My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years and I want to marry her, but I can’t shake off suspicions that she may be a call girl. She claims not to be one, but there are just too many odd coincidences. Do you know of any non-invasive ways to find out whether she is one or not? Signs I should look out for? I hate having this fear and I’m definitely not the type of guy who would want to “rescue” her from her situation. I would much rather step out of the way if need be…but I’m actually afraid my life may be in danger…My anxiety is so bad it’s interfering with my ability to work. Have you heard of any situations where call girls were used to distract men that were some kind of socio-political target?
If you’ve read a lot of my advice columns, you know that I don’t usually give unequivocal recommendations, but I’m going to make an exception in this case. You say that you’d rather step out of the way if need be; I would say you do indeed need to do just that. For whatever reason, you have absolutely no trust in your girlfriend, and if you feel this way after knowing her for five years I’m afraid you will never be able to build the trust that’s absolutely vital to making a marriage work. Your anxiety has reached a level that, frankly, seems clinically paranoid to me; I’m not a psychologist and I don’t know what kind of work you do that would make you a “target”, but if you don’t feel safe in a sexual relationship for any reason it is time to end it for both of your good. If you’re wrong, your concerns about her have no cause and would therefore almost certainly haunt you from now on, no matter what she does; if you’re right, she’s been lying to you for five years and that’s no basis to build a marriage on. Either way, this relationship is not going to work, and the sooner you both move on to partners in whom you can have more trust, the better for all involved.