I’m a 23-year-old professional who wants to pursue a Masters degree in a related field, but my current job alone just won’t pay for tuition on top of my rent, bills and current student loan payments. I already tend to attract successful men and I’m a skilled and empathetic listener, so I feel I could make it as a courtesan with a select few clients. However, I’ve never been an escort so I have no existing clientele to draw from. Also, I’ve read that real courtesans don’t discuss payment openly with a client…I don’t understand how that works.
Given your circumstances, you might want to consider advertising on one of the sugar baby sites. A 23-year-old graduate student is exactly the kind of lady many potential sugar daddies are looking for; the hours tend to be pretty brief, the pay is good (you can probably get about $3000-$4000 per month), and best of all it isn’t illegal yet so in the present climate of hysteria, it would be much safer for you. Furthermore, you need to be very discreet in your advertising because even legal sex work could potentially come back to bite you. As for “real” courtesans not discussing it…you should always be wary when people make statements like that. Some of the courtesans of old charged set rates, some used a sliding scale and some preferred to let their patrons give them money and gifts, then complain if they weren’t generous enough. It’s absolutely true that women who let their patrons set the fees and benefits generally do better in the long run, but it can take a lot of time investment to reach that point and you have to be good at sizing up a man’s income and generosity level right from the get-go so as not to waste too much time with a skinflint.
I am a mature and educated paid companion who has traveled the world and speaks several languages; men tend to find me fascinating and I live in a resort area. I have three kinds of clients: those who live here, those who come in for a few days a month or so and one-time vacationers. I’m working on transitioning some of my regulars in the first two groups to longer-term arrangements; I think I could have client types 1 & 2 pay a monthly “allowance” plus a fee for dates, and just charge a regular flat fee to vacationers. Do you have any suggestions on how to set my prices?
If you’re going to have regular “sugar daddy” type clients (the 1s and 2s), you may want to consider just charging them the flat fee and leaving it at that, especially if they only see you once a month to once a week at most. Obviously you have to be sure it’s enough to justify whatever time you spend with them, but you may find that they tend to give you other presents and tips beside the fee anyhow. Setting a rate in your situation is tricky; I expect most things in your area are more expensive than in a city, and that the clients tend to be wealthy? That, and the fact that you can provide a more “upscale” experience, would tend to drive your price up. You may want to do some research to see what other escorts in similar resort areas charge, and ditto what sugar babies in such areas tend to ask for…and then go just a smidgen higher. Given your circumstances you can probably get it, and the higher price reinforces the image you’re trying to project. As time goes on you will be able to tell if you can raise your prices, but it’s usually best to allow those who are already seeing you to continue at their current rates.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)
The one time I had a “sugar baby” she did not discuss the rate – I simply told her what it was over a lunch I asked her to in order to get to know one another and set the terms. Now, I often get accused of “over-paying” by other guys – but I could give two shits, as long as I can afford it. I’ll haggle with a car salesman but not with a girl – that’s my “weakness” and I’m actually kind of proud to have it. So the rate I quoted her, she was ecstatic with (it was funny watching her “poker face” though, she didn’t have much of one and I knew immediately she was more than happy with my offer).
But I think potential “sugar babies” have to sift through a lot of “shit” before they find a proper guy. Fortunately, it appears the “shit” guys broadcast themselves rather loudly with their first online contacts with a girl. So my advice would be … don’t even respond to those guys. You get a good guy on the hook, feel him out online to see if he has a “chink” … if not … then meet with him. If he’s a good guy he’ll take charge of the negotiations and make them pleasant and easy for the girl. A “good guy” know how to talk about sex without actually talking about it.
After about a half a year, I got out of that arrangement. The girl turned out to be just too “needy” and had too many personal problems (she was a single-mom, not a college student).
But it was an AWESOME experience because she wasn’t a professional escort. She LOVED the sex and couldn’t believe her luck that I was paying her. As a single mom with a lot of issues – she had no time for “free” guys – so I was her only sexual contact and she looked forward to our dates. Incredible girl … and 20 years ago I would not have been able to walk away from her no matter what her problems were – the sex was that good. But, in my old age and wisdom – I knew I had to cut it off.
As a 23-year-old grad student and active escort… I don’t think she’ll have the time to sift through all the time wasters associated with sugaring – I’ve used a combination of high rates, not allowing reviews, prebooking, and deposits to cut down on volume and ensure that my time is respected. It’s easier to schedule clients around a busy school schedule than burn emotional resources with a needy sugar daddy. The sugar websites are also a lot more visible now than they were in your late 2012 article, further driving up the proportion of time wasters and making it that much harder to find a decent sugar daddy – the conventional wisdom on such is that they’re effectively Backpage clients mining for cheap escorts who don’t know what they’re worth. With a reasonable investment of time and energy into marketing and learning the business, companionship based escorting (I hate the term ‘high-end’) would likely make much more sense for her.
Just a thought, I could very well be full of it and have forgotten that an extra ~$2k/month is a lot of money to someone who hasn’t been in the industry.
Bingo!
As a guy – I can tell you that is EXACTLY what a GREAT NUMBER of guys are looking for. They are looking for a “deal” … someone that doesn’t know what they’re worth. A lot of guys will try to “groom” girls in strip clubs for exactly the same reason. That’s IS NOT how I personally play it though. When I had my “arrangement” I computed the time and compensated my gal with EXACTLY the same rate as the high-end escorts in my area … which was $300 per hour. Now, almost all of those girls will go $300 for one hour / $500 for two / $700 for three. But I have always compensated every girl at $300 per hour (plus a tip) even if multiple hours were involved. In fact … I think $300 is a good rate in my area and I even paid that rate to girls who advertised $250 per hour. And my “standard” appointment is FOUR hours (old man who likes to take a couple of swings at the plate but needs rest between “at bats” … LOL).
But I have found that I am a minority of guys. Most guys are looking for sex as cheaply as they can get (if not completely free).
On another note – it’s fascinating how prices impact supply. In my area, the $300 / hour “top-end” rate has drawn in a lot of girls from Houston. Apparently it’s tougher to get that rate in Houston … that or they have so many hookers in Houston the supply far outstrips demand.
But the Houston girls coming in have REALLY upset a lot of the local hookers. We don’t have that many “stunners” in the local area and a lot of the $300 gals are in their 40’s and some in their 50’s. The Houston gals are usually YOUNG and HOT – and they clean house when they come to town!
This is a FAQ offered by one online sugar baby: http://sugarbabydaily.wordpress.com/how-to-sb-advice/
In it, she talks (among other things) about “allowances:”
http://sugarbabydaily.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/where-is-my-allowance/
Back when I was looking at some of the SD/SB sites, maybe five years ago, I noticed some advice that resembled this advice of hers.
Alas, at the end of her discussion of “allowances” the blogger makes some disparaging remarks about outright sex workers. It looks like your first inquirer won’t buy into them, thank goodness.
Also, regarding the numbers she gives — it may be good to keep in mind taht that entry was written in 2011, currently 3 years ago.