Sleeping With the Enemy

The greatest enemy of individual freedom is the individual himself.
-  Saul Alinsky

As most of you probably realize, in order to keep this blog going I need to do an awful lot of reading on the internet every day.  Readers send me many links, I discover some myself, and I get loads of them from Twitter; for every item which I eventually share as a link, a TW3 item or a full column there’s another I simply “retweet” and still another I pass over completely.  Most of this latter category are simply things in which I’m not interested, or things in which I don’t think my readers would be interested, or things I’ve already shared, or new items that nonetheless cover ground I’ve already covered.  And sometimes I disagree with the author’s spin, yet don’t find it so wrong that I feel the need to shoot it down.  But there are others (and I’m sorry to say far too many others) which I can’t even finish reading because of their declamation of absurdities, their overuse of meaningless shibboleths, or their adherence to wholly obnoxious fads; my eyes glaze over, I close the window by feel (because my eyes are glazed over, of course), and I move on and try not to accidentally open any of the numerous repeats of the link in other tweets declaring it brilliant or profound or whatever.

A large fraction of these oh-so-annoying words, phrases and ideas derive ultimately from Marx, generally (though not always) by way of feminism.  Even if I didn’t regard Marxism as an abomination against the individual, and even if it were not a failed social experiment, I would still find it bizarre that so many people who identify primarily as sex worker activists (though not many who identify first as sex workers) espouse it. First of all, despite the modern re-interpretations to which some Neo-Marxists subscribe, it is very clear that Marx considered prostitution to be a “disease” of capitalist society which would no longer be permitted in the communist paradise (presumably because the commune would magically make the sex drives and relative attractiveness of men and women equal).  Every communist state has criminalized sex work and punished it harshly, even brutally; under Mao women caught whoring were sent for “re-education”, and though the regime declared in 1958 that prostitution has been “eradicated”, the “re-education centers” remained full and top party officials had access to that which was officially declared not to exist.  Furthermore, neofeminism is really nothing but a form of Neo-Marxism with a few parameters redefined, and as we all know the neofeminists are no friends of whores.  Yet all too many posts by sex worker activists go on and on about “Patriarchy” (the neofeminist version of “bourgeoisie”) and “capitalism” and blah blah blah blah until whatever they were trying to say is drowned out by nonsense.

Now, it is true that some people use the word “capitalism” to mean plutocracy or fascism (the marriage of government and big business).  But that’s not the way those about whom I’m complaining use it; it’s clear from context they resent having to work for a living, and imagine some pie-in-the-sky Utopia in which people only work as much as they want to at whatever job they like, and yet somehow things still get made and the toilets still get cleaned.  This is a fantasy for children, not a serious topic of discussion for sane adults; yet there they are bleating away with rubbish like “surviving under capitalism”, as though they imagine it was any easier under feudalism, barter systems, tribal communism or other economic systems.  The very concept of a Utopia is impossible; it’s certainly not a topic on which an activist for the most pragmatic of trades should be wasting her time.  And to do so with paradigms borrowed from people who would like nothing more than to see that trade abolished is as counterproductive as anything I can think of.

But the most appalling of these sins of content is one which seems to have become a new fad in the past few months; some sex worker activists now also declare themselves misandrists.  To them I say, “please go home and find something else to do.”  The campaign for sex worker rights must be grounded in the right of all people to be free to do as they like with their own bodies; it is incompatible with centrally-planned economies, incompatible with dogmatic systems of thought which demand orthodoxy, and certainly incompatible with the idea that it’s laudable to hate some people for an accident of biology.  And how in Aphrodite’s name is someone supposed to provide a proper sexual service to a person she professes to hate?  The very idea is asinine.  I can understand burnout; I can accept that a hooker might so tire of sex with men, and with the offensive behavior of bad clients, that she decides to swear off of socializing with them after retirement.  But that’s not the same thing as hating men, and the latter has no place in a movement which will absolutely never in a million years succeed without the cooperation of the men these ridiculous women profess to “hate”; that sort of attitude belongs in the prohibitionist movement, not ours.  I’m not sure why the people I speak of can’t see the self-defeating nature of these negative beliefs and dogmas; those who embrace them are, figuratively or literally, sleeping with the enemy.

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Late Bloomer

I grew up in a conservative Christian family, didn’t start dating until my twenties and married in my early thirties to a beautiful woman with whom I have great kids; my family life is wonderful, but my sex life is not.  Though I’ve used pornography off and on since I was a teenager, I was quite naive about sex and was a virgin when I married.  My wife doesn’t really enjoy sex and sometimes is averse to it, so sex has become very mechanical.  Two years ago I started going to strip clubs to find some relief from my sexual frustration, and I met a beautiful dancer who is a very intelligent college student.  I enjoyed talking with her and often would tip her $100 just to talk for 30 minutes, then last month she told me she had started escorting for a few clients she had met in the clubs.  It was awkward with her the first time, but by the third I was fully relaxed and uninhibited, and I felt like a huge knot inside me was untied.

I discovered your blog around the same time as I started seeing my lady friend in private, and it has been a great encouragement to me; I have a few questions I hope you can help me with.  First, my wife and I are in counseling for our sexual problem, but do you think she can potentially grow sexually and be freed from her inhibitions?  Should we be seeing a sex therapist rather than a regular marriage counselor?  With regard to my companion, I would like to know if you have any general advice (since I’m such a late bloomer), and also if there are things I can do besides being a good client (clean, on time, respectful of boundaries, courteous, and donation upfront), to show her that I really appreciate her. 

Most of all, I thank you for showing care to clients like myself.  It is meaningful to learn from your experiences and benefit from them.  It seems unfair that I haven’t even paid you for your advice! 

From what you’ve said, you have a good marriage in every way except for sex, and you don’t want to ruin that; so you need to be careful and discreet so neither your wife nor any neighbors or church members find out.  Since you’ve been reading my blog you understand that sex workers are caring professionals who help men (including many like yourself) to deal with sexual urges you couldn’t otherwise explore, but your wife and others probably wouldn’t understand and there would be major unpleasantness.  I’m very glad to see that you didn’t mention any sense of shame or guilt with your escort; if anything, it looks exactly the opposite to me (“I felt like a huge knot inside me was untied.”)  But it’s also important that you not let yourself get carried away; when a person has been sexually repressed for years as you were, the feeling of sexual release can be intoxicating, and can interfere with your judgment.  So keep seeing your escort (who sounds really perfect for you), but if you start getting feelings as though you’re falling in love with her you need to step back mentally and recognize that it’s the hormones talking.

A sex therapist might indeed help more than a general counselor if your problem is due to culturally-inflicted hang-ups rather than other issues merely reflected into the bedroom.  However, it’s important that A) you find the right one; B) you are very patient; and C) your wife really and truly wants to get over her hang-ups.  It won’t be easy, and she will probably never be as uninhibited as your escort; after all, you yourself know the kind of brainwashing she got, and it’s much worse for women than for men.  I’m assuming she is in her thirties, and it’s not unusual for a woman to mature sexually during that period; however, if she’s much past 35 and you don’t see any signs that she really wants to loosen up, I’m afraid the prognosis isn’t very good.  I’m not saying it’s hopeless because human nature is a complex thing, but in order to correct a sexual problem one has to recognize it as a problem in the first place, and some sexually repressed people simply refuse to admit that it is.

You may find “Advice for Clients” helpful, plus my answers to reader questions in two previous Q & A columns; however, it seems to me that you already know a lot of that.  It’s not necessary for you to compensate me in any tangible way, but if you really want to you could send me something from my Amazon wish list; please don’t feel you have to, though.

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Preventative Measures

Ian Ironwood of The Red Pill Room writes:

I lurk at your site frequently, and love the way you write.  My own blog deals with…marriage topics, and one of my most popular subjects is “girl game”.  In these posts I try to explain to my female readers some of the psychology behind why and how men like to have sex, and what they can do to cater to it.  Most of the time I’m actually explaining the usual “why men go see whores” meme in different ways, and I have had some good response to it.  I’ve covered the GFE, the Happy Ending, and a couple of other professional go-to moves, but I was wondering if you had any further ideas in that direction.  What were the common reasons men saw you when you practiced, and how could their wives have countered their decision to go to a pro by giving them what they wanted at home?

The three most common reasons married men see whores could be abbreviated as “She doesn’t”, “She won’t” and “She isn’t”.  The first is wholly in the woman’s court, the last wholly in the man’s, and the second somewhere in between.  “She doesn’t” means the wife just doesn’t provide enough sex, or that the sex she provides is so lackluster it isn’t satisfying to the husband.  “She won’t” means the wife won’t do something the husband really yearns for, whether that be a particular activity (such as oral sex) or a mode of behavior (such as role-play or just being enthusiastic).  “She isn’t” means the wife is simply no longer sufficient for the husband’s desire no matter what she does; either age or weight has made her unattractive to him, or he can’t see her as sexual after having kids due to a bad case of the Madonna/whore duality, or he has a strong need for variety.  ”She doesn’t” and most “She won’t” are completely under the wife’s control; giving one’s husband the kind of good, enthusiastic sex he craves will go a long way toward sapping his desire to see whores.  If the man’s desire is for something the woman actually can’t provide (such as an energetic PSE when she’s over 50 and no longer athletic), a frank discussion of alternatives which might do the trick is in order; if it’s something for which she has a visceral repulsion (such as cross-dressing), he may not even dare to mention it to her and then, obviously, it moves into “She isn’t”.

By definition, there is less a woman can do to circumvent “She isn’t” issues, unless they’re purely dependent on something like her weight.  That’s quite rare despite what you might think; I can’t recall very many cases of a man telling me that his wife was still very interested in sex, but that she was so fat or old or whatever that he couldn’t get interested.  Though some feminists like to rant about male shallowness in this regard, the truth is that in the overwhelming majority of cases it’s a wife’s attitude and behavior which turn her husband off rather than her physical appearance (though obviously, if she pointedly insists that she doesn’t care about her appearance it says a lot about her attitude, no?)  The need for variety is a tough one, but not insurmountable; if a wife comes up with ways to spice things up (or even just responds favorably to her husband’s ideas) his hindbrain can often be tricked into perceiving her as different, and therefore satisfying to his need for variety.  If that’s not enough, there are couple calls and wife swapping, which allow the husband to satisfy his craving for “strange” under controlled conditions rather than acting behind the wife’s back.  Of course, if it’s the illicit nature of trysts with hookers which turns him on, that’s going to present a problem; if he craves sneaking around behind his wife’s back, he’s not likely to be satisfied with activities she attends, arranges or even simply condones.  The same could be said of the Madonna/whore issue, which might require some kind of counseling to help him get over it.  Still, those represent a very small minority of cases; most of the time, an attentive and caring wife can keep her husband from straying by simply taking her own responsibilities seriously, and by helping him to do the same for his.

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The Story Behind the Story

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.  -  Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

I’m sure most of you recognized yesterday’s column as a tribute to Dr. Seuss’ first published work, And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street; you may even have recognized that it’s a line-by-line parody, and that I retained the good Doctor’s own words wherever I could.  But it just wouldn’t have been half as good without the Seussian illustrations; they were kindly provided by Ricardo Cortés, illustrator of the bestselling Go the Fuck to Sleep (and now that y’all know he’s a fellow reader, I’m sure some of y’all may be even more interested in some of the other books he’s illustrated).  Anyhow, Ricardo had a few questions about my parody and since I’m sure some of you have similar ones, I figured I’d share my answer.

…I’m curious about the context of the piece, and why April Fools?  It’s clearly a response to the all-sex-workers-are-slaves narrative.  Is it directed to a particular event or charge?  Obviously any Save-Them-All campaign is limited and patronizing. On the other hand, there certainly are prostitutes who are exploited and trafficked, etc., no?…perhaps you can direct me to some writing you’ve already made about this question…I’m curious as to how you address the other side of the equation (when sex workers are actually exploited by organized crime, etc.)

I wanted to do it on April Fool’s Day just because it’s kind of silly; I’ve never done a full-blown parody before so that seemed like a good day for it.  Though it is in part a response to the “enslaved whore” narrative, it’s even more a sharp criticism of the neofeminist practice of “re-framing experiences”.  Unhappy ex-hookers who are recruited by anti-whore organizations are encouraged to “re-frame their experiences”, which means make up things that didn’t happen so as to “sell” the public, media and politicians more strongly on the “evils of prostitution”.  Women who resist lying in this way are chastised, browbeaten and (if they persist) kicked out of the “movement”, while those who play along are praised and rewarded with money and attention.  An example of a reject is Jill Brenneman (who discussed the matter in her interview on this blog two years ago); an example of a perfect shill is Stella Marr, about whom I’ve written on several occasions.  The most striking example of “reframing” I’ve written about so far is the story of Long Pros, whom celebrity prohibitionist Somaly Mam used to advance her crusade:  Pros was a Cambodian girl from a poor family who never did any sex work in her life, but lost an eye to a tumor; under Mam’s coaching she invented the lurid story that she was a “sex trafficking” victim who had been enslaved in a brothel and had her eye gouged out by a brutal pimp.

The really creepy part of the whole thing is that the longer the “survivor” stays in the movement, the more her stories start to converge with those of others; she internalizes the preferred narratives, and they form a pattern in much the same way that any mythology begins to form a whole.  In the early ‘80s, the preferred feminist “survivor” narrative was that the “victim” had been abused by her father, uncle or other male relative; in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s it was that her abusers were part of a Satanic cult, and by the late ‘90s they had morphed into “sex traffickers” driven by profit.  By the early ‘20s it will change again, but of course we have no way to predict what that change will involve.  It’s fascinating from a psycho-sociological perspective, but extremely dangerous because the courts have abandoned the necessity for proper evidence and the presumption of innocence, so that even the most outlandish “eyewitness” testimony is taken seriously.

As for “organized crime”, that doesn’t really mean what the tale-spinners want you to believe; in criminology, “organized crime” just means any group (which could be as few as 3 or 4 people) who plan to carry out illegal activity together.  My escort service would be classified as “organized crime” because we “conspired” to “commit prostitution”.  The same goes for so-called “human traffickers”; two guys in Nigeria with a friend in Denmark and a border guard who is paid to ignore them sneaking willing immigrants into the country, make up an “international human trafficking ring” if the women work as maids, and an “international sex slavery ring” if one or more of them works as a hooker.  It’s not about enormous criminal cartels smuggling thousands of crying women in cages as the propaganda wants you to believe.  The best book for putting this all in perspective is Laura Agustín’s Sex at the Margins; Agustín has been studying migration and sex work for twenty years and will open your eyes to the truth of all this.  But for the most part, so-called “sex trafficking victims” are really just women going from a relatively poor country to a relatively wealthy one to do sex work, sometimes breaking the rules of the destination country in the process; anyone who helps her is therefore a “criminal” and a “trafficker”, even if the “victim” entered into the arrangement willingly and is as satisfied as any conventional worker with the terms of her employment.

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Links #141

I don’t call him my boyfriend.  He’s more a good spirit friend who happens to be from the octopus race.  -  Stephany Fay Cohen

Sometimes it becomes obvious early in the week who’s going to be the lead contributor, but other times it’s close up until posting time.  And once in a while I have actually collected the leader’s links at the top of the draft, only to have him fall behind in the end.  That’s what happened this week; Jesse Walker only surpassed Radley Balko on Friday afternoon, and then by only one link.  All of the links down to the first video are Jesse’s, as is the last part of “welcome to our world”; the first two parts were contributed by Marginal Utilite and Mike Siegel respectively, and the first three links after it are Radley’s.  Both videos were supplied by Grace; the first one features her kind of guy (her own inventions aren’t quite that Goldbergian), and the second is a primer on a  Supreme Court case I’ve mentioned before.  ”Warrant” and “judicial overreach” were provided by Gideon’s Trumpet, “unnecessary quotes” by Popehat, “new teeth” by Luscious Lani, “penis thieves” by Michael Whiteacre and “errant shooting” by Aspasia.  This week we’ve also got an unusually-high number of articles by link contributors, as the bylines will show.

• Mars peopled by one vast thinking vegetable.
• Pushing back against “zero judgment” policies.
• Woman says her alien lovers are better at sex than any Earthling.

• Welcome to our world, drug users, gay people & domestic abuse victims.
• Cops shoot robbery victim eleven times, then arrest him to cover it up.
• 38 funny local television news captions.
• An encouraging development.
• “Where’s that warrant now?”
• I would call this judicial overreach.
• The “blog” of “unnecessary” quotation marks.
• The newest criminalization cash cow:  school truancy.
• In the future, it may be possible to induce growth of new teeth.
• Publisher says free speech is bad because he’s afraid of zombies.
• US Air Force shoves drone attack statistics down the memory hole.
• Arizona tried to execute a crime victim on the word of a known liar.
• Mike Siegel dismembers absurd claim that only misogynists like big tits.
• Those who think the US isn’t yet a police state really need to read this.
• West Africans panic over thieves stealing men’s penises via black magic.
• Prosecutors charge man with first-degree murder for allowing his adult wife to voluntarily consume a nontoxic substance.
• If I went on a rampage, firing wildly into random vehicles, somehow I doubt it would be referred to in the media as an “errant shooting”.

From the Archives

• An interview with Stanley Siegel, whose Psychology Today sex blog was cancelled for being about sex.
• In every kind of bondage, government creates the legal climate that allows oppression to flourish.
• The absurd results of following premises of “consensual crime” laws to their logical conclusions.
• A cautionary tale about the dangers of believing in governmental power to alter reality.
• One of the larger prohibitionist groups of the first “sex trafficking” panic.
• Feminists are starting to realize that neofeminist policies hurt feminism.
• The tale of a parallel Maggie in the world envisioned by Ray Bradbury.
• The cause of sex worker rights could use a little help from our friends.
• Another good, clean charity refuses money from nasty, dirty whores.
• In which I actually agree with a prohibitionist district attorney.
• In the UK, being a cop confers expertise in oncology research.
• The bizarre looking-glass world of sex work prohibitionists.
• In Mumbai, there is a bank which serves only sex workers.
• In California, crime is whatever school officials say it is.
• The underage whore who became a fashion designer.
• Michael Weinstein opposes HIV prevention measures.
• A two-part Q & A session with activist Jill Brenneman.
• Just how old is the “world’s oldest profession”?
• Reviews of four movies with hooker heroines.
• Tyrants find neofeminists to be useful idiots.
• How Switzerland deals with streetwalkers.
• PayPal backtracks on a censorship policy.
• Man dies while visiting his sugar baby.
• Iranian women’s topless protest.
• The Healing Power of Sex Work.
• Another Canadian serial killer?
• Man’s inhumanity to whores.
• A few things I did last March.

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Friday Links

The desire to write for publication is one which inheres strongly in every human breast…the whole intelligent public are today seeking expression…and yearning to behold their thoughts and ideals permanently crystallized in the magic medium of type.  -  H.P. Lovecraft

We’re just about back around to our normal configuration; look for next week’s news columns on Saturday and Sunday again (though not yet in the usual order), and we’ll also be back to numbering the links columns rather than naming them.  I’ll be coming home from the symposium today (see yesterday’s column) so you may not see me around at all, but I should be back to business as usual tomorrow.  Our top link contributor this week was Michael Whiteacre, who supplied everything down to the first video; that one (and “911″) was suggested by my cat.  The second video (the beginning of a documentary on the making of A Clockwork Orange) was provided by Jack Shafer, and the links between the videos were contributed by Radley Balko (“desensitize”), Antonio Lorusso (“turn signal”), Cliterati (“vomiting” and “Lovecraft”), Neil Gaiman (“Kipling”), Pee-wee Herman  (“magic crayon”), Jesse Walker (“endometriosis” and “Sherlock Holmes”), and Aspasia (“persecution”).

• Oklahoma man may have spontaneously combusted.
• Florida man stores bullets in oven; unpleasant hijinks ensue.
• Swede wanted for murder goes to surrender, finds police station closed.

• Ohio court says cops are justified in smashing down your door if you forget to use a turn signal.
• Cops are being trained to desensitize themselves to murdering children and pregnant women.
• Florida man arrested for repeatedly calling 911 after his cat was denied entry into strip club.
• Police beat, humiliate, abuse and arrest person for “crime” of vomiting.
• Scholar discovers fifty lost poems by Rudyard Kipling.
• Fake Soviet “Choose Your Own Adventure” books.
• Harold’s magic purple crayon becomes a reality.
• The shocking true form of endometriosis.
• The myth of Christian persecution.
• Who owns Sherlock Holmes?
• H.P. Lovecraft on blogging.

From the Archives

• My four-part interview with Jill Brenneman, sex worker rights activist and genuine survivor of coerced prostitution.
• How to make hard-to-get legal pseudoephedrine from readily-available illegal methamphetamine.
• Another article bemoaning the fact that women use sex to make a living.
• Politicians and cops snapping their fingers to keep the elephants away.
• Detroit police too busy chasing whores to worry about home invasions.
• Sweden tries men for running brothel “authorities” say doesn’t exist.
• Paypal has entered a “biggest busybody” competition with Google.
• Indian NGO “rescues” girls from prostitution by prostituting them.
• Olympe de Gouges:  courtesan, writer and ethical revolutionary.
• Another reason why amateurs have more STIs than pros.
• When theft becomes the primary function of government.
• Uptight Italian women get in huff over sexy bartender.
• What’s the best way to perform oral sex on a man?
• R.I.P. Miss Edna, last madam of the Chicken Ranch.
• Another creepy gadget for spying on spouses.
• I won’t do another column like this until 2016.
• The secret indictment against Julian Assange.
• The court of the demimonde, February 1794.
• Nicholas Kristof’s fun new way to play God.
• Getting around the constitution in Florida.
• Why do so many more escorts kiss now?
• How to make money from a moral panic.
• Another butt-injection killer is caught.
• America’s scorched-earth war on sex.
• Louisiana’s crimes against society.
• How does one find an escort?
• Why is sex such a taboo?
• Strip clubs cause gangs.
• Leah outs David Vitter.
• Legislators gone wild.

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Symposium

It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.  -  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Over the past three years I’ve slowly built up a reputation as an activist, and I’m frequently consulted by journalists, academics and even lawyers (those which leave discernible traces online are linked on my “Offsite” page).  Better still, a number of activists I truly respect read my blog either frequently or regularly; I hope to meet some of them in person at the Desiree Alliance convention in Las Vegas this July.  Last September, I attended the Southern Harm Reduction and Drug Policy Conference in Atlanta, and convention organizer Robert Childs asked me to give guest lectures on two successive days at two branches of Oklahoma State University this April.  But all of these venues will be friendly ones; today I’m participating in the Albany Law School’s annual symposium, whose topic this year is “Voiceless Cargo: Human Trafficking and Sex Slavery in the Modern Era”.  And though I’m sure everyone will be totally professional, at the same time I’m well aware (as the title of the event alone should tell you) that though the audience may be receptive to some of what I have to say, I honestly don’t expect my fellow panelists to be.

Still, I think it’s important that I be there.  The organizers thought highly enough of my work and my opinions to invite me, pay for my airfare to Albany and hotel for two nights, and assemble several hundred law students, faculty and guests to hear what I have to say.  And that’s important not because of who I am, but because of what I am: a retired sex worker.  Not a prohibitionist shill parroting the typical horror stories, but an established critic of the “trafficking” narrative chosen to present that critical view.  Usually, the “sex trafficking” bandwagon just goes rolling along, horns blowing and drums beating, and the voices of real sex workers are drowned out; we are treated as things to be talked about rather than subject-matter experts to be talked to.  But this time, the organizers recognized the need for our viewpoint; this time somebody said, “hey, why don’t we find out what at least one real sex worker has to say about all this?”  Nor am I being treated as a token; I’ve been invited to contribute a scholarly paper to the law school’s journal along with the other participants, and have even been offered help putting it into the proper format so I don’t end up looking like an idjit.

So even though I’m slightly terrified of the event, and wholly terrified of the flights to and from Albany, I think this is important; I’m wholly aware that I’m not there merely as a representative of Maggie McNeill, but as an ambassadress for my whole profession, and that’s a huge responsibility I do not take lightly.  I promise I will do my very best to be sensible and levelheaded and charming, and to voice the concerns of sex workers in general rather than concentrating on mine in particular.  So I got my physician to prescribe a strong anti-nausea drug, went out and bought an appropriately legal-looking suit, and flew up here yesterday; I suspect I’ll be awfully tied up today and tomorrow (when I fly home), so if y’all don’t see me “tweeting” or replying to any comments, that’s why.  Unless I succumb to brain fever I should be back at my desk on Saturday morning, doing what I usually do.  So pray for me, wish me luck, cross your fingers, beam positive vibes or just trust me to do my best (whichever one fits your own belief system or lack thereof), and a week from today (March 7^th) I’ll report on how everything went…which I hope will be, in the balance, positive.

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Thursday Links

While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay,  copulatory vocalizations were reported…most often…with male ejaculation …[indicating] that there is at least an element of these responses that are under conscious control, providing women with an opportunity to manipulate male behavior to their advantage.  -  Gayle Brewer & Colin Hendrie

This has been rather a quiet week, which is good because it’s allowed me to get ahead on my work, and to adjust my schedule for being out of town next week (I’ll explain where I’m going one week from today).  This “Links” feature has almost finished its circuit; next week it will once again be adjacent to the TW3 column, and two weeks after that it will be back to its accustomed place on Sunday (where it will remain except when some special occasion displaces it).  Radley Balko was top dog again this week, contributing all the links down to the first video; that was provided by Satoshi Kanazawa, and examines an interesting problem in probability which fooled me until it was explained (and even then required some thought).  The second video isn’t nearly as intellectually challenging, but may be harder to accept emotionally for many Americans; it’s a short recording of a protest based on a principle I have myself stated to Grace (who is a quarter Choctaw) many times.  The links between the videos were supplied by Michael Whiteacre, Brooke Magnanti, AL 360, Jack Shafer, Amy Alkon, Popehat, Mike Siegel and Jesse Walker, in that order.

• The dildomaker.
• Trends in dog naming.
• What Mars would look like with oceans and life.
• The cost of one single example of scientific illiteracy: 8 million lives.

• “As gun control has moved to the forefront of national debate,  California’s program is being studied as a potential model.”
• Florida man attempts getaway from bungled hardware store robbery in golf cart stolen from nearby nudist camp.
• Man still forced to pay “child support” for son who died at age 3 in 1988.
• I’ve always been fascinated by weird Cambrian animals.
• Here’s a scientific study of why women fake orgasms.
• Deer can’t read signs because Obama kills babies.
• A military analysis of the Battle of Hoth.
• Medieval LOLcats.
• “I don’t wanna go to Disney World.”
• Breaking news on the death of the universe.
• Cops browbeat 10-year-old into “confessing” to sex crimes.
• US Supreme Court grants dogs the power to issue search warrants.

From the Archives

• Older men have always sought younger women, and young women have always been willing to capitalize on it.
• Control freaks won’t be satisfied until every conceivable behavior of “sex offenders” is criminalized.
• Sex isn’t the only thing busybodies attack with ridiculous exaggerations and addiction rhetoric.
• Preacher calls hooker with intent to preach at her, gets robbed instead.
• Religious justifications for bestiality laws give way to “abuse” rhetoric.
• And now for something completely different:  a man with half a head.
• A reporter actually asks an escort for opinion on “sex trafficking” law.
• My previous columns for Mardi Gras and Valentine’s Day (Lupercalia).
• A report on the progress of the Swedish rot, with a focus on Ireland.
• “Sex trafficking” mythology is an inspiration to unscrupulous creeps.
• Aussie doctor declares “dirty whore” panic “absolute total rubbish”.
• An actress demonstrates how little our professions have diverged.
• Israeli politicians promote Swedish model despite 59% opposition.
• Pardis Mahdavi on “trafficking” hysteria as a global moral panic.
• French people discover that escort services exist, panic on cue.
• A word from noted “sex trafficking” expert Tommy Flanagan.
• Another article about single mothers turning to sex work.
• A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.
• Georgia declares prostitution worse than death.
• Cop hilariously compares whores to vampires.
• The incredible credulity of Sudhir Venkatesh.
• To be anti-choice is to be anti-life.
• Do as I say, not as I do.
• Kelly James vs. the TSA.
• The sky is falling!

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Fictional Interlude: Point of View

This month’s story is a bit of a departure; it’s quite short, and there really isn’t a whore in it, but I think you’ll enjoy it anyway.  The Muse whispered it to me one evening in early January and…well, I’ve explained how she is when she wants my attention, so here it is.

“How many of them do you think are out there?”

“I don’t know, sir; far too many for us to fight off, that’s for sure.  I can hear them moving all through the tree line, and they’ve sent several scouts out into the open.”

The chieftain tried not to show his concern, but he knew the young warrior would sense his feelings anyway.  “They could attack at any time.”

“I’m afraid so, sir, and if they do we’ll surely be overrun.”

“That must not happen,” he said firmly; “Our mission is to protect the domain from invasion, and we will not fail while I am alive.”

“No, sir,” said the young one, though he lacked his chief’s resolve.

The leader drew himself up.  “There is no choice, then; we must call upon the gods for assistance, lest we fail in our sacred duty.”

“But sir, were we not taught that the Holy Ones hate to be disturbed?”

“Only without sufficient reason, and I feel this is more than sufficient.  We cannot allow the infidels to defile this sacred soil with their filthy presence, and surely the gods will understand when they see our dilemma.”  He turned to the others, who had drawn up behind him, and addressed them:  “My people!  We must lift up our voices to the sky, in the hopes that the gods may hear our prayer and look with favor upon us.  We must ask them to smite our enemies, or we are surely lost!”

He then began the Prayer of Summoning, lifting his face to the moon and chanting the ancient rite.  The others joined him, and together their shouts rose up toward the sky and spread out through the night.  As if in answer the invaders began their own chant, crying out to whatever strange deities they worshipped in their rude and barbaric tongue.

Suddenly, the square was filled with a radiance like that of a tiny sun, and the form of the goddess appeared in their midst; she took no note of them whatsoever, but glided to the barricade and looked out into the darkness.  When she beheld the enemy, she lifted her staff and Behold!  She smote them with a thunderbolt!  The people trembled, but they had faith that she would not turn the terrible power upon them; the same could not be said for the barbarians, who fled in terror lest her divine weapon destroy them all.

When they saw that the danger was over, the people rejoiced and performed a victory dance; the goddess then smiled upon them, and with a gesture spread before them delicious foodstuffs.  And then she was gone as suddenly as she had appeared, and the people shared the feast and praised her goodness and generosity.

**********************************************************************

“What were the dogs barking about?” her husband called from the bathroom.

“Oh, just coyotes,” she answered.  “I scared them off with the shotgun.”

“Honey, you didn’t have to do that; I would’ve taken care of it after I got out of the shower.”

“It’s no big deal,” she shrugged; “I had to go out to give them those table scraps anyhow.”

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Savage Breast

Music has charms to soothe a savage breast.  -  William Congreve, The Mourning Bride (I,i)

A month ago I published a list of all the questions I’ve previously answered, and this month I’m doing something similar again with music.  Every time I publish one of my “hooker songs” columns, readers make suggestions for the next one; that’s great, and I’ve used many of those suggestions in later columns.  But as in the case of the questions, I’ve been doing it for so long now that newer readers are starting to suggest ones I’ve already done.  So today, I present a hyperlinked catalog of all the songs I’ve presented so far; I’ll duplicate it later on a static page, and then every time I do a new song column I can link it for the benefit of those who are just coming in.  I’m not sure how many more of them I’ll be able to do, but I suspect it will be at least a few.  Just for the sake of completeness, I’ve included a second section with all the songs for which I’ve featured videos, even if they aren’t whore-related; and to make it more visually appealing, I’ve also embedded a few videos of songs that I featured before I started embedding videos.

Call Me  (Blondie)
Candy’s Room  (Bruce Springsteen)
Cross-Eyed Mary  (Jethro Tull)
Down the Road Tonight  (Bruce Hornsby and the Range)
Dulcinea  (Leigh/Darion; sung by Simon Gilbert dubbing Peter O’Toole)
867-5309  (Tommy Tutone)
Everything’s Alright  (Webber/Rice; performed by Yvonne Elliman, Ted Neeley and Carl Anderson)
Family Man  (Oldfield/Cross; performed by Hall and Oates)
Fancy  (Bobbie Gentry)

Farewell To Storyville  (Clarence Williams; performed by Billie Holiday and Louis Armstrong)
Fire Down Below  (Bob Seger)
Hey, Big Spender  (Dorothy Fields; performed by Sweet Charity cast)
Hot Child in the City  (Nick Gilder)
The House of the Rising Sun  (Traditional; performed by Dolly Parton)
I’m Tired  (Mel Brooks; performed by Madeline Kahn)
It’s All the Same  (Leigh/Darion; performed by Sophia Loren)
Jacky  (Jacques Brel; translated and performed by Mort Shuman)
Killer Queen  (Queen)
La Grange  (ZZ Top)
Lady Marmalade  (Crewe/Nolan; performed by LaBelle)

Love for Sale  (Cole Porter; performed by Ella Fitzgerald)
The Magdalene Laundries  (Joni Mitchell)
Maggie May  (Traditional; performed by The Beatles)
Mexican Blackbird  (ZZ Top)
Midtown Asian Sex Spa  (B.B. Wye)
Minnie the Moocher  (Cab Calloway)
New Orleans Ladies  (LeRoux)
Next  (Jacques Brel; translated by Blau/Shuman; performed by Walter Willison)
Private Dancer  (Mark Knopfler; performed by Tina Turner)
Raised on Robbery  (Joni Mitchell)

Roxanne  (The Police)
Santa Baby   (Javits/Springer; performed by Eartha Kitt)
The Son of Hickory Holler’s Tramp  (Dallas Frazier; performed by O.C. Smith)
Strange Thing Mystifying  (Webber/Rice; performed by Ted Neeley and Carl Anderson)
Sweet Cream Ladies  (The Box Tops)
Sweet Georgia Brown  (Bernie/Pinkard/Casey; performed by Ella Fitzgerald)
The Taxicab  (Jacques Brel; translated and performed by Mort Shuman)
Texas Has a Whorehouse in It  (Carol Hall; performed by Dom Deluise)
Trick of the Light  (The Who)
A Woman’s Story  (Tempo/Stevens/Spector; performed by Cher)
X Offender  (Blondie)

Other Songs

All For the Best  (Stephen Schwartz; performed by Victor Garber/David Haskell)
Cult of Personality  (Living Color)
Disney Princess Leia
Dumb Ways to Die
Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury  (Rachel Bloom)
The Grinch Song  (Hague/Geisel; sung by Thurl Ravenscroft)
Holly Jolly Christmas  (Johnny Marks; sung by Burl Ives)
The Lees of Old Virginia  (Sherman Edwards; performed by Ronald Holgate)
Me Ole Bamboo  (Sherman/Sherman; performed by Dick Van Dyke)
Munchkinland  (Arlen/Yarburg; performed by Judy Garland and cast)
Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom (Parry Grip)
Prince Ali  (Menken/Ashman; sung by Robin Williams)
Pure Imagination  (Bricusse/Newley; performed by Gene Wilder)
Put One Foot in Front of the Other (Laws/Bass; sung by Mickey Rooney)
Take Off With Us  (Lebowsky/Tobias; performed by All That Jazz cast)
This is Halloween  (Danny Elfman; sung by Nightmare Before Christmas cast)
We Don’t Need a Man  (Rachel Bloom)
What a Wonderful World  (Thiele/Weiss; performed by CDZA)
The Yellow Rose of Texas  (Traditional; performed by Mitch Miller)

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