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Archive for the ‘Obituary’ Category

It’s a lie, but it’s fun.  –  unnamed Seattle cop

Regular readers know that I am fond of unusual song covers; this one, provided by Jesse Walker, is Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” with all the instruments replaced by various sounds made with a spring doorstop.  The links above it were contributed by Rick Horowitz, Franklin Harris, Zuri Davis, Phoenix Calida, Cop Crisis, Popehat, and Kevin Wilson, in that order.

From the Archives

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Kelso…apprehended the open facial area of her…head. – “Officer” John Wolf

The big news this week was the death of Neil Peart, drummer and lyricist for Rush.  It wasn’t easy to pick a video to commemorate him, but I decided on this one not only for its unusually wise view of immortality, but also because it displays both Peart’s skill as a lyricist (inspired by Coleridge, for goodness’ sake), but also his ability as a percussionist.  The links above it were contributed by Anarras Ansible, Sydney Brownstone, Amy Alkon, Mike Siegel, Cop Crisis, Walter Olson, and Cop Crisis again, in that order.

From the Archives

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I can’t breathe.  –  David Glen Ward

The name of Caroll Spinney, who died earlier this month, may not be familiar, but I’m sure you’ll know the names of two characters he played for almost half a century:  Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch.  So I can’t think of a better way to observe Christmas and honor Spinney than to feature this video of Oscar sharing his feelings about the holiday.  The links above it were provided by Mama Tush (“faking” & “strangles”); Radley Balko (“explain”); Anarras Ansible (“treatment”); Mike Siegel (“Kampala”); and Cop Crisis (“execution” & “umbrella”).

From the Archives

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He picked the wrong house to break into.  –  Willie Murphy

Most “Southern” humor isn’t that funny, but I’ve found “It’s a Southern Thing” often has amusing videos, and I especially liked this one.  The links above it were provided by Scott Greenfield, Cop Crisis, Brooke Magnanti, Mama Tush, Mark Kowal, Franklin Harris, and Grace, in that order; “Florida man” was also provided by Scott.

From the Archives

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[Rachel Moran] is a liar, a bitch and a bully and…was never even a sex worker.  –  Gaye Dalton

R.I.P. Scotty Bowers

Hollywood has its collective head so far up the collective prohibitionist rectum that it has to bend over backward describing an actual pimp as a “male madam” and a “sex fixer” rather than simply admitting that the truth about sex work doesn’t resemble a bad screenplay full of evil “traffickers”, pathetic “victims” and brave “rescuers”:

Scotty Bowers, whose explicit, best-selling 2012 memoir revealed a covert realm of Golden Age Hollywood sexuality, died [on October 13th] of natural causes…He was 96.  The former U.S. Marine and gas station attendant turned erotic fixer to the stars (including, he said, Katharine Hepburn and Rock Hudson) was the subject of an acclaimed 2017 documentary, Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood.  Bowers helped keep the (often queer) secrets of contract players who were bound by morality clauses during the heyday of the studio system…a business he would later describe as sexual matchmaking…notable Hollywood figures were…set up with Bowers’ network of prostitutes — both men and women…

Bottleneck (#542)

Prohibitionists never understand how unhinged they sound to normal people:

For the past four years, [Edmonton, Alberta] has taken a harm-reduction approach to body rub parlours…[breaking a long tradition of abusing and dehumanizing sex workers.]  But at a committee meeting last month, city councillors supported a motion that would pivot sharply away from that model…Susan Holtby, a [violent prohibitionist, vomited out nonsense about]…”We can [forcibly castrate men]…We can have police go in and charge [people for having sex drives or needing to pay their bills]; we can publi[cly shame people] like [puritans have always done].  I think [all of society should obey me as supreme moral authority]”…

Played Out (#577)

Let’s hope Moran discovers the Streisand Effect:

[Prohibitionist shill] Rachel Moran [is suing former sex worker]…Gaye Dalton [in an attempt to silence her for telling the truth about Moran]…on social media…Moran [claims to have] been left in a state of distress after [the truth about her scam came out, because]…“She makes a good living out of free travel and loads of attention out of bullying and persecuting sex workers and that is all she is capable of caring about.  The fact that innocent women are seeing their lives destroyed by her isn’t even on her radar”…Dalton…also [revealed that] SPACE International, an organisation founded by…Moran [with the backing of prohibitionists] in 2012…[is] run by frauds who…sell…out the lives of sex workers…

Check Your Premises (#771)

“Crime”: introducing two people. Sentence: life as a pariah:

Hope Joy Zeferjohn…is serving a nearly six-year sentence in [a cage in Kansas, followed by]…life…on the state sex offender registry…Zeferjohn, now 21…is seeking a pardon…Prosecutors [of course] defend their case against Zeferjohn…Shawnee County District Attorney Mike Kagay [said] “If you give a pass to every [legal minor] who [introduces another legal minor to an adult on Facebook]? I don’t know that society actually wants that to happen”…

Don’t Call It Trafficking (#788) 

It’s never called “trafficking” when the government or a crony does it:

Los Angeles courts force roughly 100,000 people [in]to…weeks and even months of [slavery] each year, exposing some of them to exploitative and hazardous working conditions without enjoying basic labor rights and protections…UCLA…researchers analyzing [so-called] community service also found that government departments and [fascist cronies] rely on workers threatened with debts and jail time to complete labor that would otherwise be paid – and that those affected are overwhelmingly people of color…[the extent of the slavery is shocking:] an estimated total of 8m hours…a year, the equivalent of 4,900 paid jobs.  Government agencies receive an estimated 3m hours of [that slave] labor, replacing 1,800 jobs…[the slavery includes] imposed deadlines, and…nearly one in five people sentenced to [this so-called] community service ultimately face a probation violation or arrest warrant as a result…

Stalkers in Blue

Once in a while, there are witnesses to the way cops act toward women:

An off-duty NYPD [cop threatened a waitress with] his gun at a Queens karaoke bar while partying with his sergeant…he…pointed it at a waitress’s head and threatened to shoot her…[if she refused to “]hang out[” with him]…Two of the bar’s waitresses went to the 109th Precinct stationhouse to report what happened, [foolishly] thinking…he [was impersonating a cop]…Hyun Kim…was suspended without pay, as was the sergeant, who was not charged criminally…

Legislators Gone Wild (#854) 

The anti-whore brigade can’t get the people to support them, so they’re trying to make sex workers’ lives miserable:

A proposed amendment to a Nye County ordinance…would forbid Nye County legal prostitutes from leaving brothels for more than six hours within a 10-day period.  Additionally, prostitutes would only be allowed to leave the premises of a brothel between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m.  If they failed to follow these rules, they would need re-test for venereal diseases and HIV, which they are already required to do weekly under Nevada law…The proposed changes were decided by a group of…brothel owners…and [politicians to suppress whores and remind them that they]…cannot be trusted…and…are…dirty, disgusting women that have to be kept from the public and be locked up…

The Clueless Leading the Hysterical (#886)

There has literally never been a case of a kid getting drugged candy in his trick-or-treat bag:

…Pennsylvania police are [once again trying to frighten ignorant parents with bullshit about people supposedly giving expensive]…drug-laced edibles [to their brats for free].  The Johnstown Police Department [repeated the myth]…on their Facebook page…after [stealing a package of]…”Nerds Rope edibles containing 400mg of THC” while [rooting around in a private home where they had no legitimate business to be]…the department [claimed] “Drug laced edibles are package [sic] like regular candy and may be hard [for illiterates] to distinguish from the real candy”…

Every time the claim of drugs or other tampering with Halloween candy has been made, it turns out to be either an intentional hoax or some nefarious shit by the parents.  Cops will keep this up as long as people let them pretend that adults never like sweet flavors.

Opting Out (#948) 

Any non-politician would have given this up as a bad idea long ago:

…the U.K. government has backtracked on its efforts to implement the [unworkable and repeatedly-delayed] Age Verification scheme that would have compelled anyone who accessed adult websites in the realm to officially verify they were not minors.  Nicky Morgan, Secretary of State for the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport, released a statement…that the government “has concluded that this objective of coherence will be best achieved through our wider online harms proposals and, as a consequence, will not be commencing Part 3 of the Digital Economy Act 2017 concerning age verification for online pornography”…

“Wider online harms proposal” sounds ominous, so I wouldn’t count this as a victory just yet.

Pyrrhic Victory (#976)

When this (soon) arrives in the US, the excuse will be “sex trafficking”:

Picture a world in which the baseline requirement for a new smartphone is a facial recognition test…in China, beginning December 1, that’s the scrutiny to which the country’s over 850 million internet users will be subject, without exception.  The Ministry of Electronics and Information Technology [vomited out a bunch of ridiculous excuses, but the real reason is that China is trying to establish a literal panopticon]…A rule imposed by the German interior ministry in 2016 requires that domestic telecoms ask customers for ID cards, foreign passports, or temporary ID papers when they buy a SIM card or a cell phone.  Under French law, carriers must collect identifying information of all users and subscribers of prepaid services…

Loose Cannons (#981)

We’re lucky cops and prosecutors moronically chose to target such a wealthy client:

Lawyers for…Robert Kraft are suing Florida prosecutors…[for] withholding evidence related to prostitution charges faced by the football magnate…[after] the Florida attorney general’s office filed an appeal of a court order that the massage-room video footage of Kraft was inadmissible as evidence.  If they were smart, the state prosecutors would let this one go — and hope everyone forgets the embarrassing, abusive shenanigans law enforcement pulled with their six-month “human trafficking” stakeout…Some have scoffed that of course a rich, powerful, white man like Kraft would employ mighty resources in an attempt to skirt punishment for things those in less privileged positions cannot escape.  But the flip side is that people like Kraft — who have both vast financial resources and sufficient cultural power — are often the only ones non-precarious enough to push back and considered newsworthy enough for coverage…Each week, across the country, women and men are rounded up, thrown in jail, shamed in the press, and saddled with criminal records simply for introducing money into consensual sexual relationships between adults.  But few people care or even notice, and those that do tend to cheer it on…

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Alexandru Tanase…confessed to cleaning the teeth of Sandi Mullins.

Though I could’ve featured any number of videos for this week’s celebrity deaths, this one seemed the most appropriate.  The links above it were provided by Popehat (x2), Tim Cushing, Franklin Harris & Scott Greenfield, Radley Balko, and Amy Alkon, in that order.

From the Archives

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The camel did nothing wrong.  –  Louis Hamilton Jr.

This particular rubber-chicken-playing-Asian-dude-with-deadpan-stare is a lot more serious than the one who performed Toto’s “Africa”; the video was discovered by Walter Olson, and the links above it were provided by Franklin Harris (x2), a reader named George, Radley Balko, Election Babe, and Scott Greenfield, in that order.

From the Archives

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