I have the rest of my life to learn every curve of your body and what makes you laugh and cry with joy. – from one of my husband’s love letters
This is the second part of an interview with my husband using questions provided by my readers; if you missed yesterday’s column you ought to read it first. All the words in non-italic, non-bold type in today’s column are his. If you have a question not covered in either column, ask it in a comment and he’ll answer it sometime in the next few days.
Are you wired in such a way that your wife being with other men or women turns you on?
I am now, but not at the beginning. It did bother me, but I felt I didn’t have a right to say anything because after all I started as a customer myself. Once we went into dating mode but were still having a long-distance relationship, I tried to keep myself busy when I knew she was working so I wouldn’t think about it. There were even a few times when I thought to myself that I should break it off because I felt it wasn’t “normal”, that “if she really loved me she’d stop” and stuff like that. But due to my love for her I stuck it out, and what really turned it around for me was a client she had in the spring of 2004 who wanted to do a two guys with one girl thing. She asked if I was game and I said “what the hell?” I was really nervous but found it turned me on to watch her with another guy, and as time went on I liked it more and more.
As far as my being turned on by seeing her with other women, well yeah, that goes without saying!
If you are turned on by it, why would you want to know when she enjoys it? Is that another turn on?
That’s because I love her and would rather her job be pleasant than unpleasant.
I am not big on statistics, but I know a lot of escorts report a self esteem boost from the business. Do you also get a self esteem boost, being a provider husband?
No. In some ways it was fun, but I also felt bad about not providing enough of an income for my wife to not have to do it any more. It wasn’t my fault that we got in financial trouble, but it still didn’t feel good that I couldn’t solve it alone. Still, big dreams require big money, so I had to come to grips with it.
Tell me the single worst thing about being married to a provider, and the single best.
The worst is the fear that something might happen to her, which is worse at some times than others. The best part is getting to meet other sexy women in the industry, and sometimes…
Was your fear for Maggie’s safety a constant nagging, or just occasional? How did you handle it?
There were many times I was afraid, but I had faith that she could take care of herself. Still, the odds were that something would eventually happen, and she’s told you about the time she was arrested. What made me really angry was that when something did happen, it was because of the people who are supposed to protect us.
Were you ever “outed” as a provider husband?
No, the only people who knew were those who already knew she was an escort, and I did tell my best friend that she owned a service (but not that she was an escort herself).
Any friends ever make an “indecent proposal”?
No. Since very few people know the odds are small to start with, and we chose who we told carefully. I think a man who would ask something like that wouldn’t be much of a friend.
What special things does a provider know about her husband, that a non-provider wife is not likely to know or understand?
I think an escort is much more likely to understand a man’s need for variety, and also to understand that when a man looks at another woman it doesn’t really mean anything. A lot of non-escorts get upset if their husbands even look at somebody else. I think escorts are much more mature about it.
What’s the biggest differences between being in a provider marriage, as opposed to what I would assume would have been a non-provider marriage?
I really can’t see a difference, except for what we’ve already discussed and the fact that a provider wife is often gone in the evening instead of being home all the time. It’s kind of like being married to a doctor who’s on call.
What have you learned sexually that you think other men wouldn’t know?
Though nobody asked this as a question, I want to say a little bit about how I feel about prostitution in general. In all these questions I think you can see a theme, that working girls aren’t any different from anybody else. Many years ago, before I was married the first time, I once saw a streetwalker in my home city. She took me to her hotel, and asked me to wait while she went around the corner to do something. This of course made me very nervous, so I peeked and saw her shuffling a sleepy little boy of about eight into a different room. She then came back to get me and we went back to her room, and I could see that one bed was still made while the other one (obviously the little boy’s) was turned down. I didn’t stay any longer than necessary because I wanted the little boy to be able to get back to his own bed, and when I left I tipped her an extra $50. I still remember that like it was yesterday because it was the thing that really showed me that everyone is just doing what they have to do. Everybody thinks streetwalkers are dirty or drugheads, but she was a human being like all of us trying to get through life as best she could.