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Posts Tagged ‘Hooker Humor’

All prostitution laws are conceived as methods to control women who, before ideas of victimhood took hold, were understood to be powerful, dangerous figures associated with rebellion, revolt, carnival, the world upside down, spiritual power and calculated wrongdoing.  –  Laura Agustín

The Pro-Rape Coalition

Dr. Robert King on porn, with a nice endorsement of yours truly:

…Some would like to ban fantasies—hide them away…fantasy can function as an outlet for desire…violence—including sexual violence–has been decreasing across the board.  Has consumption of violent fantasy decreased?  Quite the reverse.  Violent video is everywhere but violent crime has gone down…we really need to stop thinking that we…know what is good for others—especially when those others are consenting adults…puritans…try to control others’ sexuality…through guilt, fear, and misinformation… as documented in exhaustive detail by the excellent Brooke Magnanti and Maggie McNeill…If the puritans were serious about harm to children they would spear-head proper realistic sex education…

Decentralization

Brian Doherty draws on a Forbes article to discuss the government’s latest efforts to shut Bitcoin down, destroy everything good about it or, failing in both of those, to steal a cut of it.

If It Were Legal

One wonders how much more often sex workers could help to fight actual crime were we not absurdly and arbitrarily classed as criminals ourselves:

A prostitute given $300 in dye-stained $20 bills led police to the home of the man suspected of robbing a…bank…she…told the FBI agent [that the suspect, Anthony] Nugent…began behaving erratically [after paying her, so]…she left…later that night…her boyfriend…told her [the money] appeared to be dye-stained…Bubblegum Husky

Scapegoats

Frankly, what’s most “unclear” to me is how this is even physically possible:

An Idaho man was arrested Thursday after police say he sexually penetrated a cat on more than one occasion.  Ryan Havens Tannenholz, 28 – a…”furry” who dresses up as a dog he calls Bubblegum Husky — is charged with six counts of crimes against nature, and one count of cruelty to an animal…It’s unclear how [police] learned about [his] alleged actions…Furry News Magazine Flayrah reports that Tannenholz was a member of…furry fandom…who portrayed himself as a “sparkly” husky, a blue fox named Kismet…and another purple canine…

Above the Law

I’ve said it countless times:  As long as government actors have excessive power over individuals, cops will continue to rape women in their homes:  “A deputy in Texas accused of raping a woman in front of her children has resigned…Lisa Rodriguez…said [he] told her if she resisted he would take her to jail…” or during traffic stops:  “…Thomas Merenda and Franklin Hartley…are charged with unlawful compensation, a felony punishable by up to 15 years in prison…Hartley ordered the passenger to perform oral sex on him, then [raped] her.  Merenda…asked the victim…to punch him in the…genital area…’Tom really enjoys this’, [Hartley] reportedly told the driver…”  Note that the cops are charged with “accepting bribes” rather than rape, and the reporter even avoids the word.  TSA agents can’t even confine their groping to travelers:  “A [TSA] manager at Lexington’s Blue Grass Airport resigned after he was charged with sexually abusing a co-worker…Shane Hinkle, 38…is accused of forcibly touching [his victim]…

Enabling Oppression

The Polaris Project continues its loathsome and exploitative campaign to link sex work to historical American black slavery:

New undercover footage of pimp-controlled prostitution will be shared…at the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center and End Slavery Cincinnati to show the realities of enslaved women.  The Polaris Project developed the 20-minute footage from the streets of Washington, D.C.  Following the showing, representatives from The Salvation Army’s Anti-Human Trafficking Program, the Cincinnati Police Department, the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Off the Streets program will speak about the reality of pimp-controlled prostitution in Cincinnati…

Imagination Pinned Down

Elizabeth LoftusHere’s a short overview of the work of Elizabeth Loftus, the foremost expert on the malleability of human memory:  “…Loftus…has done more than any other researcher to document the unreliability of memory…and…has used what she has learned to testify as an expert witness in hundreds of criminal cases…informing juries that memories are pliable and that eyewitness accounts are far from perfect recordings of actual events…Now…[her] research is starting to bring about lasting changes in the legal system…” I drew heavily upon Dr. Loftus’ work for the research paper I wrote for the Albany Government Law Review, to be published this autumn.

Hooker Humor (TW3 #31)

Miranda Kane, the BBW escort turned comedienne, is getting good reviews; here’s an introduction she wrote for the Edinburgh Festival:

…There’s a stigma to sex-workers, as well as their clients.  We’re all shown the negative side, the poor, helpless trafficked victims.  But all the women I knew were just ordinary, happy ladies who just happened to enjoy having sex for money…Our clients weren’t seedy, sex-obsessed perverts.  They were kind, keen, appreciative men who just wanted a moment of luxury, intimacy… to be able to be with the kind of women they could only fantasise about normally…My show exposes the every-day life of a sex-worker; how we work in the digital age, the bizarre and strange requests from clients, what both elated and annoys us.  I try and show the human aspect – that the women are normal, they’re not drug addled victims, nor are they overtly beautiful and wealthy courtesans.  They’re women you see every day…

Bottleneck

[Queensland] Police Minister Jack Dempsey is considering allowing sex workers to make suburban house calls after lobbying by the Prostitution Licensing Authority.  While it is lawful for sole operators to make house calls it is illegal for brothels to send their workers to clients…brothel owners…[say they] need the extra business to remain profitable…[PLA] chairman Manus Boyce…[said] that illegal prostitution was operating without fear in Queensland and that allowing more outcalls could put more pressure on the illicit trade…

The Naked Anthropologist

Last week Dr. Laura Agustín published “Prostitution Law and the Death of Whores”, a primer for those who haven’t thought much about the harm anti-prostitution laws cause:

…Twenty years ago I first asked two questions that continue to unsettle me today.  The first is answerable:  What does a woman who sells sex accomplish that leads to her being treated as fallen, beyond the pale, incapable of speaking for herself, discountable if she does speak, invisible as a member of society?  The answer is she carries a stigma.  The second question is a corollary:  Why do most public conversations focus on laws and regulations aimed at controlling these stigmatized women rather than recognizing their agency?  To that the answer is not so straightforward… My focus on the female is deliberate.  All who propose prostitution policy are aware that men sell sex, but they are not concerned about men, who simply do not suffer the disgrace and shame that fall on women who do it…

Though it’s not extremely long, the article covers agency denial, the “rescue industry”, the irrationality of prostitution law, neofeminism, the Swedish model and media sensationalism; it’s thus one you should bookmark for sharing with people who are ignorant, but will listen to reason.floating brothels Utrecht

Dutch Threat

As the Netherlands continues to cave in to greed and hysteria, Dutch sex workers have been forced to find their own solutions:  “A group of 15 prostitutes in Utrecht have set up a cooperative to run floating brothels after the council withdrew operating permits from their previous landlords.  The cooperative, named Macha’s, is now applying for a…brothel licence and a boat mooring permit…Some 300 Utrecht prostitutes lost their place of work when the council cancelled contracts for the operation of brothels…because of human trafficking fears…

Backwards into the Future (TW3 #321)

The Commission for Gender Equality has [submitted] a proposal…for the decriminalisation of sex work [in South Africa]…“The current position of total criminalisation has not succeeded in addressing problems associated with sex work”…said the…commission…[which] was informed by studies conducted in…New Zealand and Australia.  “Legislation…should adopt the principle that sex work is work, and allow the industry to be governed by the wealth of existing labour and business laws aimed at preventing unsafe, exploitative and unfair business practices”…The commission said studies…offered strong and concrete evidence that decriminalisation empowered sex workers to protect themselves from violence…improved relationships…[with] the police…[and] reduced chances of sex trafficking or sexual exploitation of children…

Zurvivor

Deals with devils always have more conditions than anticipated:

The Maine woman convicted of running a prostitution business out of a Zumba fitness studio is headed back to court…to fight having to testify at the trial of one of her clients.  Alexis Wright…has been subpoenaed by prosecutors to testify at the trial of Donald Hill…

It’s That Time Again (TW3 #326)

A politician’s wife wants her state to look even stupider than New Jersey by starting “gypsy whores” panic a year and a half in advance:

The wife of Sen. John McCain…is calling on the [Arizona] legislature to pass tougher laws against human trafficking…[for] the Super Bowl in 2015.  “The Super Bowl, as all of you know, is one of the world’s largest human trafficking centers when it goes on in the world,” McCain said…Forbes reported that 10,000 prostitutes were brought to Miami for the 2010 Super Bowl.  There were 133 prostitution arrests in Dallas during the 2011 Super Bowl…

No, Forbes said that habitual liars NCMEC claimed there were that many, and there were 133 arrests of all kinds in the entire Dallas-Fort Worth area during a 2½ week period before the Super Bowl…which is typical for DFW.Spreadsheets

Between the Ears (TW3 #332)

Dr. Brooke Magnanti writes about others who think good sex can be defined by statistics:

…Thanks to the new [iPhone] app Spreadsheets, no longer will you have sex without being able to save and analyse the stats of your performance…according to the company’s website:  “Spreadsheets monitors data from user’s movement and audio levels through the accelerometer and microphone to provide statistical and visual analysis of their performance in bed”…The notion that longer is better…and that loud equals enjoyment has gained such traction in popular culture that it’s hard to find any other measure of what “good” sex is…I once dated a guy whose sole measure of whether a good time had been had was how long he stayed erect.  Being jackhammered long into the wee hours is hardly a great way to spend your time…

Do As I Say, Not As I Do (TW3 #332)

A pastor from…Sweden has been convicted of buying sex from a prostitute after…police broke up a major pimping operation…[he] has been temporarily relieved of his duties…”  Synopsis of the rest:  “human trafficking”, “These woman were used as if they were on a conveyor belt“, blah blah blah.

Election Day (TW3 #332)

As you might imagine, I find this new trend of cops arresting retired madams on drug charges to be a highly disturbing one:

…Heidi Fleiss has been charged in Nevada with possession of marijuana with the intent to sell…officers found nearly 400 marijuana plants growing in and around…[her] home in Pahrump…She said she had been growing marijuana without a license and that she intended to sell it to a cooperative in Las Vegas…she was not arrested.  All the plants were taken away by police as evidence.

Yeah, “evidence”.  Pull the other one, guys.

The Privilege Paradigm

Coincidentally, someone else wrote about the problem with the word “privilege” and came to almost exactly the same conclusions as I did:

…A privilege is something extra — and from a very young age, I knew that when something was referred to as a privilege, I was in danger of losing it.  How does that make sense…with something like being free from fear of police harrassment?…when it is called a “privilege,” my initial thought is that it is something unjustified that should be taken away — i.e., we should all have to be stopped and frisked…I [have] some degree of autonomy and dignity in my work — do we really want to say that that’s a “privilege”?  In both cases, aren’t we dealing with something more like a right that’s been denied to a great many people?…

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The actual number of people trafficked is so much less than the targets [governments] are supposed to meet, so they end up running around and accusing people of being victims of traffickers and sticking them in cages to try to satisfy this US hysteria.  –  Liz Hilton, EMPOWER Foundation

Shinzo AbeJapanese Prostitution

The highly dishonorable Prime Liar of Japan is at it again: “…Shinzo Abe…may revise Japan’s 1993 apology  for forcing thousands of women to be sex slaves in the service of Japanese soldiers during World War II…an assertive, unapologetic Japan could antagonize much of Asia, especially South Korea…

In a Similar Vein…

This woman takes the term “cougar” much too literally:

Police in Florida arrested an “extremely intoxicated” woman after she allegedly beat her boyfriend over bad oral sex…Jennie Scott, 50, assaulted her 32-year-old boyfriend, Jilberto Deleon…following a joint-oral sex encounter that ended…after Deleon “finished first and stopped pleasuring her”…In November, Raquel Gonzalez, also of Manatee County, was charged…after beating her boyfriend following a sexual encounter during which he climaxed and she did not…

Convenient and Inconvenient Victims

Another example of how prohibition harms all women: it allows “authorities” to claim prostitutes can’t be raped, then to accuse rape victims of prostitution:  “…Trinamool Congress MP Kakoli Ghosh Dastidar came the nearest to calling the Park Street rape victim a sex worker when she described the February 5 incident not as a rape but as a ‘misunderstanding between a lady and her client’…

Against Their Will

Take especial note of the un-ironic use of the word “rescue” in this context:

At least 11 woman inmates…[who] were trafficked to Mumbai…[then] rescued and brought to [a destitute] home [escaped on New Year’s Eve]…West Bengal Minister for Women and Child Development…Sabitri Mitra denied any lapse of security at the home…”Inmates…have a tendency to escape…They have been trying to escape ever since they were brought here…”

We Told You So

As I predicted they would, members of the mainstream media are slowly beginning to wake up:

The situation was dire, police warned.  The City of Atlanta was under siege by human traffickers.  Some 1,000 Asian women and girls ages 13 to 25 were being “forced to prostitute themselves” in the city…To free them, police forged ahead with a $600,000 task force.  Had agency leaders questioned the estimate, they would have found it defied common sense.  If it were true, one in eight of the city’s Asians would have been sex slaves…it’s little wonder that the program had such poor results that it drew scrutiny from the U.S. Department of Justice.  An initial report said Atlanta police had found more than 200 victims, but auditors could only confirm four…

Instead of quoting Polaris Project, Melissa Farley and the other usual suspects, this reporter went to “trafficking” skeptics Ronald Weitzer, Elzbieta Gozdziak, Charles Grassley and Meredith Dank.  And while he still buys into the cops’ convoluted paradigm (for example, “Girls confuse investigators by calling pimps their boyfriends” instead of recognizing that the so-called “pimps” are their boyfriends), he also recognizes that Atlanta is the norm, not an exception: “Los Angeles…identified 49 victims and…Washington, D.C., found 51.  Auditors confirmed none of them…

Presents, Presents, Presents!

Flute of SandI received twoCrisis and Leviathan more Christmas presents this week; Krulac sent me Flute of Sand, and another  reader sent me Crisis and Leviathan.  Alas, the seller neglected to include a card or packing slip with the latter, so I have no idea who sent it; if it was anyone reading this, please let me know via email or in the comments.  Thanks very much to both of you!

First They Came for the Hookers…

If prohibitionists really want to “rescue” sex workers, why do they keep trying to stop us from getting other jobs?  “Reality star Olivia Black has been fired from the cast of the History Channel’s Pawn Stars after…her…past on the soft-core site SuicideGirls.com was revealed in the National Enquirer

Imagination Pinned Down

In the process of reviewing a new book on hallucinations by the brilliant Dr. Oliver Sacks, Michael Roth shows just how easily false memories are formed:

As a young professor, I traveled to Vienna…and…[visited] Freud’s old apartment and office, which had been converted to a museum.  One rang a doorbell to be admitted, and I was shocked when the museum attendant greeted me by name…in German, calling me “Professor Doktor Roth” — or so I thought.  My wife was right beside me, and she later told me that nothing of the kind had happened.  The museum employee had merely told me the price of admission…I realized that what I’d heard so clearly was probably an auditory hallucination.  I so very much wanted to be recognized in the house of Freud that I’d perceived something that wasn’t there at all…our brains call up simulated realities that are almost indistinguishable from normal perceptions…[and construct] a world that nobody else can see, hear or touch…

Monica Foster has a website dedicated to outing and shaming sex workers, but was recently discovered to have placed this escort ad.  Do as I say, not as I do?

Ex-porn actress Monica Foster outs sex workers on her website, yet she recently placed this escort ad.

Wholesale Hypocrisy (TW3 #25)

Prosecutors never hesitate to appeal when there’s political coin to be made at others’ expense:  “The New Mexico Supreme Court has agreed to take up [the] case [of] ‘Southwest Companions,’ linked to former University of New Mexico president F. Chris Garcia and retired Fairleigh Dickinson University physics professor David C. Flory…prosecutors [appealed after]…District Judge Stan Whitaker found that an online message board is not a house of prostitution under state law…

The Course of a Disease (TW3 #26)

Unsurprisingly, the woman who thinks other women must be “protected” from free will also believes free speech to be “dangerous”:  “France’s women’s rights minister, Najat Vallaud-Belkacem… [demands] that Twitter help the French government criminalize ideas it dislikes…by [installing] ‘alerts and security measures’ to prevent tweets which French officials deem hateful…

The Widening Gyre

New York’s new video helpfully explains that the law doesn’t say what it says, but does require cabbies to magically divine whether a woman is “helpless”:

…Taxi officials yesterday released an anti-sex-trafficking video — mandatory viewing for all cabbies — that explains when it is and is not OK to transport a working girl.  Picking up street walkers is fine, but driving helpless women around for pimps is not…The nine-minute video was created after the City Council approved an anti-sex-trafficking bill…and…prostitutes worried that the measure meant that cabbies would be too scared to pick them up…“Suspecting or knowing that someone is a prostitute does not give you the right to refuse that person a ride,” the video says…

Red Umbrella FundShift in the Wind

This is incredibly good news:

“Save us from saviours” is the piercing refrain of a growing human rights movement demanding that sex workers be recognised as more than victims to be rescued…”Sex workers are discriminated against and their human rights unrecognised around the world, even where sex work isn’t illegal,” says Nadia van der Linde, co-ordinator of the Red Umbrella Fund, the first global grant-making mechanism set up to give sex workers more control of projects that directly concern them…The fund, which was launched in April 2012…will announce this month who will receive its first grants…Embracing a philosophy of “nothing for us without us”, the innovative fund is governed by sex workers, who sit alongside donor representatives on the committees that oversee and manage its work…

Hooker Humor (TW3 #31)

Miranda Kane, the escort turned stand-up comedienne, has written a new piece on “Selling Comedy vs. Selling Sex” which compares preparation, advertising, reviews and much more:  “I get asked a lot about my security.  In 7 years of escorting, I was never threatened, robbed, or found myself in any danger.  In 7 months of comedy, I had two iphones nicked from my bag when I was on stage, venues and promoters not paying my pitiful fee, and several parking tickets…

That Old Black Magic

Spain’s Interior Ministry says police have arrested 17 people on suspicion of smuggling Nigerian women into Spain and forcing them into prostitution using threats including claims they would cast Voodoo spells on them if they didn’t comply…around 10 women had been brought into the country illegally using a small boat…

Little Boxes (TW3 #40)

Rebecca Bernardo…posted a video on YouTube…[in which]…she…announces…”Hi, my name is Rebecca.  I’m here to auction off my virginity”…she made the offer because she was desperate to help her ailing mother.  She heard about Catarina Migliorini, a Brazilian woman who reportedly sold her virginity for $780,000…Migliorini has reportedly yet to finalize the deal and receive the money…[but] has received widespread publicity and modeling contracts — including a spread in Brazil’s version of Playboy…”I made up my mind right after my 18th birthday…when my mother suffered a stroke”…[which] left her…bed-ridden, unable to feed herself or go to the bathroom alone.  Bernardo said she looked for jobs…but…the pay was minimal…A Brazilian TV network offered to pay for her mother’s medical expenses if Bernardo called off the auction.  While she initially accepted…during a television interview, she later rejected it because the network would not pay for a house in a different town where she could “start a new life”…

CNN doubts the girl because she’d rather do a few hours of work than sign an exclusive (and probably sleazy) agreement with a TV network, which goes to show how perverse and dishonest CNN is on the subject of sex.

With Friends Like These…

Radio Netherlands recently published an article called “China Can’t Duck the Issue of Prostitution” which correctly and concisely demolished every model of prostitution law except decriminalization, including the Dutch model; it even recognizes that a prostitute is no different from an economically dependent wife.  However, the argument then bizarrely self-destructs in the conclusion:

…Free and consensual sexual relationships are obviously the ideal, but in reality there are many paid and involuntary sexual relationships between the sexes…if people choose to have an immoral lifestyle, they should not be punished by the law, regardless of how morally wrong they might be…The only effective means to curb…prostitution is…to make [it] socially unacceptable…

The Public Eye (TW3 #49)

As Kristen di Angelo expressed it, “This is just how it is… but it shouldn’t be”.  One of the women who appeared in the film American Courtesans went to the police after being terrified by an abusive stalker; they told her they could do nothing, but instead subjected her to a sting in which five cops in riot gear trashed her home and robbed her.  Because obviously an escort who primarily works with the disabled is a dangerous criminal, but a possibly-deranged stalker is just a good citizen doing his civic duty.

Backwards into the Future (TW3 #52)

Though the Burmese government’s anti-sex work policies mimic those of Washington, Burmese journalists are not content to parrot those policies as their American counterparts do:

…Over 10,000 prostitutes…work in Rangoon, mainly in informal settings such as karaoke bars, nightclubs and guesthouses…they are among the most vulnerable citizens in Burma, facing widespread discrimination and abuse, often at the hands of authorities…Those who refuse or are unable to bribe the police face arrest and incarceration, sometimes in so-called “rehabilitation centres” intended to reform immoral behaviour…rape and sexual assault are a daily occurrence…police often use condoms as evidence of prostitution, even though the government formally banned the practice in 2011.  Unsurprisingly, Burma has one of the highest HIV rates in Asia, with as many as one in three sex workers infected.  Campaigners on HIV prevention have long called for harm reduction strategies to replace prohibitionist measures…But…some key actors are lagging behind.  The US government, which recently earmarked $170 million in development aid to Burma, continues to enforce its so-called “anti-prostitution” pledge…It means that any organisations that refuse to condemn sex work – even though they often have the best access to vulnerable persons – are systematically excluded…

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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress’s role.  –  Andy Borowitz

Two years ago today I published “Hooker Humor”, in which I shared a few jokes about my profession.  It was only a few for one simple reason: though there are hundreds of hooker jokes, the majority of them are tasteless, juvenile, vulgar and rely on offensive stereotypes about our being dirty, diseased, desperate and subhuman.  There are, however, some funny, clever and even cute ones out there if one has the patience to look.

The Value of Sex

In the mid-1960s, two young people got married soon after university, where he earned a degree in business administration and she graduated magna cum laude in economics.  On their wedding night, she asked him for $20 before they made love; he laughed about it, remembering their discussions about the economic value of women’s labor and the like, and handed her the money with a smile.  The same thing happened the next time they had sex, and the next; though he was a bit surprised that she was carrying what he perceived as a kind of joke this far, he was a good sport about it and so made sure he always had a bit put aside in case he got horny.

This went on for 40 years, and even though they had sex less often as time went on she was always enthusiastically available for him (though she did raise her rate to $50 in the early ‘90s).  Even before they married they had agreed it made more economic sense for her to stay at home and raise their children, of whom they eventually had four; she was an excellent manager of money, and he was always amazed at how far she could make his salary go even though they sent their kids to the best schools and never wanted for anything.

In later years they experienced a series of financial setbacks which cut into their savings, and as the economy worsened over the past few years the husband started to worry that there was just no way he would be able to retire at 65 as they had planned.  Eventually he put aside his ego, sat his wife down at the table and asked her advice about their financial situation.  She went to her filing cabinet, brought out a thick envelope and showed him a series of financial statements, stock certificates and the like, explaining that she had invested her earnings from sex in the stock market, and that her good judgment and keen economic instincts had eventually parlayed that long series of small fees into literally millions of dollars.  Her husband was overjoyed, and everything was going beautifully until he blurted out, “If I had realized what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!”

Analogy

Joe and Harry were chatting at a bar, and Joe said, “I wish my wife would get off of my back about my watching porn; she claims if I really loved her I wouldn’t need that.”

Harry replied, “Oh, my wife used to say the same thing until I pointed out to her that I love my car, but I still like watching Nascar racing.”

“And that satisfied her?” asked Joe.

“Yep,” said Harry, “but it’s a good thing she didn’t think about the fact that I rent cars when I’m away on business trips.”

Venery

Four Oxford dons were engaged one evening in casual but learned conversation, and the topic turned to collective nouns such as “a pride of lions” or “a gaggle of geese”; since these are also called “venereal nouns”, one of the professors asked what a collection of prostitutes might be called.  The four fell into silence for a moment, as they pondered the possibilities.

At last, one spoke: “How about ‘a jam of tarts’?”  The others nodded in acknowledgement as they continued to consider the problem.

A second suggested “an essay of trollops.” Again, the others nodded, and soon a third proposed “a flourish of strumpets.”  They all then looked to the fourth professor, who was the most senior and learned of them all, and one asked if he had any thoughts on the matter.

He paused for a few moments more and then replied, “An anthology of pros.”

Cheapskate

One evening a man who had worked late was walking toward the train station when he spotted a very attractive streetwalker; since his wife didn’t expect him home for some time he went up to her and asked her price.  When she told him it was $100 he exclaimed, “A hundred?  Don’t be ridiculous; I’ll give you forty!”  She laughed at him and told him where he could put his forty, and he stalked off in a snit.

That weekend, he took his wife out to dinner at a restaurant not all that far from his workplace, and as they were walking back to the car whom should he see but the same streetwalker.  He just looked straight ahead, hoping she wouldn’t recognize him, but when they passed she called out, “See what you get for forty bucks?”

The Old Man and the Prostitute

In the Days Before Cell Phones…

A man staying at a hotel in London picked up a tart card from a nearby phone box.  Back in his hotel room he rang the number and a woman with a very sexy voice asked if she could be of assistance.  “Yes” he said.  “I’d like to know if you do bondage and discipline; I’m especially interested in getting a really hard spanking.  Would that be something you could provide?”

The woman replied, “I’d really like to oblige you, sir, but if you press 9 first you’ll get an outside line.”

Memory Lapse

A extremely old man decided he wanted sex, so he went to the local stroll and when he saw one woman he really liked, he started flirting with her as if he were making a pass, ignoring her questions about what he wanted.  When it became clear that he was just wasting her time, she told him to get lost but he continued bothering her, saying “I sure would like to get some action tonight.”

Exasperated, she cried “You’ve got to be kidding!  You’re too old!  You’re all finished.”

“What did you say?” asked the old man.

“You heard me – you’re all finished.”

“Oh,” he replied, “how much do I owe you?”

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The technique of a mass movement aims to infect people with a malady and then offer the movement as a cure.  –  Eric Hoffer

Celebrities

I’m very glad I never had this kind of celebrity as a client:

…[a] woman [called] Tiffany told TMZ she had “no issues” with [accused Aurora spree killer James] Holmes…”He was really nice…He felt bad that I wasn’t getting more customers while in Colorado, so he called a few days later and we met up again”

Hooker Humor

I could just as well have filed this one as “The More the Better”:

…Miranda Kane is…telling her tales of life as an escort…“My past career was comedy – I am just new to standing up and telling people about it,” she said.  The 31-year-old certainly has enough material to draw from for Coin Operated Girl…“I was really big – about 25 stone – and I was never without a date,” she explains.  But it would never go further than just one night.  “For men, it is like riding a moped.  You really want to ride one but you would be embarrassed if your friends saw you”…when the recession hit – which led to the market being flooded with women offering similar services – combined with a loss of weight, she decided it was time for a career change…it is not just the chance to hear a modern take on the world’s oldest career which should bring people through the doors, but the chance to save a bit of money…“It’s £145 cheaper an hour than my normal rate,” she smiles.  Coin Operated Girl at the Camden People’s Theatre from Monday, August 6, until Wednesday, August 8, at 9pm…

O, Canada!

Though increasing numbers of Canadians support decriminalization, many Canadian politicians are just as disgusting and dishonest as their American brethren:

The war against human traffickers that prey on our youth is now out in the open.  Those profiting from the recruitment of…women and girls into the sex trade…[are] targeting Canadian high school students since they can no longer import young women from abroad to sexually exploit…Many of these victims are terrified to talk about the reality of their experiences, and are effectively muzzled by coaching, manipulation and abuse…All around the globe…women and girls are forced into…the sex industry through coercion, threats, deception, or fraud…The average age of entry into prostitution in Canada is between 12 and 14 years of age.  It’s impossible to believe that these young girls and boys are making a rational choice to sell their bodies to 20-40 men a night…Canadians must send a strong message to the pimps…that our children will not be bought or sold.

It’s good to see the claims of these fanatics growing ever more extreme, bizarre and impossible; when the hysteria is over their fall will be that much harder.

HIV-Positive Man Cured in Berlin

Two men…[with] HIV and cancer have been seemingly cleared of the virus…more than two years after receiving bone marrow transplants, HIV can’t be detected anywhere in their bodies.  These two new cases are reminiscent of the so-called “Berlin patient,” the only person known to have been cured of [HIV] infection…Both men…endured…treatment for lymphoma, both had stem cell treatments and both had stayed on their HIV drugs throughout… The donor cells, it appears, killed off and replaced the infected cells.  And the HIV drugs protected the donor cells while they did it…

For Those Who Think Legalization is a Good Idea

When will people learn that governments’ use of laws always exceeds the stated purpose of those laws?

Four sex workers from [New Delhi]…have challenged a government eviction order…”There is thus no legislative guidance on the implementation of [the anti-brothel law, so]…absolute discretion is vested on the police administration…[which] has resulted in arbitrariness in action and abuse of power and authority”…the women claimed that they had been staying in the area for decades and not involved in business of running any brothel…”The act never intended to penalise prostitution per se, except in public places…but aimed at curbing…organised prostitution,” the petition said…

Counterfeit Comfort

People are condemned to the “sex offender” registry for many trivial offenses or things that shouldn’t even be crimes, but this is Kafkaesque even by those standards:

In May 2007, my husband and I were asked to assist an acquaintance in putting down a 14-year-old dog…the [owner’s] teenaged daughter…protested the plan vehemently…the day before the planned euthanasia, [police said] the girl had accused him of touching her…since [then] we’ve been fighting a legal system that, without notice, has curtailed our ability to travel, to obtain life insurance, even to petition for redress…police needed no corroboration for the charge; the accusation alone was sufficient, and jail time…was expected…a private investigator…proved the accuser wrong.  But…with a minor, it’s all inadmissible…the county [said it] would accept a no-contest plea, but that my husband would still be a registered sex offender for at least 10 years and possibly for the rest of his life.  If he didn’t take it, a court date would be set in five to six months, and some jail time would be expected.  We were given five minutes to decide.  My husband pleaded no contest…

Since then, the Devoys have had to endure constantly-escalating registration requirements and finally started an organization called Reform Sex Offender Laws of Virginia.

Surplus Women

This happened three years ago, but was called to my attention by Krulac last week; just imagine the uproar if he had said “woman” instead of “hooker”.  But you know, NHI and all.

See No Evil

The sick American mind at work again, seeing sex where it isn’t and imagining that pictures are magically dangerous to their subjects:

…Lauren Ferrari posted a photo on Facebook of her 5-year-old pretending to nurse her 2-year-old.  Within 24 hours, Facebook took the picture down…Stefanie Thomas of the Seattle Police Department’s Internet Crimes Against Children…[opined] that Ferrari’s decision to post the photo was “poor parenting” because it’s impossible to control where that photo might end up…it wasn’t the first time the site has deleted photos of young girls pretending to breastfeed…Last summer…[alarmists] were outraged [about a nursing doll they claimed]…sexualizes children…Tessa Blake…  [argues] it is natural for girls to mimic their moms.  “My daughter has been lifting up her shirt and ‘nursing’ her babies for years.  Are you suggesting this is shameful?  What if she feeds her doll with a bottle?  Is she not being a kid then, or is it just the breast that’s the problem?” Blake asked…


Presents, Presents, Presents!

A big “thank you” to regular reader Pat Murphy, who sent me a copy of Ronald Weitzer’s new book Legalizing Prostitution.  I still don’t know the screen name or contact info of the reader who sent me Prince of Darkness, so whoever it was please let me know!

The Course of a Disease

Though few politicians support it, “sex trafficking” fetishists have succeeded in exposing Denmark to the Swedish rot.  Sex worker advocates there are reasonably confident that it hasn’t a chance, so what makes this article notable is the reporter’s attitude:

…despite a report from Norway showing that making it illegal to buy sex in that country…has not resulted in a decrease the number of sex workers…[and has made them] the victims of more violence…[a] parliamentary group…remains focused on criminalising the sex for hire business…”Making it illegal to be a john is a baseless ideological process,” [said] Christian Groes-Green, an assistant professor at Roskilde University…”If they are having problems dealing with real political issues, bringing back the sex debate is just good politics”…

Only Rights Can Stop the Wrongs

Sri Lanka police will conduct surprise raids on hotels and guest houses in the country to detect whether underage children are used for prostitution and other sexual acts…”  Because, hey, who cares about property rights and tourists’ privacy?  It’s for the children!

Prudish Pedants

In the UK as in the US, some porn is arbitrarily deemed illegal due to a vague and wavering line; in Britain it’s “extreme pornography”, defined as “grossly offensive, disgusting or otherwise of an obscene character” or if it portrays “an act which results, or is likely to result, in serious injury to a person’s anus, breasts or genitals”:

…the Crown Prosecution Service…[argues] that images of fisting should be classified as “extreme pornography” with the risk to the defendant of three years in custody [and] inclusion on the sex offenders’ register…for [an] image…of [a legal] activity…the Prosecution must prove that the act of fisting is “likely to result in serious injury to a person’s anus”…Before being arrested and charged with these offences, Simon [Walsh] was a successful professional and politician…who, amongst other things, prosecuted police officers accused of disciplinary offences.  After being charged, Simon lost both professional and political positions, despite the fact that no pornography was found on any of his work…[or] home computers…the police had to “interrogate” Simon’s personal email account (server) in order to discover a few images they deemed questionable.  This…contaminated the only source of evidence; making it impossible to identify whether images attached to emails had in fact been opened and viewed…

Note the emphasized line, especially in light of the fact that the images were in an incoming email and may not have been opened.  In other words, it’s highly likely that the police simply sent the images to him, then pretended to “find” the “evidence” as they do with planted drugs.

Whorearchy

Only other peoples’ kind of sex work is bad!  Ours isn’t even sexual!

The owner of a Saskatoon exotic dancing business [argues that]…the new…licensing bylaw for adult services…is discriminatory.  “We provide entertainment, not sexual favours,” said Bella Kaje, owner of KJ’s Party Favors…”I don’t like what they’re categorizing us with…and…these obscene amounts (for a licence) is more…discrimination” …An adult service agency licence…will cost $500 [plus] $200 for each renewal…[then] $250, plus $100 for each renewal, for [each] performer…[or employee, including] drivers and receptionists…

Meanwhile, across the pond:  “Council officials say they will check up on a new ‘tantric temple’ centre which offers clients massages from women in G-strings…owners are insisting that no sexual services will be carried out…”  Because erotic massages from naked people aren’t sexual services.

Gingerbread House

Birds of a feather, and all that:  “Jerry Sandusky’s ‘The Second Mile’ wants to divert…$2 million dollars in assets…to the Arrow Child and Family Ministry…[in order to prevent] victims from seeking to liquidate his organization’s assets as civil cases are pursued against him…

Metaupdates

Wise Investment in TW3 (#23)

Yet another gun to the internet’s head is turned aside:

…Section 230 says that websites aren’t liable for third party content…[and has therefore] become the foundation for the entire user-generated content industry…Despite [the] enormous social benefits…state legislators [frequently] consider enacting laws that conflict with Section 230…the Washington state legislature enacted one such law in an overzealous effort to shut down online child prostitution…[but] in Backpage and Internet Archive v. McKenna…a federal judge rejected the Washington legislature’s efforts, turning the case into a major victory for…user-generated content…

This Week in 2011

The erosion of “innocent until proven guilty”, a short biography of the Athenian hetaera Aspasia, and a Canadian town buys a strip club; also, answers to questions about “doggie style”, what happens when a client finishes quickly and whether a whore and client can ever be friends.  “August Updates (Part One)” contains items about a book of vulva pictures, cops harassing strippers and streetwalkers, and the beginning of decriminalization in India; “Part Two” discusses invented “sex trafficking” victims, rising STI rates in older amateurs and South Korean whores fighting for their rights.

This Week in 2010

Genesis of a Harlot” is the three-part story of how I slowly grew toward sex work and “The Only Working Girl in New Orleans” the three-part story of what happened after Hurricane Katrina; “Phryne” was a famous Athenian hetaera, and “Whores and Wives” discusses the varied reactions wives have to discovering their husbands have employed hookers.

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Q: What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, “Aren’t you done yet?” The nympho says, “Are you done already?” and the blonde says, “Beige. . . I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

A few days ago I was perusing the Sex Hysteria! Site (see link at right under “Whorish Media”), which though it is mostly serious carries an occasional humorous item.  There I stumbled upon the following news article parody, which I have reproduced from its original source at an Anglo-American humor website called The Spoof; despite its reliance on the usual inane stereotypes I have to admit it’s both amusing and representative of what legalized (as opposed to decriminalized) prostitution might be like nowadays.

It’s something that plagues college graduates for years, even decades after they’ve tossed their grad caps and nailed their cheaply framed degrees to the walls of their one bedroom apartments.  It’s the student loan.  It doesn’t go away, and it doesn’t get smaller.  With females consistently making less money than males, and with interest rates more astronomical than ever, many female grads declare bankruptcy before they are even able to marry a wealthy man or make one payment on their ever expanding college debt.

This recent epidemic of broke twentysomething girls has lead to a surge in internet based prostitution.  Recent statistics show that there is an undeniable correlation between the number of females who now attend college and the number of ads soliciting prostitution on sites like Craigslist and Kijiji.

David Horsey editorial cartoon from Sunday, March 16, 2008 (click to enlarge)

Dr. Sandy Sanderson, professor of sociology at the University of Alberta, herself an ex-stripper, has been studying ads under the adult section for the past six years.  “We’ve found that 60 percent of the ads put out by females seeking sex for money state that the women are young students unable to pay their rent and bills.”  And indeed, these ads work.  When men were polled, an astounding 80 percent said that if they had to choose between a professional prostitute and an amateur student just looking for financial help, they would choose the student, no matter how unpretty or sexually inept she might be.  “I just want somebody young and kind of desperate.  That’s a turn-on,” says David Utah of Frank, Mississippi.

The statistics don’t stop there.  When female college students were polled on campus, 20 percent said they had accepted money for a sexual act; 80 percent said they had considered taking money for a sexual act; and an overwhelming 100 percent said they were concerned about the debts they had accrued on the road to diploma.  With these strong statistics at hand, a prominent debt consolidation agency based out of New York has teamed up with the US government to offer these desolate students a viable solution.

Love 4 Freedom will be introduced in November of 2010, and it works on the premise that recent college graduates should be able to rid themselves of their student debt in one swift sexual act.  Brett Davies, the founder of the campaign, states that his program has teamed up with psychotherapists, health practitioners, professors, and even parents to offer a form of relief that does not entail these girls to risk the dangers of the internet.

“In 2008, twenty six women were murdered or went missing while on online prostitution endeavors” states Davies.  “It’s not safe out there in the cyber world, we do not want these young women risking their lives to pay off their student loans.”  Conversely, approximately 2000 governors, senators, politicians, and civil servants discreetly hire prostitutes each month, “and that’s just an approximation, we suspect the numbers are actually much higher.  What this means is that we already have a blazing market for young, amateur girls – we figured why not pair them with powerful chieftains who are seeking harmless sexual satisfaction, and in turn wipe their debts free?”

And that is exactly how the system works.  Love 4 Freedom runs like this:  a student applies for Love 4 Freedom assistance.  Her application is accepted with a clean bill of health.  Upon acceptance, the girl is paired up with a government official over the age of 50, and is scheduled for one night with this official in a private, anonymous, and safe hotel or sexual meeting place.  Once the night is complete, instead of accepting cash or gifts, the girl’s student loan, no matter how large, is dissolved and she no longer owes the government anything.

Since its inception, Love 4 Freedom has proven to be a highly controversial topic of debate, causing outrage amongst most feminist groups in North America.  “This is appalling,” says Lily Danesworth of Poupschout, MA.  “I can’t even believe this is considered an acceptable way of helping a woman out, it is an absolute despicable crime against humanity.”

“We knew we’d get this response,” replies Davies, cool, calm, and collected. “And we see it as the lesser of two evils.  Basically, you could screw a bunch of shady men and pay off a portion of your student loan with dirty cash and probably pick up an addiction or STD along the way; or you could spend one night with a prominent, well respected gentleman under highly controlled circumstances and emerge from it completely debt free.”  He goes on to compare Love 4 Freedom to handing out birth control and condoms at high schools.  “You know they’re going to do it anyway.  So why not be responsible about it?”

Although the fine details of Love 4 Freedom have not yet been tacked on, the agency has hired trained madams as well as a plethora of human resources employees to pair the students with their gentlemen.  “It definitely won’t be a lottery system,” explains Daria Vons of the Love 4 Freedom HR department. “The gentlemen will probably choose who they want to spend the night with, and the student will probably be expected to perform acts based on how large her debt is.”  So, for example, a woman with a $7,000 debt may only need perform a menial blowjob as compared to a woman $17,000 in debt, whose task list might include checkmarks under columns marked S and M.  “We’re still debating if grades will play in.  If a girl got A’s, she may get somewhat of a say, maybe a choice between two gentlemen, or the option of bringing another debt heavy friend along for the freedom.”

Love 4 Freedom is extremely optimistic about the new opportunity it provides women, and if the agency is successful, it might broaden its clientele to include those who are paid by the government, like police and firemen, instead of just those representing the government.  “We have high hopes for this debt consolidation system, and by 2015 we’d like to be helping 50 percent of college graduates” says Davies.  “We’d even at some point like to include male students, for the gays, but we are waiting to see the results of our first run.”

Female college students failed to comment their thoughts on Love 4 Freedom because they were too busy handing out burgers and fries in between studying for A’s that will someday get them a Viagra-pumped cock and a rye in a classy hotel room.

Anyhow, that got me thinking about jokes on the subject of prostitutes, and I decided to see how many I could find on the internet.  As one might expect most of them are vulgar, adolescent and presume that all prostitutes are cheap, diseased streetwalkers, but I did find three which were cute and/or worthy of a smile or even a chuckle.  The first forms my epigram, and the last two may have special appeal to me because I was, after all, raised as an Irish Catholic.

The Parrots

A lady approached her priest and said, “Father, I have a problem. I bought two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They say, ‘Hi, I’m a prostitute. Want to have some fun?”‘

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots, whom I have taught to pray and quote the bible.  My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and they will also learn to praise and worship.”

So she brought her parrots to the priest’s house, where she saw his two male parrots holding rosary beads and praying.  They put the woman’s female parrots into the cage with the priest’s male parrots, and immediately one of them said “Hi, I’m a prostitute, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Jack. Our prayers have been answered!”

The Prodigal Daughter

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years, and upon her return her father cursed her, asking “Where have ye been all this time?  Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?  Why didn’t ye call?  Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Dad, I couldn’t bear to tell you… I became a call girl.”

“And what would that be, then?”

The girl hesitated, then stammered through her tears, “It’s a kind of prostitute.”

“A what!  Out of here, ye ungrateful little baggage! You’re a disgrace to this family!”

“OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this fur coat, brother Kevin this gold Rolex and you this Mercedes convertible.  I also wanted to invite you to spend Christmas with me on my yacht on the Riviera, and to move into my ten-bedroom mansion afterward.”

The father hesitated, then asked tentatively, “Now what did ye say a call girl was again?”

The girl softly said, “A kind of prostitute!”

“Oh!  Sweet Jesus!  Come here and give yer old man a hug, girl; ye scared me half to death!  I thought ye said a kind of Protestant!”

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