Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. - Dr. Seuss
In today’s column I’m going to answer some questions from my readers. Some of these have been asked more than once, and some were asked by friends who knew me before I started blogging, while a few are new questions submitted to my email address (firstname.lastname@example.org). If there’s anything you want to know but don’t feel comfortable putting into a post reply (or just can’t find an appropriate post to attach it to), send me an email and I’ll answer it in my next mail column. If you really need a quicker response let me know and I’ll answer you directly. Unless directed otherwise, I will treat all questions as confidential and will not reveal the screen name of the asker. We’ll start with one of the most commonly-asked questions of all:
How many men a day did you see?
For the first two years I worked (200-2001) I averaged about 16 calls a week, or as I thought of it “two per day and two for the week”. But after September 11th, 2001 things slowed down for the convention business in New Orleans and my numbers began to fluctuate wildly; throughout 2004-2005 only about 10 per week. After Katrina it shot way up since I was the “only game in town”; I asked my husband for an estimate last night and he thinks it was roughly 3-4 per day, which sounds about right to me. In fact, my busiest day ever was December 1, 2005; I did 10 calls that day, and you had better believe I was exhausted and sore when it was done! But things started to drop off after that, and when it dropped below an average of 1/day by late May I knew it was time to retire.
How did your husband feel about your working?
As I’ve said before my husband started out as my favorite client, so he had to face the reality of the situation from the very beginning. After we got engaged he asked me not to do anything but bachelor parties, two-girl shows and the like, and I agreed. However, due to unforseen financial difficulties which appeared near the end of 2003 I had to return to work full-time. At first he took this philosophically, but once I started working it into a dominant/submissive fantasy for him (playing that he was “lending out” his slave girl) it actually began to turn him on. I was always totally honest with him, and once he saw that it had no affect on my feelings for him he was able to enjoy the fantasy without experiencing any insecurity that I might become emotionally attached to another man. We’ve discussed it since I retired, and we both agree that if I had to return to work for some reason it really wouldn’t be a big deal. Which brings us to the next question:
Would you ever return to work for any reason?
I firmly believe that one should never say “never”. If there were some compelling reason, I would certainly return to work, though I would have to find a way to do so without having to live away from home, as I’ve become to adjusted to my current mode of living and regular schedule to ever go back to city life and constantly being on call. When I received this question I realized that one of my readers might one day ask to see me professionally, and I decided that I would agree to it on the condition that he pay me no fee, but instead make a tax-deductible donation to the WWAV “No Justice” Project. I proposed this to my husband and he readily agreed.
What’s the difference between a courtesan and an escort?
“Courtesan” is an historical term for an educated, high-class prostitute who caters to men who want companionship rather than mere sex; she is the Western equivalent of a Japanese geisha. In recent years some educated working girls have revived the term, and I’m very pleased that they have. Unfortunately, by doing so they have inspired a host of imitators who just don’t get it; these wannabes seem to think calling themselves “courtesans” is just a convenient excuse to charge more. I’ve actually seen some of these self-proclaimed “courtesans” publish lists of what courtesans do and don’t do, as though it were just a matter of following a checklist (the term “GFE” has experienced a similar degradation of late). But I’ve got news for these ladies; “I am a courtesan” is not simply code for “I have a serious case of platinum pussy syndrome”. If you can’t intelligently discuss a number of subjects (such as history, science, music, art, literature, philosophy, etc) in which your client might be interested, you aren’t a courtesan. If you can’t make a client feel special and important or carry a conversation by yourself for four hours without his realizing you’re doing it, you aren’t a courtesan. If you can’t listen to a man’s problems without judging and give him wise and compassionate advice on them, you’re not a courtesan. And if you can’t ignore age, obesity, deformity, disability or just plain ugliness and look at your client for what he is inside rather than how he appears outside, you certainly aren’t a courtesan. I could declare myself an empress, but that wouldn’t make it so, and a duck who proclaims herself a swan is still just a duck.
If it’s true that prostitutes have a lower incidence of sexually transmitted diseases than the general population, why is it that blood banks won’t accept blood from men who admit to seeing prostitutes?
They won’t accept blood from homosexuals, either; promiscuity of any kind is considered a high-risk behavior for blood-borne infections. But beyond that, why do governments insist on equating voluntary adult prostitutes with enslaved teenage girls? The answer to both questions is the same: Superior authority does not grant superior wisdom.
Did your clients always expect you to have an orgasm too, or were they mostly concerned with you getting them off? And did you ever have an orgasm for real with any of your clients?
Most men enjoy giving women orgasms. Males are highly achievement-oriented; their self-esteem depends upon being competent, and being perceived as virile and sexually potent is as important to the average man as being perceived as beautiful and desirable is to the average woman. In the past men didn’t care much about giving women orgasms because female sexuality was viewed as a mystery, but once it became general knowledge that women can nearly always achieve orgasm through masturbation but not always through sex with a man, inducing orgasm in his partner became the goal of sex for many men. The competitive, result-oriented male mind sees female orgasm as the target, the goal, the finish line of the “game” of sex, so his sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced if he can “score” it.
However, as you and I both know, it isn’t that simple. For many women orgasm is more like hunting than it is like football; it’s not just a matter of aiming a shot with proper force and accuracy into a static area, but rather of hitting a moving target which may or may not elect to show itself on that occasion! There are times when (for whatever reason) it just isn’t going to happen, but many men just can’t understand that and will refuse to stop trying; on those occasions a good fake allows the man save face and concentrate on what can be accomplished, namely his own orgasm.
And that’s only speaking of lovers; with clients orgasm is even more elusive, and indeed for some girls never shows its face in a commercial situation at all. But this typical female condition is completely alien to the average man; he just can’t comprehend that the right combination of moves and techniques could through no fault of his own somehow fail to achieve what it was intended to achieve. Even those men who intellectually understand this may have trouble grasping it on an emotional level, so it’s always best to give a man a good, convincing fake if one senses that it’s important to him or if he comes out and says “I want to give you pleasure, too” as so many of them do. Obviously, this isn’t necessary if he just wants a blow job or comes very quickly with intercourse.
The answer to the second part of your question is yes. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes things just clicked and I did indeed climax with a customer. The irony in this, of course, is that it was rarely due to any technical “performance” on his part, but usually just because the situation was somehow unusually exciting or because I felt a stronger-than-usual connection with him. I had orgasms pretty consistently with some of my regulars, especially the one I called the Salesman, though in his case that was indeed due in part to his amazingly talented fingers.
In tomorrow’s column, more questions about hookers’ orgasms and customers’ choices. See you then!