As of last Tuesday evening my trains to Chicago and Seattle are paid for; I’ve also booked my hotel room in Kansas City, though I decided to wait a little for Chicago because everything near Union Station was too pricey when I last looked (I’m trying to do this trip on the funds I have left from my fundraiser this summer). As of right now, the only gig that’s fixed in place is a talk at the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture at 7 PM on Sunday the 9th, the day after I arrive; I expect to hear back from SWOP this week, and then I’ll try to fill in a few private meetings with donors and a few sex workers I know there from online. Due to a miscommunication about the dates my Portland side-trip is still up in the air, but that should be remedied this week; by next Tuesday I should have the whole trip mostly penciled in just before I leave for New Orleans two days later. And I’ve even figured out what I’m probably going to do with my internet-less time during the 46-hour trip to Seattle.
I mentioned my leftover donations above, and that reminds me: if you look at the subscription box on the right, you’ll notice I’ve added text about how to give me a one-time cash gift if you prefer to do that instead of subscribing. It’s very simple; all you have to do is PayPal whatever amount you like to my email address, maggiemcneill@earthlink.net. Ta-dah! I like to keep things simple whenever possible. But even if your budget won’t allow that sort of thing right now, there’s another way you can help me that won’t cost you a dime. The pressures of this year seem to have inflicted more stress on me than I bargained for, so I’ve found myself moody and very blue lately and would appreciate your prayers, good thoughts, well-wishing, positive vibrations or whatever the equivalent in your philosophy. You needn’t worry; these moods do come occasionally and I always get past them. But I figure a little extra psychic support can’t hurt, even if the effect is only in my own mind…which, since it’s where the problem lies anyhow, seems perfectly reasonable.
Why don’t you take a vacation? I mean – a real eff’in vacation instead of work, work, work?
This will probably sound stupid, but I honestly don’t know how to take a vacation. I just can’t put my cares aside unless I have something else to focus them on, so if I don’t weight down the cover of my emotional holding tank with work, all of the black stuff from the past thirty years keeps bubbling up; overwork is a mercy in comparison.
I hear you — my wife is the same way. Comes, perhaps, from being intense and focused and awesome. Like you, I suspect. 😀
That said, do you think there might be some “complex PTSD” in some of that black stuff? (PTSD is called “complex” when it comes from multiple traumatic incidents, not simply from one incident.)
I have heard complex PTSD described as, still responding to things as if you’re in danger; not realizing that you’re safe now and that you can relax.
If you think any of this might apply to you, and if you know someone you can trust who might know how to help with that …
Just a thought. Meanwhile, hugs and warm thoughts going your way, and going along with you on your way. 🙂
There’s plenty of PTSD in it; no ifs, ands or buts. In my column for this coming January 2nd I’ll be going into detail about my “year of disaster” for the first time on this blog. And if you’re wondering why January 2nd specifically, this may help.
(nods) Again, I hear you.
I have to admit that while I have no PTSD at all, I do not really understand the concept of vacation. Doing something I like doing is relaxing. There is plenty of opportunity for that without traveling anywhere. And when I do not need to work on something for my employer, I just start doing things I find interesting myself. (I am also lucky that a lot of my “work”-work is actually interesting.) So keep doing what you are doing. As long as you do not run yourself into the ground, there is no reason to change things.
Lots of people have interesting work.
But then there’s the little of issue of the EMPLOYER. If I didn’t take breaks from boss from time to time – swear to GOD I’d go #ISIS on him!
😉
You are perfectly right of course (although I am lucky in that regard too.
I second the vacation idea. Your readers and colleagues are with you and won’t go away. Also true that even for those who love the season, the shortening days work their subtle black magic, and slow the systems down.
It may be that you have to be a certain type to get anything out of a vacation. Now … I was taught from an early age that a vacation means going someplace and frantically going from one activity to another – like a visit to Disney World.
But I got “stranded” in Hawaii on a business trip in 2000 – and I was stuck there for three days. I did absolutely nothing except lay on the beach, look at the chicks, and every now and then go surfing (which, I can’t surf as well I did when I was in my awesome 20’s).
But I was totally by myself … didn’t pick up any chicks … didn’t meet with any friends … didn’t go to the Navy base except for the one meeting I had at the start of the trip.
It was the greatest vacation I ever accidentally took. 😀
I’m not sure everyone could do a solitary vacation like that. I can’t do it if I’m with someone else – I’m always worried about them having a good time!