anchorage Police Department is fighting a pair of state bills that would criminalize cops who have “sexual contact” with people under investigation.  The reason for the opposition, according to Deputy Chief Sean Case, is that…such a law would allow sex workers to avoid arrest, since it provides them with a way to check if a potential client is a cop…“If we make that act (of touching) a misdemeanor we have absolutely no way of getting involved in that type of arrest”…Case [pretends] the department isn’t interested in making arrests for sex work in general and is instead focused on sex trafficking…which raises the question of [why] police are…advocating for the need to have “sexual contact” with trafficking victims…The bills at issue are the result of activism by…Community United for Safety and Protection (CUSP), which [explains] that sex workers in [every] state [are routinely] subjected to sexual abuse by police during undercover busts…Initially, it seemed that the bills would have no trouble passing.  “Police and prosecutors [lied] that police never engage in sexual conduct during stings anyways”…said [Tara Burns].  “Then right as the bill was about to be heard they changed their story and now claim that they need to engage in sexual conduct with sex trafficking victims in order to rescue them”…sex worker advocates say that every state needs bills like those proposed in Alaska that expressly define “sexual contact” with sex workers during investigations as sexual abuse.  That said, these laws only go so far…As Maggie McNeill…told Vocativ, “No matter what the law says, cops will keep raping sex workers, either in stings or outside of them, for as long as our profession is criminalized because they know damned well there’s nothing we can do about it.”

The Public Eye (#617)

Once again, Caroline McLeod handled this interview like a champ; and once again, the “journalists” sullied her words by surrounding them with prohibitionist lies.  I’m not even going to bother quoting this dreary mess, which includes the usual anti-sex vomit from the usual sex-hating liars.

To Molest and Rape 

Arkansas lets dangerous, violent rapist walk free; guess his profession:

…[Rapist cop] Robert G. Retford pleaded guilty to a charge of 3rd degree sexual assault.  He was sentenced to 6 years probation…Retford’s victim…asked to be identified and wants everyone to know what…that [rapist cop] did to her…During the second week of September 2016…two Johnson County deputies showed up at her home for a domestic dispute…Retford offered to take her away from the situation…he…assaulted her with…his police baton.  Then…raped her and urinated on her.  “After that he made me drink his urine,” Shanna said…”I think he’s scary, it scares me just talking about him…he should be in jail locked up and I don’t feel other women and girls out there are safe”…

The Widening Gyre (#663)

More racist infantilization of Nigerian sex workers in Italy:

…For most of these women, sex work is…slave labour, enforced by vicious gang leaders who threaten the women with physical violence and deportation if they refuse to comply…Father Vincenzo (Enzo) Volpe…the Sicilian priest who works with Sister Valeria to protect the women and offer them hope for a new life, estimates there are some 500 Nigerians working against their will on the streets and in the brothels.  That’s [an impossibly] big number for a city with a population of only 1.3 million [but fetishists believe it anyway]…tens of thousands of Nigerian sex slaves have poured into Italy and more are arriving almost every day in rickety boats dispatched from the Libyan coast, seeking a better life in Europe…

Pyrrhic Victory (#677)

Seattle cops aren’t the only ones with a fetish for creepy surveillance:

…After Geofeedia’s highly publicized PR disaster, in which Chicago Police were found to have used the social media surveillance platform to track racial justice protests and gatherings, the social media monitoring company saw Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram cut off its data streams…A company called Babel Street [is letting violent busybodies get around that]…Seattle PD are one of many users of Babel Street software, and are soon to be joined by the US Secret Service…the FBI is also using Babel Street programs…Babel Street also seems to be making a substantial push into the private market…[mostly] sports stadiums and entertainment venues…Babel X has access to over 25 social media sites, including Facebook, Instagram, and to Twitter’s firehose…Babel X can also surveil millions of URL’s including the deep web.  The software can instantly translate over 200 languages, and can set up geo-fences around areas of special interest, and has highly customizable filtering options including for hashtags, emojis, handles, names…keywords….numerical sequences like credit card or social security numbers…dates, times, data type, language, and—interestingly enough—sentiment…

“Filter for sentiment”.  Let that sink in, and remember that when I started this heading five years ago some people claimed I was exaggerating.

Policing for Profit (#687) 

Once in a very great while, the bad guys still lose:

James Slatic was never charged with a crime, but it took 15 months and a twisting legal battle before three different judges for him to get back the more than $100,000 the San Diego District Attorney’s Office seized from him and his family—including his daughters’ college savings accounts.  On [May 5th] a California superior court judge [finally] ordered the San Diego District Attorney’s Office to return [the money]…it [stole] from the Slatic family following a police raid last January on James Slatics’ medical marijuana company…

Advice for Clients (#704)

A simple primer on interacting with sex workers on Twitter:

Imagine you’re walking through your local mall…and discover a friendly lady…holding out a tray of…whatever…do you stand around engaging her in small talk while she…attempts to work around you?…Do you insist that she let you have a few more since you’ll definitely be a regular customer…Do you offer her unsolicited advice on how to season the food?…

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I *personally* could wreck the careers of a dozen politicians. And there are roughly half a million whores in the US.  –  Me

Advice for Clients

Mistress Matisse offers advice on the oft-asked “how do I find an escort” question:

…Look to social media…Now that so many review boards have been taken down, social media is the best way to find a good independent escort…I’m not saying “no social media” equals “bad escort”…there are lots of good escorts who don’t have much of a social-media presence.  But if you want to get to know a little about who someone is before you meet them, that’s just how you do it now…

Saving Them From Themselves

I’m sure he did it to “protect” them:

A fired Kentucky high school principal took students’ phones so he could steal porn images and trade them online…Stephen Kyle Goodlett…was indicted…on federal charges of possessing and transporting child pornography…after a 20-year-old woman learned that naked images she had taken for her boyfriend when she was 15 had been uploaded to a porn trading website in Russia…the IP address of the device that uploaded the images matches an account registered by Goodlett…[who claims] that he has an addiction to porn…

Above the Law  rapist-judge-timothy-parker

This says he reduced the sentences if they gave him sex; I suspect it was more like “I’ll increase your sentence if you don’t”:

An Arkansas judge has resigned after allegations he granted leniency to female defendants in exchange for sexual favors…judge…Timothy Parker of Eureka Springs, has denied the charges but submitted his resignation on Dec. 30, one day before his term in office was to end…

So Close and Yet So Far

You’d think someone who claims to support sex worker rights could refrain from parroting Swedish propaganda or pretending that human rights are debatable:

…decriminalizing child prostitution is crucial to stopping trafficking…and…some also believe that decriminalizing sex work for adults may be best.  In 1999, Sweden decriminalized the selling of oneself for sex, while still keeping it illegal to…pay for sex, essentially putting the burden where it belongs, on the traffickers and their customers…Some even call for prostitution to be decriminalized, or even legalized, across the board.  In 2003, New Zealand did just that…international trafficking is less of a concern because of New Zealand’s isolated geography.  Whether decriminalization or legalization of sex work for adults will ultimately keep them safer is still a widely-debated topic…

On the Simultaneous Having and Eating of Cake 

Another court continues the trend of classifying strippers as employees:

A prohibition under Wisconsin law against employers docking an employee’s pay “for defective or faulty workmanship” applies to the exotic dancing industry, a federal judge ruled…Dawn Stevens sued the Oval Office Gentleman’s Club, claiming the “fines” it subtracted from her pay for giving dances that didn’t meet the club’s standards were barred by state law.  The club made deductions for “failing to fully remove all clothing, except for underwear, by the end of the first song when dancing on stage; spending too much time in the dressing room; and not dressing according to the Oval Office’s dress code,” among other violations…

Stupor Bowl

It’s almost sad to see these losers trying to cash in with debunked bullshit a year ahead of time:

Minnesota’s fight against sex trafficking is gearing up for the February 2018 Super Bowl in Minneapolis…conventions and large gatherings…attract traffickers who see potential for higher demand of their services. [Totally bogus] research has found that online ads for adult services increase for big events — many of which advertise trafficked women…Minnesota is in a better position than previous hosts to tackle the issue…[because it] leads the nation on addressing sex trafficking, and its practices are looked to as a model for other states…

Broken Record (#510)

Cows still cause “sex trafficking”!

Authorities are on high alert for human trafficking as crowds come to Denver for the National Western Stock Show…Deputy Shay Haney with the Adams County Sheriff’s Office [fantasizes] the large number of tourists coming to the show can attract human traffickers…[cops] are working to check websites…to identify [women’s pictures they can jerk off to on the public dime]…

Checklist (#542)

Apparently, Florida “authorities” didn’t think their magical posters resulted in enough people being caged, so they’ve added a website:

Attorney General Pam Bondi announced efforts…to spread [hysteria about] human trafficking…[by] launching a new website…digital signs will be displayed throughout the Tampa International Airport, encouraging travelers to visit the new site for tools to [make themselves paranoid so they rat each other out to the cops]…

Out of Control (#554) spooge-squirter-timothy-blake

Unsatisfied with merely sneaking or throwing, this enterprising pervert  invented a spooge-squirting system:

A West Virginia man admitted to masturbating at least 12 times in public shopping center parking lots, filling syringes with semen and following women into stores while squirting them on the back with the fluids.  Timothy Blake…was arrested…in Marietta, Ohio [after]…A woman [reported the incident and police]…were able to track Blake down through security footage…“The defendant stated maybe [squirting women with semen-filled syringes were] his way of having sex with these women”…

Amnesty At Last

Imagine a reporter adopting this tone in a story about an NAACP chapter leader who was publicly promoting a policy that police should cooperate with the KKK to “protect” black people:

The coordinator of [Providence, RI]’s Amnesty International chapter has been expelled, after nearly 40 years of service, for publicly disagreeing with the group’s stance on decriminalizing sex work.  Marcia Lieberman…disagreed [that women have sexual agency and fantasizes that Amnesty’s]…policy…would embolden “pimps and johns” who were exploiting “mostly young women and girls…we did not believe it should be legal for [adults to have consensual] sex”…Lieberman wrote a letter to the editor of The Providence Journal…reiterating her opposition to the [civil rights of adults]…and in support of…police [harassment of those adults]…

Traffic Jam (#575)

How many moronic prohibitionist plays can the market bear?

If the demand for sex trafficking were to end, would the supply end too?  Recently defected from a sex trafficking ring, Amber Cregg has immunity, and a story to tell.  Will she cooperate and aid the side of justice, or will she continue to her deep allegiance to her former pimp?  Join the Joint Religious Legislative Coalition, and the all-youth cast of blank slate theatre, for this original play on human sex trafficking…

The name of the play is Bottom.  I’m not even gonna go there.

Repeat Offenders (#637)

Even when it isn’t garment-related, “rescuers” invariably want to push sex workers into some kind of menial crafting work:

Modern slavery is all around us—even if we don’t always see it…one group in Tel Aviv is fighting against it to save lives and the environment.  A.I.R.—which stands for “Act, Inspire, Restore”…combines social purpose with an eco-friendly upcycling business to spread awareness about the black market activity and to give former prostitutes the skills and supportive community they need for a second chance at life.  Founded by Swiss couple Tabea and Matthias Oppliger, A.I.R. turns [garbage] like pallets into custom wood furniture…they currently work together with eight former sex workers who have signed on for a one-year training program to help them reintegrate into society…

Where “reintegrate into society” means “menial domestic labor”.

To Molest and Rape

Such a long and wordy euphemism for “rape”:

A [Norwegian cop] may lose his job over allegations that he used his role as an officer of the law to get sex from a number of women…One victim…needed to report a stolen car trailer to the police.  Later that same day, she was sent 70 text messages from the [cop pressuring her for sexual contact]…he also encouraged the woman to send photos of herself so he could “enjoy them”…The following day…he…went to the woman’s home [uninvited and raped her]…

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hi-texthi

 

 

 

 

Just imagine if you opened this blog one day, and saw nothing but that on the page.  Or if you’re a subscriber, and you opened your daily email from me to see nothing but that.  Or if you follow me on Twitter, and I sent out a tweet containing nothing else but those two pathetic letters, followed by…nothing.  No other explanatory tweet, nothing at all.  Just “Hi”.  Or “Hello”.  Now imagine if you didn’t know who I was, and you just got a random email or text or phone call from some strange person you know nothing about, with nothing else to go on.  Just “Hi”.  How would you respond?

Sex workers deal with this maddening waste of time every day.  A phone call, text, email, private message or whatever through the number, address or account one uses for work, with nothing else to break up the vast sea of white space but those two idiotic letters (or five, or a few words & letters like “how R U doing”, usually without punctuation and often without capitalization).  Guys, we get that y’all are on average less verbal than women, really we do.  We don’t expect love letters or long introductory epistles.  But y’all need to give us something to work with.  I mean, is it so hard to type, “Hi, I’m John Smith; I saw your ad on Eros and I’d like to know if you could see me next Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon”?  I mean, if you were calling a doctor’s office or an auto parts store or a pizza delivery place, would you respond to their initial salutation with “hi” and then dead silence?  What are we supposed to do with that?  How would you feel if the lady simply responded with the same blah nothing?  Because I’ve tried that, and you know what usually happens?  Nothing.  I get the dreaded “hi” and respond back in kind, and then…nothing.  At all.  Ever.  Because clearly the “hi” guys can’t think of how to respond to such a nothing either…so what do they expect us to do with it?  I’ve tried responding by going straight to business:  “Hi, are you calling about one of my ads?” or the like, and you know what I often get back?  Oh go on, guess.  That’s right:  nothing.

The other day a dude called, opening with “Hi, is this Maggie?”  No problem there; I replied with “Yes it is; what’s your name?”  He answered, then mumbled something I couldn’t make out at all.  When I said, “excuse me?” He returned with “What?” and when I clarified that I couldn’t make out his previous sentence, he said clearly “I must have the wrong number” and hung up abruptly.  What the fuck?  What was even the point of that?  Was it specifically intended to annoy me and waste my time?  Because I honestly can’t think of another goal such an interaction could be reasonably expected to accomplish.  Please, guys, you don’t need to be Shakespeare.  But if you’re not even able to introduce yourself and provide the most rudimentary hook for us to hang a conversation on, what the hell do you think that tells us about what you’d be like as a client?

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About 15 minutes after leaving a great appointment with a touring escort I realized I had left my cell phone in her room.  I went back to retrieve it and knocked on the door; she was talking with another client, but quickly looked around and couldn’t find it.  Later I texted her to see if she found it before leaving the hotel, and I haven’t heard back.  I’d like to see her again, and I’m wondering if I crossed any lines of etiquette that might give her second thoughts about seeing me again.

approach patternYou bet you did, and how.   It is never, repeat never (and I do mean never) permissible for a client to invade an escort’s space when she isn’t expecting him.  Don’t knock on her door, stick a note in her mailbox to say you forgot her number, drive by to see if she’s home or intentionally go someplace you know she’s going to be; unless you’ve got an appointment with her, don’t approach her in any way other than the ones she has indicated are OK for unexpected contact (phone, text, email or whatever).  And if you do have an appointment with her, don’t show up early and malinger in the parking lot, or loiter outside checking your messages after you’ve left, or return 15 minutes later because you forgot something.  You pay her for a certain block of time, and to forcibly occupy other time she has not agreed to sell you is rude at best and threatening at worst.

But that’s not the only issue here, because despite the well-known disclaimer sex workers are indeed selling you something other than time and companionship; we are selling discretion.  Would you want another client knocking on the door while you’re still there, or hanging around outside to watch you leave and note your license plate number?  Naaah, I didn’t think so.  And other gents don’t want you doing it to them, either.  Furthermore, do you really want to know how soon your appointment was after the one before you, or how soon the next one is after you?  Even if that’s your kink, you don’t have the right to draft another client to participate in it without his consent.  An escort’s scheduling practices are nobody’s business but hers; she may choose to space her appointments out or to schedule them very tightly, and when she’s on tour the latter is much more likely than the former.  Sure, it’s unlikely that she’s got them only fifteen minutes apart, but what if she does?  Or in your case, what if the next client was scheduled only half an hour behind you, and his time management was just as loosey-goosey as yours but in the opposite direction so he was arriving fifteen minutes early?  Awkward, that, and possibly damaging to her business.

What you should’ve done was to immediately call or text her by whatever means you used to text her later; if you didn’t have that phone and/or her number with you, it would’ve been better just to wait until you did.  I’m guessing that the phone you misplaced was a disposable “burner”, and the one you texted her from later was your normal one; if that’s the case, it was not really pressing that you recover it immediately. But even if it was your primary phone and you absolutely needed it, your needs don’t trump hers; discretion and courtesy both demand you always ask permission before approaching an incall, and refrain from doing so until that permission is granted.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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