Questions tempt you to tell lies, particularly when there is no answer. – Pablo Picasso
One year ago today my second monthly Q & A column appeared, and this will be my last regular one; as part of my gradual decrease in workload, I’ve decided to handle questions individually as they appear rather than waiting to share them all together at the end of the month. So don’t worry, I’ll still be answering your questions; I simply won’t be doing it at one set time every month.
What do you think of female sex tourists? There’s a Wikipedia page on it and it’s a phenomenon that’s been going on for a while. Since you’ve pointed out that it’s hard for gigolos to succeed, I thought it was interesting that a whole tourist industry is propped up by horny women.
Female sex tourists A) are not as common as the media would have you believe; B) gravitate to a few specific places, thus concentrating their numbers*; C) are usually just doing it as a one-time fling, and D) are still mostly looking for romance and excitement, which is why they seek this in exotic places rather than at home.
*It’s the same way that the government taking literally a fraction of a cent per dollar on property taxes adds up to millions.
Why are most pimps black? And when Heidi Klum stated that she fell in love with Seal when she saw his penis through his gym shorts, was she telling the truth?
I’m not sure what the two of these have to do with one another, but since the question was presented like this I’ll go with it. Most pimps aren’t black; that’s a Hollywood stereotype further promoted by the rap music industry. Even if black men represent a disproportionate percentage of all pimps (which they may or may not), they still aren’t the majority. As for Heidi Klum, only she knows the truth, but whores (including models who trade on their sexiness) are notorious for using the Myth of the Wanton to drum up business. Every time you hear one do that, just think of the streetwalker in Full Metal Jacket saying “Me so horny, me love you long time.” Same deal. Guys eat that shit up, so hookers capitalize on it. Furthermore, I doubt any sane woman has ever “fallen in love” with a man from seeing his penis; even very visual women aren’t generally attracted to disembodied parts, and only really maladjusted or hopelessly naïve women confuse lust with love.
Do you have any sympathy with the parents (especially fathers) of prostitutes? If you had children, would you want them to work as sex workers? Would it be your first preference? I ask because, ultimately, for something to be ethical, it must be acceptable behavior for anyone, not something that is deemed as acceptable but not for one’s self or one’s own.
I don’t have a right to determine what my children do with their lives, and neither does anyone else outside of royalty. If Denise had wanted to be an escort I would’ve helped her, but she wanted to be a scientist so I helped her to achieve that instead. As for fathers, while I sympathize with a man’s desire to protect his “little girl” he has to let go sometime, and any man who thinks that a modern American girl isn’t having sex with guys is a fool. And if he acknowledges that she’s having casual sex but thinks it’s “better” for her to spread her legs for a lot of penniless nitwits for free rather than to do it for a carefully-screened clientele for big bucks, I honestly can’t help him.
However, I disagree with your final statement; I think recreational drugs should be legal, but I’d still have a fit if I found out Grace, Denise or my husband were doing cocaine. The state has no right to tell people what to do with their own bodies, but that doesn’t mean an individual has to quietly accept what she perceives as self-destructive behavior in a loved one, though she must also recognize that loved one has free will and must ultimately decide the course of her own life. Furthermore, there’s nothing wrong with parents holding their children to what they think of as a higher standard, as long as they understand that A) they only have authority over their own kids, and B) once those kids become adults they may have different ideas. One of the standard maternal replies to, “But Susie’s allowed to do such-and-such” was always “I’m not Susie’s mother, I’m yours.” And the state is not and should not attempt to be anyone’s mother.
I have a blog and have to deal with all sorts of spam comments, but I never see any on yours; how do you stop them all?
In a word, Akismet. It’s a feature of WordPress, and you can also get it for blogs on other domains. I don’t know how it does its magic, but it’s phenomenal; the whole time I’ve had this blog only ONE spam comment has ever made it through, and it still had to go through the same moderation as all comments from new email addresses do, so I caught and deleted it before any of my readers had to be annoyed by it. At the same time, it’s pretty rare that a good comment is flagged as spam (maybe two or three times a month), and that’s usually because it contains multiple links; even then, it’s easy to “unspam” such comments and let them through. I feel for anyone who doesn’t have this useful software; according to my statistics, over a third of all comments are spam (as of today, 8679 spam vs. 11,879 real comments). I recently encountered a blog post with five comments, all but one of which were spam!
In light of the controversy around this topic, I completely understand if you don’t want to answer it in a column, but I read a number of sex worker blogs, and on every single one where the topic has come up, the women have preferred circumcised men. So I have a two-fold question: 1) Is this because the average uncircumcised man doesn’t care for it properly, and therefore the odds of getting a non-gross dick are better if the guy is circumcised? 2) Would you recommend circumcision for ADULT men? OR is the preference minor enough that it won’t matter in practice?
That did create a lot of controversy, didn’t it? But I’m no stranger to controversy, so here goes: I think most women prefer the way a circumcised penis looks; it seems clean and neat, kind of like a shaved face or (to many women including me) a bald head. There’s also the hygiene issue; it’s rare to find an uncircumcised man who keeps it up to female standards of cleanliness. Women are really obsessive about keeping all of our folds, nooks and crannies scrupulously clean, so it’s pretty off-putting when a guy can’t even keep one little easily-accessible spot clean and dry. Even when men do keep it clean, it’s still kind of soft and moist in there (I don’t know if that’s sweat or pre-come or what, but most women find it pretty icky). One very telling aspect of surveys is that women who claim to prefer uncircumcised penises also usually report disliking oral sex; there’s a peculiar taste and unpleasant sensation involved in blowing a “natural” cock, though I discovered it could mostly be alleviated by pulling the skin back, thoroughly cleaning the area with a warm, damp washcloth and then keeping the skin retracted while I worked. But if his skin wasn’t fully retractable, or he complained about my pulling it back, I just put a condom on before blowing him. For professional girls, disease is a big issue; on circumcised men any symptoms are generally clear and obvious, but a foreskin presents a worrisome hiding place for possible nastiness, so there’s a practical concern there as well as an aesthetic one. And then some men have problem foreskins, though that’s fairly rare.
I don’t personally know any men who were circumcised as adults, though I did meet a few professionally and all of those who mentioned it were happy with the decision. IMHO it’s an “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” situation; if an uncircumcised man has a good sex life and no foreskin problems, why spend the money and go through the discomfort? But if he has foreskin issues, or frequent bad reactions from chicks, or plans to see hookers very often, it’s probably a worthwhile investment.