AC/DC

Of course, some people do go both ways.  -  Scarecrow (Ray Bolger) in The Wizard of Oz

A reader writes:

When I met my girlfriend she told me that she is bisexual and had been only with girls for two years; at first it only bothered me a bit, but the more I think about it the more insecure I feel.  She says she’s only been with two girls, one for a night and the other for seven months; she insists that it was just a phase of her life.  But I still feel hurt so I hope you can help give me peace on this.

I’m not sure why you should be bothered, hurt or insecure about her bisexuality; would you be equally concerned if she claimed to be wholly heterosexual?  Trust is trust, and fidelity is fidelity; a bisexual girl isn’t any more likely to cheat on you than a strictly straight one would be, merely because she has a wider range of sexual partners.  Bisexuality isn’t a sign of wantonness or sluttishness; it’s just that women are far more sexually fluid than men are.  As I explained in my column “Ice Cream in the Hand”,

…rather than being “target-specific” as men are, women tend to move around the sexual spectrum depending upon their environment, circumstances and experiences.  In other words, though most gay men really are “born that way,” that’s not so true of women, who are much more likely to move between heterosexual and homosexual relationships over time as their conditions change…This is why an open-minded woman can often be talked into swinging, BDSM or some other “kink” that she may not really have been interested in to start with; it’s not necessarily that she has a deep psychological affinity for the activity, but rather that she loves the person who does the talking and as a result can “flow” in that direction unless the process is obstructed by guilt, sexual hang-ups, fear, busybody friends or the like.

It’s all part of the way we’re wired; I explain it pretty thoroughly in the column I linked above.  The point is, women really can go through “phases”, so if she says dating a girl exclusively for seven months was a “phase”, that could very well be true.  For example, my “little girl” Denise went through an exclusively lesbian stage for several years but hasn’t actually dated a girl for over a decade now.  Her bisexuality hasn’t “gone away”; she’s still sexually attracted to women, but doesn’t get into dating relationships with them any more.  That doesn’t even mean she’ll never date another woman again, just not right now.  I’m bisexual as well, and though I’ve never really had an exclusive lesbian relationship, I’ve had plenty of non-exclusive ones.  Perhaps one day I’ll meet a girl who is as attracted to me as I am to her, and if that happens my husband’s already given his permission for me to fool around with her or even develop a relationship.  However, if it never happens again I’m not going to cry over it or anything, and if he was less sanguine about it I wouldn’t be any more tempted to cheat on him with chicks than I am with guys…which is to say, not at all.

There is one further point which you may not have thought of:  a bisexual girlfriend might – just might, mind you – be far more open to a ménage à trois with another woman than a strictly hetero girlfriend might be.  Next time you feel bothered or insecure, contemplate that possibility and maybe you won’t find your lady’s predilections quite so troubling.

Read Full Post »

Cora Pearl

I have never deceived anybody for I have never belonged to anybody.  My independence was all my fortune, and I have known no other happiness; and it is still what attaches me to life.  -  Cora Pearl

Those of you who have read many of my “harlotographies” have probably noticed that few of the great courtesans were astonishingly beautiful.  To be sure, pictures often fall short of reality; some women’s beauty is based less on body contours and facial structure than on personality, style and presence, none of which can be captured by the camera.  In courtesans there is also a further component of sexual magnetism which, though impossible to depict on film or canvas, is equally impossible to ignore in person.  And what separates the fantastically successful courtesans – Les Grandes Horizontales as they were called in Cora Pearl’s time and place – from the merely successful ones was then, as now, marketing.  And though Cora was lovely, it was her ability to create an image which won her fame and wealth…and her inability to sustain that image which precipitated their loss.

The details of her birth are a litany of “probablies”; she was probably born in Plymouth, England on February 23^rd, 1835, but that may be the date of her christening and she later claimed the year to be 1842.  Her birth name is usually given as Emma Elizabeth Crouch, but her death certificate calls her “Eliza Emma” instead.  Her father was a cellist named Frederick Nicholls Crouch who was the composer of “Kathleen Mavourneen”, a song which was extremely popular in the United States during the Civil War period.  Unfortunately, Crouch was a “one-hit wonder”, but never learned to live within his means; he fled his creditors in 1847, abandoning his wife and six daughters and moving to America (where he is known to have remarried several times before dying in 1896).  Lydia Crouch was an attractive woman and soon found a live-in boyfriend who was willing to support her children, but Emma did not get along with him and so was sent to a boarding school in Boulogne, France to be educated by nuns.  After eight years (and numerous lesbian relationships mentioned in her memoirs) she returned to England in 1855, moved in with her maternal grandmother and went to work for a milliner in London.

Emma chafed under the strictures imposed upon middle-class Victorian girls and one day she ditched her chaperone, accepted a man’s invitation to have cake with him, and drank a bit too much gin…with predictable consequences.  In the morning she found he had left her a five-pound note (about £250 today), and though she later claimed to have been “horrified” by the experience, the truth is that she used the money to rent a room for herself and immediately began hooking.  It wasn’t long before she started working at a brothel called The Argyll Rooms, whose owner Robert Bignell soon recognized her potential and asked her to be his mistress, moving her into a suite of her own.  Within a year he took her on holiday to Paris, and she so fell in love with the city that she decided to remain; she adopted the stage name “Cora Pearl”, took a cheap room, and made her living as a streetwalker until she met a pimp named Roubisse who set her up in better quarters.  He paved the way for her future success by teaching her the business and insisting she develop her professional skills, and by the time he died of a heart attack in 1860 Cora was already well-established with Victor Masséna, Duc du Rivoli (later Prince of Essling).

It was the Duc who first introduced her to extravagance:  besides the money, jewelry and servants (including a chef), he gave her funds for gambling and bought her the first horse of the sixty she would eventually own.  She quickly became an excellent rider, and her equestrian skills attracted the attention of many a French noble.  Though the Duc remained her primary patron until 1862, she had many other clients including the Prince of Orange, the Duc de Morny (Emperor Napoleon III’s half-brother) and Prince Achille Murat, grand-nephew of Emperor Napoleon I.  In 1864 she bought the gorgeous Chateau de Beauséjour and began to hold the parties for which she became renowned, including the one at which she had herself presented to diners on a huge platter; she was fond of dancing naked before her guests, and even had a custom-made bronze bathtub in which she would bathe with clients in champagne.  And when she wasn’t naked, she wore only the finest clothes by Charles Worth, the first superstar designer.

In 1865 she became the mistress of Prince Napoleon, the Emperor’s important and fabulously wealthy cousin.  He supported her for nine years, usually for about 10,000 francs per month, and also bought her many expensive gifts and several houses (including a small palace, les Petites Tuileries).  And though he frowned on her seeing other clients, she secretly did so anyway and charged them that much more for the risk.  It isn’t that the Prince didn’t give her enough; it’s just that she was incredibly extravagant and regularly sent money to both her mother and father.  She became a very popular celebrity and was well known for wearing heavy makeup and dying her hair outlandish colors to match her wardrobe.  In 1867 (the same year a cocktail was named for her) she took the role of Cupid in Offenbach’s operetta Orpheus in the Underworld, dressed in a costume which consisted of little more than a diamond-studded bikini; she only appeared twelve times, but the jewels brought 50,000 francs at auction.

Cora’s downfall began with the Franco-Prussian War of 1870-71, during which she allowed her homes to be used as hospitals and paid for doctors and medical supplies for wounded soldiers out of her own purse.  But the disastrous defeat of the French meant the end of the Empire; Prince Napoleon fled to England along with the Imperial family, and though Cora went with him the Grosvenor Hotel refused to let her stay for fear of scandal (ironically, the hotel’s modern management has capitalized on the incident by unveiling a “Cora Pearl Suite” last year).  Within a few months she returned to Paris, but the postwar mood was no longer conducive to the social climate in which a courtesan thrives; so, when the wealthy young Alexandre Duval became obsessed with her, she did not discourage him despite the fact that she despised jealousy in her patrons.  In less than a year he had spent literally his entire fortune on her, and when his family refused to give him any more she refused to see him any longer.  On December 19, 1872, he went to her house with murderous intent, but the gun accidentally discharged while he was trying to force his way past her servants, shooting him in the side.

Though he eventually recovered the public disapproved of the way Cora had handled the affair, and the government ordered her to leave France.  She spent some time with a friend in Monaco, and after a time returned discreetly to Paris.  But the party was over for good; in 1873 she started to sell off her properties, in 1874 Prince Napoleon sadly informed her that he could no longer support her, and by 1880 she was down to just her chateau, which she finally sold in July of 1885.  In 1883 she rented an incall on the Champs-Elysées and returned to middle-class harlotry, then published her memoirs in 1886; unfortunately she was too discreet for her own good and the tame result with disguised names did not sell well.  By that time she was terminally ill with colon cancer and died on July 8, 1886.  She did not end her days in abject poverty as some accounts claim, but neither did she have anything put aside for a funeral; her meager plot and small service were paid for by some of her old clients.

After her death she passed into obscurity, and would barely be remembered today if not for a curious epilogue which occurred almost a full century after her death.  Apparently, Cora wrote an earlier version of her memoirs during her slow decline in the ‘70s, containing real names and many juicy details; it was released by a British publisher in 1890.  The few who knew about it assumed it to be an English translation of her bland 1886 memoir, but when a modern collector named William Blatchford got ahold of a copy he realized that this was not the case.  Blatchford publishing the find in 1983 under the title Grand Horizontal, The Erotic Memoirs of a Passionate Lady, and its vivid, on-the-spot  descriptions of the gay life during the Second French Empire rekindled interest in its author and has given her, albeit posthumously, another chance at the fame she so enjoyed in life.

Read Full Post »

Previously Asked Questions

To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind.  ―  Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat

Because I’ve done so many Q & A columns, I’m starting to see some repetition in the questions readers ask.  This isn’t exactly surprising, considering that there are over 900 daily columns now and even a person who’s good at using indexes and searches might not phrase the question in the same way as the original questioner.  So, I’ve decided to publish this linked list of all the questions I’ve answered so far, rephrased for simplicity and clarity; within the next few days it will be duplicated in a static page that will grow as I answer new questions, and that I can then link in each new Q & A column.

General Sex Questions

• Why is sex such a taboo?
• What is a slut?
• What’s DATO?
• What’s the best way to perform oral sex on a man?
• What’s the best way to perform oral sex on a woman?
• Why don’t some women like cunnilingus?
• What can a woman do about painful intercourse?
• Is there a right way to do anal sex so it doesn’t hurt?
• Is the risk of non-venereal diseases higher without a condom?
• How does one handle group sex with several men and one woman?
• Do you think there is a connection between intelligence and sexuality?
• Are tall men more endowed than those of average height?
• What type and size of penis do most women really prefer?
• Can a woman really fall in love with a man by seeing his penis?
• Do women prefer circumcised men because the average uncircumcised man doesn’t care for it properly?
• Is the “Obedient Wives Club” right about divorce being caused by women not satisfying husbands?

General Sex Work Questions

• How do I find an escort in my city?
• How do I find a reputable agency and avoid cops?
• How can one find a good escort if one only has Backpage to use?
• How does a couple go about finding a reputable sex worker?
• How does one find a male prostitute for a straight woman?
• What’s the truth about female sex tourists?
• How does one go about attracting the right girls for a brothel?
• How can a man get a driver job with an escort service or brothel?
• Why are most massage parlors run and staffed by Asians?
• What do the Japanese call Western girls who do sex work in Japan?
• Why are most pimps black?
• What should be done about “sex trafficking”?
• Is forced prostitution common enough to be a cause for concern?
• Do you advocate that escorts adhere strictly to a referral system?
• What does it mean on an escort’s ad if it says basic plus one or two?
• How can one pass screening without giving incriminating information?
• Is there anything beyond a condom that will reduce STD risk?
• Is it wrong to offer a homeless young woman money for sex?
• Is having sex for donations to a third party still prostitution?
• How does one answer a young child’s question, “What’s a prostitute?”
• How can I speak out for sex workers yet not admit personal interest?
• Is religion the chief factor in forming attitudes toward prostitution?
• Can whores and clients really be friends?

Questions About Whores

• What’s the difference between a courtesan and an escort?
• How does one tell professionalism from actual romantic interest?
• Why do mature escorts want sex when many mature women don’t?
• How does a sex worker still desire to make love with her partner?
• Are most providers lesbians for their own sexual fulfillment?

• Why do so many escorts like doggie style?
• Why do so many more escorts kiss now?
• Is it safe to perform oral sex on a call girl?
• Would an HIV-positive escort quit working?
• Are a lot of hookers very “loose” vaginally?
• Are many providers drug addicts?
• Were many hookers molested as children?
• What’s the average age at which a woman enters prostitution?
• How can I make sure that a lady doesn’t have a pimp?
• How can I make sure that a lady isn’t “trafficked”?
• Do working girls really appreciate gifts?
• Why does it matter what hotel I get?
• How can one tell a transwoman from a genetic one?
• Is it OK to stay the full time after climax, just to enjoy her company?
• How do I let my regular escort know that I truly value and appreciate her personality without coming off as creepy or patronizing?

Questions About Clients

• Why won’t blood banks accept blood from men who see prostitutes?
• What’s wrong with a black man wanting to have sex the whole time?
• Do men ever hire escorts to actually escort them somewhere?
• How do whores deal with unattractive clients?
• Do clients expect whores to have orgasms?
• What percentage of men see prostitutes?
• Do clients always want intercourse?

Mentoring Questions

• What are the basics of screening?
• Are most clients easy to please?
• Is kissing clients unavoidable?
• What’s the best way to figure out what a client wants?
• How common are difficult or creepy clients?
• Did you ever have a client who physically repulsed you?
• What should I do before, during and after a client intends to rape me?
• What should I expect from an agency regarding security?
• Is birth control essential, or are condoms okay on their own?
• What common disease symptoms should I be on the lookout for?
• Do you have any advice for an aspiring plus size courtesan?
• Do you have any advice for an aspiring sugar baby?
• Do you have any advice for a new escort in Malaysia?
• If I only do domme or fetish work, are cops still a concern?
• Are scars a big obstacle for an escort?
• How do I keep my work and private life completely separate?
• What do you think is the best way for sex workers to be out, yet not completely compromise their futures?

Requests for Advice

• How can I help my boyfriend’s erectile dysfunction?
• I can’t have orgasms with other people; could a sex worker teach me?
• Could a sex worker help a man learn to delay premature ejaculation?
• I’m obsessed with crossdressers and paranoid about young women; would an older escort be more understanding?
• Would it be a good idea to arrange for a discreet pro to meet with a divorced friend as if by accident,  to rebuild his confidence with women?
• I have such a good regular relationship with a professional that I no longer feel the need for a conventional relationship. Have I gone nuts?
• I was in a long relationship with a prostitute, and now I feel guilty when I hire escorts.  Why?
• In my country buy sex is much more stigmatized than selling it; how do I avoid feeling guilty?
• What should I do if a girl I love wants to be an escort, but I think it’s the wrong choice for her?
• How do I help an Asian working girl whom I suspect may be trafficked?
• How do I convince a sex worker to leave that life?

Personal Questions

• What’s the strangest place you’ve ever had an appointment?
• How did you deal with anal rape without serious trauma?

• What are your views on polyamory?
• Why do you use the word “whore”?
• Do you ever miss being a call girl?
• Have you had a regular job since retiring?
• Did you ever contract any STI?
• Did you ever have a condom break?
• How many men a day did you see?
• What were your age limits for clients?
• Did you ever really orgasm with a client?
• Did you want less sex while working?
• Doesn’t monogamy get old  for you?
• Would you ever return to work?
• Did your husband dislike your working?
• Will your husband ever write a column?
• Why don’t you use your real name and picture?
• If you had children, would you want them to do sex work?
• How do you react to anti-whore statements from strangers?
• Have you ever had a prostitute “read” you as a former whore?
• Would you rather have a guy who was well endowed but so-so in bed, or smaller but a studly lover?

Blogging

• What’s the difference between archeofeminism and neofeminism?
• Where do you find all the quotes you use?
• How do you stop spam comments?
• Do you mind editing or deleting reader comments?
• Can you change the design that appears in my comments?
• I enjoyed your column of (x date), but it was rather superficial and I wanted to know why you didn’t mention y?
• Why haven’t you corrected the egregious factual errors in the Wikipedia article on prostitution?

Miscellaneous

• Is electrolysis permanent?
• How do Kegels exercises work?
• Is what the “Video Vigilante” does legal?
• Do you think jealousy is due to nature or nurture?
• How do you expose a man pretending to be a woman on a chat site?
• Why do people get so upset if a woman prefers men of one particular ethnicity?
• I’ve read that girls in Southeast Asia “treat men like kings” sexually;  what does that really mean?
• Is it inevitable that a man is going to cheat for sexual variety?  If so, how would one let a prospective husband know that he should do so with a professional?

Read Full Post »

Q & A (December 2012)

If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers.  -  Thomas Pynchon

I’m getting so many questions nowadays that I find myself stacking them months in advance (these were answered in late October).  That’s just silly, so I’m going to start answering these individually in short columns rather than saving them up for the ends of months.  If you have a question of your own, please email me at maggiemcneill@earthlink.net.

My girlfriend and I are interested in engaging the services of a sex worker as an ongoing part of our relationship.  While there seem to be many online resources, we’d like to understand how to narrow down the choices to someone who will be of the high caliber (we are in Dallas).  Any guidance on how to sift through all of the information to make sure we connect with a reputable person?

Living in Dallas has its advantages and disadvantages for you; on the one hand you’ll have more selection than in most cities and may pay less, but on the other hand you have many more names and profiles to go through.  Unfortunately, due to criminalization it’s hard to be “sure” of anything in this business, but I have a couple of suggestions that will help you.  First of all, make use of ECCIE, the most popular escort review board in the Dallas area.  Find a woman you both like who advertises that she enjoys working with couples, and check her reviews; even if none of them are for couple calls specifically, that shouldn’t really matter because her friendliness, reliability, customer service and the like will be just the same for a couple as they are for an individual.  If anything, a good escort will be even more on her “best behavior” with another woman present.  Once you find someone who seems right to both of you, contact her in whatever way she asks on her website, providing all the information she asks for, and make sure you specify it’s for a couple.  Don’t be surprised if her rate is a little higher for a couple than for a man alone, but it probably won’t be double (if it is you may want to consider someone else, because unlike dealing with two male clients, a couple is NOT twice the work).  Let her know that you’ve discussed this together and you’re both game; you’d be surprised how often men will inquire about couple calls without discussing the matter with their ladies first!  By assuring her that you’re not wasting her time you are more likely to start out on the right foot.

It’s possible that even if you do all your homework, the experience may not be as good as you wanted; remember, there are three interpersonal reactions to consider here rather than only one.  If that happens, it doesn’t necessarily mean three-ways aren’t for y’all; it may just mean the chemistry in that particular case was wrong, and you need to try another escort.  Have y’all read my two part “Couples” column?  The second part gives examples of a nearly-perfect couple call, and a disastrous one; it may help y’all to gather your thoughts before proceeding.

You’ve often warned against people seeking escorts via Backpage, but what if there isn’t any alternative?  My state is mostly rural, and barely listed on sites like ECCIE (if at all).

It’s not quite fair to say that I’ve warned people against Backpage; what I actually said is that if you really want to play it safe, maximize the chance of finding exactly what you want and minimize the chances of a run-in with cops, it’s probably better to contact only established, well-reviewed escorts.  It’s definitely true that Backpage has a larger fraction of amateurs, set-up traps, scammers and low-quality girls, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some good girls there as well; in fact, most of the active escorts I know use Backpage in addition to the hooker boards, especially when travelling.  In order to use Backpage safely you should probably avoid very young girls and those whose advertising seems to indicate a lack of experience and good judgment; vulgar phraseology is a dead giveaway, and very low prices are a sure sign of a scam.  If the lady seems established but the ad is recent she is probably on tour, so try to find previous ads in whatever city she claims to come from.  Even if a girl doesn’t advertise on one of the review boards, that doesn’t necessarily mean nobody has reviewed her; check for that in her home city (e.g., “Heather from Backpage” or the like; if she changes her stage name frequently you don’t want to see her anyhow).  Tineye is a very useful tool; with it you can search to see if her picture has appeared elsewhere, and if you discover (or even just suspect) that the picture is stolen stay far away, because that signifies either a scam or cops.  Finally, trust your instincts and use common sense, and insist on talking to her by phone at least once for a few minutes before meeting; I always advise escorts to do that in order to feel clients out, and it works the same way from your side as from hers.

I’ve seen references to screening of clients from you and from escort ads; I gather it involves getting enough information about the client to be sure that he’s not a cop, but exactly what information is asked for?  How does one “pass” a screening without also exposing oneself in the event that the whore is arrested, as in the Kennebunk case?

As in so many other cases, the answer is “it depends.”  Escorts aren’t only trying to screen out cops, but rather any kind of dangerous or exceptionally troublesome characters.  That’s why so many depend on referrals:  other escorts can report not only whether a potential client is what he represents himself to be, but whether he’s unnecessarily rough, habitually late, prone to haggle or stand girls up, etc.  For an escort whose primary screening is the checking of references, the necessary information threshold is really quite low:  she simply needs to be reasonably sure that the man with whom she’s dealing is the true owner of the alias to which the references refer.  Most simply assume that he is, which is a safe assumption in the vast majority of cases (but obviously doesn’t preclude cops managing to pressure him into turning over his information for them to misuse).  Other escorts ask for much more information, possibly including work telephone numbers and the like; some will only see men who have been screened by a verification service such as P411.  And a large fraction simply trust their guts, as nearly all of us did in the days before the internet had quite so much information on it.

When I owned my agency, I never kept records for any clients who paid cash; the only information I had for them was names, phone numbers and addresses on the day’s notebook page, which was shredded at the end of the night (and would have been shredded immediately had cops started pounding on my door).  However, a client can’t count on that; most escorts and agencies do indeed keep records, sometimes very detailed ones.  So there’s only one real way for a client to ensure he can pass most screenings, yet not reveal anything cops or prosecutors could make use of:  he must establish a consistent and unvarying “hobby” alias with a name, screen name, email address and phone number which he never changes, yet bear no ties to his real information; fortunately, prepaid cell phones and anonymous webmail make this easy.  He must then find a few girls who will see him on instinct, use them as references for other girls, and thus build up a reputation.  He won’t be able to hire every escort he might fancy because some insist on verifiable identifying data, but a well-established alias will get him in most women’s doors as long as he continues to treat every lady he dates honorably.

Read Full Post »

Q & A (November 2012)

Any man who knows all the answers most likely misunderstood the questions.  -  Nancy Willard

Please email maggiemcneill@earthlink.net if you have a question you’d like answered; I’ve been rather behind on my correspondence lately, but I should still be able to answer you within a few days.

As a female I’m tired of having to go out and find someone who knows how to make me cum multiple times and has ability to keep going; I’m sick of looking on all these dating sites and I just want a professional who wants my money and has an awesome service to provide.  How does one find a male prostitute for a straight female?

The problem is that there simply aren’t enough women who want to hire male escorts to support a male escort service just for women, nor are there any websites (that I know of) that review male escorts for women.  I have two suggestions that might potentially help:

1)  You could just call a regular service that has male escorts for men; some male escorts are either bisexual or “gay for pay” and would be more than happy to see a female client for a change; or

2)  If you’re just looking for oral, you could hire a female escort.  Lots of them are bi, and their message board postings could help you to determine which.

Good luck; I hope you find someone who can give you what you’re looking for!  You might also watch the comment thread below; my readers very often add helpful suggestions of their own.

I’m close to retirement and have been thinking about opening a brothel in Central America, but I’m trying to figure out how to attract the right girls; do you think they might be interested in alternative business models such as co-ops or other stakeholder arrangements, or do they typically stick (or get stuck with) a straight percentage and room fees?

I’ve never run a brothel, but I did own an escort service, and I got my girls the same way I got my clients:  my phone book ad.  However, since you’re unable to work there yourself and a brothel really needs at least two or three girls to start, that’s not going to work for you.  For anyone who’s never done sex work to succeed at any such venture, he’s going to need a partner who has.  I don’t know what connections you have in the place that you plan to open shop, but you’re going to need to use them to get a partner (or at least a manager) who knows the trade while you put up the money.  She will know how to interview girls, and to tell which ones will be good and which bad (not foolproof, but much better than you could do).  She’ll also tell you what the normal percentages and fees are, so of course if you improve on that a little you’ll be able to attract and keep the best talent.

I’m a man in my late 30′s considering seeing a professional for the first time.  However, I’m very risk-averse and I’ve hesitated up to now due to concerns over STDs and law enforcement.  I know that escorts make up 0.285% of women and 0.4% of std cases, once you back out streetwalkers, but is there anything beyond wearing a condom that will reduce risk?  Since warts, herpes, and other conditions can be spread even with a condom, did you ever happen to contract something in your working years?  I know this is a very direct question, so understand if you’d prefer not to answer.  Also, how do I find a reputable agency and avoid cops?

Actually, your statistic is just a little off; I said that 0.4% of US STDs are related to escorts or brothel workers, but that’s counting BOTH sides of the transaction.  Roughly 6% of men see prostitutes frequently, and though it’s impossible to tell which fraction of them only frequent streetwalkers, let’s presume for the sake of estimation that it’s very similar to the fraction of all whores who are themselves streetwalkers (which seems a reasonable assumption).  Since 1/6 is 16.67%, we’ll shave off 1/6 of those clients and just assume 5% of all men visit escorts or brothels but not streetwalkers.  That means 2.64% of the population (the combined total of indoor prostitutes and their clients) gets only 0.4% of the STDs, which in turn means that members of the general public are more than six times as likely to get an STD as either an escort or her client.  The main reason for this is escorts’ scrupulous use of condoms, coupled with their awareness of the symptoms and avoiding contact with men who even look like they might be infected.  In all the years I worked, I never once contracted any kind of STI, nor knew of a girl who did; I do remember one who got mononucleosis, but of course she may have contracted it from a boyfriend outside of work.

My advice for reducing both kinds of risk (disease and police) is the same:  hire only established, well-reviewed escorts.  Though I did own an agency, it is my considered opinion that it’s better nowadays for clients to hire independents whose reputation and track record they can check online.  Even if a lady does not allow reviews (and there are good reasons she might not), if she’s been in the business for a couple of years you can be pretty sure that she’s dependable and knows what she’s doing because even in the absence of published reviews, word gets around among the “hobbyists” if she isn’t and doesn’t.

I’m thinking about hiring a call girl, but I like to kiss and to perform oral sex; is it safe to perform unprotected oral sex on a call girl?  Also, I have heard that many have a no-kissing policy; how do I find one who doesn’t?

What you need to do is visit an escort review board like ECCIE or Big Doggie, where you will find both ads for escorts and reviews written by men who have seen them before.  Most reviews have an “activities” section where the guys state what they did with the escorts; what you’re looking for is either a narrative stating that a lady you find attractive kisses, or else the acronym “DFK” (deep French kissing).  That way you will know before attempting to date any given lady that she is willing to provide what you want most.

The chance of a man getting an STI from performing oral sex on any woman is vanishingly small; though health officials love to overstate risks “to be on the safe side”, the fact of the matter is that unless the woman is menstruating or has some kind of open sores that her lover would surely notice, or he has open sores or cuts in his mouth, there just isn’t an easy route by which disease can pass from a woman’s vulva into someone’s mouth (except for diseases which can be transmitted via mere skin-to-skin contact).  The risk is lower still if the woman is a call girl because, as I’ve explained before, professionals in developed countries have a much lower rate of every STI than promiscuous amateurs do; in fact, the only people who have lower STI rates than professional escorts in Western nations are those who are totally celibate.

Read Full Post »

Ice Cream in the Hand

Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place.  –  Billy Crystal

Here’s another of those reader questions that I felt deserved a whole column:

I find it quite remarkable that you not only understand the changes that occur to a healthy male denied sex, but can also write about it so well, and acknowledge and accept it rather than using it to manipulate and control men.  Can you write a column for men, to help us understand women?  I would very much like a better understanding of how the female sex drive is so easily thwarted.  Most men can’t just turn off their sex drive, even when there are good, practical, and sometimes urgent reasons to do so.  Yet it seems that most women can simply cut theirs off at will, and resume it later when and where they choose.  How does this work?

In a way, I was very lucky to be a late bloomer; as I’ve said before I was quite plain in my early teens, and only started to blossom in my senior year (after I turned 16).  Of course, I didn’t know I was going to blossom, so I recognized when I was 13 that I would need to understand men in order to attract them, rather than simply relying upon my natural gifts as the prettier girls could.  I didn’t realize until much later that though I wasn’t much to look at, I had “a pronounced sexual aura, and coquettishness came naturally to me,” and that these characteristics more than outweighed my plainness in many young men’s estimation.  So I learned everything my cousin Jeff was willing to teach me about men, read everything I could get my hands on about male psychology and carefully observed the behavior of my dates, male friends, brother, father, uncles, cousins and every other guy I interacted with; nor did I cease to learn once my looks caught up with the rest of my charms.

I’m afraid I have to disenchant you on one point, though:  I certainly do manipulate men, and always have since I first discovered I could about the age of 14.  However, I never do so in a harmful or malicious way; I’ve always had a strong sense of fairness (which, again, I have to thank Jeff for encouraging), and I determined while still in high school that any manipulation of men would be such that they would get something out of it, too, and would never regret having given me whatever it was that I wanted.  In other words I tried to make it so that if a guy realized what I had done later, his reaction would not be an angry “That bitch played me like a piano!” but rather “That clever little minx!  Well, she can push my buttons any time!”  When friends realized how well I could do this they started asking me for advice, and like you found my degree of understanding remarkable; one appreciative young friend even called me “the Jane Goodall of men”.

But just as Dame Jane could probably tell you a lot more about chimpanzees than about her own species, so I probably know more about male sexual behavior than that of my own sex.  It’s a matter of both necessity and applicability.  By “necessity” I mean that when interacting sexually with other women I can just go by instinct, but for men I need intellectual knowledge.  And by “applicability” I mean that whatever I learn about any given man tends to work for most other men, but what I know about my own sexuality (or that of any other individual woman) cannot necessarily be applied to most other women.  Female sexual psychology is generally much more complicated than male, so it’s a lot easier for a woman to learn to understand men than it is for a man to understand women, or even for a woman to understand other women!  A big part of the reason for this is that women tend to be sexually fluid; rather than being “target-specific” as men are, women tend to move around the sexual spectrum depending upon their environment, circumstances and experiences.  In other words, though most gay men really are “born that way,” that’s not so true of women, who are much more likely to move between heterosexual and homosexual relationships over time as their conditions change.  So it’s much harder to say “women tend to be like this” because as soon as you think you’ve got it pinned down, a woman’s sexuality may “morph” into something different.  This is why an open-minded woman can often be talked into swinging, BDSM or some other “kink” that she may not really have been interested in to start with; it’s not necessarily that she has a deep psychological affinity for the activity, but rather that she loves the person who does the talking and as a result can “flow” in that direction unless the process is obstructed by guilt, sexual hang-ups, fear, busybody friends or the like.

This is, like a lot of sex, rooted in reproductive biology.  Sperm is cheap; men make about a hundred million of the little bastards every single day, while women produce one single egg per month.  In other words, each individual egg is worth over 3,000,000,000 times as much as each sperm.  Guys can afford to throw sperm around to all and sundry like the cheapest kind of Mardi Gras beads, but women have to be really careful about whom we bestow our eggs upon; it doesn’t take a genius to see how this shapes male and female behavior throughout the animal kingdom.  Furthermore, the biological cost increases exponentially if one of those eggs is fertilized; in a state of nature each pregnancy takes a dramatic toll on a woman’s entire body, while men actually feel better after sending sperm on their way!  Because of this, female placental mammals are even choosier and cock-blockier than our egg-laying cousins, and the human capacity for anticipating consequences magnifies that still more.  Biologically speaking, poor mating decisions have absolutely zero negative impact on a male; he can dump sperm in unhealthy females, in females of different species, in males of his own species or even on the ground and there will still be plenty more where that came from.  But for a female it’s the opposite; every mating choice may have huge (and in humans decades-long) consequences.  The existence of birth control is irrelevant:  I know it exists, and you know it exists, but our hindbrains don’t, and they carry on just as though every act of coitus could lead to pregnancy…which for men means the same in either case, but for women is quite different.

What it boils down to is this:  men typically want sex most of the time because more sex means more offspring, with absolutely no downside.  But because a woman can only get pregnant so many times, and only once a year at most, our sex-response failsafe mechanisms are on hair triggers compared to yours.  It’s not that women can cut off our sex drives at will, but rather that our brains and bodies will cut it off for many more reasons than yours will.  If anything about a potential sexual partner or situation fails any of dozens of tests our brains subject them to, an alarm is tripped, the plug is pulled and the whole system goes down to protect the woman from squandering vital resources on an unhealthy baby or dangerous, troublesome pregnancy.  This is also why older women often lose their sex drives; after menopause their systems are essentially sending back error codes, saying “you can’t get pregnant, so don’t waste energy doing this.”

I’ll leave you with an analogy that I used once before in a comment thread almost two years ago.  Imagine how a woman might react if somebody walked up to her in public and slapped a scoop of ice cream into her hand; she’d probably be pretty upset.  It isn’t that she doesn’t like ice cream; it’s just that she doesn’t want a nasty scoop of cheap vanilla ice cream slapped into her previously-clean hand by some random stranger when she wasn’t even in the mood for dessert!  She wants her favorite flavor of her preferred brand at the right time, served neatly in a cone or dish, maybe with sprinkles, and preferably eaten with someone whose company she enjoys.  If any of those factors are wrong, her experience is lessened; and if more than a couple are wrong, she is much more likely to react with disgust than with pleasure.

Read Full Post »

Fictional Interlude: Parallel Lines

The lines I have written that you read between,
The lines on the pages
The lines on the screen
Of lines spoken – I say what I mean.
It’s parallel lines that will never meet.  -  Deborah Harry

The dinner dishes had been rinsed and placed in the washer, the young men were on the veranda talking about yesterday’s football game and the kids were already kissing, cuddling and playing in the family room, but Molly had not seen Jake since dessert.  She walked over to Sarah, squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek, and asked, “Hey, cutie, have you seen my first-born?”

Sarah smiled and said, “I think he’s got a new book going; he’s been on the computer all day and I had to force him to stop for lunch.  Mary said she heard him up late last night, too.”

“That boy and his habits!  He certainly didn’t get them from me,” said Molly in mock exasperation.

“Oh, Molly, it’s harmless.  Sure, he gets a bit anti-social when he first gets an idea and is just starting to outline it, but that never lasts more than a week or two and then he’s back to his old loveable self.”

“Besides,” interjected Karen, “We could use the money; the big truck is on its last legs and the little one just can’t do the same work.”

Molly gently tweaked her nipple and said, “Who invited you into the conversation, nosey?”

Sarah laughed.  “She’s right, though, Molly.  If this one sells as well as his last we could settle all the bills and even make a few investments.”

The older woman sighed. “I know you’re right, but you can’t blame me for worrying about his health.  I’ll bring him some coffee and check on him.”

Jake’s room was the last one at the end of the west wing; he said it was quieter there, and the sunrise would not awaken him if he worked past midnight, as he often did while writing.  Molly knocked on his door, waited for him to call out and then went in.

He turned from the monitor just long enough to see who it was, then turned back with a “Hi, Mama!” and resumed typing.

“Hi yourself, stranger,” she said, coming up behind him to rub his shoulders.  “You fled from the table as though you were going to be sick.”

“Oh, Ma, you know how it is when I get a new idea, and this is going to be a great one.”

“A novel?”

“Maybe a trilogy, or even a series.”

“Well, that’s good!  But you won’t be in any condition to write even one book, let alone three, if you don’t mind your health; Sarah said you didn’t want lunch, and now here you are in your room when we’re all going to be making love in a little while.”

He turned from the screen and took a deep sip of the coffee.  “I’m not trying to offend anyone, honestly.  It’s just that this is such an incredible, unusual idea that I have to outline it all while it’s still fresh in my mind.”

Molly glanced at the file name showing at the top of the word processor screen.  “Parallel Lines,” she read; “Does that mean it’s an alternate-reality kind of thing?”

“Yes, I got the idea while watching a documentary about chimpanzees.”

“How so?”

“Well, you know that there are two kinds of chimps, right?”

She thought for a moment.  “Standard chimps and…bonobos, no?”

“Yes.  And there’s only about a 1.5% genetic difference between us and either species, but behaviorally we’re more like the bonobos.”

“Good thing, too; chimps are brutal, nasty creatures.”

“But just as intelligent as bonobos,” Jake said with excitement.  “So what I started thinking was, what if humans had been behaviorally more like chimps than bonobos?  Where would that parallel line of evolution have taken us?  Female chimps don’t form sexual bonds like humans or bonobos do, so they don’t form the female network which allows women to civilize men.  Thus male chimps maintain juvenile levels of aggression all through life, and because they’re bigger and stronger they can pretty much run the show.  They even form packs and go looking for strange males to kill.”

“But wouldn’t these chimp-like humans necessarily be primitive?  How could they co-operate to form an advanced culture?”

“Well, they’d still have clan and tribal bonds; I think when they developed agriculture the tribes would just get a lot bigger, so instead of roving groups you’d have organized bodies of men fighting between these super-tribes, even when there wasn’t really anything important to fight over.”

“It sounds like a perfectly dreadful world to live in,” said Molly.  “Wouldn’t their sexual development be stunted as well?”

“Oh, undoubtedly,” he mused; “in fact, that’s what I was just trying to work out.  I think they would probably be very sexually possessive, like a dog with a bone.  But it isn’t easy to imagine what effect that sort of behavioral pattern would have on their culture.  Sex is the backbone of society, the social glue that lets us live together in peace; what kind of twisted culture would you get if it weren’t there?”

“I’m sure you’ll describe it brilliantly, as usual,” she said, “but in the meantime I don’t want you turning into a chimp-man due to sex deprivation.  If you won’t play with the whole group tonight, may I at least ask one of the girls to sleep with you later?  I’m sure Della would enjoy that.”

He grinned sheepishly.  “You win, Ma.  Ask her to come in when she’s ready for bed, and I promise I won’t keep her waiting.”

“Deal.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Mama.  And thanks for worrying.”

Molly kissed him on the head, gave him a quick hug and took the now-empty coffee cup, closing the door behind her so as to give him his privacy.  She understood that reading about a place was quite a different thing from living there; but all the same, she thought, it’s probably best that parallel lines can never meet.

Read Full Post »

Monkey Business

A zoologist from outer space would immediately classify us as just a third species of chimpanzee, along with the pygmy chimp of Zaire and the common chimp of the rest of subtropical Africa.  -  Jared Diamond

I have always been fascinated by apes, and to a lesser extent monkeys; both for themselves and for what they can teach us about ourselves.  I did several grade-school projects on hominid evolution, and my senior term paper in high school was on interspecies law; this was not an animal rights-type thing, but rather an examination of the characteristics we might use to define a “person” for the purpose of assigning legal rights.  The “fetal personhood” crowd (which, thankfully, didn’t exist in 1983) insists that a blob of cells carrying the human genetic code be considered a “person” for legal purposes…so why not a full-grown chimp, which shares 98.5% of those genes and is far more intelligent than a human infant, much less a fetus?  Others want even the mindless, abandoned chrysalis of a human which cannot survive without machines to be treated as a “person”…so why not gorillas who can communicate using sign language?  In the next few centuries we may come into contact with extraterrestrial intelligences who are completely different from us biologically, or even be able to build machines which can pass tests for sentience; when we redefine our laws on what constitutes “personhood” to allow for that, where will our closest relatives fall?

Monkeys are very much like us in an astonishing number of ways, including gender-based toy preferences and  prostitution; chimpanzees share those and many others (such as tool use and lesbianism), including some rather nasty similarities such as a propensity toward murder, rape and war.  What’s more, they seem to be showing a great deal more intelligence of late, as you already know if you’ve been following my link columns:  gorillas have learned to destroy snares set by poachers, and chimps in Senegal have been observed using wooden spears to hunt.  A chimpanzee in a Welsh zoo was videotaped asking visitors (via sign language) to release him from his cage, and a bonobo in Israel coins his own sign-language words and makes stone tools (after being shown how to chip flint over 15 years ago).  And then there’s this brilliant lady:

Natasha, a chimp at the Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary in Uganda, has always seemed different from her peers.  She’s learned to escape from her enclosure, teases human caretakers, and scores above other chimps in communication tests.  Now…in the largest and most in-depth survey of chimpanzee intelligence, researchers found that Natasha was the smartest of the 106 chimps they tested…”Natasha was really much better than other chimps,” says…Esther Herrmann of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany.  Herrmann and her colleagues had previously tested chimps in a study designed to compare [their] skills…with those of human children…they noticed a wide range of skills among the chimps and wondered whether they could measure this variation…like an IQ test in humans.  So they gave a battery of…tests to 106 chimps at Ngamba Island and the Tchimpounga chimpanzee sanctuary in the Republic of the Congo, and to 23…chimpanzees and bonobos in Germany…”In general, we don’t find any kind of general intelligence factor that can predict intelligence in all areas,” Herrmann says.  ”But we did find a big variation overall, and this one outstanding individual.”  The stand-out individual, Natasha, was the chimp that caretakers…consistently ranked as the smartest based on…the way she interacted with them…

Though we’ve been studying apes for decades, these findings and incidents are all comparatively recent, so what’s going on?  Are the apes actually getting more intelligent, due either to evolutionary pressure exerted by human encroachment, direct learning from their human observers or the more consistent nutrition in primate centers and the like?  Or were they always this smart, and they’ve just recently become comfortable enough around humans to demonstrate it?  There’s one more alternative:  maybe they always had these capabilities, but scientists simply refused to acknowledge them for much the same reason some still stubbornly insist that apes who use sign language aren’t “really” communicating.  We’ve believed for a very long time that there is a sharp line between humans and other animals, and a lot of people are made extremely uncomfortable by the idea that there might not be; that’s why they pretend there’s no such thing as evolution, or at least that only our bodies are subject to it while our behavior is somehow magically free from any evolutionary influence  even though no other animal’s is.  In other words, it may be that early primate researchers unconsciously disregarded overtly humanlike behaviors, just as prohibitionist “prostitution researchers” disregard any findings which tend to disprove their deeply-held beliefs.  If this is true, the reason all these things seem to be happening at once is that the observations have finally reached the “critical mass” beyond which it is impossible to ignore them any longer, and each new report emboldens other researchers to release the similar findings they were hesitant to mention before for fear of ridicule.  And I won’t be at all surprised if, sometime in the next few years, a scientific consensus arises that our cousins are a lot more human than we had previously believed.

Read Full Post »

Pull the String!

Greetings, my friend.  We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.  And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.   -  Criswell

If the primary purpose of a movie is to entertain, it makes sense that a film can be “so bad it’s good”; some movies are just so incredibly, amazingly, jaw-droppingly bad that we can’t help finding them funny.  So it’s not surprising that people are still watching the work of the late Edward D. Wood, Jr., arguably the worst filmmaker of all time.  There are bad writers, bad directors and bad producers, but Wood managed to be outstandingly bad at all three:  his scripts make no sense and are laden with ludicrous dialog and wholly illogical plots; his direction ranges from the incompetent to the incomprehensible, and his production values are practically nonexistent.  Wood’s dedication to keeping costs down is exemplified by his commitment to exposing as little film as possible, and his employment of stock footage even when it was wholly inappropriate.  And though it’s not unusual for directors to favor certain groups of actors, it is highly doubtful that any such regular cast was as completely devoid of talent as Wood’s stable, which often included the director himself.

The clip above is from Wood’s first full-length film, Glen or Glenda (1953), a semi-autobiographical piece in which Wood revealed his transvestism to the world.  Like all Wood’s early work it gave a prominent role to the destitute, morphine-addicted Bela Lugosi, seen here as a narrator mumbling incomprehensible commentary of his own devising.  Lugosi died just as Wood was about to start filming his magnum opus, Plan 9 From Outer Space, but the would-be auteur was undeterred; he incorporated silent screen tests of Lugosi into the movie and cast his wife’s chiropractor as a stand-in for the rest.  The fact that the doctor looked nothing like the deceased horror icon was disguised by the simple expedient of having him walk around with his Dracula cape over his face.  Plan 9 is certainly Wood’s best-known creation, and was probably responsible for the resurgence of interest in his work after it was named “Worst Film of All Time” in Harry & Michael Medved’s The Golden Turkey Awards (1980); however, it lacks one of Wood’s characteristic cinematic elements: lesbian bondage scenes, which appear in most of his movies from Glen or Glenda to Orgy of the Dead (1965):

Wood was only responsible for the script of this one, but it serves as a harbinger of his later work directing soft-core (and eventually hard-core) porn; in it, the “Emperor of the Dead” (Criswell) presides over a ceremony in which ten undead topless dancers perform in a graveyard.  My cousin Alan and I rented it one Saturday afternoon in ’96, and this scene became a running joke for us; for years afterward he might suddenly hold up some random object and say, “And what is this?”  To which I would reply, “A symbol, Master!”  Anyone who hadn’t seen the flick probably thought we were complete morons, but that’s half the fun of a private joke.

I first discovered Wood’s oeuvre in high school, but I only recently found out that he also tried to break into television via several series pilots, all of which were thought lost until one of them was discovered in a private collection.  Less than a year after filming Plan 9 Wood wrote, produced and directed “Final Curtain”, the pilot for a horror anthology series to be called Portraits of Terror.  It’s as absurd, pretentious and just plain bad as anything Wood ever did, but is less than 23 minutes long; the star is Duke Moore and its narrator Dudley Manlove (both from Plan 9), but look for Wood himself (under a pseudonym) as the only other on-screen character.

Rod Serling it’s not, but if poor Wood hadn’t drank himself to death just two years before the renaissance of interest in his work, he might’ve at last found the fame he craved on the talk-show circuit, and perhaps even made a good living directing kitschy music videos in the 1980s.

Read Full Post »

Q & A (June 2012)

I have answered three questions, and that is enough.  -  Lewis Carroll, “Father William”

Enough for one column, that is; if you have one, send it along for next time.

I’ve been seeing a working girl I really like, and I think she likes me too, at least enough that she felt comfortable scheduling a day-long sightseeing trip with me in a few weeks.  But I have my suspicions that she may not be doing this work out of her free will (i.e., she may be trafficked or otherwise forced into this).  She works from 10 am until midnight 6 days a week, and is certainly not keeping the entire donation; she has both a boss and an operator who takes the appointments.  She’s Asian and speaks virtually no English, and has been working only for a few weeks.  She has very few possessions and sleeps in the same apartment where she works, and another girl works from a second bedroom while the operator works in the living room.  I’d really like to help this girl because I think she’s too sweet to be in whatever situation she’s in.  Could you give me some advice on how to approach the subject and how I could help her?

In “A False Dichotomy”, I pointed out that only the Paris Hiltons of the world freely choose to work; the rest of us have to do something, and our choices are limited by our abilities, temperament and  opportunities.  If any of those factors are unusually narrow, choices can be very constrained indeed; furthermore, a person may elect to temporarily perform a job he would not otherwise choose because it opens a door to greater opportunities later.  This last is especially true for immigrants from poor countries; lack of education, language barriers and the high cost of migration present formidable obstacles to employment, so upon first arriving in a country a person might indeed take a job he doesn’t really care to do as a stepping-stone toward something better.  For men, that’s often agricultural or other manual labor; for women it’s often domestic or sex work.

Could your lady friend have been coerced in some way?  Anything’s possible, but nothing you’ve written points to that.  You seem to think her hours are long, but I worked the same number per week and so do lots of people in sales jobs.  You say she isn’t keeping her entire fee, but I’m sure you expect the operator to be paid and her employer to make a profit; I daresay you don’t keep all the money that passes through your hands at work, either, but that doesn’t mean you’re “trafficked”.  And you say she has few possessions, but since she speaks virtually no English and has only been working a few weeks, it’s likely she hasn’t been in the country much longer than that, and would therefore have only those things she could afford to transport…which probably wasn’t much.

She may have incurred a debt to migrate; she may even be paying a rate of interest you or I would consider usurious, or be subject to other unpleasant conditions…but I could say the same thing about medical interns.  None of that means she did not choose her situation as the best available one, nor that she regrets her choice.  As I pointed out in “Thought Experiment” (which I strongly urge you to read), you have to give her the same respect as you would give anyone else; if you wouldn’t interfere in the affairs of a waitress, clerk or barber, you shouldn’t do it to a whore, either.  You’ve scheduled a day-long trip with her, and since you like her you’ll undoubtedly continue to visit her after that; if she is genuinely in trouble and sincerely wants your help, she will eventually find a way to ask you for it.  But if she doesn’t, you have to allow her the dignity of her own choice, even if you don’t like that choice.

I met an escort for the first time about 10 months ago and saw her again 3 months ago, and in the meantime she and I have exchanged emails; besides scheduling visits we also discuss personal things, and I find myself attracted to her (not just physically).  I’m aware that from her perspective being polite and friendly (and sounding interested in her clients’ activities and interests) is good for business, but is there any way to tell the difference?

For women there’s a third possibility between “just being nice because it’s her job” and “sexually interested”:  it’s “genuine like”.  Men tend to be (not always, but usually) dualistic about women; either they’re attracted or they aren’t.  But women often like men as people without feeling a sexual attraction, hence the dreaded “friend zone” men complain about.  There were a lot of my clients I enjoyed talking to and socializing with, even though I would never have had sex with them had money not been involved.  It’s really impossible for me to tell from a distance which group your escort belongs to, but while you’re trying to figure it out it’s important for you to remember that her affection could be sincere without being romantic.

What are your views on group sex when it is all male and you are the only female?  I’m not sure how to handle the situation or what the best way to go about it would be.

My feelings about group sex where I’m the only woman are a lot like my feelings about being whipped: I’m really excited about it beforehand and get very turned on thinking about it after it’s over, but while it’s going on I’m mostly concentrating on getting through it.  I know that may seem paradoxical, but sex is strange that way; sometimes the fantasy is a lot better than the reality.  So don’t be disappointed if it falls short of your expectations; it’s still an amazing experience and fun to talk about later.  When it’s one guy and multiple women things are a lot easier, because most women don’t mind a little kissing and touching or rubbing against other women even if they’re not really bisexual; they get caught up in the moment so (as the expression goes) “it’s all good”.  But when it’s one woman dealing with a group of men she’ll be the focus of the whole thing, and while that’s exciting and exhilirating it’s also exhausting!  Obviously that’s much less so if some of the guys involved are bisexual, but that’s really a different situation so for purposes of simplicity let’s just assume these are all strictly hetero guys we’re talking about.

Experience has taught me that even two at the same time is a handful, and three is about the practical maximum a skilled girl can work on at once.  Yes, four is theoretically possible because you’ve got two hands, but you’d be surprised how much more difficult it is than three unless you have no gag reflex at all and the guys don’t mind pressing awfully close to one another.  If you’re dealing with more than three guys it’s probably best to do it “train” or gang-bang style, with men taking turns rather than coming at you simultaneously from all directions.  In a situation like that the action should occupy the center of the area, so the others can watch from the sidelines.

However, if you’re actually going to interact with more than one man simultaneously (i.e. true group sex rather than a “train”) it is absolutely imperative that you can trust at least one of them to protect your safety; it’s very easy for the one entering you vaginally or anally to slip off the condom while your attention is elsewhere, but if one of the men really cares about you he will also be watching to make sure that doesn’t happen.  Men can be incredibly foolish when it comes to condoms; roughly a third of them will happily enter a whore or other promiscuous woman without any protection whatsoever, and since the most serious common disease today (HIV) is much more easily transmitted from man to woman than vice-versa, you have a lot more to lose than a would-be condom sneaker does.  Even if you’re taking them on only one at a time, I would still advise you to have at least one out of four you can totally trust; even nice, normal guys can get caught up in the heat of the moment and turn into a pack, and you need to have a couple there who can be counted on to keep their heads just in case some of the others get carried away.

One Year Ago Today

An essay demonstrating that the “sex trafficking” hysteria is “Rooted in Racism”.

Read Full Post »