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Archive for January, 2018

I am a mother, I am a grandmother, and I am a sex worker. – Cris Sardina

Whore Madonnas 

Long-time readers may recall one of the ladies who worked for my agency also did it to pay for treatment for her son’s blood disorder:

A mother whose Irish-born child has a severe form of sickle cell disease…was so “desperate” she resorted to prostitution for a time to fund his medication…If deported to her native Nigeria, the mother fears her son, now aged eight, will be seriously adversely affected due to the quality of treatment available in Nigeria and her inability to pay for it, including blood transfusions…The boy was born two months after his mother came to Ireland in 2009.  After a deportation order was made in 2011, she evaded it and later took three legal challenges.  The mother and child were accommodated by the State from 2014 and provided with a medical card under which the child’s treatment is funded…

The argument for deportation advanced by counsel for the Irish government basically amounts to, “So what?”

The Proper Study

As usual, studies prove what we’ve been saying all along:

A large new study out of the U.K. formalizes what sex workers have been saying…for years:  The internet has revolutionized erotic industries for the better, making sex work safer, less isolating, and less open to exploitation…Most—59 percent—started somewhere between ages 18 and 29, with about 20 percent starting after age 30.  Only 5 percent said they started between the ages of 13 and 17…Eighty-six percent agreed that they had good relationships with their customers, with only 11 percent saying they felt disrespected by their clients; 82 percent reported that they’re either satisfied or very satisfied with their working conditions…new challenges [are] mostly related to the erosion of the boundaries between online personas and real identities.  More than half worried that family or friends might find out what they do through the internet…Another strain on British sex workers, predictably, came from policies criminalizing certain aspects of prostitution…

Crying for Nanny

Yet another attempt to rob businesses using “sex trafficking” hysteria as a weapon:

A [soi-disant] sex trafficking victim from Houston is taking Backpage.com and several well-known truck stops and hotel chains to court, claiming they profited from her suffering.  The alleged victim, identified only as “Jane Doe #1,” is suing the classifieds website as well as Hyatt Hotels, Love’s Travel Stops and Pilot Travel Centers, among others…”Jane Doe #1″…[claims] the businesses…were aware, the lawsuit claims, of what was really happening…

Soap Opera

Prohibitionists think women are so stupid they can’t remember  “911”:

…Before the Super Bowl, [“rescue” profiteers] will distribute “Freedom Stickers,” and encourage Minnesotans to place them in public restrooms.  The stickers, which are printed in English and Spanish, contain the number for the National Human Trafficking Hotline and encourage women who are in an unsafe situation to call or text the number for assistance.  Nita Belles, the executive director of In Our Backyard…said she realized that one of the only times a woman is alone is when she’s in a bathroom stall.  Belles began placing “shoe cards” in restroom stalls–small cards with a hotline number, which could be hidden in a shoe.  The Freedom Sticker is a similar concept, but since…[Belles masturbates to the fantasy of women being] stripped [sic] searched, the sticker cannot be removed from the restroom.  Instead, Belles says a woman [so stupid she can’t remember the numbers “911”] can store the number in her phone or text it privately from the restroom stall.  After someone calls the hotline, they can be connected to [cops] or other [prohibitionists]…

Watershed

Slowly but surely, feminists are coming over to our side:

…at the Women’s March Power to the Polls event in Las Vegas…Cris Sardina, head of Desiree Alliance…was the only one of 30-plus onstage speakers to focus on the rights of…sex workers…But even as a lone voice in the day’s lineup, she symbolized a powerful shift — as did the noticeable presence of many sex-worker rights activists, who turned out more forcefully than they did for last year’s main Women’s March event.  That was due, said many, to a more targeted welcome effort on the part of event organizers.  They aimed to right a perceived wrong from last year, as publicized by Janet Mock, over briefly watering down and then removing a sentence embracing sex workers from the Women’s March mission statement, before reinstating it under pressure…

To Molest and Rape 

What other job’s perks include “get away with serial rape of minors”?

Twenty sexual assault charges against [Maine cop]…Kenneth L. Hatch III will be dismissed as part of a plea agreement that calls for Hatch to plead guilty to providing a place for minors to consume alcohol…In November, jurors in Kennebec County found Hatch…not guilty of two counts of sexual abuse of a minor…but…hung on the other 20 charges of sexual crimes involving three teenagers…Superior Court Justice William R. Stokes declared a mistrial on the remaining charges, which included sexually abusing three women when they were younger than 16, and one when she was 6…

Property of the State (#724) 

Seriously, ladies, y’all really ought to opt for permanent sterilization, because this ain’t gonna get better soon:

The Big Horn County [Montana] Attorney has announced a “crackdown policy” on expectant mothers who…use drugs and alcohol during their pregnancies…Jay Harris…said his office will begin issuing restraining orders against pregnant women found to be using alcohol or drugs, aside from prescriptions.  If they violate the restraining order…his office will “prosecute on a contempt basis and seek incarceration in order to incapacitate the drug or alcohol-addicted expecting mother.”  The policy of stepping up civil prosecutions against pregnant addicts was spurred by…a 2014 case in Ravalli County, in which a woman was charged with criminal child endangerment for allegedly putting her unborn child at risk by using illegal drugs.  The case was thrown out by a district court judge, and Harris said his office had been advised against pursuing the same legal strategy…

Check Your Premises (#782)

The real result of “sex trafficking” laws:

The cops of [Houston], Texas, routinely bust adult women and men in prostitution stings while assuring us it has to be done in order to find and save teens selling sex.  So what happens when they find girls doing just that?  Why, they arrest them too—and charge one with a felony.  It’s yet another example of the disparity between what authorities say their priorities are and where their priorities evidently lie.  Police arrested the two teenagers [in a sting] on January 18…The younger girl faces a misdemeanor prostitution charge.  The older girl, age 17, is charged with promoting the prostitution of a minor…Police allege that she “coached” the younger teen on how to sell sex…the older girl is still underage herself—a former “child sex trafficking victim,” in the county officials’ usual parlance.  She has mostly gotten out of prostitution and is now taking college classes and working a retail job.  Nonetheless, Harris County has chosen to treat her as a predator…

First They Came for the Hookers… (#808) 

This was the last club I danced in before moving on to escorting:

State authorities have ordered the emergency suspension of the liquor permit at Rick’s Cabaret…in the wake of four other suspensions at strip clubs…A new organization that represents French Quarter dancers, the Bourbon Alliance of Responsible Entertainers, issued a statement…Lyn Archer…said that women had been “emotionally degraded” during raids…and are now “facing the loss of their jobs”…

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Diary #396

Though we didn’t actually consider the relative business slowness of early January when planning our Mexican vacation, it’s a good thing we took it when we did because we’re definitely back in the busy season now.  And that in turn is a good thing, because I’m still not done refilling my coffers after the move and there are some long-delayed bills I really should take care of before I suffer my yearly throttling by Uncle Sam.  It’s also good because returning to real life after an idyll always makes me blue, and keeping my mind occupied with work helps alleviate that (as does spending quality time with people I love, which I had a larger-than-usual number of chances to indulge in last week).  Still, that doesn’t mean I’m averse to traveling for work; I’d like to go somewhere in March or April, so start getting your votes in now and the first city (domestic or foreign) which can promise me three good appointments will be the winner!

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Back Issue: January 2015

The dystopia is already here; all that remains to be seen is how heavy a yoke the subjects will accept before they finally attempt to throw it off.  –  “Sexcrime

The arrival of 2015, and with it my impending move to Seattle, brought still more changes to my format; now there were two news columns per week, and soon I’d stop contributing to Cliterati.  The result of this is immediately noticeable; after subtracting the holidays (New Year’s Day and Little Christmas), the harlotography (“Mandy Rice-Davies“), the guest columnist (Elizabeth Nolan Brown), the fictional interlude (“Left Behind“), the Cliterati reprints (“Feminists and Other Puritans“, “All Wet” and “Sexcrime“), and the Q&A columns (“Back from the Dead” and “Happy Endings“), the only columns left to mention are “It Was Twenty Years Ago Today” (on my Year of Disaster); “Wild-Eyed and Spittle-Flecked” (on bizarre prohibitionist propaganda); “Boy Juice” (on learned helplessness); and the self-explanatory “2014 in Review“.

 

 

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The individual cannot bargain with the State.  The State recognizes no coinage but power: and it issues the coins itself.  –  Ursula K. Leguin

Prince was a far more accomplished and talented musician than even most of his fans realized, and behind the flamboyant stage persona was a very real, generous and complex person.  This video, shared with me by Ivan Dragomiloff, is footage of the artist in 1990, guiding his band through a rehearsal of Gershwin’s “Summertime”.  The links above it were provided by ClarissaConner HabibRadley BalkoTushy GalorePopehatTim Cushing, and Kat Murti, in that order.

From the Archives

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All logic and reason supports the notion that decriminalization…would serve society better than continuing to force the industry to operate in black markets.  –  Gill Sperlein

Bad Girls 

How to be a stupid, greedy whore:

Two women have been arrested and charged by the Guardia Civil for blackmail and threatening behaviour after they extracted over 90,000 euros from a [Spanish]…man [who] paid one of the women…for sex…she [then began] threatening…[to tell] his wife…he is understood to have given the woman two cars and over 90,000 euros in cash…[before he] finally chose to denounce the situation to the San Miguel Guardia Civil…

Whore Madonnas 

A former sex worker has written a children’s book:

As I started pursuing courses in sociology and anthropology, I started thinking more about representation, and how I knew all these women who were sex workers and mothers, but they were hardly ever represented in popular culture…even self- proclaimed progressive people think that sex work is antithetical to having children.  Or that if we do have children, our work is so reprehensible that we should protect our children from knowledge of it.  And this has really harmful consequences for sex workers and for their kids…So, I wanted to provide better images of sex workers who are also mamas.  That was the main inspiration behind How Mamas Love Their Babies.  I could have written a book specifically about a mama who is a sex worker, I suppose.  But instead, I decided to show sex working mothers as one of the many kinds of working mothers…

Lack of Evidence

Think anti-whore policies don’t affect you?  Think again:

A New Jersey man is now on the hook for promoting prostitution after buying multiple gift cards from a CVS Pharmacy…Craig Nakonechny had “repeatedly” entered and exited the store and ultimately purchased several gift cards.  This was somehow enough to trigger a call to the police (it’s not clear from whom) and a visit from Officer Anthony Gardner.  When Gardner arrived, Nakonechny’s car was still parked in the CVS parking lot and he was seated inside…Then Nakonechny—who has done nothing thus far except purchase several gift cards from CVS and return to his car—allegedly just offered up the fact that he planned to take the gift cards and exchange them directly for sex…it’s hard to buy someone basically blurting out to a cop, “hey, I’m going to take this totally mundane purchase here and use it to engage in illegal activity!”…this wouldn’t be the first time Gardner has gone after someone on dubious premises.  In 2016, the city settled for $60,000 in a false arrest and excessive force suit  stemming from a traffic stop by Gardner in 2012…

The Mote and the Beam

The “progressive” New York Times publishes a racist, police-state-worshiping op-ed from Jeff Sessions’ henchman.  But please, tell me how the two political parties are completely different:

Too many cities in the United States are infested with criminal gangs.  In 2015, the F.B.I. estimated that more than one million members of approximately 33,000 gangs prey upon American neighborhoods.  The gangs have one thing in common: They commit violent crimes that terrorize our communities.  And gangs increasingly rely on sex trafficking to support themselves…President Trump has declared this National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month…The F.B.I. leads the Justice Department’s law enforcement efforts against human trafficking, with support from trafficking prosecutors and coordinators from our program to fight child pornography…

Whither Canada? (#729)

Edmonton has a long history of abusing & dehumanizing sex workers:

Edmonton [Alberta] police say they will broaden their use of social media as part of an “aggressive'” online campaign to [harass sex workers]…Being lured into the sex trade [by magical ninja pimps with mind-control powers] can happen to anyone, said [prohibitionist] Amy Wilson…[pig mouthpiece Scott] Pattison [ludicrously oinked that pigs lying to women is]…”about building…trust with workers in an effort to keep them safe”…Wilson said [women are so stupid they can’t book travel themselves, so] a high number of out-of-province sex workers could be an indication of a possible human trafficking network in the province, where pimps try to disorient women by sending them from one place to the next…

The End of the Beginning (#740) 

Perhaps we may soon see the end of the egregious lie that the “sex offender” registry isn’t a punishment:

The U.S. Supreme Court will not hear a challenge to a recent state court ruling that determined part of Pennsylvania’s sex offender registration law was unconstitutional.  The high court denied a petition from the Cumberland County District Attorney’s Office to review a July decision from the Pennsylvania Supreme Court that found the state’s current sex offender registration law was punishment and thus could not be imposed retroactively…

First They Came for the Hookers… (#785) 

Just in case you think being a “legal” sex worker protects you:

New Orleans police and state officials suspended the alcohol permits of four French Quarter strip clubs after raids…found “multiple violations,” officials [claimed]…But…an advocacy organization for those working at the clubs said the operation was a waste of resources that put employees in jeopardy and forced them to undress in front of male officers…Officials suspended the permits of Dixie Divas on Iberville Street and Temptations, Scores and Rick’s Sports Bar on Bourbon Street…The raids were condemned Saturday by Michelle Rutherford, a civil rights lawyer working with the Bourbon Association of Responsible Entertainers…“It’s unfortunate that sensationalized claims of sex trafficking in the clubs have turned NOPD and the ATC into political pawns,” Rutherford said in an email.  “As with prior raids, not a single trafficking victim was uncovered”…during the raid, [cops] put employees at risk by reading out their full names in front of customers as the workers provided their identification…male [cops leered at dancers]…in the dressing room as the women changed, despite loud protests from the women…[cops also] made several derogatory references suggesting all the dancers were drug users…

Full of Themselves (#807) 

When the word “illicit” is used to describe sex, you can safely assume you’re reading prohibitionist propaganda:

Hundreds of illicit massage parlors in our area are involved in human trafficking, according to a new report…[from the anti-sex worker group] Polaris…The report [fantasizes] that more than 9,000 illicit massage parlors…are actually fronts for human trafficking…and [are] creating a total revenue of approximately $2.5 billion a year.  Of the 9,000 businesses, 700 are operating in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware…

Challenge (#807)

The next step in the ESPLERP challenge:

Counsel for the ESPLER Project have vowed to ask for a rehearing in an appellate case decided last week that upheld the constitutionality of California’s prostitution statute.  The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals on Thursday rejected the contention that states are precluded from criminalizing prostitution based on the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2003 decision in Lawrence v. Texas…ESPLER Project…will be filing a request for rehearing en banc, or in front of the full court, by its deadline, Thursday, Feb. 1…

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Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.  –  Matthew 23:27-28

The United States is not, and never has been, a “Christian nation”, despite the claims of many modern evangelical Christians who are apparently unable to read anything other than the Bible and religious tracts.  Most of the founders were Deists, and the Constitution clearly delineated that the new country was to have no state religion, that everyone has the right to worship (or not) as they please, and that church and state were to be entirely separate from one another.  Unfortunately, the majority of the population were both Christian and far too stupid and selfish to understand why a state religion is an astonishingly bad idea, even for those who embrace the favored creed.  As a result, legislators slowly introduced Christian notions of morality into the laws, and by the late 19th century both federal and state legal codes were thoroughly infested with odious statutes drawn from whichever Old Testament precepts Protestant Christians had decided to keep (while ignoring, for example, bans on eating shellfish or menstruating women attending religious services).  But while these dour authoritarians were only too happy to adopt whatever prohibitions on pleasure they could get past the courts, they showed little interest in the pronouncements of the guy for whom their religion was named, such as all that stuff about charity, mercy and forgiveness (and separation of church and state).  Still, up until recently, most Christians at least paid lip service to Jesus’ teachings, even if they weren’t too interested in enshrining them in the law.  But as US “authorities” have increased their outward shows and proclamations of Christianity, their actual actions have become increasingly un-Christian.  A quick Google search will reveal plenty of incidents of people being fined or even arrested for feeding the hungry, and earlier this week there was this item:

Hours after a humanitarian group released videos showing border patrol agents kicking over water bottles left for migrants in the Arizona desert, a volunteer for the organization was arrested and charged with harboring undocumented immigrants.  Scott Daniel Warren…faces a federal charge of harboring two people in the country illegally…William Walker, an attorney for Warren, said his client’s actions were not criminal.  “This is a humanitarian aid worker trying to save lives,” Walker said.  His arrest last week came after border patrol agents conducted surveillance on a building where two immigrants were given food, water, beds and clean clothes…No More Deaths last week gave news organizations videos taken between 2010 and 2017, mostly by cameras at its desert camp.  In one clip, a border patrol agent kicked over five water jugs meant to supply immigrants.  In another, an agent pours gallons of water on the ground…

But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!  For ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.

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I’ve been seeing my favorite lady for two years.  We have a great rapport; she enjoys hard, fast thrusting and can achieve multiple strong orgasms.  However, I am uncircumcised and struggle with premature ejaculation, so I have to go very slow for a good while until the sensitivity dies down, and then I can engage in more energetic thrusting without risk of going too soon.  But my lady friend has become increasingly demanding that I perform energetically from the beginning; in our last encounter, she even told me that I was “killing her” by taking her so close to orgasm and then backing off (which I had to do to keep from orgasming myself).  I want to tell her that I need to take things slow for the first 10-15 minutes, and that I can give her the kind of sex she wants later if she can only be patient.  I know I shouldn’t say that I’m paying for the time and she should do it how I want, and that’s not how I feel anyway.  But on the other hand, I can’t help but feel that she is prioritizing her pleasure above my own, and that kind of hurts my feelings.  How do I broach the subject with her in a manner that won’t offend her?

You’re absolutely right that as a professional, she’s there to give you pleasure and not vice-versa, but at the same time I understand that y’all have developed a relationship in which you value her feelings and needs as well (and most men also find the idea of making a sexy woman orgasm to be satisfying in itself).  So I have a few questions for you.  First, is penetration the only thing that makes her climax?  Because if she can also come from clitoral simulation (oral, masturbation or vibrator), you could certainly give her a couple of orgasms that way and then proceed to take care of your own needs.  Second, what do you mean by “too soon”?  A lot of men labor under the misapprehension that all women want to be pounded for a very long time; you mention 10-15 minutes, which believe me is a very long time.  Though there are certainly some women who want to be penetrated for that long, most women prefer an extended stretch of kissing, touching, oral sex and other foreplay (a term which isn’t really correct because it casts penetration as the “main event”, which it doesn’t have to be), followed by maybe 5 minutes or so of penetration.  So unless your lady has expressed disappointment at your “coming too quickly”, her vocal urging may be intended to get you to fuck harder and faster for a shorter time.  I know that long, slow fucking sessions exasperate the hell out of me; in my teen years I once snapped at a guy, “Are you going to actually fuck me or just fuck around?”  (It was a bad strategy because the poor guy lost his erection right there & couldn’t get it up again).  It may not be easy for you, but you might try asking her outright if she’d prefer a shorter but more vigorous pounding followed by a quick orgasm on your part, or a longer, more languid session such as you’ve been doing.  Her answer may surprise you.  Third, you haven’t mentioned your age or refractory period; if you don’t take an exceptionally long time to recover, the answer might be as simple as starting your sessions by going at it very hard and coming quickly, then enjoying an extended period of touching, kissing, etc until you become erect again, followed by another bout of fucking (most guys take a lot longer the second time).  If you’re past 40 that second erection may take a while, in which case it might be better for both of you to book longer sessions in which you have more time to recover.

In any case, I think it’s very important that you include her in the discussion rather than attempting to fix it all by yourself (you can show her this letter if you like).  Good communication is essential for good sex, and it would be a rare sex worker who was offended by a client telling her clearly and without criticism what he wants, and asking her clearly what she wants.  We have to be good at such communication to do our jobs, but we aren’t mind readers; I think it far more likely that she’ll be relieved than offended when you bring up the subject.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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