I’ve been seeing an escort whom I feel very intensely about. We both agree that this must remain a provider/client relationship in which money is exchanged, but I like doing extra for her such as helping her with college tuition. I have also promised that she can count on me for a certain number of sessions each month. I’m in a sexless but otherwise great marriage, and of course she has other clients; I love that we can be so open and genuine with each other, but I feel like I’m trying to do something that has no precedent in my own experience. If other men have these kinds of relationships I’ve never heard them talk about it. Do you think this can work? Have you seen it work for other men and women? Am I being a fool, or can this be the semi-miracle it seems to be?
The situation you’re enjoying is no miracle; it only seems to be because most people aren’t capable or willing to be both honest and pragmatic about their sexual relationships. What you’re experiencing is what happens when two people are clear and open about their desires and expectations for one another, and refrain from trying to force a mutually-beneficial and mutually-satisfying arrangement into one of the restrictive boxes society tells them are the only acceptable forms. I daresay such idyllic relationships might even be the norm, were it not for the stupid, impossible desire to own and control another person; this yearning for possession leads invariably to jealousy, frustration and conflict, and those weaken affection and may eventually destroy it. My advice to you is to continue on exactly as you’re doing; enjoy your young lady’s charms and companionship and take pride and pleasure in the fact that you can be a benefactor to her, and never try to turn the relationship into something it isn’t. The love and friendship between two people is an organic thing which has to be taken for what it is; any attempt to rebuild it into something else is as doomed to failure as a scheme to turn one animal into another by cutting it apart and putting it back together in a different shape.