In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking,
But now, God knows,
Anything goes. – Cole Porter
It’s time for another collection of short articles about various things of interest; think of today’s column as a collection of provocative little presents from Maggie’s fishnet Christmas stocking. The first one is a seriously big deal; if it pans out it’ll be the best Christmas present the medical community has given mankind in many years:
HIV-Positive Man Cured in Berlin
Doctors recently published a report in the journal Blood announcing that Timothy Ray Brown, also known as the “Berlin Patient,” appears to have been cured of HIV infection thanks to a stem cell transplant he received in 2007 as part of a his treatment for leukemia. The doctors stated that the results of extensive testing “strongly suggest that cure of HIV infection has been achieved.” Brown is the first person to ever be declared cured of HIV, and his case shows the way toward a potential cure for HIV through genetically-engineered stem cells.
And just last week, Time named another AIDS-related discovery to its list of the Top 10 Medical Breakthroughs of 2010; recent studies show that healthy individuals who take antiretrovirals, medicine commonly prescribed for treating HIV, reduce their risk of contracting the disease by up to 73 percent. It’s too early yet to say that AIDS has been cured, but the millions already infected and those (like sex workers and medical professionals) who have higher-than-normal risk definitely have reason to hope that a cure may finally arrive in the next few years.
Definitely Not the Worst Pickup Line Ever
As I’ve mentioned before, Jezebel tends to sit on the fence between third-wave feminism and the last remnants of second-wave feminism; its editorial staff seems to give considerable leeway to contributors, and some unfortunately have the tendency to write articles which exude the unmistakable dead-fish smell of neofeminism. I’ve noticed the writer of the following article (reprinted verbatim) in particular has a strong tendency to rely on rhetoric which was already pungent in 1991 and has grown ever-more-foul in the intervening two decades:
We’re referring to the words allegedly spoken to Mark Wahlberg at some party for The Fighter. According to the NY Daily News, a “young beauty” approached Wahlberg in the “VIP Section” of the Top of the Standard bar. Her line? “Well, I’m the single girl and you’re the married man.”
Wahlberg allegedly “wasn’t amused,” and we don’t know why he would be, since it wasn’t remotely amusing. What it was, in fact, was depressing, degrading and reliant on archetypes that we wish didn’t exist. And while we’ve described it as an abysmal line, there’s always a chance it’s worked in the past — which is more depressing still.
For all we know, Wahlberg’s PR is pushing the story to highlight his upstandingness (and really, you shouldn’t get special credit for normal, decent behavior) but that’s not where our interests lie. Young beauty, whoever you are: you are better than this. You shouldn’t be defining yourself in relationship to the nearest man, and you shouldn’t buy into a world that pits “mistresses” archaically against wives. We hope that seeing this item will serve as a wake-up call. You’re not “the single girl” — you’re a person! A person with opinions and history, and value. You deserve to be not just in the VIP section, but in the VIP section of life!
First off, it’s only a “pickup line” if a man uses it; the female equivalent is called a “come-on”. But even if the two are considered together, this does not remotely even make it into the running to be considered to be nominated as among the worst pickup lines of this month, let alone ever. My nomination for that honor would have to be, “Let’s joust; my pork sword versus your clam salad.” Yes, that was a real line, spoken by a guy I actually knew and overheard by another friend. What makes it even more astonishing is that it actually worked; I guess low female self-esteem is a horny-but-clueless guy’s best friend.
The rest of the piece is so judgmental and indicative of rigid, indoctrinated thinking that it is – to paraphrase the article itself – “depressing, degrading and reliant on rhetoric that we wish didn’t exist.” The author clearly believes herself to be “better” than the young half-hooker who solicited Wahlberg, yet says the girl is better than “this” (meaning her profession). But you’re right about one thing, Ms. Neofeminist; she is a person with opinions, history and value, just as every other prostitute is. We don’t “define ourselves in relationship to the nearest man”; it is YOU who are doing that by “defining” her in relation to a potential customer even though you know nothing else about her, and you shouldn’t buy into a world that pits “feminists” archaically against whores.
Funny Shows
These are just a couple of funny slideshows which are only tenuously related to this column by the “Video Girl Barbie” entry in “Toys Not To Get Kids for Christmas” and the “Free Hugs” entry in “Obvious Traps”. Think of them as stocking stuffers.
Another Whore Who Thinks She Isn’t
The ex-porn starlet ex-wife of actor Kelsey Grammer, infuriated over his divorcing her for a younger woman, now plans to blackmail him with a sex videotape demonstrating “just how twisted his sexual appetite is” in order to extort a larger alimony payment than the court assigned her. A woman demands money that she would not have if she hadn’t sex with a man; why isn’t this illegal again? Oh, yeah, that marriage license thing, which makes prostitution legal. I don’t remember anything about it making blackmail legal, though, so why hasn’t this sleazy trollop been arrested and charged with attempted extortion?
This article talks about “maid cafes”, Japanese establishments in which guys pay girls to give them a GFE without the sex. This is of course exactly what many of our clients want as well, and it’s a very old tradition in Japan; really, the girls are like low-rent modern descendants of geishas (who as you may remember replaced the oiran by practicing then-modern entertainments instead of archaic ones). It’s also not all that different from the being-sweet-and-cute-for-money procedure practiced by strippers and Hooters girls. Still think there’s a clear line between illegal prostitution and legal professions which dance all around it? What is it that defines prostitution? If it’s penetration, what about hand jobs? If the guy doesn’t climax, is it still prostitution? What about police busts in which neither sex nor any conversation about it occurs? How about guys who just want to watch a girl masturbate or play with another girl? If a guy comes in his pants during a lap dance, is it prostitution? How about a Las Vegas escort who gets a quickie wedding with her client, does a all-nighter and then gets an equally quick divorce in the morning? How about the Muslim temporary marriage, which can be as short as one night? And if a ex-porn starlet blackmails her ex-husband with video of him clapping and chanting “lubbu-lubbu”, is it illegal?
A GFE without sex? Some of my girls tell me they have regulars who want that, but I can’t understand it personally. If people are going to shell out that kind of money, I’d imagine being naked and horizontal would be something naturally desired. I guess I’m just strange that way though.
A lot of older clients, especially widowers, want those.
No, not strange; many, perhaps most, men would agree with you. And yet there are those who need exactly that: emotion, companionship, validation, appreciation. Maybe they see more manipulation, maybe they have enough sex already in their lives, maybe they have problems with self-esteem; or maybe they’re just strange that way… Probably all of the above.
I can understand it. Some people are just really shy and lonely.
Oh, I know the demographic. They just like sitting around and having conversation with the girls. I just like to think I could find a cheaper way to have a conversation with an attractive woman. We even have some who aren’t so old who never touch the girls but just like to snort lines of coke in front of them so as to have someone to call 911 in case of an overdose. To each his own, I suppose, and I’m glad to have their money.
Alas there are many behaviors that others don’t understand, particularly when it comes to sex or money (or sex and money for that matter). It doesn’t necessarily make it wrong though. Never understood the man in diapers fetish, don’t understand a single person buying a 50,000 sq ft house, etc. But hey, if I made the kinda money to splurge like that I certainly don’t want anybody telling me how I should spend it LOL. Sometimes it’s a personal thing, I have many FBSM clients who wouldn’t spend 20 bucks on a hooker but they will let me give them a massage with a possibility of a happy ending for 50. Sometimes they just want a woman’s touch, to feel like they are cared for and not alone. I have empathy for these guys, sometimes I tell them they are paying me so I can be available to them without having to work around a normal job schedule.
Supply and demand… As always, if you can have a conversation with an attractive woman for free, you won’t pay for it. But if you can’t, for whatever reason… (I read a while ago that there was in Japan, at some point, a service that offered friends for hire. Just, I guess, a guys to hang out with and go to bars together and talk about sports and women and whatnot — or whatever the Japanese, Tokyo-ite equivalent is. Apparently their clients were not few…)
At A-KON this year they had a maid cafe (The Neko Neko Maid Cafe, next to the Makoto game). They didn’t charge by the hour, though; they had two openings a day, which lasted an hour each. This gave the maids time to attend the convention (they were just other con-goers who did this). For some reason, I was let into the last fifteen minutes w/o paying the $15 cover. In fact I didn’t even know that there was a cover. Whether somebody broke a rule for me or just goofed up I don’t know.
Concentrated cutsie. We played rock/paper/scissors and for an added fee there was Jenga or checkers. The maids ended the hour with a song and dance. Nothing sexy about it (other than that some of those maids were beautiful girls), but it sure was fun. If I want sexy I can go to a strip club (or Hentai-Fest!).
I’m going to link that story about HIV on both my Yahoo! groups. I’ve been wanting to hear this for a long time. I wonder how much MSM coverage it’ll get?
How’s this for a pick-up line:
“How old are you?”
{slightly surprised, nervous look from me when she answers}
“Um, when’s your birthday?”
The story of my pick-up line is true, BTW. But I was only 24 at the time.
And it worked.