We are hardly ever grateful for a fine clock or watch when it goes right, and we pay attention to it only when it falters. – the 4th Earl of Chesterfield
Every so often I get an email or series of “tweets” that causes me to shake my head and wonder whether the author has been paying attention at all at any time in the past four years. Now, I’m not talking about communications from new readers or from non-readers who just read one column or even one “tweet”; rather, I mean people I’ve corresponded with before who have (presumably) been reading here for a while and should know how I do things. Recently, I had several such incidents, so I think it would be worthwhile to address the points that somehow seem to have escaped some folks.
First, it appears that I need to spell out some details about advice letters (again). It seems as though some people have made it several decades into their lives without quite understanding how an “agony aunt” column works, so I’ll reiterate and add details specific to mine. Since there are many different, competing demands on my time (especially while on tour), I cannot promise that I will always get to advice emails quickly. I understand that people who write are often upset or even suffering, and I really do try to answer every letter as quickly as possible. Usually that’s within a few days, but while I’m travelling it can be longer; some letters that arrived in July took me almost six weeks to answer. Yes, I could dash off a quick response, but I hardly think that’s what anyone wants unless the question only requires that sort of response. Unless you specifically ask me not to publish your question, it may appear in a future Wednesday column, though edited and condensed to remove identifying details or even to broaden the scope slightly. Some of you may have noticed that if you clarify the situation in a later letter and my advice changes because of that clarification, it’s still the original version which appears on the blog; when that happens it’s because I felt either that the clarified version gave away too many personal details, or that the original version would apply to more people reading. Though you are only concerned with your own specific problem, you’d be surprised how many other people may find my answer helpful (even if their own issues are slightly different).
Next, some people seem to have failed to notice the level of organization I maintain in this blog, and have made requests of me that, while they might seem reasonable, are actually nothing of the kind. I’ve noticed that when a reader links to either a column or one of my feature pages to make a point elsewhere on the internet, at least one ass will usually disparage the citation with some variation on “a WordPress blog isn’t a credible source”. If I ran this like an ordinary blog, a place to jot down stray thoughts here and there as they came to me, that might be a valid criticism; however, as anyone who has been paying attention will have noticed, that isn’t how I do things. I treat this like an electronic magazine; I write a column every day, hyperlink and cross-reference my citations, and include every post in the extensive subject index. Once a post is published, the only changes I make are to correct typos or (within the same day or two) to correct some major error or omission; also, I may change a picture for one of higher resolution, or because the subject of a picture asked me to use a different one. I take an extremely dim view of websites who shove posts down the memory hole just because some readers didn’t like them; I have the philosophy that “you can’t unring a bell”, so once a post is up I will not remove it no matter who finds it offensive. Besides the ethical problem that would create, removing the index entries and hyperlinks would be like pulling one gear out of a clock; given that many of my posts are reblogged or scraped, it might not even do any good for me to censor a post because it might already have been copied elsewhere. And if you think I’m going to leave an ugly and conspicuous hole in a four-year-long perfect record just because it hurt your feelings, I respectfully suggest you reconsider your place in the universe.
Finally, some people seem to have developed very strange misconceptions about my status in the universe, so let’s put those to rest, shall we? I am not a goddess, an angel, a superheroine, a bodhisattva or any other form of superior entity, and have never claimed to be. Accordingly, I am not perfect; I make mistakes and misjudgments like anybody else. Because of this, you cannot use the evidence-free accusation that I made one mistake as an argument that my entire body of work is flawed; rather, you can do that, but it will simply result in your looking like an idiot. Even if you have actual evidence of an error in one essay or statement, it doesn’t ruin my “perfect track record” because I don’t have a perfect track record, and nobody sane ever claimed that I did. Moreover, I’m not required to explain every editorial choice I make to the satisfaction of whatever random stranger cares to demand such an explanation, and anyone who believes that I am needs more help than I can give in one of my advice columns.
Your a qualified librarian with some experience in the sex industry.
Your blog is informative and enlightening, however what you are saying although well thought out and based largely on your own and others experience is controversial and against mainstream ideology (although I do think its turning), hence you will find people will try to attack the jist of your argument by attacking the presentation.
My assumption generally is that if people are resorting to logical fallacies its because they are unable to argue with the main points that you are proposing.
I strongly suspect that your fame and influence is increasing, which means both that your message is increasingly reaching a wider audience, which unfortunately means reaching more idiots who fail to see that you are fitting this in around other things in your personal life.
All blogs are not equal and I frequently discount blogs when debating a topic, simply because their is a great deal of rubbish out there, however given that you provide citations for your arguments and experience in the industry, this blog clearly is not in the same category as someone deciding chemtrails are going to be the end of us all, (based on a youtube video they watched).
So my suggestion would be that you keep up the good work and assume the quantity of idiots resorting to logical fallacies is simply a sign of your increasing success.
Do not forget that many people use fallacies without recognizing they are fallacies, because they have self-indoctrinated to the point that they have selective mental blindness.
Personally, I call that “fail of the 2nd order”. It applies when people have sabotaged the tools they had available in order to not have to see the truth.
A very caring post today. A very caring post it that it takes care of your self first, Maggie. There is nothing wrong with being selfish with ones self as in when we take care of our selves first we create the capacity to see other’s in our light of un-perfectness which means we are all humanly fallible – all in need of love and needing of human connection.
An expression of your quality of care for others is evident when you say, “I understand that people who write are often upset or even suffering, and I really do try to answer every letter as quickly as possible.” Your values of respect, compassion and concern for creating a better environment for people, show how much you care and why you feel compelled to write every day.
Your message is at it’s strongest when you connect with the equality of people and your desire for a better more understanding world. We tend to be at our weakest when we switch from this mode of connection to one of; blame, shame and punitive action. The latter is of course why it is acceptable to burn people at the stake. Needless to say punitive action creates individuals — not a connected, integrated, textured community where very distinct and dissimilar people work for the benefit of all.
One might think that your daily trauma of writing a column-a-day, and not getting the respect or recognition that today’s prose so eloquently invites is a second trauma. A feeling that no one is listening, understanding or changing in regard to your passion sex work.
Take stock that it is the connection, the care, exhibited in this post that facilitates a greater understanding of the usefulness of your work and your mission. It is the disconnection in the punitive castigation of others that makes it often impossible to hear your message. Therefore it is hard to hear and understand the good reasons for your rants. Difficult to hear the good reasons you are so passionate about protecting the good work and well being of people who work with the flesh of the body as a way of comforting the soul.
Whoever did that Photoshop edit of you as Morrigan did a good job. (I know what Morrigan actually was in spite of my familiarity with Darkstalkers.)
It was done by my friend LilyRose, who wrote & drew Castrating Bitch Girl (see “Whorish Media” box at right) and illustrated the second part of “Pandora” (which appeared two years ago Saturday).
Maggie the Great! Maggie the Terrible! Magga Khan!
You’re ok in my book, even if I don’t always agree with every word that you write. For the record, you are a hero of sorts, in that way that people who just go about doing what they need to do every day are heroes.
You are always there for us. My apologies if I take you for granted sometimes.
There have been times when people have made long, wordy arguments on your blog, arguments which, after much reading, boil down to, “Maggie’s wrong; I know she’s wrong; trust me on this I know.”
One of those times (I don’t remember what the argument was about) I replied that I know you better than I know her (I think it was a her) and what I know about you means that if it comes down to a question of trust, I trust you. You are honest and you put in the time and effort to get your facts straight before presenting them to the world.
I added that I understand that you are a mortal human being and therefore can be wrong. Your efforts at fact-checking means that you aren’t wrong nearly as often as the less careful, but it can happen. But the thing is that, if you do turn out to be wrong, we’ll all know it, because you’ll tell us.
And that, Maggie, maybe even more than your fact-checking, is why I feel confident putting my trust in you. If you discover next month that you were gloriously wrong about something last month, you’ll tell us about it before another month has passed. The only reason you don’t tell us immediately is because you’re busy fact-checking, so as not to be wrong again.
You’re not an angel or a bodhisattva, but you are honest, smart, and careful, and that’s a good combination.
Even though this comment is on a post nearly a year old, I really needed to hear it this morning for reasons I’m not at liberty to disclose. So thank you for it, and for being a conduit for the Divine wisdom today. ❤
Any time. :^)