I recently started dating a man who talks about marrying me, but prefers open relationships. I get that men like variety, but what I don’t understand is what is the wife or girlfriend there for? If men want to connect with a new soul and crave such connection, what makes me any more sexually special than the next new soul he connects with?
Most men, and many women, don’t need to “connect with a soul” to be interested in sex with someone, and desire for sex outside of one’s primary relationship doesn’t usually result from “craving a connection”; most often, it’s just plain sexual attraction. When I was married to Matt, he would sometimes hire professionals while he was traveling; I also enjoyed some of the sex I had with clients or with other whores, and on a few occasions we had threesomes with girls either he or I (preferably both) found attractive. But none of those trysts were motivated by the kind of connection we had with each other; they were just sexual, and therefore posed no threat to our relationship. Eventually, he lost interest in me sexually, but that wasn’t due to another woman; furthermore, we still have a strong emotional bond and care very much for one another despite no longer having a sexual relationship. The inconvenient fact is that sexual desire isn’t directly linked to emotional connection; at the beginning of a relationship they usually are, but in the majority of cases it doesn’t stay that way for more than a few years. Every woman would like to believe she’ll always be the one her husband is most sexually attracted to, but that’s not usually the way it happens; the attraction which inspired him to choose her as his primary partner is emotional and/or spiritual, and may grow stronger even as his lust for her weakens with time and familiarity. Really, there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s why many an elderly man still deeply loves his wife long after her physical charms have faded. In short, it’s entirely possible that your man may find another woman he finds more sexually attractive than you, but it’s highly unlikely that would in and of itself present any serious threat to your bond with him.