Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.-Thomas Paine
Every Friday the 13th I ask my readers, especially those who are not themselves sex workers, to speak out for decriminalization of prostitution. This is the third such occasion this year, but it’s also the last one for 14 months (until September 2013), so I want to make it a good one.
Though roughly 10% of modern women have taken money for sex at least once, the great majority of such cases are informal and the payer an acquaintance; only about 1% of women actually work as hookers at some point in their lives, and less than a third of that (just under 0.3%) are thus employed at any given time. That’s a pitifully small minority, smaller even than the fraction of the population who identify as homosexual (which is between 2-3%); in a more just world even the smallest minority would be treated fairly, but since that isn’t the case in this one it’s imperative we have help from outside our own group. Gay rights activists drew bisexuals and transgender people into a coalition, but even that would have been too small a minority to matter without the help of friends, family, libertarians and others.
Sex workers, on the other hand, have allowed our already-small numbers to be divided by laws which make arbitrary distinctions between “legal” sex work (such as stripping, phone sex and in some places porn acting) and “illegal” sex work (such as some forms of prostitution; in most of the US it’s all prostitution). But even if strippers, porn actresses and the various types of what I call “halfway whores” rallied together, I still can’t imagine that making up over 10% of the female population. As with gay rights, we’re going to need the help of friends, family, libertarians and even true feminists (as opposed to the anti-sex crowd I refer to as “neofeminists”).
Perhaps the most important group whose support needs to be enlisted is men, who make up roughly half the population but much more than half of people in positions of power. Kinsey found that 69% of men have directly paid for sex at least once in their lives; some recent studies have returned much lower numbers, but this probably has much more to do with increased social stigma in the past three decades and the construction of the questions (e.g. “have you ever procured a prostitute?” vs. “have you ever paid for sex?”) than with the material facts. Since roughly 67% of men have cheated on their wives or girlfriends, the 69% figure seems highly credible to me; it also jibes with my experience and that of other working girls with whom I’ve discussed the issue. Of those, fewer than half repeat the experience, and less than a tenth make a habit of it; roughly 20% of all men hire hookers occasionally (such as when they’re at conferences or on business trips) and 6% do so frequently.
Even if we assume that the 50% of men who never see a whore again after their first time were repelled by the experience, that still leaves a fifth of the male population who secretly support us (at least financially). So why don’t they speak up? Why are there so few prominent men who are willing to even support our rights as an abstract concept, much less actually admit to enjoying our company on occasion? Obviously it’s mostly due to the deep-rooted moral hypocrisy of our culture, whose members are willing to crucify exposed “sinners” for “offenses” they themselves have committed many times in secret. But there’s also the fact that a large fraction of the 90% of women who have not taken direct payment for sex labor under all sorts of illusions and delusions about harlotry, and even a dedicated contrarian who will enthusiastically fly in the face of social institutions may be (understandably) unwilling to risk the disapproval or even outright hostility of his wife, mother, sisters, daughters, etc.
These factors and others were mentioned in a comment by regular reader B.B. Wye on a column I wrote about the difficulties of “Coming Out”; he pointed out that as hard as it is for prostitutes to be “out”, it may be even harder for our clients, especially with “end demand” rhetoric in the ascendancy. Wye is a musician who expressed his feelings about his favorite type of whore in the song “Midtown Asian Sex Spa”, and in his comment he wrote of his desire to admit authorship of the song and to openly speak out for the rights of women who have given him a great deal of happiness and pleasure. Another reader who felt the same way wrote to ask me for suggestions on how he could find a middle path, speaking out for sex worker rights without admitting his personal interest in us; here are a few suggestions for him, for B.B., for other clients faced with the same quandary, for working girls who can’t come out themselves and for men and women who have never bought or sold sex, but just care about human rights.
If you’re generally libertarian or civil rights-oriented in your politics it’s easy; all you have to do is argue for decriminalization from a perspective of “people have the right to do what they like with their own bodies”. As I’ve pointed out in the past, every court decision (including Roe vs. Wade) which upholds abortion rights also upholds the right to sex on one’s own terms, even if money is involved (abortion isn’t free, after all); ditto court decisions overturning sodomy laws like Lawrence vs. Texas. And obviously, the arguments for drug decriminalization also apply to prostitution. If you’re an atheist or skeptic, that’s easy too; in addition to the arguments above you can make statements like “prostitution laws are based on religion and xenophobia, not facts” and “the sex trafficking hysteria is a moral panic like the Satanic Panic and the Red Scare”.
The harm reduction perspective is another good one, and is the approach generally favored by advocates who have a human rights background or strong religious affiliation (including some members of the Catholic clergy): Prostitution has always been with us and we can’t make it go away with laws any more than the “Drug War” has made drugs go away. All the Drug War has done is to subject innocent people to invasion of their privacy and make drug users vulnerable to impure drugs, not to mention all those caught in drug-related violence; similarly, anti-prostitution laws help nobody and force prostitutes into the shadows where they can be harmed and exploited. Furthermore, many governments (including those of New Zealand, New South Wales and Brazil) have recognized that illegal prostitution invariably leads to police corruption, just as alcohol Prohibition did and drug prohibition still does.
Finally, there’s the feminist approach: why does society have the right to tell women they can’t make a living with their natural sex-based attributes when it allows men to do so with boxing, bodyguard work, etc? Furthermore, laws against prostitution invariably subject women’s dress and mannerisms to police scrutiny; women are accused of prostitution for dressing sexily, acting sexily, carrying condoms in their purses, being in certain areas, not wearing underwear, etc. This is “slut shaming” with criminal consequences.
Even if you are unable to speak out openly you can post anonymous comments on anti-whore articles online (with links to my site and those of other rights advocates), you can donate money to advocacy groups, and you can of course vote (though there are pitifully few chances to employ that strategy in the United States). Even though any one person’s influence is small, lots of buckets eventually fill a pool. Readers, we need your help and that of every good man and woman, and anything you can do will be gratefully appreciated.
“..it may be even harder for our clients..”
Maybe in the US and Sweden, but at least in Switzerland and many other European countries, men can be quite free from scrutinity talking about their experiences with prostitutes. Sometimes they can even talk in a very disrespectful manner about prostitues they’ve been with whithout anyone calling them out.
It definitely seems to vary from country to country; even in Australia where our trade is far more accepted, few men will admit to seeing us.
i remember the way people have been fighting for their rights with success and its almost always the same:massive protests where there is often blood.while,it wasnt needed for sex workers in places like Australia or Germany,how can sex workers have their voices heard in the U.S or in places where proponents of the swedish model have silenced their voices completely?how can we fight against the media propaganda that is so strong?people listen to bbc and abc,not scarlot harlot.and while there is resistance to the words of politicians in some countries(in Greece for example we consider each and everyone of them unable to tell the truth),i dont know how it applies to the U.S and it definitely doesnt apply to Sweden.one more thing i wonder about is if we can ever get rid of the stigma,not only sex workers but sexual women,in general.even if sex work is decriminalised,can we be respected as members of the society eventually ,maybe a former sex worker running for president of the U.S like Obama did,even though there is such history of racism and opression of black people in the U.S or like the openly gay minister in Germany?I beleive that our ”feminist”oponents hold us down and increase the stigma,because even though people are not as religious as they were,the feminist dogma has been as influential as the christian one.now we are victims,dillusional,contributors to womens opression.id like your opinion on this,Maggie, if you think that the stigma that sexual women,professional or amateurs have can ever be reduced to the point,where it will not be publically acceptable for us to be subjected to ridicule and discrimination and if we can ever be considered fuctional members of the society,without attracting either scorn or pity(which,in my opinion is even worse than scorn).
Reducing the stigma surrounding prostitution and even female sexuality is not a project for individuals over years, but rather multitudes over generations. Humans are still very tribal creatures, and unlike Gene Roddenberry I do not believe that we will overcome that tribalism in centuries; it will be more like millennia. Each stigmatized group will be accepted with aching slowness, one by one, in country after country, until at long last tribalism itself slowly fades. However, I don’t think that will happen until long after we’ve met and associated with alien races who will show us the TRUE meaning of “different”.
In the meantime, all we can do is to remove the majority’s ability to oppress minorities by use of government force. There are still many racists, but it’s much harder now for them to accomplish any real oppression, and that’s slowly coming to pass for sexual minorities as well.
“one more thing i wonder about is if we can ever get rid of the stigma,not only sex workers but sexual women,in general.”
I’m probably going to make Laura squee with what I’m about to say, but I swear that’s not why I’m saying it. And no, your cat still can’t have any of my pop-tarts. 😉
In addition to the “whorearchy” Maggie has written about before, there’s another level. In addition to actresses who do nude scene and think that they are better than topless dancers, and topless dancers who think that they are better than nude dancers, and nude dancers who think that they are better than porn performers, and porn performers who think that they are better than prostitutes, we have prostitutes who think that they are better than non-charging promiscuous women, commonly (and derogatorily) known as “sluts.” And of course sluts who think that they are better than prostitutes.
Believe me, the general public doesn’t see that much difference. The words “slut” and “whore” are used interchangeably, and neither as a compliment. The term “ethical slut” was invented specifically because a promiscuous woman, technically legal due to not charging money or technically illegal because she does, wasn’t generally seen as ethical. I suspect that the stigma against prostitutes will end when the stigma against their non-charging sisters ends.
Dear Sailor B, yes, I squeed (is that a word? LOL…) when you told me about this post in person yesterday. I’ll keep squeeing every time I read this and think of it! A big THANK YOU to you! You’re 1 of the people on here who’s always given the non-whore women who help out men sexually credit where it’s due repeatedly. You bring up the POSITIVES that NEED to be brought up. ALL who help men sexually deserve credit and NONE deserve constant ###*** “gloom and doom” ###*** like “don’t ever see those non-whore women” and then the reasons for it are listed with NEVER a mention of the 1’s like me who have never done any of the stuff listed. Always the negative. Never any credit given. ###*** that forever. Your support helps my resolve to fight this ###*** “gloom and doom” ###***. It’s 1 of my new causes and I’ve started working on it. I’ll be doing more in the future. I thank God for the “ethical slut” term because they ARE real and they truly help. You’re a person who’s literally benefited from 1 of these women (me). If you’d listened to the constant “gloom and doom” ###*** you would have missed out on a lot. If we go through life taking to heart ###*** like don’t ever deal with certain people in the sexual area then what kind of life is that? A way emptier 1! It reminds me of if I’d given up on in the past finding sex only friends who wanted regular meetings after my 1st date (what I call my “date from HELL”. The 1st man I dated after placing personal ads to find sex only friends to see on a regular basis was a real ###***. It would have been so easy to just give up. I could have said “this must mean every man I meet will be like this”. NEVER! It would have been a total cop-out. I wouldn’t give up and yes, it took a lot of efforts, but I found some men who did want regular contact who had manners, never lied to me that I knew of, etc. Yes, the men I met who didn’t have manners, lied, etc., were upsetting to deal with (and I still don’t think well of those experiences), but if I let that limit me then where would I have been? Just thinking they’d all be like my 1st date would have also been totally unfair towards all the men who answered my ads. Horrible! This mentality is as disgusting as saying “don’t ever see whores because there’s too high a risk of problems, etc.”. That shouldn’t be pushed either. I’ve found that a life where you take some chances and risks is way worth it. Before my family tragedy I lived in a purposely safe little world I call “me-world”. It was a way worse life than when I broke out of that and started taking chances and risks. The amount of things I’ve learned since having sex only friends is huge. I’d be much worse of if I were still in “me-world”. I’ve found out through Internet research there’s other people like me in the sexual area and this has been another revelation. It gives me inspiration and strength to keep going with my cause of putting out the positives about non-whore women, how we’re needed and help, etc. OK, am going on here, but this is a topic that I could go on with forever! Thanks again, Sailor B, and I just thought of “n/a” on here who’s also given credit to non-whore women and I thank him also.
“ALL who help men sexually deserve credit”.
Laura, am I correct in recalling that you saw women as well? There definitely are some sexually frustrated lesbians in existence (including an acquaintance of mine).
It is a word, sort of. I made it a link, if you want to click on it.
Well I don’t come across many anti-prostitution articles (well, there have been a good many on the lines of Anti-Craigslist and BackPage) but that’s likely b/c I’m not looking specifically and the sites i frequent are libertarian. In any case, count me in – glad to do my part.
I think you have a good case in constitutional law. Why not frame a Supreme Court case against enforcement of a particular anti-prostitution law? It should be easy to get the Obama Administration to support the effort – great way to etablish a new Federal Agency to control prostitution. They could easily hire more anti-agents than there are real prostitutes! Maggie for CZAR.
The ACLU has verbally supported decriminalization for years, but for some reason won’t actually do a test case. Perhaps after we do a few small-scale cases ourselves they’ll get off their theoretical arses. I’m going to a harm-reduction conference in September, and if I meet any ACLU officials there you can bet I’m going to extract an answer.
Is there anything along the lines of the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund or the Electronic Frontier Foundation for prostitutes and other sex workers?
Not yet, but perhaps I’ll eventually attract the attention of some legally-savvy minds who are interested in setting such a thing up. Such funds generally start with large endowments, unless I’m very much mistaken.
Yes, the EFF got funding from Steve Wozniak among others and the CBLDF has some big comic book names like Neil Gaiman.
The Institute for Justice fights for economic rights… they argued for laws that prohibit non-funeral homes to sell caskets to be overturned, threaders to practice threading without studying everything but threading, and regulations that essentially lock out small time tax preparers.
I think the right of a woman to earn her living how she wants to would be right up their alley.
An example of a group that started with only 2 people (the 2 founders) and hardly any funds is Parents of Murdered Children. They’ve grown since then and have done a huge amount of good and educated those who have open minds towards their cause. I’d be in a lot worse shape without them and will always be grateful to them for their help, information, etc. (which was given to me at no cost). There’s other groups that have changed things for the better that started with either 1 person or a few people and very limited funds. They keep working no matter what limits/negativity are pushed in society and will never give up and/or stop. Even if they never get anywhere at least they tried. Nothing will ever change if no efforts are ever made and beliefs that limit and project the worst possible outcome as inevitable are followed. “1 person can make a difference and every person should try”-John F. Kennedy
You mean that wasn’t Michael Knight?! 😉
In my Coach Michael story, set in the 2063-64 school year, I call the landmark case which overturned anti-prostitution laws “Ore v Dawe.” ISTR, a few ago, somebody bringing to the SCOTUS a case arguing that prostitution must be decriminalized under Roe v Wade. Or rather trying to; the SCOTUS turned it down. I wish I had more details, and a link, but I only heard it in passing on TV. I probably only noticed it because it looked like somebody was trying to do an Ore v Dawe for real.
Since I started reading your column, I have become fairly passionate about this and have employed most of the strategies for speaking out that you have outlined here. However, most of my speaking out has been to other men and to sex workers who don’t consider themselves sex workers (strippers). Also, the men that I can speak openly about this are ones I consider in the ‘club’, part of the 69% that have or do cheat. I know they get it and will be discreet.
I would really like to be able to speak openly in mixed company with my wife or other women I am close with and not have to face the consequences of the questioning as to why I feel this is important. Despite all of the good, logical and moral reasons for supporting sex workers rights, the only thing they hear is that I’m a cheater and therefore scum.
I think you may have missed (or I missed you saying it) an important reason men cannot discuss this around their SO. Women see cheating as the ultimate betrayal because they view it within their own paradigm. Even though most men cheat because they like sex and variety, the women in their lives cannot let themselves believe that. Most women cheat (and a lot of them do) because they are falling out of love with their SO or are in a period where they hate him temporarily for some reason or another. Then they develop an emotional connection with someone else prior to actually crossing any sexual boundary. Whereas most men (at least me) just have sex while still being very much in love with their wife or SO.
Because of this, the majority of the female population is against legalized prostitution because they don’t want to let it be easy for their man to cheat. They want to control the cheating instinct by suppressing all avenues that allow easy access to it. The outcome, unfortunately, is that men will still cheat but with women they’ve developed that emotional connection with, thus, creating an environment enables the ultimate betrayal the women are so worried about. So, while most American women are only somewhat affected by neo-feminist rhetoric, they go along with it because it’s also is consistent with their instinctive desire to control their male’s behavior.
yes that s eem right t`jock
It’s something like that.
Anecdotally, I find men are VERY easy to persuade, especially if they are political conservatives who believe in limited government and are worried about the nation going bankrupt from trying to do too much socially. I have basically a “one, two, three” argument and boom! Most of them are convinced.
But when I talk to women – usually their eyes glass over and they go into some queer “Stepford” mode and just don’t hear anything you’re saying. And they DO tend to judge YOU for trying to make an argument for sex workers. Obviously, it’s your DICK talking – and women are trained in the female jedi school that it’s their duty as women to correct males when they start thinking with their dick. Well, that’s true – we need someone to do that for us but I don’t think arguing for sex worker rights is necessarily “thinking with one’s dick”. You know what I mean?
If you patronize prostitutes when they’re illegal – nothing changes when they become “legal”. All my exploits are now overseas in countries where it’s legal but it’s because the logistics of it just work out better for me when I’m on travel and I almost always travel outside the states. In any case, I don’t do it so often that I need to do it here in the states and that wouldn’t change if it became legal – unless a good-looking hooker approached me first, which never happens. Amateur girls? Different story and I have a problem resisting them – and they are wildly unpredictable … “Baby, why do you want to use a condom? I’m totally on birth control and 100 percent clean – aren’t you??” And then I’m in the completely unnatural position of me being a man, and begging the girl to allow me to wear this jimmy. Thankfully, there aren’t many girls like this … but then, on the other hand, the five or six on this planet who are I seem to find with ease.
If I could be 100 percent honest with women and tell them about my hooker adventures, and then be honest with them about the “amateur” problems I’ve had over the last year … I know women would immediately conclude that prostitution is an infinitely better thing.
It might be a bit more helpful if all men were like us – but there is some percentage that are completely happy with monogamy, or at least seem to be. It’s these guys who reinforce in women’s minds that all men can be like that.
Right now there are a few people who are trying to push the Swedish model for Finland. I have written a few posts on the newspaper opinion threads, and I do mention your blog when I do.
Otherwise I talk about this when the subject does come up. Kind of easy for me, I’m very much the image of somebody’s maiden aunt (pretty much am, I tend towards asexual myself, rather weak sex drive, I don’t much miss it when I don’t have it) so other women don’t find me threatening. Sometimes the reactions are sort of ‘okay, I knew she’s kind of weird’, but other times I think I have made at least a few people think.
Sites that I normally visit don’t have anything to do with sex work so I don’t normally run across any opportunities to reply about sex work. But since it is the 13th I decided to make a donation to SWAAY.
Thank you so very much, Ted! Furry Girl has a lot of sense about activism, and I’m sure she’ll put it to good use. 🙂
yes i donate to woodhull sexualy allience. Does anybody know about them ?they seem to be good
To use a metaphor, the squeaky wheel gets greased, the discrete wheel gets nothing.
Criminalizing prostitution doesn’t significantly access to prostitutes, so there’s no attention paid to it.
I tried to talk about sex worker rights with my friends once. It worked pretty well, I think. I don’t know if I converted anyone, but hopefully if anything comes up with them, they’ll remember what I talked about.
Well, a lot of the things we do at my work are things where someone could get hurt – so we tend not to wave the “middle finger” at fate by scheduling anything serious on Friday the 13th.
And a lot of people just take off since there isn’t much going on. However, I had a very “trapped” group of college interns today along with 5 or 6 other guys in the office. I didn’t read your article this morning because I was late getting out of the gym and to work – but Friday the 13th is now EMBLAZONED in my tiny brain as “sex worker” day … and since the first word of that is SEX – it’s easy for me to remember in my august years.
So, of course, I brought the subject up today and, as usual, I “lead” into it from a totally unrelated (yet very related) libertarian complaint. And today I started by talking about how I now support soda bans and alcohol bans – and every kind of prohibitionist ban against things I don’t like, since so many things I do like are prohibited. Turn about is fair play right? I mean, if we’re going to play the prohibitionist game then – what the hell, lets get it the fuck on and start banning everything right?
Very easy to bring the subject of prostitution up and, of course the 5 or 6 regular guy who were in the office have heard me on this before and they are all converts – or well, maybe they always were. So they’re no big issue at all.
But the college interns …
Well, you gotta first realize these kids are smart but they’ve never been anywhere outside the Bible Belt and they all come from at least pseudo-religious families. In any case, yeah they’re college kids, which means they puke up a lot of alcohol on Sunday mornings but they really don’t want to support anything as sinful as prostitution.
And then there is the “peer pressure” thing … especially when one of them is a pretty female coed. And damn – I just stay away from the girl because I feel all yicky even looking at her because I can’t stop looking at her she is so beautiful and perfect. Pretty sure this one is genetically engineered so I stay away from this girl as much as possible when she’s in the office. But, what the hell, this is Friday the 13th and I have a mission …
Girl loves KISS music and long hair on guys (which I have) and she’s told me that before so I figure she has something going on upstairs right? Well, maybe but not when it comes to prostitution.
NO WAY! No how. And she was perfectly comfortable with prohibiting it as an option to her fellow sisters in the planetary estrogen club.
And the guys followed her lead – of course, this is expected – she’s so hot they’re only thinking one thing and they are so young they’ll sell their souls to have her – so agreeing with her on prostitution is a walk in the park for them.
Well, I had to get reeeeeeeeaaaal calm on this one – like walking through a mine field. I mean – all her arguments were “feeling” based – nothing logical. Prostitution is wrong – it degrades women – therefore it needs to be prohibited.
I didn’t do so well with her, I’m afraid. Hard for me to point out that she’s being an idiot when she’s so damn hot and attractive even while she’s arguing the devil’s point.
I don’t know – I gave her the facts – maybe one day they’ll sink in. I hope the guys there were listening and picked up on what I was saying. Wish I could report great progress here but … nope, not this Friday the 13th.
Dude, she’s an Alpha Female. They hate prostitutes because they undermine her sociosexual dominance. So she bitchslaps the sexual competition. Her mouth may spew a whole load of rubbish, but her instincts are spot on.
I get the impression she was eyeing you up. You are the *alpha male*, dude. She can probably detect your DHT level by smell, subliminally. Her hindbrain wants your swimmers, as Andrea once put it.
Credit to you for being smarter, and avoiding her; in the early 20s, her fertility is pretty much optimal, and her mating instincts will be at their strongest, biologically.
“Demeans women” my arse! “Ice out the sexual competition” is the core of it.
http://www.foxsanantonio.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/vid_11031.shtml
Hi Maggie, I didn’t know if you had seen this out of Good Old San Atone…
Yep. I linked it in my Wednesday links column on The Agitator, and it’ll appear again in “Return of the Agitator” this Sunday.
Yeah, I Just saw that as I was working my way through back posts at t’ Agitator. Sorry.
I’m just finding this blog now, and am very happy to read about your Friday the 13th encouragement. I’ve sometimes wrapped myself in libertarian objectivism to speak in favor of sex workers, and have even published an academic article criticizing trafficking rhetoric. But it is very difficult to cross the line and back up my support with personal experience about the great things sex workers can provide, the enormous diversity of working situations they have, and the enormous honor and dignity that can be brought to this kind of work. When involved in discussions about sex work, I do usually admit that I am an avid reader of sex worker blogs. Not only because of the subject matter, but also because they tend to be some of the most independent-thinking and well-written blogs around. Which is only what we should expect from people who have a first hand view of all the hypocrisy in society, are frequently the targets of negative comments of all kinds, and yet must remain sensitive, empathetic, tolerant and open if they are to do their jobs well.
But I’m especially happy to read your encouragement because I sometimes worry if my voice as a white male consumer will be taken as helpful or an intrusion. Many sex workers are already very articulate about expressing their rights and positions, and I don’t think there is much that I can add in terms of the arguments. But most importantly–and this comes out very often in the blogs–there is the problem that the concerns of the consumers are not the same as those of the providers. So I’ve worried that my opinion might go in a direction that sex worker activists will not find helpful. Perhaps a silly fear–so long as I listen and stay self-reflective those problems can be overcome. But this post helps to overcome that fear.
It’s OK, I didn’t forget. 🙂 As chance would have it, there was a thread on the Netmums forum about legalisation of prostitution just a few days earlier, so I posted a comment there for Friday 13th. Ran out of time on the day but I’ve posted a couple more since. Pretty interesting debate with quite a few favouring the decriminalisation position!
That is really great to hear!
I can understand why clients in a relationship are wary of speaking out but even clients who are single are also loathe to do the same.
I would say this is due to a lack of political awareness, for me, i like to stress that the safety of sex workers is more important than moral judgments.
moral supremacist groups like to claim the moral high ground but do they campaign against poverty,war or the arms trade? no, they campaign against the sex industry because it makes them feel morally superior
Exactly. These are people who think (or are willing to pretend) that morality begins and ends with sex.
Interesting idea, but there’s a lot of stigma to overcome. There’s the perception that any male arguing for decrim or legalization is only doing so out of base self-interest, and that perception is only worse if you admit to being a client. It doesn’t help that the antis have engaged in a pretty intense and fairly successful campaign of demonization of clients, to the point where coming out as one is probably second only to coming out as a pedophile in terms of stigma one has to brave. (In fact, if you believed the antis, johns *are* pedophiles.)
The antis are aware of this, which is why they always throw out the rhetorical devices “Where are THE MEN in this debate?”, “Legalization discourse makes ‘the buyer’ invisible”, etc.
We need openly gay men coming out in support of sex workers. And women who can and will say, “I don’t really like prostitution, but I don’t think people should go to jail over it.”
If I speak up here as a man to request not only worldwide decriminalization of prostitution and a declaration that sex per se in all its forms (including sex work) is an indelible human right of women and men equally, I like to add that I not only have patronized whores and halfway whores and their work, but also that I’ve been patronized as a sex worker for thirteen years, ,way back when, by mostly women but also men, though I am neither gay nor bi,
Sex work is for me a very special, profoundly human form of companionship; I’ve simply loved it and appreciated my patrons, sweet or tough, old or young, with or without an attitude, shy or exuberant, palyful or boring, et cetera..They were themselves and I know I learned and benefited from them. I Whether unabashedly sleazy and dirty, or light-hearted and playful, I tried to give them the company and attention they desired.
I can’t imagine excluding any human being from my company beforehand just as I would not want to be summarily excluded from anyone’s company. I also firmly believe in serendipity. For me, our sex drive is first of all a powerful trigger to establish some sort of meaningful relationship. For instance, most “Significant Other” relationships (friendships, affairs, marriages) are normally triggered by our sex drive. New lovers are usually first in heat and then in love.
Most whores, especially those who have a long career and serve many different kinds of clients, have probably plenty of experiences that suggest a this latent longing to extend the brief relationship beyond the gig. Particularly if you give them the right kind of attention they’ll let slip telling things such as “I love you, you’re my kind of lover, my kind of (wo)man, I want to see you again, we’re a match made in heaven,” and other sweet or passionate cries of longing. It’s usually inconsequential. At best this one or that one becomes a regular for a longer or shorter period. But in my ooinion there’s no doubt that the sexual companionship of a whore triggers in the average client a longing for a continued relationship that isn’t just sexual.
So, I’ve come to understand the purpose of sex work as providing temporarily the best all-inclusive human companionship a whore can give to anyone who needs it and is also willing to pay her/him for taking temporarily charge of his or her sex vehicle. Yes, it’s pretty demanding and often exhausting work. My human principle is also my sex worker’s principle: I welcome any legal adult who fancies my company (usual precautions and exceptions apply).
This being said, here are my legal arguments for decriminalizing prostitution:
– It’s any citizen’s established habit to request or offer human companionship for beneficial purposes – without this natural human habit there would be no human society of any kind;
– there are no civic laws against recreational sex per se between consenting legal adults;
– there are church laws forbidding recreational sex;
– there are no laws against asking, and / or receiving, and / or providing mutually beneficial, at least harmless services for money or valuable rewards per se.
So, does a civic nation with a constitutional separation of state and church have the legal foundation for outlawing prostitution, i.e. human companionship involving sexual acts for hire? Anyone?
A lawyer might argue that, for instance, the law follows the established dictionaries in defining prostitution as “sex acts for hire”, ergo prostitution can be outlawed???
I would counter as follows:
Humans practice essentially two variations of sex acts, one solitary, the other involving two or more people.
The solitary sex act is masturbation, and civic law is not particularly concerned with this variation.
The one involving two or more people, i.e. consenting legal adults, has a prerequisite, namely human companionship, in legal terms the assembly of two or more citizens. such assemblies are protected by the constitution unless their purpose poses an intentional threat to society’s well-being. Therefore, the assembly of one sex worker and one client, but also of two or more sex workers and a number of legal adults, for the purpose of recreational sexual companionship is legal unless the assembled participants have the additional intention to harm the well-being or normal and safe operation of their civic society. Which must be proven.
The assembly of legally adult sex workers and clients for the intended purpose of, among others, humanly beneficial and legally recreational sex acts, does habitually not pose any intentional threat to civic society, On the other hand, the exchange of money does benefit civic society.
Ergo, there is no civic legal foundation for a law against prostitution per se.
However:
Since the two predominant religions in our society, Christianity and Islam, explicitly outlaw recreational sex as immoral and / or amoral, c.q. as breaking the mandate of the Divine Authority, God or Allah, it must be argued that the civic law against prostitution per se is based on religious moral considerations, ergo strictly unconstitutional in a civic nation which constitution explicitly guarantees strict separation of state and church for the benefit of society at large and each citizen individually.
Summa summarum: the law against prostitution per se must be revoked in our nation and every other nation that enforces separation of state and church.
Anyone?
Well, yes. How the anti-prostitution laws have stood so long would be a mystery if not for the proven ability and willingness of governments to screw around where they have no business screwing around.
I’m going to be blunt here : neither Church, nor State, nor Society have any damn business dictating my morality and/or actions by force, save where said actions violate the sovereignty of other people without their consent.
To borrow from Maggie : “An it harm no one, do as thou wilt”.
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Reblogged this on The Shop Sampler and commented:
I know this is not about stitching. But it’s important. To me at least.
I am reblogging this article because it’s something all people–especially women–should think about objectively–not religiously (but if you do, remember the “Beloved Disciple” was a whore), not politically, not socially. None of these biases–just as a human being not wanting to harm others. And controlling sex workers DOES DO HARM. So read this article and remember one day you or a loved one (maybe your son or daughter) might have to turn a trick to make the rent.