I’ve been seeing the same sex worker for almost three years now, and I’m in love with her. She wants us to continue as client and escort, yet she has extended me more trust than seems usual; she told me her real name, has seen me in her own house, and has stopped using protection when we’re together (her idea, not mine). To me, all this seems to suggest something beyond the client-escort relationship, but I have never seen any other sex workers beside her. I absolutely respect her decision not to pursue anything more right now, but is it foolish of me to keep hoping? She is an amazing person and very dear to me.
Before anything else, you ought to read last Thursday’s column, which covers some of the same ground; if you treasure your relationship with this lady, please refrain from indulging yourself in the urge to try to make it something “more” (which in most cases actually means “less”) than it is. The fact of the matter is that most romantic relationships are of short duration, and only survive by turning into something else. Relationships in which both people know exactly what to expect from each other, on the other hand, can go on for years. In your case, it’s pretty clear that you’re a very favored client; it’s not unusual for escorts to see clients in their homes (I do, as do several of my friends), and it’s unusual but by no means unique for favored clients to know a sex worker’s real name (a few of mine do). However, her eschewing protection with you is highly unusual, and frankly I find it rather alarming; I can’t even imagine what she might be thinking, and she’s putting at least one of you in danger (possibly both). Beside the danger of STIs (it’s obvious her preventative procedures are less than scrupulous, since she has no idea where you’re sticking your cock when you aren’t with her), there’s the very real danger of pregnancy; how are you going to feel if she tells you that she’s pregnant, doesn’t believe in abortion and you’re on the hook for 18 years or more? As I said, I can’t imagine what she’s thinking; even if she is “amazing” as you say and harbors no intentional ill-will toward you, that doesn’t mean her judgment isn’t total crap. To put it in D&D terms, a high charisma is no guarantee of a high wisdom. Just because she doesn’t mean to harm you or herself, doesn’t mean one or both of you aren’t going to get hurt. And if you plan to keep barebacking her (which you probably will because you’re male and y’all just can’t seem to grasp how dangerous an activity that is), I’d invest in a vasectomy and at least quarterly STI testing if I were you.