I am only sexually interested in women that I have some sort of emotional connection to. I am attracted to women who are intelligent and competent adults; it turns me on more to watch a woman do an integral than to watch porn (this may have something to do with my autism). I’m 21, and there are hardly any women who seem interested in long term relationships, and virtually none who are skilled at something. So my sexual preferences seem ill-suited to my environment; I’d almost rather have a fetish for unicorns, because then I could at least paste a horn on a horse and pretend.
But if I can’t get any sort of meaningful relationship, I would at least like to be able to get sex. Though I often have trouble getting an erection with women I don’t know very well, I don’t have any trouble if I’m masturbating, or getting a blowjob or a handjob; the only difficulty is with intercourse. I find PUA works, but I find it unfulfilling, and my experience with it has made me distrustful of women. So I thought maybe I should hire an escort, because at least that way she’s honest about what she is willing to do and what I have to do to get it.
You will probably not be able to get the kind of relationship you’re looking for from escorts, but satisfying your sex drive will make you less tense around women (which is a good thing). Given your strict preferences you’ll need to do more research than the average guy to find a lady that’s right for you, but with a little perseverance you should be able to. Pick-up Artistry is exactly the wrong approach for a man like you; though it does indeed work, it only works on the sort of shallow airhead that you find frustrating and unsatisfing, and that in turn will reinforce your negative perceptions of women (which you definitely don’t need). The fact that you have no erection issues during blow jobs or hand jobs tells me it’s probably tied to performance anxiety, which would also explain why it goes away once you know a woman well. But that’s OK if you’re hiring an escort; just go ahead and enjoy a blow job, and don’t worry about intercourse. Once you get used to a particular lady, you can move on to intercourse at your own pace with no pressure from her.
In the bigger picture, I’ve got good news for you: your main problem is just that you’re just too young, and things will almost certainly get better for you in the next ten years. I realize that may frustrate you, but it should really give you hope because your problem isn’t actually a permanent one. Oh, I don’t mean the autism and its attendant difficulties; I’m afraid I really don’t know much about that, so I hesitate to discuss it from a position of ignorance. No, what I mean is that you seem more interested in mature women, so naturally you will run into more of those as you age. Furthermore, as you yourself age, become more successful in your career, etc you will be more attractive to the kind of women you like; also, the number of men decreases more quickly over time than the number of women, so men in their 30s have noticeably less competition than men of 21. Concentrate on your other (non-relationship) goals, pay for the sex you need to avoid frustration and do all the other things you enjoy alone and with your friends, and over time you will very likely attract a relationship naturally without planning for it or working toward it at all.
(Have a question of your own? Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)