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Archive for August 8th, 2010

There is nothing in the dark that isn’t there when the lights are on.  –  Rod Serling

Lots of people of both sexes have an inexplicable desire to have sex in the dark.  Personally, I find this completely incomprehensible; I can’t imagine why anyone would prefer to perform any activity without being able to see what he’s doing.  If an amateur wants to let a man fumble about and grope her in the dark I suppose it’s her business, but any professional who lets a client turn off the lights is a fool.  There are too many things she needs to keep an eye on, and too much that a sneaky customer can attempt undetected in the dark.  Usually, customers will comply with a request for light without protest; when they gave me trouble I would say, “What’s the point of paying for a pretty girl if you can’t see her?  If you wanted to turn the lights off you could’ve saved yourself some money by hiring an ugly girl!”  Usually this provoked a laugh and he would acquiesce, but once (and only once) a man adamantly refused to even remove his clothes until the lights were off.  Obviously I could not accept those conditions, so I returned his money (less my $50 cancellation fee) and left; I shudder to think what he was so desperate to hide from me under concealment of darkness.

The human papillomavirus (HPV), cause of venereal warts and cervical cancer

The most likely candidate is of course evidence of venereal disease; contrary to the popular stereotype so beloved by governments, bluenoses and misogynists, whores have no desire to contract or spread disease, and as I mentioned in my column of August 6th the incidence of all sexually transmitted disease is much higher among promiscuous amateurs than it is among professionals (some studies estimate as much as 5x higher).  While self-proclaimed “good girls” believe they are safe from STDs because they only have sex with men they “care about”, whores labor under no such delusion and so we have to be careful.  As I repeatedly told customers, “I have a life outside of work and have no desire to ruin it with a venereal disease.”  Condoms do greatly reduce the risk of disease transmission, but they don’t eliminate it entirely; after all, they do occasionally break and venereal warts can be transmitted even when they don’t (through microscopic abrasions in the skin of the genital area).  So it is extremely important for a whore to check her partner for signs of infection, and refuse contact if she detects any; obviously, good light makes this task much easier.  Working girls have recognized this necessity since at least the 18th century, belying the “dirty whore” stereotype, as evidenced by the thorough examinations described by brothel-going diarists of the period.  I examined  each customer under the guise of stimulating his genitals with my hands, but if I noticed even the slightest nonconformity I asked him to explain it, and if he couldn’t do so both instantly and convincingly I proceeded on my own judgment with a strategy ranging from putting a condom on immediately (before I even touched him further) to breaking off the call and advising him to seek medical attention.  I only had to do the latter once in my entire career, and the gentleman was so grateful that I had detected a problem he had not himself noticed that he told me to keep the whole fee.

Another reason for keeping the lights on is the one we talked about in the aforementioned August 6th column, namely the self-destructive male aversion to condoms.  Since all reputable whores (and even most disreputable ones) are adamant about condoms and few can be budged on it for any reason, some men resort to trickery to get their way.  One such trick which I heard about from older girls (though I never experienced it myself) involved using a pin to make a hole through the condom while still in its packet; a condom so doctored will appear intact when rolled onto the penis, but will break and roll down as soon as the man starts to thrust.  Since the inside of a woman’s vagina isn’t sensitive enough to notice the difference, she cannot discover the deception until it’s too late.  The obvious way to foil this is to insist on using one’s own condoms, but sometimes a client is very large or has some other physical problem (such as a penile deformity or latex allergy) which gives him the excuse of requiring his own.  I always carried a few large-size condoms for well-endowed clients, but an inexperienced or less prudent girl might not think of that and it still leaves the possibility of mere personal preference for a certain brand or type (such as the expensive lambskin variety, which BTB does NOT prevent disease).  With the lights on, however, even this does not present a problem; a wrapped condom is intact if it feels like an air pillow (i.e. presents resistance to pressure applied by the fingers).  Even an invisible pinhole allows air to escape, resulting in a visible (and sometimes audible) deflation when the package is squeezed.  I suppose the test could be performed in the dark, but it’s much easier in the light.  And once the condom is on, what’s to stop a man from removing it in the dark?  It didn’t take me long to get so deft at getting a condom on a man that I could do it in one smooth motion (or two if the roll-down was performed orally), and I know I’ve seen guys whip them off when we’re done just as quickly as I can get them on.  So I have no doubt that with a bit of practice a sneak could get it off so quickly in the dark (especially when changing positions) that the girl wouldn’t even notice.

There are plenty of other things a client might attempt besides condom hijinks, all of which are easier to foil in the light.  One never knows what sort of props, instruments or tools could be hidden within easy reach, and I’ve even heard of cases where a second guy hides in the room either to listen or to change places when the lights are off (neither of these has ever happened to me, but I’ve seen weirder scams so I totally believe that men have tried it).  It’s also reassuring to be able to see one’s purse (containing one’s mace and stun gun) so in extremity one might potentially be able to go for them, and furthermore I suspect that being able to see a woman’s face helps the client to remember that she is a human being; for a man to slip into thinking of her as just a thing for his pleasure can have very unfortunate results (as discussed in my column of July 26th).  Obviously, none of these possibilities are remotely as common as condom issues, but the Law of Very Big Numbers guarantees that at least some of them will happen in the course of thousands of calls.

One final and extremely important reason for keeping the lights on is time management; since we charge by the hour and our progress is monitored by the agency (independents are often monitored by a friend, driver, husband or boyfriend) it is important to keep track of time not only to avoid going over, but also to make sure the customer achieves what he wants to achieve within that allotted time.  “Hobbyists” who see escorts often complain about “clock-watchers”, but the truth is that we are all clock-watchers because we have to be, not only for commercial reasons but for reasons of safety.  The difference between a girl who is branded a “clock-watcher” and one who isn’t is subtlety; I stole glances at my watch while doing other things, such as wrapping my arm around the client’s neck during intercourse.  And there’s a huge difference between rudely telling a man what time it is and gently guiding him so that his pleasure isn’t interrupted by the call-out.  Proper time management allowed me to lie beside my client afterward (if he wanted that), clean him off with a warm washcloth, chat for a little while and get dressed in a natural manner rather than a rushed one, thus making the experience seem far less artificial.  And none of that is possible if it’s too dark to see one’s watch!

The widespread obsession with having sex in the dark derives from the perverse but persistent notion that sex is somehow dirty, bad, naughty, vulgar or otherwise shameful; it is therefore performed furtively in the dark like a crime rather than being celebrated in the light like the natural, wholesome pleasure it truly is.  Amateurs who have sex in the dark are only cheating themselves, but a professional girl who lets her customer turn off the lights not only endangers herself, but also allows her client to rob himself of the full experience of her company.  Nobody would expect a lawyer or a surgeon to perform his professional duties in the dark, and asking a whore to do so is just as ridiculous.

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