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Archive for June 19th, 2013

Now I know that there ARE visible signs of woman’s sexual arousal, even though they are not as visually obvious as male erection.  I’m talking about vaginal secretions, clitoris, nipples hardening, skin reddening, pulse speeding up, contractions during orgasm and so forth… How do you manage those, if “manage” is the right word at all?  Some of the more sensitive men would not be fooled, and would in fact be thwarted by a pretended pleasure while the more subtle signs are not there.  Or is it possible to say that even when acting out you do feel a measure of sexual arousal, but you are just not into it emotionally, and that is what you mean by “concentrating erotic energies”?  Do you ever feel arousal and experience orgasm at all while working?  I’m asking because I’ve read some sex workers testimonies on Reddit, and many do say that they enjoy the sexual experience that they have with clients.  Also, as someone for whom the sexual pleasure of the woman I’m with is very important, I’d like to ask this:  have you encountered clients for whom your arousal and orgasm was important?  Clients that asked to please you and give you orgasm as part of the session?  I, for example, love giving cuni, and love giving orgasms and pleasing, without that the experience for me would be of very little value.  How would you manage that?

super-hearingAlmost none of the signs you mention occur in every woman.  Lubrication, for instance, varies greatly from one woman to another; some flow like a river at the slightest provocation, while I’ve always been a bit on the dry side even when quite aroused.  Nipples don’t always become erect without direct stimulation, and even when they do often lose erection during the plateau stage; the erection of a small, thickly-hooded or recessed clitoris is very difficult to detect without closer inspection than most guys will attempt.  Though more than 50% of women show a sex flush (reddening), that means almost 50% don’t and it’s less pronounced in a colder room (and most clients keep their hotel rooms fairly cold in New Orleans).  I hardly think anyone who isn’t Kryptonian is going to casually notice his companion’s pulse, and speeded-up respiration is easily faked.  But there are the orgasmic contractions…which I learned to fake in my late teens, so well I can fool other women.  So the answer is no, I’ve never encountered any clients I couldn’t fool.  Obviously, some of them must have suspected, but that would be true even if my super-fakery were absolutely indistinguishable without an EEG machine; some men are just going to be suspicious and that’s that.  It may be that most women aren’t as good at faking it as I am, but that’s OK because most men aren’t remotely sensitive enough to tell the difference between a good, professional fake and the real thing.

All that having been said, I did sometimes get excited with clients, and I did sometimes climax.  Being paid for sex is a turn-on for me; usually the effect was subtle, but under the right conditions with the right man it could be quite pronounced, enough to make me more orgasmic than I might otherwise be.  I’m sure the same is true for lots of other sex workers as well, though of course some of them are prone to exaggerate the degree or frequency of arousal for marketing purposes.  I think it’s safe to say, however, that the average escort doesn’t really enjoy the sex with the average client.

The majority of men do want the woman to enjoy the experience, but because most women require more than mere physical stimulation that’s not as straightforward a process for women as for men.  I once explained it this way:

Males are highly achievement-oriented; their self-esteem depends upon being competent, and being perceived as virile and sexually potent is as important to the average man as being perceived as beautiful and desirable is to the average woman…The competitive, result-oriented male mind sees female orgasm as the target, the goal, the finish line of the “game” of sex, so his sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced if he can “score” it.  However…it isn’t that simple.  For many women orgasm is more like hunting than it is like football; it’s not just a matter of aiming a shot with proper force and accuracy into a static area, but rather of hitting a moving target which may or may not elect to show itself on that occasion…And that’s only speaking of lovers; with clients orgasm is even more elusive, and indeed for some girls never shows its face in a commercial situation at all.  But this typical female condition is completely alien to the average man; he just can’t comprehend that the right combination of moves and techniques could through no fault of his own somehow fail to achieve what it was intended to achieve…

There’s another factor to that as well.  Remember, the man chooses the escort, not vice-versa; furthermore, the session must revolve around what will please him…which is not necessarily what will please her.  Cunnilingus is a perfect example; in common with many men you love giving it, and in common with more women than you probably think (especially among escorts) I don’t like it very much.  Some women, in fact, hate it with a purple passion.  So, what’s an escort who’s there to provide a good time supposed to do when a guy says he loves it?  Tell him the truth if she hates it?  Of course not; it would ruin the whole experience for him.  As a rule, whores can’t stand it when clients keep harping on the “I want to please you” thing, because it can make it a lot harder for us to do our jobs.  What if she’s a size queen and he’s average?  What if she likes being pounded very hard and he’s too overweight or short-winded to accomplish that?  What if she’s kind of submissive and a man refusing to lead is actually a turn-off?  What if she’s primarily lesbian?  What if she’s just anorgasmic and isn’t going to climax no matter what he does?

Penn and TellerA sex worker is a kind of entertainer; she is there to provide a kind of interactive show for you.  It is, ultimately, an illusion; it no more matters how she “really” feels, or what she “really” likes, or whether she is “really” excited, than it matters that Penn and Teller aren’t “really” making things vanish or appear or transmogrify into something else.  That analogy is useful in another way as well:  Obsessively concentrating on minor physiological cues of arousal and worrying that you aren’t truly pleasing your hooker is like going to a magician’s show and concentrating so much on “catching” the trickery that you can’t enjoy the performance you paid top dollar for.  Just sit back, relax, and let your entertainer entertain you…and if you can’t, I respectfully suggest that this particular art may simply not be to your liking.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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