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Posts Tagged ‘oral sex’

Constructive Criticism

I have a great relationship with my girlfriend, but her fellatio has never been satisfying to me.  Is there a loving, respectful way to discuss sexual performance with a partner so that it becomes more satisfying?  She’s wonderful and deliciously devoid of hang ups, but I have to become more skilled at guiding her to what will satisfy me.

WRONG WRONG WRONG!People need feedback in order to improve their techniques at anything, and sex is not an exception.  However, since most people tend to be shy (to one degree or another) about sexual talk, it’s entirely possible for a person to make it well into adulthood without ever having received any kind of helpful feedback about sexual technique.  This is bad for two reasons:  first, the person may continue in some bad habit that could easily have been corrected if discovered in the teens or early twenties; and second, the person may well assume that because his or her technique has never been criticized, the one who finally does so is simply hard to please or being insulting.  Also, while men nearly always think of sex as a performance, a lot of women never do; they’ve been told (especially by neofeminists and other anti-sex types) that men just want passive collections of orifices, and are surprised and unsure of how to react when a man tells them otherwise (from what you’ve told me your partner is not like that, but it still bears mentioning as part of the bigger picture).

The best way to criticize anyone, especially a person with whom one has a personal relationship, is to emphasize the positive rather than dwelling on the negative:  “I really like it when you do such-and-such” tends to be accepted much more readily than “I don’t like it when you do this other thing.”  Since she isn’t hung up she will almost certainly do more of whatever you praised, and over time you can gently guide her to doing it exactly the way you like it without hurting her feelings.  If you’re lucky, even mentioning it in the first place may open a dialog; she may ask “what else do I do that you really like?” or even “is there anything I do that you don’t like?”  If the latter question comes up, answer honestly but don’t insult or harp; not “Oh, God, I really hate when you use your teeth!” but rather, “Well, sometimes it hurts when you use your teeth.”  And remember, criticism tends to be more palatable when sandwiched between thick slices of praise.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Trafficking has become one of the new “it” words in the bankrupt moral vernacular, craftily used by puritans, property developers and rogue feminists to combat the sex trade in general.  –  Rupert Everett

Think of the Children! Noel

The minute a fragile “child” turns 18, he can turn into a dangerous source of dreaded “sex ray” emissions:

…high school senior…“Noel” has allegedly been suspended and will not graduate this year after several of his [gay porn] flicks found their way onto the principal’s desk…[he was] suspended…for 10 days for “causing a campus disturbance” [which]…will allegedly lead to “an automatic failure from absences,” and he will not be able to graduate come June…

Of course, teachers are still the primary danger:

Edgar Ortiz, a 65-year-old educator…was not fired for sleeping with a sex worker…But…was fined $7,500 by the Department of Education…He’s suing [New York] city to fight the punishment.  “Teachers are not indentured servants subject to school direction and control 24 hours a day”…he argues…A…judge…ordered the city to answer his petition…after it “failed to offer any legal basis for penalizing a teacher for illegal conduct that has little or no apparent connection with his teaching duties”…

License to Rape

Never call the cops for any reason whatsoever:

A young woman in Milwaukee called the cops when someone threw a brick through her window…and…began kicking in her front door…two police officers responded.  One took her 15-year-old brother outside to speak to him.   The other…Ladmarald Cates…asked to see the broken window and [when] she led him…to a bathroom in the back…he…[grabbed] her…by her hair…then [sodomized and] raped her…The cop’s partner had become concerned…and called for back-up.  Other cops began arriving and saw a woman screaming incoherently about being raped.  Cates appeared…handcuffed [her and] charged [her] with assaulting a police officer…She was…held for four days before being released without actually being charged…

A Moral Cancer

A severely repressed individual penned a misogynistic screed called “9 Reasons Why a Man Should Never Go Down on a Woman”, and it’s as ridiculous as you’d expect.  Note that the first four (arguably five) “reasons” are actually one reason, and it is why the article appears under this heading.

Schadenfreude

A new moneymaker for the rescue industry: “sex trafficking” tours!

…New Friends New Life…toured parts of [Dallas]…with [cops], a Homeland Security agent and an assistant city attorney, who talked about…the exploitation of women and young girls…While vice officers…go after the men who pay for sex, they are focused on…[shutting] down complex regional or even international prostitution rings…The bus of [tourists]…gaped at [a poor neighborhood], whispering to one another in disbelief…Shawn McGraw…[of] Homeland Security…[said] “This isn’t a woman’s childhood dream.  She’s doing it to survive.”

Don’t worry if you can’t take a bus tour; they’ll bring one to you!

…Putting on headphones at “SOLD: The Human Trafficking Experience” will teleport you to the life of one of nine victims of sex slavery and trafficking…The exhibit is a multi-sensory, multimedia experience that lasts 40 minutes in nine different rooms…People who attend are encouraged to tweet, video blog and share pictures…The “SOLD” bus [travels around Washington and is based in] Seattle…

Not To Be Taken Internally Elizabeth Starr

Elizabeth Starr fears her banned boob job will kill her after her breasts ballooned to a whopping O cup.  The adult film star had now-illegal “string” breast implants 15 years ago to boost her career – but says her life has been ruined…Doctors have recommended Elizabeth face a double mastectomy…she…was already a 32F when she opted…in 1999…[for a] procedure [which] involved inserting synthetic string into the breasts to stimulate fluid production and growth.  But [after] just a few days…she began suffering complications…[she] had the string implant removed from her right breast, however, the left one was already too imbedded to be taken out…Over the next 14 years Elizabeth spent a staggering £200,000 on [63] reconstructive operations…

Gullible’s Travels

Portsmouth Middle School [in Rhode Island sent parents a letter] warning them that students may be snorting and smoking ground-up Smarties candies.  The letter warns of risks of cuts, lung infections, nasal passage scarring, nose-wedged maggots (!), and future cigarette and drug use…School [official] Dave Croston…[said] “this behavior raises troubling issue of modeling”…

As a supplement, Radley Balko prepared a short summary of other mind-numbingly stupid pseudo-drug scares of recent years.

Hark, Hark, the Dogs Do Bark

University of Michigan Economics Professor Raj Arunachalam…hired sex workers in Ecuador and Mexico to interview other sex workers…Arunachalam found that beautiful sex workers…earned approximately 15% more than average and unattractive prostitutes…”  Dr. Arunachalam’s next study will demonstrate that people prefer to eat good-tasting food and to listen to music instead of recordings of traffic sounds.

The Mother Learns From Her Children

two of Britain’s most senior police chiefs…have…[denounced] the police approach to prostitution as a mess…saying that [harassment] operations…are “counterproductive” and…put…women at risk…they call for…[allowing] a group of women to work together.  Chris Armitt [said]…”We are not going to enforce our way out of…prostitution.  It goes…on in every country in the world”…Martin Hewitt…said…”On the one hand we sit down with sex workers asking them to trust us and give us information.  On the other hand we are doing enforcement actions”…Hewitt…also condemned…brothel raids as superficial and offering little value other than as a media stunt…

Sex, Lies and Busybodies (TW3 #3) Say NO to the Nordic Model in Canada

a boom in X-rated production in [Las Vegas was] sparked by a Los Angeles law requiring…condoms…The number of permits…to make porn films in Los Angeles…has declined by…95 percent since the law took effect…from about 480 in 2012 to just 24 through the first nine months of 2013…While Los Angeles charges hundreds of dollars for location permits…Las Vegas…gives [them] for a nominal fee and does not require health permits.  The warehouses are cheaper, and it’s also more affordable to rent out mansions and put actors up in hotels…

The Course of a Disease

The European Parliament’s Women’s Rights and Gender Equality Committee has voted through [Mary Honeyball’s] report that recommends the adoption of the “Nordic Model” of prostitution laws…The report [now goes] to the full European Parliament…

As I’ve explained before, the European Parliament’s resolutions are not laws, but they’re a good indicator of the growth of totalitarianism on the continent.

Lying Down With Dogs (TW3 #22)

Africa produces the most ridiculous anti-whore rhetoric outside of the US:

…at alluvial gold mining sites [in Liberia]…women [are] roaming from one…mine to another…rooting and indulging into “sex trade”…in return for gold or money.  What is most appalling…is the luring of some of these women into the practice by their peers…”any man who…refuses to settle us financially, will pay the price,” a lady [said]… Several men who stubbornly refused to comply…were taken to the…police…

First They Came for the Hookers… Club Madonna

Florida wants to prove it can harass strip clubs as much as Texas does:

The…Miami Beach strip club where police say a 13-year-old girl danced…has had its business license pulled for six months…Richard Wolfe, an attorney for Club Madonna…and…club owner Leroy Griffith…said they had no knowledge that the girl performed at Madonna…Wolfe…suggested that the city’s actions were retaliatory…[because] Griffith has been locked in a decade-long battle with City Hall to overturn a ban on alcohol in fully nude clubs…

Drama Queens (TW3 #48)

Emil Kirkegaard has translated a recent Danish study comparing the health of sex workers to that of amateurs:

…The percentage with bad mental health and…who often…feel nervous or stressed is smaller among prostitutes…there is no difference between prostitutes and [other] women’s rate of illness…prostitutes have a markedly lower consumption [of medicine]…the prostitutes have more…smoking, alcohol…and use of other drugs…there is a larger percentage [of prostitutes] who are underweight, and a smaller…who are overweight…prostitutes have the same frequency of contact to family and friends…Light violence against prostitutes is more common…[but] other indicators of violence and sexual abuse [are not different]…Prostitutes…often work in bended or crooked positions [and make] repeated and monotonous movements…[but] they [need not carry] heavy objects and [are not] exposed to…noise, cold…and draft.  With respect to psychological working environment, the prostitutes come out ahead as well…

Banishment

The Midtown Ponce Security  Alliance (MPSA)…is approaching  [Georgia] legislators…[with] a law it has dubbed “aggravated prostitution”…“This form of prostitution would be defined along the lines of prostitution in a residential area (we will suggest “within 500 feet of a window or door of any dwelling”), and work to have that designated a felony punishable up to five years incarceration”…

Original Sin

Though there’s plenty of “Super Bowl sex trafficking” nonsense in this story, we’ve seen that so many times before it really isn’t worth noting any more.  What’s more interesting to me is the bizarre soup of Christian, neofeminist and police state dogma which produced the “facts” which are tacked on at the end; bogus “statistics” are arranged beside neofeminist “end demand” cant and Christian dogma about sin, including the relatively-new claim that “pornography is the dominant driver for sex trafficking”.

The More the Better (TW3 #325) Franck-Ribery and Karim-Benzema

In the modern US, prosecutors rule the injustice system; obviously that’s less so in France:

Two French international footballers who are charged with paying for sex with an underage prostitute appeared in court…Franck Ribery and…Karim Benzema both deny the allegations and the young woman involved, Zahia Dehar, testified that neither player knew she was under 18 at the time…Ms Dehar…has since launched her own luxury lingerie line and is reportedly the muse of German fashion designer Karl Lagerfield…prosecutors had sought an acquittal…but investigating judge Andre Dando argued they must have been aware of her real age.

Shift in the Wind (TW3 #328)

First National Review, and now Foreign Policy:

…[Prohibitionists] say they want to protect human rights, but their efforts often undermine those rights:  Campaigns and programs to end prostitution in fact lead to violence, stigmatization, and other problems for the exact people they claim to be helping…there is no convincing evidence that punishing “johns” decreases the incidence of commercial sex…Sweden’s sex workers report that criminalization has simply driven [them] underground, with dangerous consequences…and…evidence shows…that criminalization of sale or purchase…makes sex workers…more vulnerable to violence…committed by law enforcement…the World Health Organization (WHO) wrote in a bulletin that…”sex workers who are rounded up during police raids are beaten” and “coerced into having sex by corrupt police officials in exchange for their release”…

Uncommon Sense (TW3 #345)

Prostitutes [in] Ibiza have formed a sex workers’ cooperative to pay taxes and gain social security benefits…Eleven women registered with local authorities as…members of the Sealeer Cooperative…their spokeswoman, Maria Jose Lopez…[said] “We are the first cooperative in Spain that can give legal cover to the girls”…The group is applying to register 40 more women…

Whatever They Need To Say (TW3 #350)

Sex worker ally Rupert Everett published a long, thorough denunciation of December’s pogrom in Soho:

There is a land grab going on in Soho under the banner of morality…200 of our boys in blue raided more than 20…flats, arresting 30 girls and confiscating their earnings…They broke down doors, intimidated girls into accepting…criminal records…and served…eviction papers that, unless you were a lawyer, you would not know had hidden in their depths (20-odd pages) the time and date you were to appear in court if you wanted to appeal.  All this in the name of human trafficking…while even the police say that more than 90% of prostitutes work of their own accord…

Everett goes into great detail about the hearings which followed, and the IPC collected these statements from the victims of the raid.  Keep in mind when reading them that as bad as they are, the experiences of police victims under fully criminalized regimes like the US are worse.

Little Boxes (TW3 #350)

Devil’s Advocate

A paedophile ring that streamed live child abuse from the Philippines…has been broken up after an operation by UK police and their counterparts in Australia and the US.  The National Crime Agency says…it is an “emerging threat”…in developing countries…

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Lip Service

I’ve a couple of newbie questions about blowjobs.  First of all, any tips about making one intense enough to make the guy come?  My boyfriend says they feel great, but not intense enough to trigger an orgasm (and yes, I do also use hands).  Considering what he likes in handjobs, I’m probably moving too slow, but moving faster tends to lead to teeth.  Secondly, while boyfriend and I don’t use condoms for oral sex, we have an open relationship and I’m beginning to consider acting on it – which would mean condoms for oral with any new partner.  How can you really make a covered blowjob work?

variant of Is This the Right Angle Professor by Gil Elvgren (1948)I think I can answer your question without getting pornographic; at least, I’m going to try!  So you’ll have to pardon me if I keep this as dry and technical as possible.  I already published another column on this which you may find useful, but I feel I need to add a few things to answer your specific questions.  Keep in mind these are general suggestions; all men are different, and their response to fellatio covers a pretty wide spectrum.  Some men are so turned on by it that it takes very little to trigger an orgasm (I’ve met some who are immediately sent over the edge by eye contact), while others usually can’t orgasm from oral sex alone (this is often due to past experience with a girlfriend who made his life miserable if he came in her mouth).  But the suggestions below apply to perhaps 70% of men.

As I said in the other column, the biggest mistake women make is using their mouths like vaginas.  Enthusiasm is good, but most guys need more than just up and down; you can do that better with your hand.  Use your tongue and lips, and remember the glans (the “head”) is the most sensitive part.  Also, unless the guy has some kind of problem with it, there’s no reason your hands have to be idle; they can help immensely, especially when he’s getting very close.  Furthermore, there’s no reason you have to concentrate solely on the penis itself; most men also like oral stimulation of the testicles and scrotum (though some are too sensitive and find it painful).  The part of the perineum (the “taint”) directly behind the scrotum is also extremely responsive to oral stimulation while you use your hand on the penis, or finger stimulation while your mouth is on the penis.  I found that even men who stubbornly refused to go over from pure fellatio often lost control when I used either of those combinations, especially the former; you can usually be more vigorous when using your mouth on the perineum than when using it directly on the genitals.

Lifestyles Ultra-Sensitive non-lubricatedCondoms present several problems, some for the man and some for you.  First, there’s the lubricant; most condoms are lubricated and most lubricant contains the spermicide nonoxynol-9.  This substance has a numbing side effect in many people; on your lips and tongue that’s merely annoying, but on his penis it may make your job much harder.  The lube also tastes pretty nasty, and adding flavors just creates flavored nastiness.  The best condoms for blow jobs are therefore unlubricated and thin, so as to eliminate as many of the negative factors as possible.  Even with the best condoms, you may find most of the subtle lip and tongue maneuvers pretty useless; if that’s the case you need to rely more heavily on stimulating the testicles and perineum with your mouth while using your hand on the shaft, as described above.  Don’t avoid the traditional sucking entirely in these cases, but if you rely heavily on it you’re going to get sore and tired long before he’s close unless he’s really easy to bring off.  If the condom seems to be interfering, it’s best to let your hand do the majority of the heavy lifting while your mouth works on uncovered areas, then go for the traditional posture once you sense he’s getting close.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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My husband and I are quite happy together, but in the last few years his sexual interest in me has really dropped off.  He’s in excellent health and physical shape and performs perfectly when we do have sex, and he’s still quite affectionate; he just doesn’t want sex nearly as often as I do.  How can I get him interested again?

Calvin CoolidgeHave you ever heard of the Coolidge Effect?  It’s a biology term named for a story (possibly apocryphal) about president Calvin Coolidge.  He and the First Lady were visiting an experimental farm, and split up to tour different areas.  Mrs. Coolidge reached the chickens first, and upon being told that there was only one rooster for several dozen hens she quipped, “Tell that to Mr. Coolidge.”  When he was told, the president asked if it was not true that the rooster could mate with any of the hens he liked; upon receiving the affirmative reply, he said “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”  When presented with a female of his species, a male animal will repeatedly try to mate with her; after he accomplishes it a few times, though, he loses interest…yet will immediately attempt coupling with a new female.  This is Nature’s way of maximizing sexual potential; remember, to Her sex is only for procreation, and our enjoyment of it is just Her little trick to get us to do it a lot.  Even when we’re using birth control, our hindbrains still act as though sex will probably result in babies, and so human males – like their brethren in the lower orders – will eventually tire of the same female.  Remember, this is biology, and has nothing at all to do with his love for you; he probably doesn’t even consciously realize that he’s less interested, and may be putting it down to overwork or whatever.

My suggestion is that you try to trick that portion of his brain into believing you’re a different woman.  I know that sounds absurd, but remember we’re talking about pre-conscious brain activity here, not conscious thought.  This is why new lingerie often turns a husband on:  since he’s not used to seeing you in it, the primitive brain may be fooled into thinking you’re not the same female he’s mated with before.  Think back on your years of experience, and try to remember stuff that seems to turn him on; for example, if you’re a brunette and you’ve caught him checking out redheads, a red wig might light a fire.  If he seems to perk up when some chick on TV sports a bustier, try that.  If there’s something (like blow jobs) you know he likes a lot, but which has fallen out of your usual repertoire, put it back in.  Even watching porn together works for a lot of couples in your situation.  Let me know what you come up with, and how it works; there may be some other things we can try, but I suspect this is the most likely culprit.

When we were dating, my wife seemed happy to give me blow jobs, but now she won’t do it unless I beg and even then resents that I ask; this despite the fact that she needs me to go down on her every time we have sex, or she can’t come.  But if I even hint about reciprocity, she acts as if I’m the worst person in the world.  Our lives together are otherwise fine, but I really like getting head and she knows that; I still cannot get her to blow me without acting like there’s a gun to her head.  Is there any way to get her to do this for me willingly?

Gil Elvgren advertisement for NAPA (1980)The short answer, I’m sorry to say, is “no”.  Your situation is not unlike that of the questioner I answered in “On a Mountaintop”, though his wife wouldn’t give him any kind of sex.  Your wife has been taught that (basically) only her needs matter, and you should be happy with whatever you get.  Other than hookers, I’m afraid your only chance is marriage counseling…and that often causes more problems than it solves.  I really wish I could give you a happier answer, but I’ve heard this sort of thing so very many times you wouldn’t believe it.  Alas, for many women, giving a man sex which he likes but they don’t is nothing but bait for their hooks.  And once the fish is on the hook, they see no point in re-baiting it.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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All Clean

I’m a fairly new hobbyist and I think I have found a lady I’d like to see regularly; she’s beautiful sensual, very warm and compassionate and provides sexually everything I’m looking for.  There’s only one problem:  I can tell she doesn’t shower directly before our session.  She isn’t dirty by any means, but I like to lick a women all over her body.  How do I tell her without offending her?  Should I ask her to hop in the shower with me?

A Pompeian Bath by John William Godward (1909)Yes, I think the best way to go about it is to make a shower part of your requested activities.  Few women are going to react well to the implication that their hygiene is somehow lacking, especially if it isn’t for all normal intents and purposes.  But if you make it into a fetish thing, like the shower itself is part of what you like to do, she probably won’t take it as an insult.  Now, it is possible that she may not go for that; I never once agreed to shower with a client because once my hair gets wet, it takes a very long time to dry (and it’s very difficult to keep it from getting wet if I’m in a shower).  But many, perhaps even most, escorts probably aren’t going to mind as long as the shower is within the time you’re paying for.  There’s one other thing, too:  I know I’m not alone in being very averse to being licked.  Many women dislike having foreign saliva anyplace other than between their legs, and some don’t even like that.  Your lady may not be among their number; she may be just fine with being licked.  But all the same, it’s something you should be aware of.

Do you think there might actually be health benefits from sexual interaction with multiple partners?  I don’t mean the psychological boost some people receive from it, but an actual physical boost to your immune system.  In years long past, I would get a cold or two every year, but for the past ten years or so I have almost never been sick.  I attribute that partly to the fact that I have had intimate contact about once a month for the past ten years with a good number of healthy women.  You obviously exchange some germs, but at the same time you are inoculating each other because in healthy people the levels are low.

I totally believe you’re right about the immune-system boost; I know that all while I was working I practically never got sick, and I think it’s because I was exposed to so many different conventional bacteria.  In fact, I actually wrote about this in my second Q & A column three years ago this month.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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Now I know that there ARE visible signs of woman’s sexual arousal, even though they are not as visually obvious as male erection.  I’m talking about vaginal secretions, clitoris, nipples hardening, skin reddening, pulse speeding up, contractions during orgasm and so forth… How do you manage those, if “manage” is the right word at all?  Some of the more sensitive men would not be fooled, and would in fact be thwarted by a pretended pleasure while the more subtle signs are not there.  Or is it possible to say that even when acting out you do feel a measure of sexual arousal, but you are just not into it emotionally, and that is what you mean by “concentrating erotic energies”?  Do you ever feel arousal and experience orgasm at all while working?  I’m asking because I’ve read some sex workers testimonies on Reddit, and many do say that they enjoy the sexual experience that they have with clients.  Also, as someone for whom the sexual pleasure of the woman I’m with is very important, I’d like to ask this:  have you encountered clients for whom your arousal and orgasm was important?  Clients that asked to please you and give you orgasm as part of the session?  I, for example, love giving cuni, and love giving orgasms and pleasing, without that the experience for me would be of very little value.  How would you manage that?

super-hearingAlmost none of the signs you mention occur in every woman.  Lubrication, for instance, varies greatly from one woman to another; some flow like a river at the slightest provocation, while I’ve always been a bit on the dry side even when quite aroused.  Nipples don’t always become erect without direct stimulation, and even when they do often lose erection during the plateau stage; the erection of a small, thickly-hooded or recessed clitoris is very difficult to detect without closer inspection than most guys will attempt.  Though more than 50% of women show a sex flush (reddening), that means almost 50% don’t and it’s less pronounced in a colder room (and most clients keep their hotel rooms fairly cold in New Orleans).  I hardly think anyone who isn’t Kryptonian is going to casually notice his companion’s pulse, and speeded-up respiration is easily faked.  But there are the orgasmic contractions…which I learned to fake in my late teens, so well I can fool other women.  So the answer is no, I’ve never encountered any clients I couldn’t fool.  Obviously, some of them must have suspected, but that would be true even if my super-fakery were absolutely indistinguishable without an EEG machine; some men are just going to be suspicious and that’s that.  It may be that most women aren’t as good at faking it as I am, but that’s OK because most men aren’t remotely sensitive enough to tell the difference between a good, professional fake and the real thing.

All that having been said, I did sometimes get excited with clients, and I did sometimes climax.  Being paid for sex is a turn-on for me; usually the effect was subtle, but under the right conditions with the right man it could be quite pronounced, enough to make me more orgasmic than I might otherwise be.  I’m sure the same is true for lots of other sex workers as well, though of course some of them are prone to exaggerate the degree or frequency of arousal for marketing purposes.  I think it’s safe to say, however, that the average escort doesn’t really enjoy the sex with the average client.

The majority of men do want the woman to enjoy the experience, but because most women require more than mere physical stimulation that’s not as straightforward a process for women as for men.  I once explained it this way:

Males are highly achievement-oriented; their self-esteem depends upon being competent, and being perceived as virile and sexually potent is as important to the average man as being perceived as beautiful and desirable is to the average woman…The competitive, result-oriented male mind sees female orgasm as the target, the goal, the finish line of the “game” of sex, so his sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced if he can “score” it.  However…it isn’t that simple.  For many women orgasm is more like hunting than it is like football; it’s not just a matter of aiming a shot with proper force and accuracy into a static area, but rather of hitting a moving target which may or may not elect to show itself on that occasion…And that’s only speaking of lovers; with clients orgasm is even more elusive, and indeed for some girls never shows its face in a commercial situation at all.  But this typical female condition is completely alien to the average man; he just can’t comprehend that the right combination of moves and techniques could through no fault of his own somehow fail to achieve what it was intended to achieve…

There’s another factor to that as well.  Remember, the man chooses the escort, not vice-versa; furthermore, the session must revolve around what will please him…which is not necessarily what will please her.  Cunnilingus is a perfect example; in common with many men you love giving it, and in common with more women than you probably think (especially among escorts) I don’t like it very much.  Some women, in fact, hate it with a purple passion.  So, what’s an escort who’s there to provide a good time supposed to do when a guy says he loves it?  Tell him the truth if she hates it?  Of course not; it would ruin the whole experience for him.  As a rule, whores can’t stand it when clients keep harping on the “I want to please you” thing, because it can make it a lot harder for us to do our jobs.  What if she’s a size queen and he’s average?  What if she likes being pounded very hard and he’s too overweight or short-winded to accomplish that?  What if she’s kind of submissive and a man refusing to lead is actually a turn-off?  What if she’s primarily lesbian?  What if she’s just anorgasmic and isn’t going to climax no matter what he does?

Penn and TellerA sex worker is a kind of entertainer; she is there to provide a kind of interactive show for you.  It is, ultimately, an illusion; it no more matters how she “really” feels, or what she “really” likes, or whether she is “really” excited, than it matters that Penn and Teller aren’t “really” making things vanish or appear or transmogrify into something else.  That analogy is useful in another way as well:  Obsessively concentrating on minor physiological cues of arousal and worrying that you aren’t truly pleasing your hooker is like going to a magician’s show and concentrating so much on “catching” the trickery that you can’t enjoy the performance you paid top dollar for.  Just sit back, relax, and let your entertainer entertain you…and if you can’t, I respectfully suggest that this particular art may simply not be to your liking.

(Have a question of your own?  Please consult this page to see if I’ve answered it in a previous column, and if not just click here to ask me via email.)

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The actual number of people trafficked is so much less than the targets [governments] are supposed to meet, so they end up running around and accusing people of being victims of traffickers and sticking them in cages to try to satisfy this US hysteria.  –  Liz Hilton, EMPOWER Foundation

Shinzo AbeJapanese Prostitution

The highly dishonorable Prime Liar of Japan is at it again: “…Shinzo Abe…may revise Japan’s 1993 apology  for forcing thousands of women to be sex slaves in the service of Japanese soldiers during World War II…an assertive, unapologetic Japan could antagonize much of Asia, especially South Korea…

In a Similar Vein…

This woman takes the term “cougar” much too literally:

Police in Florida arrested an “extremely intoxicated” woman after she allegedly beat her boyfriend over bad oral sex…Jennie Scott, 50, assaulted her 32-year-old boyfriend, Jilberto Deleon…following a joint-oral sex encounter that ended…after Deleon “finished first and stopped pleasuring her”…In November, Raquel Gonzalez, also of Manatee County, was charged…after beating her boyfriend following a sexual encounter during which he climaxed and she did not…

Convenient and Inconvenient Victims

Another example of how prohibition harms all women: it allows “authorities” to claim prostitutes can’t be raped, then to accuse rape victims of prostitution:  “…Trinamool Congress MP Kakoli Ghosh Dastidar came the nearest to calling the Park Street rape victim a sex worker when she described the February 5 incident not as a rape but as a ‘misunderstanding between a lady and her client’…

Against Their Will

Take especial note of the un-ironic use of the word “rescue” in this context:

At least 11 woman inmates…[who] were trafficked to Mumbai…[then] rescued and brought to [a destitute] home [escaped on New Year’s Eve]…West Bengal Minister for Women and Child Development…Sabitri Mitra denied any lapse of security at the home…”Inmates…have a tendency to escape…They have been trying to escape ever since they were brought here…”

We Told You So

As I predicted they would, members of the mainstream media are slowly beginning to wake up:

The situation was dire, police warned.  The City of Atlanta was under siege by human traffickers.  Some 1,000 Asian women and girls ages 13 to 25 were being “forced to prostitute themselves” in the city…To free them, police forged ahead with a $600,000 task force.  Had agency leaders questioned the estimate, they would have found it defied common sense.  If it were true, one in eight of the city’s Asians would have been sex slaves…it’s little wonder that the program had such poor results that it drew scrutiny from the U.S. Department of Justice.  An initial report said Atlanta police had found more than 200 victims, but auditors could only confirm four…

Instead of quoting Polaris Project, Melissa Farley and the other usual suspects, this reporter went to “trafficking” skeptics Ronald Weitzer, Elzbieta Gozdziak, Charles Grassley and Meredith Dank.  And while he still buys into the cops’ convoluted paradigm (for example, “Girls confuse investigators by calling pimps their boyfriends” instead of recognizing that the so-called “pimps” are their boyfriends), he also recognizes that Atlanta is the norm, not an exception: “Los Angeles…identified 49 victims and…Washington, D.C., found 51.  Auditors confirmed none of them…

Presents, Presents, Presents!

Flute of SandI received twoCrisis and Leviathan more Christmas presents this week; Krulac sent me Flute of Sand, and another  reader sent me Crisis and Leviathan.  Alas, the seller neglected to include a card or packing slip with the latter, so I have no idea who sent it; if it was anyone reading this, please let me know via email or in the comments.  Thanks very much to both of you!

First They Came for the Hookers…

If prohibitionists really want to “rescue” sex workers, why do they keep trying to stop us from getting other jobs?  “Reality star Olivia Black has been fired from the cast of the History Channel’s Pawn Stars after…her…past on the soft-core site SuicideGirls.com was revealed in the National Enquirer

Imagination Pinned Down

In the process of reviewing a new book on hallucinations by the brilliant Dr. Oliver Sacks, Michael Roth shows just how easily false memories are formed:

As a young professor, I traveled to Vienna…and…[visited] Freud’s old apartment and office, which had been converted to a museum.  One rang a doorbell to be admitted, and I was shocked when the museum attendant greeted me by name…in German, calling me “Professor Doktor Roth” — or so I thought.  My wife was right beside me, and she later told me that nothing of the kind had happened.  The museum employee had merely told me the price of admission…I realized that what I’d heard so clearly was probably an auditory hallucination.  I so very much wanted to be recognized in the house of Freud that I’d perceived something that wasn’t there at all…our brains call up simulated realities that are almost indistinguishable from normal perceptions…[and construct] a world that nobody else can see, hear or touch…

Monica Foster has a website dedicated to outing and shaming sex workers, but was recently discovered to have placed this escort ad.  Do as I say, not as I do?

Ex-porn actress Monica Foster outs sex workers on her website, yet she recently placed this escort ad.

Wholesale Hypocrisy (TW3 #25)

Prosecutors never hesitate to appeal when there’s political coin to be made at others’ expense:  “The New Mexico Supreme Court has agreed to take up [the] case [of] ‘Southwest Companions,’ linked to former University of New Mexico president F. Chris Garcia and retired Fairleigh Dickinson University physics professor David C. Flory…prosecutors [appealed after]…District Judge Stan Whitaker found that an online message board is not a house of prostitution under state law…

The Course of a Disease (TW3 #26)

Unsurprisingly, the woman who thinks other women must be “protected” from free will also believes free speech to be “dangerous”:  “France’s women’s rights minister, Najat Vallaud-Belkacem… [demands] that Twitter help the French government criminalize ideas it dislikes…by [installing] ‘alerts and security measures’ to prevent tweets which French officials deem hateful…

The Widening Gyre

New York’s new video helpfully explains that the law doesn’t say what it says, but does require cabbies to magically divine whether a woman is “helpless”:

…Taxi officials yesterday released an anti-sex-trafficking video — mandatory viewing for all cabbies — that explains when it is and is not OK to transport a working girl.  Picking up street walkers is fine, but driving helpless women around for pimps is not…The nine-minute video was created after the City Council approved an anti-sex-trafficking bill…and…prostitutes worried that the measure meant that cabbies would be too scared to pick them up…“Suspecting or knowing that someone is a prostitute does not give you the right to refuse that person a ride,” the video says…

Red Umbrella FundShift in the Wind

This is incredibly good news:

“Save us from saviours” is the piercing refrain of a growing human rights movement demanding that sex workers be recognised as more than victims to be rescued…”Sex workers are discriminated against and their human rights unrecognised around the world, even where sex work isn’t illegal,” says Nadia van der Linde, co-ordinator of the Red Umbrella Fund, the first global grant-making mechanism set up to give sex workers more control of projects that directly concern them…The fund, which was launched in April 2012…will announce this month who will receive its first grants…Embracing a philosophy of “nothing for us without us”, the innovative fund is governed by sex workers, who sit alongside donor representatives on the committees that oversee and manage its work…

Hooker Humor (TW3 #31)

Miranda Kane, the escort turned stand-up comedienne, has written a new piece on “Selling Comedy vs. Selling Sex” which compares preparation, advertising, reviews and much more:  “I get asked a lot about my security.  In 7 years of escorting, I was never threatened, robbed, or found myself in any danger.  In 7 months of comedy, I had two iphones nicked from my bag when I was on stage, venues and promoters not paying my pitiful fee, and several parking tickets…

That Old Black Magic

Spain’s Interior Ministry says police have arrested 17 people on suspicion of smuggling Nigerian women into Spain and forcing them into prostitution using threats including claims they would cast Voodoo spells on them if they didn’t comply…around 10 women had been brought into the country illegally using a small boat…

Little Boxes (TW3 #40)

Rebecca Bernardo…posted a video on YouTube…[in which]…she…announces…”Hi, my name is Rebecca.  I’m here to auction off my virginity”…she made the offer because she was desperate to help her ailing mother.  She heard about Catarina Migliorini, a Brazilian woman who reportedly sold her virginity for $780,000…Migliorini has reportedly yet to finalize the deal and receive the money…[but] has received widespread publicity and modeling contracts — including a spread in Brazil’s version of Playboy…”I made up my mind right after my 18th birthday…when my mother suffered a stroke”…[which] left her…bed-ridden, unable to feed herself or go to the bathroom alone.  Bernardo said she looked for jobs…but…the pay was minimal…A Brazilian TV network offered to pay for her mother’s medical expenses if Bernardo called off the auction.  While she initially accepted…during a television interview, she later rejected it because the network would not pay for a house in a different town where she could “start a new life”…

CNN doubts the girl because she’d rather do a few hours of work than sign an exclusive (and probably sleazy) agreement with a TV network, which goes to show how perverse and dishonest CNN is on the subject of sex.

With Friends Like These…

Radio Netherlands recently published an article called “China Can’t Duck the Issue of Prostitution” which correctly and concisely demolished every model of prostitution law except decriminalization, including the Dutch model; it even recognizes that a prostitute is no different from an economically dependent wife.  However, the argument then bizarrely self-destructs in the conclusion:

…Free and consensual sexual relationships are obviously the ideal, but in reality there are many paid and involuntary sexual relationships between the sexes…if people choose to have an immoral lifestyle, they should not be punished by the law, regardless of how morally wrong they might be…The only effective means to curb…prostitution is…to make [it] socially unacceptable…

The Public Eye (TW3 #49)

As Kristen di Angelo expressed it, “This is just how it is… but it shouldn’t be”.  One of the women who appeared in the film American Courtesans went to the police after being terrified by an abusive stalker; they told her they could do nothing, but instead subjected her to a sting in which five cops in riot gear trashed her home and robbed her.  Because obviously an escort who primarily works with the disabled is a dangerous criminal, but a possibly-deranged stalker is just a good citizen doing his civic duty.

Backwards into the Future (TW3 #52)

Though the Burmese government’s anti-sex work policies mimic those of Washington, Burmese journalists are not content to parrot those policies as their American counterparts do:

…Over 10,000 prostitutes…work in Rangoon, mainly in informal settings such as karaoke bars, nightclubs and guesthouses…they are among the most vulnerable citizens in Burma, facing widespread discrimination and abuse, often at the hands of authorities…Those who refuse or are unable to bribe the police face arrest and incarceration, sometimes in so-called “rehabilitation centres” intended to reform immoral behaviour…rape and sexual assault are a daily occurrence…police often use condoms as evidence of prostitution, even though the government formally banned the practice in 2011.  Unsurprisingly, Burma has one of the highest HIV rates in Asia, with as many as one in three sex workers infected.  Campaigners on HIV prevention have long called for harm reduction strategies to replace prohibitionist measures…But…some key actors are lagging behind.  The US government, which recently earmarked $170 million in development aid to Burma, continues to enforce its so-called “anti-prostitution” pledge…It means that any organisations that refuse to condemn sex work – even though they often have the best access to vulnerable persons – are systematically excluded…

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