Up to this week, the pace of my tour has been relatively sedate, with more downtime than appearances. But as of Saturday that changed; Chicago will be a whirlwind, and the number of quiet days from here to at least Charleston will be in the minority. So even though last week in Memphis and Nashville was rather quiet, I wasn’t all that concerned; it gave me time to catch up on some writing so I won’t be caught flatfooted before the end of August.
Since my book is self-published, most large bookstores won’t carry it on their shelves; however, independent stores can do as they like so a few have agreed to stock Ladies of the Night. Before leaving Memphis last Monday I stopped in at The Booksellers at Laurelwood to sign their copies, and was pleased to hear that one had already sold over the weekend. If you’re in Memphis, call them to see if they have any left! That night I had dinner with one of my “Angel” sponsors in Nashville, and this morning I’m having breakfast with another in Chicago. I also had dinner and visited with activist Cathryn Berarovich in Chicago on Saturday night; the picture is us in a grassy lot where the Everleigh Club, Chicago’s busiest and most elegant brothel, used to stand. And on Friday night in Indianapolis, I had dinner and a long discussion with a criminologist who is preparing a study of violence against sex workers in criminalized and legalized systems.
My one public event in Nashville was a presentation at Liberty On the Rocks; since the space was rather noisy and the group relatively small we opted for a discussion-group style event rather than a lecture followed by questions. Though I felt as though the format was a bit more chaotic than I prefer, the attendees seemed pleased with the outcome and one even wrote about it. There’s a small footnote to that event which emphasizes the reason I’m out here and gives me hope for the future: when I left, I felt like getting some ice cream so I stopped at a small parlor on the next block which was still open. As I walked out and was eating my cone on the sidewalk, a young woman (university age) asked which flavor I’d bought, and she and her boyfriend and I struck up a conversation. When I told them who I was and why I was travelling, they expressed enthusiastic support for the cause, wished me luck and asked for a card to read the blog. I think their attitude is more common than the prohibitionists want to admit; in twenty years, young people will view repression of sex work in the same way young people now view attempts to suppress gay rights: as a weird, incomprehensible thing people used to do which has no valid place in a civilized society.
Here’s my tour schedule, which is still in flux; check back when I’m getting close to you for details of local appearances. If your city isn’t on the list, but it’s within about four hours’ drive of another city which is on the list, just send an email asking me to visit. Your request will have even more impact if you can suggest a specific place I could do a book reading or give a talk, and it’s virtually assured if you can actually make the arrangements yourself (in other words if it’s your store, club or whatever).
I hope you are right, but how many of these young women who are university age will change their minds when they are married and are in their 30’s or 40’s? The bulk of opposition to sex work doesn’t come from wackos like whats-her-name who insist that any heterosexual intercourse is rape. Most I believe is from women who want to stop their husbands cheating at all costs (even if said cheating is masturbating to pornography) and will not accept that male sexual urges other than what they think is proper is ever acceptable. Women in their 40’s like you are rare exceptions, and I think part of the reason why you believe as you do is because of your experience as a sex worker.
Getting people to see sex workers as human beings and not just victims or monsters will be a big part of the solution, but another will be taking a realistic look at human sexuality.
I would agree with that. I spend a lot of time talking to young women at the bar – and as promiscuous as they are – it’s almost a universal thought among them that, once they find “Mr. Right” – he better not cheat. The “attached” girls that I know – are like pitt bulls when it comes to “protecting” their men from “loose women”. They will fire out words like “slut” and “whore” to describe any woman they believe might be a threat. I have seen previously promiscuous women get a guy – and transform virtually overnight into “Queens of Morality”.
And boy, they will not just “police” their guy – but they’ll keep a hawkeye out on other attached guys to make sure they don’t cheat on their girls either. And when you talk to them about guys – they seem to care not a bit about the male sex drive (which is sometimes uncontrollable). Buddy, they expect the guy to CONTROL IT.
Conversely, the older women I talk to have a different view. And, maybe that’s because they are older and wiser, and realize you can’t control the heat of the sun – or what a guy does with his dick.
I don’t think this stuff is “socialized” into younger women – I think it’s somehow put there by evolution, and that makes this a much harder nut to crack.
My oldest daughter is an atheist. She’s no virgin either, I’m pretty sure of that (and actually glad, since this year she’ll be 30). Atheist or not – she has a lot of moral notions about how a man should behave. She kicked a guy (THAT I LIKED, DAMMIT) – straight to the curb when she caught him surfing porn. Where in the hell did she get that? Not in my house, I know that for sure.
I’m afraid that feminism has polluted young girls. The philosophy says that men and women are the same – so when a promiscuous woman finds a man, she can “flip” a switch and shift into “monogamy mode” – and why the hell can’t he also? And the “transgendered” movement hasn’t helped either – but has obfuscated the male/female differences also. The belief that gender is a social construction turns everyone into a hunk of “play dough” that can be molded however we seem fit to. So if you “refuse” to be “molded” (i.e. change your cheating male ways) – then the problem is inherently with YOU brother!! And YOU need to get with the program!
I think the problem is the “sex=love” mentality.
Or, at least, part of the problem.
I want to be very careful about this, because the idea that male sexual urges are the result of “selfishness” and not hormones is a big part of the problem, but the book Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means For Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha makes a good argument that jealousy and possessiveness ARE socialized and not merely ingrained into men and women’s DNA. I recommend this book and I got it as a gift for Maggie.
I don’t buy that either “sex=love” or religious belief is the cause, though both are rationalizations commonly adopted after a woman chooses that attitude. No, it’s the old misguided idea of the zero-sum game, AKA rent seeking. These women are out to take away any alternatives to themselves from “their” men. Naturally that means they want to destroy sex work, or at least make it too risky for him ever to try.
Of course, these demands for a monopoly, whether voiced out loud or not, always backfire. I know couples who married for a short time, then the woman filed for divorce and scrammed; she was only in it for half his money. But the man has an equally sure-fire counter-strategy, and that is to string her along, letting her always believe marriage is just around the corner (the Leykis 101 approach).
I find neither strategy especially appealing, since both of them amount to cynically deceiving the other person for material gain. I’d much rather hire honest sex work, with both parties up-front and honest about the deal ahead of time. It’s not “love”, but I’m yet to be convinced that any such thing exists as other than self-delusion.
Gotta agree with you Eddie.
At most of the ‘sex trafficking’ meetings I attended it was women over 30 (mostly well over 30) who made up the bulk of the audience. Young people were almost completely absent. Ditto with the local “Islington Action Group” who are trying to drive sex workers out of Newcastle’s oldest red-light district – though their excuses are property values and ‘anti-social behaviour’ by workers and clients rather than claims of sexual slavery.
I hope he’s not going to neglect violence by police. Several Australian criminologists of my acquaintance seem to have a blind spot regarding police criminality when lecturing or writing papers – even if they are very aware of it in private. Maybe it’s because the rare criminologists who do deal with the Blue Mafia so often come in for vilification by politicians and the media. They can also forget about police co-operation in collecting data.
If anecdotes from sex workers is anything to go by the biggest difference in Sydney post-decriminalisation was the drop in police violence, rape, stand-over, coercive pimping and theft against sex workers. In the inner and eastern city it went from ubiquitous to almost non-existent practically overnight.
But I suspect he’ll find that a lot of violence against sex workers is linked to culture more than legal status, in form if not volume. The eve-teasing on the subcontinent translates into mob violence against sex workers that you hardly see anywhere else and England still seems to be the champion when it comes to serial killers who target sex workers (though I still won’t eat Canadian pork).
Maggie–
I hope you are right about the young people and the acceptance of sex work in the same way the LGBTQ community is accepted. I think you are correct, unless we see another fundamentalist religious revival such as was seen in the 1920’s and 1970’s. If that happens, all bets are off.